A Frenchman, and Englishman, and a Soviet are admiring a painting of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden.

The Frenchman says, “They must be French, they’re naked and they’re eating fruit.”

The Englishman says, “Clearly, they’re English; observe how politely the women is offering fruit to the man.”

The Soviet replies, “No, they are Russian communists, of course. They have no house, ...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The brunette thinks "I bet that di...

How do you get a one armed Frenchman out of a tree?

You wave at him.

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An Italian, a Frenchman and an Aussie were talking about screams of passion

The Italian said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non stop for five minutes." The Frenchman said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil from Provence a...

A German, an Italian, a Frenchman, and an Englishmen

...are debating philosophy. The question arises over the course of their debates: what separates man from the animals?

"Technology," says the German. "Other creatures have tools, yet none can match the heights of engineering we have accomplished. It is our industry that separates us from the ...

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Frenchman in Morocco

A Frenchman seeking some thrills travels to Morocco and decides to go bungee jumping off the top of mosques. As he bounces back into the air, all of the passerby in Morocco are in awe and one Moroccan passerby decides that he wants to try it himself.

He finds the Frenchman at a nearby cafe a...

Why did the Frenchman hate going to the bakery?

Because it was the source of all his pain.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Russian are in an art gallery

They are looking at a painting of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden.

"Look at how reserved and calm they are," the Englishman says, "they would definitely be English."

"They are naked and beautiful, they would have to be French." The Frenchmen counters.

The Russian speaks up, "...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman and an American were venturing through the Amazon rainforest

When they got ambushed by a tribe of warriors. They said, "You are trespassing on our sacred land, so we must kill you and make canoes out of your skin. However, we will let you choose how you wish to die". The Frenchman asked for poison, the Englishman askes for a gun and the American asked for a f...

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Italian, Frenchman and a Redneck...

An Italian, Frenchman and redneck were comparing lovemaking skills. The Italian says, ‘When I’ve a finished a makina da love withah my wife, I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees, she floats 6 inches above a da bed in ecstacy.

The Frenchman replies. "zat is noting, when Ah’ve fini...

What did the Frenchman say to the German at the urinal?

European

I asked a Frenchman whether he played Video Games

He said Wii

What did the Frenchman say when God gave him mercy?

Merci

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A Frenchman, German, and an Irishman walk into a bar

They all go up to the bar and order: Red Wine for the Frenchman, a pint of beer for the German, and glass of whiskey for the Irishman.

They all sit down together to enjoy their drinks and talk. They'd been sitting a bit when a fly buzzes around their heads and lands in the Frenchman's wine. ...

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An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian.....

.... an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Camer...

American, Frenchman, and a Russian Desert Genie

I searched and found this one only posted once and I think the punchline lacked compared to the way my Russian processor told it.

A Frenchman, an American, and a Russian find themselves lost in the desert with no hope of rescue. One of them spots a glimmer in the distance and they all rush to...

Why can't a Frenchman eat more than one egg?

One egg is un oeuf.

An Englishman,a Frenchman,a Spaniard and a German are watching a juggling show

The juggler notices that they have a poor view and stands on a box.
He then says”Can you see me now?”

And they answer:

“Yes”

“Oui”

“Si”

“Ja”

An Englishmen, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are watching a street magician perform his routine from a good distance away. Half way through, the magician looks around and notices how far away the men are and asks, "Can you see me ok?"

"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sí"
"Ja"

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A Frenchman and an American are drinking on vacation and get into an argument over who is a better lover...

...so they agree to settle the debate with a contest: who can make love more times that night with their significant other.

The American and his girlfriend make their way back to their hotel room, he immediately proceeds to rip off his gf's clothes and have sex with her - and tallies a mark ...

What did the Frenchman say when he went down the slide?

Yes

A Scotsman, an Englishman and a Frenchman are walking through the jungle...

They’re very tired, and they decide to take a shortcut across a nearby river to quickly reach their camp.

As they cross the river, a tribe of savages charge out of the trees and surround them. The tribe Chief steps forward and says

“This river sacred ground... you trespass on sacred ...

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A Englishman, a Frenchman and an American go on a safari in the jungle.

Sadly, they get lost and are captured by a tribe of cannibals. The head cannibal says, “Sorry guys, we have to follow our traditional. That means that we’re going to kill you, cook you, eat you and make canoes from your skin. But we’re not all bad - we’ll let you choose how you die.”

