My wife said "If we ever win the lottery, I want you to buy me something compact, shiny, and can go from 0 to 200 in three seconds. I figured why wait, so surprised her that night.....
... with a shiny new bathroom scale.
What is a Norweigan's compact car of choice?
A Fjord Fjocus.
A blonde woman is speeding down the highway and gets pulled over by the police.
The blonde officer approaches her door and asks for her driver's license.
What's that? she asks.
Officer says "You know, it has your picture on it, you probably keep it on your purse."
A group of Christians are tasked with changing a lightbulb.
The Charismatic changes it easily; his hands are already up.
The Roman Catholic refuses; he prefers candles.
The Pentecostal changes it while his friends pray against the Lord of Darkness.
The Christian Scientist can't, but he prays for the light to turn ...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
The cocky exponential function e^x is strolling along the road insulting the functions he sees walking by.
He scoffs at a wandering polynomial for the shortness of its Taylor series. He snickers at a passing smooth function of compact support and its glaring lack of a convergent power series about many of its points. He positively laughs as he passes |x| for being nondifferentiable at the origin. He smil...
Two blondes are walking along and they find a “compact” (for make-up) on the sidewalk.
The first blonde picks it up, opens it and looks in the little mirror.
“Oh!”, she says. “This person looks very familiar!”
The other blonde grabs the compact, looks in the mirror and says, <...
A blonde is speeding down the highway and notices the flashing lights of a police car behind her. She slows down and pulls over to wait for the police officer, who also happens to be a blonde.
The police officer asks her for her driver's license. The driver says:"I'm not sure what that is... ...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
The Hen Joke
Sorry if this is a retread, but I've always liked this one...
Dave comes home after a long night of drinking at his favorite bar. His wife is asleep, so he tiptoes into the dark bedroom, undresses, puts on his pajamas, and slips into bed beside her. Moments later, he becomes aware of a tall...
A blonde is speeding down the highway...
…and is pulled over by a blonde police officer.
Cop: You were going pretty fast back there. Can I see some ID please?
Driver: <Frantically looking through purse> I must have left it home.
Cop: Well, do you have anything with your picture on it?
Driver: <Hands ove...
A blonde woman in a sports car is cruising down the highway...
...when she gets pulled over by a police car.
Who should step out of the police car but a female, blonde cop.
The cop walks up to the blonde in the sports car and says “Hi. I noticed you were going a little fast back there. Can I see your driver’s license?”
The blonde grabs her ...
The blonde policewoman
A blonde policewoman pulls over a blonde for speeding. She asks the blonde, "Can I see your license please?" The blonde says "What's that?"
The policewoman says "Its a wee square thingy, it's got your picture on it."
The blonde rummages around in the glove box, and comes out with a com...
A sufficiently advanced society has synthesized all human knowledge
in pill form. So an undergraduate goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist if he has history, economics, and literature. The pharmacist disappears into the back. When he returns, he has three little boxes and says
"Here, take this purple one for all of human history—from the origins all...
Two blondes walking
Two blondes were walking down the street when the came across a compact mirror laying on the sidewalk. One of the blondes picked the mirror up and looked in it. She said, "man, this chick looks familiar." The other blonde grabs the mirror, looks in it, and replied "you idiot, that's me."