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A mute guy goes to a pharmacy to buy condoms

He walks up to the counter and meets the pharmacist.

"How may I help you?" the pharmacist asks.

The mute guy, unable to speak, simply points at his crotch.

The pharmacist shrugs, not knowing what the man is asking for.

The mute guy points at his crotch again and pulls out...

I donated $50,000 to a charity for mute children.

They didn't even say thank you.

How do you stop an argument between deaf mutes?

Turn off the lights.

What do you call a man who’s blind, deaf, mute, and paralyzed?

Probably dead.

Did you ever hear about the mute Thai chef?

He could wok the wok but not talk the talk.

I recently proposed to my mute girlfriend

She was speechless.

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I asked a mute girl if she'd have sex with me. Told her to clap once for "YES" and twice for "NO"

She said "YES" "YES"

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(One of my dad's favourite jokes) - A mute man meets one of his mute friends

'Hello' his friend says.

The mute man is shocked, and points to indicate his friend's sudden use of speech.

'Oh yes,' the friend replies, 'I've found a fantastic doctor that helped me speak. Here, have his contact details and give him a visit'

The mute man excitedly goes to se...

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A deaf and mute orphan in a small village...

...is found pregnant. The villagers cannot find any way to get the poor girl to help them find out what happened. As the girl is due to give birth, a nasty rumor begins to circulate among the folk: the preacher is to blame.

The preacher does not expect the villagers to care much for the vile ...

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I watched "The Vagina Monologues" on mute but I still understood the plot

I can read lips

What do mute people do at Christmas?

Carol signing.

A blind man, a deaf man and a mute were murdered.

Police said these were senseless killings.

A mute guy, a deaf guy and a drunk guy walk into a bar...

The mute guy says

“What are you guys having to drink?”

The deaf guy realizes that the mute just somehow talked and asks him

“How come you just spoke if you’re mute?”

The drunk guy starts to come to his senses about the situation that the supposed deaf guy somehow heard...

What console does a mute chicken have?

Ex-Bawks

A mute talks to their first stranger in Omegle

“ASL?”, the stranger replies

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A man is struggling to communicate with his mute wife in bed.

He says to her "I never want to force myself on you, so you need to be able to tell me when you do and don't want to have sex."

He mulls it over for a while and the next night he says "I've come up with a plan."

"If you do want to have sex, pull my penis once, if you don't, pull it a t...

I have successfully muted every single person on Reddit. AMA!

edit: really? No one? :(

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A frog is born mute

A frog is born mute so he can’t make any noises that a frog typically makes because, well, he can’t make any noises at all. So naturally it’s very difficult for the frog to make friends with the other frogs and he ends up with just one friend; a tortoise who’s had the patience and the wherewithal to...

As far as disabilities go, being mute isn't that bad...

But I can't speak for everyone.

Have you heard about the "mute joke?"

it started with a moment of silence

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A deaf-mute walks up to a foursome on the first hole at St. Andrews

He hands one of the players a card that says, “I am a deaf-mute, playing as a single, may I play through?”   
  
The player, a total jerk, shakes his head no and points the deaf-mute to go back and wait his turn.
  
A few holes later, the jerk gets hit in the head by a golf ball while ...

Did you hear what happened to the mute person?

Yeah, me neither

A Mute Lady

A lady who was mute used to point out body parts in order to convey to the shopkeeper what she wanted.

So this once she wanted a toothbrush, so she points to her teeth. The shopkeeper quickly understands and hands her one.

This other time she wanted chicken thighs, so she shows the sho...

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How do mute girls masturbate?

Do they use one hand for pleasure and one to moan?

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A deaf-mute guy goes into a pharmacy to buy some condoms

After looking around the shop for a while and being unable to spot what he wants, he goes up to the counter and signs to the pharmacist, who only looks at him in mild bewilderment. The deaf-mute pats his pockets for a pencil and paper only to realize that he's come out without any, and he resorts to...

What do you call the phenomenon where nobody can hear you on Zoom?

A Mute-ation

I'm never eating edibles again!

I watched an entire movie on mute and started crying cause I thought I was deaf.

Star Wars names are just regular words if you put a random space somewhere:

Mos Quito

Que Sadilla

Scu Bagear

Syn Tax

Rev Erse

Mala Mute

Trypto Phan

Cano Nical

Impo Tent

Slee Papnea

What is a mute person's favorite food?

A shushkebab.

What language do mute mathematicians use?

Sine language

I just sold my car to a mute

He took it for a test drive and bought it, no questions asked.

Did you hear about the deaf man who escaped a murderous gang of mute mime artists?

Yeah, he saw them coming.

I still remeber the day the doctor told me I was mute...

I had no words

Two deaf-mute kids were arguing.

The mother came and turned off the light.

Did you hear about the two mute people who were telling each other jokes?

They laughed so hard they broke their fingers.

I gave my mute classmate a blackboard to communicate...

But he still won't chalk to me.

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A Deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms.

He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf.


Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five dollar bill next to it.


The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the d...

What did the mute person say to his cheating girlfriend?

Nothing.