So the E...

A Frenchman was showing of his yachts to a tourist

Frenchman: "This one is called Un, this one Deux, this one Trois, Quatre, Six, Se--"

Tourist: "Hold on, why is there no number 5?"

Frenchman: "It Cinq"

A German, a Frenchman and an Englishman go fishing...

They fish quite happily for a while until the German catches a huge golden fish, but as he pulls it off the hook it says "Please don't kill me! Spare my life and I'll grant you all a wish!"

The German throws the fish back and says "I wish for a mug of beer that will never empty", and immediat...

What do you call a Frenchman being mauled by a lion?

Claude.

A Frenchman, an Argentine, and a Brazilian were publicly drinking in Russia during the 2018 World Cup.

But that is prohibited there, so they were captured by the police and taken to court.



The judge said that as the country was celebrating, they would take only 20 lashes, with the right to have a wish That wasn't be escape the punishment.



The Frenchman was the first, the...

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An Irishman, an Englishman, and a Frenchman walk into a bar...

they all sit down at the and order a beer. Just before their first sips, a fly lands in each of their respective beers.

The Frenchman pushes his beer back with his nose in the air and exclaims, "barkeep! This beer is spoiled, bring me a fresh one".

The Englishman plucks the fly...

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A Frenchman, a German, and a Jew are lost in the desert.

“I am thirsty and must have wine,” exclaims the Frenchman. “I am thirsty and must have beer,” cries out the German. “I am thirsty and must have diabetes,” says the Jew.

What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?

Philippe Philoppe

What's the difference between an Englishman and a Frenchman?

The Englishman salts his snails before they die.

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American are in a plane that crashes in the Amazon...

They are swiftly captured by a tribe of cannibals. The leader of their tribe tells them that outsiders from the sky are to be sacrificed for the good of the people. They will be cooked alive, the village will feast on their flesh, they will make weapons from their bones, and use their skin for canoe...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Australian, are hiking through the South American jungle

When all of sudden, they see a crystal clear pool at the foot of a mountain. They're all hot and tired, so naturally, they strip off and jump in, and to their surprise, that are captured by natives. They are brought in front of the chief and told that the pool is sacred. He tells them that they are ...

TIL FOX news was started by a Frenchman

Unfortunately, they had to americanize the name from FAUX news

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A Frenchman, a Mexican and an Irishman go to a bar

And each orders a beer.

The Frenchman looks into his beer and sees a fly, calls for the waitress, and demands a replacement.

The Mexican sees a fly in his, plucks it out, and drains the beer.

The Irishman grabs the fly by its wings and violently shakes it over his mug screaming...

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A redneck, an Italian, and a Frenchman walk into a bar the other day... NSFW

Conversation quickly becomes a pissing contest and the topic of sex is immediately discussed. While sipping on his Lambrusco, the Italian man says "when I'm through pleasing a beautiful woman, I nibble on her ear... and she rises half a foot off the bed!"

The Frenchman scoffs, takes a sip of ...

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The Brit, the Frenchman, the Gangster and the Tribals

One day, a trio of adventurers are making their way through the Amazon. The group consists of a die-hard Brit, a die-hard Frenchman and a recent addition to the team, a gangster from downtown Chicago. Eventually, the party is caught by a group of tribals and put in a cage. The chief of the tribals a...

A Frenchman, an Englishman, a German and a Spanish man go to a dolphin show

The dolphin jumps in the air, but the 4 men couldn’t see the dolphin
The Englishman shouts, “We can’t see you!”
The dolphin jumps higher and says “Can you see me now?” And the 4 men reply
“Yes!”
“Oui!”
“Si!”
“Ya!”

A German, a Frenchman, an Englishman and a Brazilian appreciate the picture of Adam and Eve in Paradise.

German comments:



"Look at what perfection of bodies: she, slender and haired; he, with his athletic body, his profiled muscles. They must be Germans."



Frenchman replies:



"I don't believe it. The eroticism from the figures is evident! She, so feminine, he,...

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A Jewish man, a Frenchman, and an Italian man were bragging about their sex lives.

The Jewish man said, “Last week, my wife and I had great sex. I rubbed her body all over with schmaltz (chicken fat), we made passionate love, and she screamed for five full minutes at the end!”

