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Exponential Jokes

Why can't Athiests solve exponential problems?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

The population of Ireland's capital is growing exponentially

every year it's Dublin (doubling)

Marie Curie was a brilliant physicist but Einstein was exponentially smarter than her.

E = M.C.²

Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?

Because they don't believe in higher powers!

Not mine originally, and you may have seen it before, but it's an old favorite and I have to tell it to people now and again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The cocky exponential function e^x is strolling along the road insulting the functions he sees walking by.

He scoffs at a wandering polynomial for the shortness of its Taylor series. He snickers at a passing smooth function of compact support and its glaring lack of a convergent power series about many of its points. He positively laughs as he passes |x| for being nondifferentiable at the origin. He smil...

Ever since learning the meaning of the word exponentially my use of the word exponentially has increased

loads

Why does the rate of trees cut follow an inverse exponential trend when lumberjacks start singing?

Because it falls into a logger-rhythm.

I found out my friend is addicted to math.

I should have known. All the sines were there. He had a hard time functioning, and he would go off on tangents all the time. Such a shame - he was in his prime, his life was on a great vector. He wanted to write the next 'Matrix'. But now, he can't differentiate between what is real and what is imag...

All the mathematical functions are having a party

The polynomials are dancing, the square root function is drinking, yet the exponential function remains to the side.

so the inverse function asks what's wrong.

To which the exponential function responds: whether I integrate or not, nothing will change, now leave.

(courtesy ...

What happens when entropy meets an exponential equation?

Se^x

I’m keeping track of all the exponentials I can find..

Everytime I see one, I log it

This morning, I tried explaining to my dad why f(y)=y^2 is not exponential growth.

It was not e^asy.

A chemistry professor posted a bonus question to an exam:

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know ...

Kirk and Spock are on a first contact mission.

The planet's natives serenade them with drumbeats upon hollowed-out tree trunks.

"Mister Spock, it sounds like the notes follow an exponential progression."

"Logical, Captain, when one uses log rhythms."

All the mathematical functions went to a party...

There they saw the exponential function sitting by himself

They poked him, "c'mon man, join the party"

To which he replied, "it's not my fault, eveytime I try to integrate, I just end up with myself"

What is the mathematician's favorite pick-up line?

Hey baby, wanna see the exponential growth of my natural log?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man and Wife Go To The Doctor

Man says that his penis has grown exponentially for some reason and that he is concerned it will soon be a trip hazard. The doctor asks if he is comfortable with surgery.

"How long will he be on crutches?" The wife asks.

"Crutches?" Asks the doctor.

The wife answers, "Well I ass...

There are two kinds of people.

Those who don't understand exponential growth and those who explain it to at least two people from the first group.


(Inspired by covid. Yeah, I know it kind of sucks but I am posting it here with hope that someone will come up with a better wording in comments).

My parents got called into a conference with my math teacher

I wasn’t submitting homework and I was skipping questions on my tests. It’s no problem though; I’m in the clear. They explained to him that we are atheists so he can’t make me solve exponential functions due to the fact we don’t believe in higher powers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob, Joe, and Dick go to heaven

Upon arrival they are greeted by St. Peter.

"Welcome to heaven. You are free to do as you please, but we do have one rule. Do not step on the ducks" he says.

'Seems easy enough' the men think.

They walk for quite some time before encountering the first duck, avoiding it with gre...

A village of mathematical functions is slumbering

when suddenly the alarm bells ring:
a rogue differential operator has been sighted.
Fearing for their life, the functions run away or try to hide, but a brave function stands its ground and confronts the aggressor: I am e to the x, you cannot do anything to me! Go away!
The differential op...

(Long joke) A man is dying of a rare disease...

This disease has left his body covered in large, bright, yellow, pus-filled craters and has grown exponentially worse over the course of a few months. The man is told by numerous doctors that there is no cure to his life- threatening illness and he doesn't have much time to live.

A Make-A-Wi...

Ebola has mutated!

reports are coming in that the Ebola virus has mutated and become exponentially worse, in light of this mutation the virus will be renamed the Hyperbola Virus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American goes to Ireland (long) NSFW

An American man goes to Ireland and goes to an Irish pub. As he starts drinking more and more, he has to release the valve and goes to the restroom. The urinals were occupied, so the man opens a stall. When he opens a stall he sees a little man in green suit. The little man in the green suit says, '...

So farmer Bob had a rivalry with farmer Jim.

They were both cattle farmers but Jim's herd was much larger and fatter, and his meat went for much more money. So bob started looking for a way to bulk up his cows. He started experimenting. Eventually he discovered that feeding them marijuana made them grow exponentially, while also making them mo...

Ten Science Jokes for Nerds

* I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

* I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.

* Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.

* Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And ...

A long time ago in Ancient China

There was a young boy named Wachu. He grew up in a family of famous bakers and was extremely proficient in baking himself. As he grew, his baking skills improved exponentially until at one point he was famous throughout the region for his savoury breads and innovative cooking methods.

One day...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Engineering pickup lines

Engineering pickup lines:

Hey babe, what's your factor of safety?

Can I use my sigma to find your tau max?

What frequency does it take to make your O-me-ga

How big does your period need to be to reduce our frequency

How about you and I go have a couple moment
...

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