Mute budgie for sale

Not going cheap!

There was once a friendly mute ghost, ironically named sound.

Sound was a very social ghost so he showed up to several seances, but every time he couldn’t talk to the people who had summoned him because he was mute, but he tried desperately to communicate anyways. He would slam doors and knock over lamps and turn on and off random appliances. After all of that...

Did you hear about the mute couple that got married?

Can’t say I do.

What does a mute dog and a dead tree have in common?

There’s no bark.

Two members from church went to pray for a woman who's infant was recently found to turn mute.

They knocked on the door of and the woman was clearly not happy to see them.

She told them in no uncertain terms she did not want to hear their prayers then slammed the door in their faces.

To her surprise, the door did not close.  In fact, it bounced back open.  Seeing the two church ...

A blind deaf mute was arrested for homicide last night.

It was a senseless murder

The mute chicken

Why did the mute chicken leave his cheating girlfriend at the side of the road.

He couldn’t give a cluck

The most unpredictable things in my life happened when I was friends with a bunch of mutes

There was no telling what could happen

Senator, what's your opinion on mute people?

No comment.

A joke

A priest, a rabbi and an imam enter a bar, order a drink and finds a place to sit.
Then a construction worker, a native american and a police officer comes in and do the same thing.
And then a dane, a swede and a norwegian enters too.
Then a blind guy, a deaf guy and a mute guy.
And the...

When you insult a deaf-mute murderer in sign language

...it's a deaf-sentence.

Did I ever tell you about my mute friend?

We used to be very close, but I haven't heard from him for a while.

A deaf-mute man came on a Talent show.

And what is your talent?
- I can speak!

When a mute prophet is predicting the end of the world,

that's a sign of the end times.

What Did the blind man say to the mute?

I really can't see what your saying

My wife is a mute.

We're happily married.

What do you call a mute Mexican

No taco

How do you know if an Italian person is mute?

When you see he has no hands.

A mute guy survived an awful car crash early this week, what a lucky man!

I mean, he lost his hands but I guess he can't complain.

What's the best part about being a mute?

It goes without saying...

What did the blind,deaf,and mute kid get for Christmas

Cancer

Why should you never trust a deaf pirate?

In case of mute-iny

A man asks his mute friend what he wants in a woman

The mute friend points to his head.

His friend says, "Yes, intelligence is important."

Then, the mute friend rubs his thumb on the palm of his hand.

His friend nods and says, "Certainly a woman with money would be nice."

Then, the mute friend opens his hand wide in front ...

How do you mute an Italian?

Handcuff him.

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"It's either me or your mute fuck buddy!" said my girlfriend.

I decided to keep quiet.

A deaf-mute goes golfing

...at a country club (it's Sunday, and open to the public) and is having a pretty good game. So good, in fact, that he ends up having to wait on a member playing ahead of him.
He politely waits on the slow golfer, but eventually gets fed up with the delay. So he writes a note, and gives it to the...

What do you call an alarm that's been muted?

Clock blocked

How do you cure a mute coworker?

Tell them a secret

What do deaf-mute people like about yoga pants?

They make lip-reading easier.

How do mute people tell each others secrets?

They put on mittens.

There was a deaf mute

who said so many dirty words that his mother had to wash his hands with soap.

I accidentally muted the command switch on my driverless car...

...well, it goes without saying.

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The Mute

Once upon a time there was a mute, he could communicate only with sign language, he searched for a cure to his condition his whole life, until one day he met a guy and was told that he was a mute like him and got cured.

The mute asked him with passion: “What did you do?”
The ex-mute replie...

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The only survivor of a shipwreck washes up on a deserted island

He’s stranded alone on the island for over ten years surviving on coconuts and fish. One day he’s sitting on the beach thinking about life back home when a woman in a wetsuit and scuba gear stands up in the ocean and starts walking out of the surf, fins in hands. The man shakes his head and blinks h...

How do pirates overthrow the captain without speaking?

Mute-ny

A woman bought a rooster, wanting to hear it crow.

However, it turns out the rooster was mute, so she was out of cluck.

Why was Karl Marx against Chinese mutes?

Because he hated the Bù shuō!

A man wins $100 000 at Las Vegas.

When he returns home he hides it in his backyard, only to wake up the next morning and find it stolen, with a trail of muddy footprints leading to the mute-deaf a few blocks away. Enraged, he enlists the help of the sign language professor next door, and together, the man armed, they confront the mu...

I was forcefully arrested for blowing bubbles outside.

Even Bubbles was speechless.

I guess working in the Mute Society just isn’t for me.

Why did Antman stop talking when he joined the x men??

He became a mute ant.

Did you hear about the shooting at the school for blind, deaf mutes?

It was truly a senseless tragedy.

There once was a wise old man...

There once was a wise old man in a village. Old beyond memory, he channeled the knowledge of nature and the divine for his fellow townsfolk.


Many came to him with questions, until one day he took a vow of silence, shuttering his open door. Instead, he turned to his untended field. He wou...

What is the most frustrating thing for a person to be?

A mute vegan.

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