The Frenchman boasted, “Last week when my wife and I had sex, I rubbed her body all over with butt...

Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face. The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened...

"Well, the first body is a Frenchman, 60, who died of heart failure while making love to his mistress, hence the enormous smile." says the coroner.

"Second body's a Scotsman, 25, won a thousand dollars in the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
...

An Englishman and a Frenchman...

Are walking on a beach when they both spot a genie lamp sticking out of the sand.
The both sprint towards it and five to grab it. One grabs the handle, the other grabs to spout and both rub it at the same time.
A genie pops out and says to them "you both rubbed my lamp at the same time so, bec...

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A plane is flying over the Amazon when it crashes...

...three men survive the plane crash (German, French, American).

They crash near a village and get captured by the tribe. The villagers tell the three men that: "We aren't cannibals, and we're normally peaceful and wouldn't kill you, but our canoes are riddled with holes, and we need your sk...

What did the Frenchman say when he got hit by an egg?

Oeuf.

A dad joke for Australian fathers day!

What did one Frenchman say to the other?

I have no idea, I don't speak French.

How did the Frenchman describe his lewd Pakistani girlfriend?

Lahore.

A Russian, a Frenchman and an Englishman argued about Adam's nationality.

A Russian, a Frenchman and an Englishman argued about Adam's nationality.

The Frenchman said, "Of course Adam was French. Look how passionately he made love to Eve!"

The Englishman said, "Of course Adam was British. Look how he gave his only apple to the lady, like a real gentleman."...

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A Frenchman wished to assess the buoyancy of the common household cat.

So he took three cats down to the canal and threw them in, and *un, deux, trois* cats sank.

Fortunately a kindly German saw this and jumped in (after punching the Frenchman on the nose) and rescued the cats. He looked them over and said "Huh. Bit ze vorse for vair, but I zink I can save zem"....

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Nigerian are in a maternity ward waiting room

A nurse comes in and says, "Gentlemen, I'm sorry, but there's been a mixup with the babies. Could you please help sort it out?"

She takes them to the nursery and shows two white babies and one black baby. The Englishman picks up the black baby and starts walking off. The Nigerian says, "What ...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Australian are hiking in the mountains

They find some hot springs and decide to take a bath. Some native tribals come along and say "you have trespassed our sacred lands. For this, you will be killed and your skin will be made into canoes. But, you each have one wish before you die." The Englishman asks for a knife and slits his throat. ...

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A German, a Frenchman, and a Irishman walk into a pub.

The pub was known for being a wee bit of a dive. Dirty, poor service, but the three men were poor and the drinks were always cheap. They welcomed themselves into the pub and sat at the bar.

Notoriously, the service was poor. The barkeep chatted with other bar patrons for a good long while bef...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American get captured by a tribe of cannibals

The leader of the cannibals arrives, and says "Greetings, travelers. I'm sorry to tell you this, but since we have captured you, you must die. Furthermore, we must eat you, and make canoes out of your skins, in accordance with our traditions. However, we will be as humane as we can. We will allow yo...

An American, a Frenchman and an Italian sit at the beach.

They are arguing about the quality of their vehicles and the engineering prowess of their country.

The Italian says: You know, my old Fiat is still serving me well. I bought it 10 years ago and barely changed a thing other than oil.

The Frenchman responds:

10 years? Honhonhon! M...

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Three explorers--a Frenchman, a Brit, and a New Yorker--were trekking through the jungle when they were captured by pygmies.

"I've got good news and bad news," says the chief. "The bad news is that we're going to cook you, skin you, and make canoes out of your skin."

"That's terrible!" exclaims the Brit, "What's the good news?"

"Well..." the chief responds, "We'll let you choose the manner of your death, and...

A Frenchman was visiting Texas for the first time and was staying at a nice hotel in Houston...

In the bar he sat next to a cowboy and couldn't help but notice the size of the burger the man was eating. "Mon dieu - how big is your burger! And your beer!". "Yeah, " said the Texan. "Everything in Texas is big. Our houses, our trucks, our horses, our wives. Even our generosity!" With that he boug...

A Brit, a Frenchman and a Soviet are asked what nationality Adam and Eve were.

The Brit exclaims “They must have been British! Look at how gentlemanly Adam behaved towards Eve. He must have been an Englishman.”

“Outrageous!” Says the Frenchman. “They must have been French. Look at the love that they exhibited towards each other! Only the French can love like that.”
...

An Italian, American and Frenchman get captured

First they interrogate the Frenchman, he reveals everything in 20 minutes

Next the American goes, and lasts up to an hour until he spills the beans.

Finally the Italian goes, and after a whole day of torture, still says nothing.

Back in the cell, the American and Frenchman ask t...

An American and a Frenchman are sitting in a bar having drinks.

After a short while they start arguing about which country is better.

The American says, “If it wasn’t for us, you’d be speakin’ German!”

The Frenchman takes a drink and replies, “And if it weren’t for us, you’d be speaking English.”

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A Russian, a Frenchman and a German...

...go high diving at a swimming pool. They each get to wish for a liquid to jump in.

The russian goes first. He gets up the tower, of course, wishes for vodka and so he lands ina pool full of vodka.

Next up was the Frenchman. He climbed the tower, shouted "Wine!" and he jumped into t...

An Englishman, Frenchman, Spaniard and German are watching a street performer do some impressive juggling

As they watch him he throws flaming sticks in the air and twists them between his fingers before catching them with ease, he decides to start the next part of the act and slowly climbs up a tall ladder. Once at the top he spies the four men at the back, behind everyone in the audience who appear to ...

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An American, a Frenchman and a Chinese walk into a bar.

An American, a Frenchman and a Chinese walk into a bar. The topic of WW2 comes up and the Frenchman says to the American, "Dropping two atomic bombs on Japan was a terrible mistake." The Chinese nods. "You should have dropped more than two."

An American, Frenchman, Israeli, Spaniard, and a German are on a video call. Their boss logs in and starts the meeting by askng "How's my connection, can everybody see me alright?" They answer:

"yes", "oui", "ken", "si", "ja"

A Frenchman bumps into a English gentleman on a street

"Good day to you sir, what are you up to." says the Englishman.
The Frenchman says "nothing much....what are you doing."


"Oh we are playing Croatia today" answers the Englishman.

"Ah what a coincidence. We are playing them on Sunday you see" r...

A Frenchman and a Mexican are sitting on a bench.

The Frenchman will occasionally sniff his fingers and say, "Ah, Fifi. My Fifi."

One day the Mexican asks, "What is this you're doing with the 'Fifi'?"

The Frenchman responds, "Every morning I finger my wife, Fifi, so I can smell her and think of her fondly. "

The next morning t...

A Scotsman, a Frenchman and a Nigerian all die and meet St Peter at the pearly gates...

St. Peter: you each get to ask me one demand and if I can't make your demand come true, I will send you back to earth for a second chance. If I do make your demand, you're headed to the afterlife...

Scotsman: I want you to give me all the scotch whiskey in the world right now...

St. P...

An American, an Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German walk into a bar...

...and don't order a thing.

The bartender, concerned that perhaps they somehow didn't notice him through the crowded bar, calls out to them. "I can help you down here!" It's a bit loud, so he calls out again. This time, the gang responds.

"Yes!"
"Oui!"
"Si!"
"Ja!"

Did you hear about the Frenchman who committed suicide by jumping into a giant vat of olive oil?

They say he lost his huile d’olive.

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A Frenchman, a German, and a Russian go on a safari...

Along the way, they are captured by cannibals. They are brought to the chief, who says, "We are going to eat you right now. But I am a civilized man, I studied human rights at the Patrice Lumumba University in Moscow, so I'll grant each of you a last request."

The German asks for a mug of be...

An Englishman, Frenchman, Spaniard, and German

all head down the street when they notice a crowd huddled around a street preformer. His juggling routine is the best the town has ever seen.

Before he begins his grand finale, he notices the stragglers in the back and asks "does everybody have a good view?"

"Yes"
"Oui"
"Sí"
"...

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Pole were captured by the Germans and thrown into prison.

However, the guard was rather kind towards them, and said, "I am going to lock you away for five years, but I'll let you have anything you want now before I lock you away."

The Englishman says, "I'll have five years' supply of beer!" His wish is granted, and they lock him away with his beer....

An American, a Brit, a Canadian, a Dane, an Ethiopian, a Frenchman, a Greek, a Haitian, an Irishman, a Jew, a Kiwi, a Lithuanian, a Mongolian, a Nigerian, an Omani, a Peruvian, a Qatari, a Roman, a Scotsman, a Uruguayan, a Venezuelan, a Western Saharan, a xenophobe and a Zimbabwean walk into a bar

The bartender says
"Im sorry, but you can't come in here without a Thai"

A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Iowan are travelling down the Amazon River in a canoe...

They get abducted by Natives who tell them,

"We will use your skin to make conoes, you may kill yourself in any way you like."

The Frenchman asks for a knife and says, "Viva la France!" And he slits his throat and dies.

Next, they ask the Englishman how he would like to die. He ...

A Frenchman can't always win...

They have Toulouse.

An American, a Frenchman, and a Canadian go on vacation to Saudi Arabia

...and once there, they are caught drinking smuggled alcohol. They are arrested, and each sentenced to 100 lashes by the whip as punishment.

Now the officer assigned to do the whipping says "It is my favorite wife's birthday, and she asked that I show a little compassion as I work today. I wi...

What did the Frenchman with bad allergies say when he had to leave the dinner party?

My sincerest apologies but I bid you all ACHOO.

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a New Yorker are capured by cannibals...

The cannibal leader says,

"We're gonna skin you, eat you, and use your skin for our canoes. However, you get to choose how you die." He gestures at a huge chest full of weapons.

He points at the Englishman. "You're first."

The Englishman, tears rolling down his face, pulls out ...

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[NSFW] An Englishman, a Belgian & a Frenchman are stranded on an island and captured by a local tribe

Now the tribe leader tells them he will let the ones live who can complete his two requests.


They all agree and await the leader’s first request. So the leader says: “You each must bring me 100 of a fruit of your choice. You must collect it on this island and bring it here within the nex...

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God went to a Frenchman

He said 'I've got some commandments, do you want some?'

'What are they like?' The Frenchman replied

'Thou shall not commit adultery' Answered God

'I don't think so...' Slurred the Frenchman, so God went to a German and asked if he wanted any.

'What are they like?' The Ge...

Did you know that sandals were invented by a Frenchman?

His name was Philippe Filoppe.

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An American, a Frenchman, and A Japanese man are shipwrecked but spot a

While clinging to floating debris and paddling towards shore they discuss what they will do to survive.

The American dude has experience with carpentry, so they decide he will build them s shelter. The French gentleman is a pretty good cook, so they plan on him keeping them well fed. Eventual...

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An American, a Frenchman, an Englishman, and a German are on a plane...

When the pilot comes back and says "I'm here to inform you that there is an issue with the engines and we need to jettison some weight in order to make it to the airport. So, one of you is going to have to jump."

They all look at each other before the German gets up, goes to the door and yell...

An American, a Frenchman, and a Colombian are all on a plane

The American sticks his hand out of the window and says,
“Look! We’re in my country.”
“How can you tell?” Says the Frenchman
“I can touch the Statue of Liberty.”
Sometime passes, The Frenchman then sticks his hand out of the window and says,
“Oh, we’re in my country now.”
“How can...

An Englishman, a German and a Frenchman...

...are all in Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them. The mere possession of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!
<...

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A Frenchman walks into a compartment to see an Englishman, a ravishing blonde and an old Woman

Upon seeing this he says: “Oh not this shit again”

A Frenchman and an Englishman have a bet over who is the most virile

A Frenchman and an Englishman on a business trip start talking at a pub and pretty soon the conversation turns to which one of them is the most virile. They decide to make a bet. Each one will pick up a woman at the bar, take her back to his hotel room, and in the morning they will compare notes to ...

What do you call a Frenchman that likes anime?

A Ouiaboo

A Frenchman, an Italian and a Jewish man die and go to heaven....

An angel ushers the Frenchman into a room filled with every French delicacy imaginable and instructs him - you can eat whatever you want, but if you eat anything from this table, at 5:00 a boiling pot of French onion soup will be wheeled in and you're going in it.

The Frenchman thinks for a ...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Texan, and a Mexican are on a plane.

The pilot says, “We don’t have enough fuel to make it, we will need to push out all of our cargo”
The people all push out every last seat and bag that they have, and the pilot regretfully tells them that it is not enough. He says, “3 of you 4 will have to jump out of this plane,”

The Engli...

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How does a Frenchman masturbate?

He Jacques off

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