Frenchmen Jokes - 42 Hilarious Frenchmen Jokes

How do Frenchmen share files?

Pierre to Pierre.

Why do depressed Frenchmen consume so much olive oil?

It gives them a huile d'olive

An englishman, frenchmen, and spaniard were racing their cats on a paper boat in the water

They each name their cat the same in each language. The Englishman names his cat "One Two Three". The Frenchman names his "Un deux Trois". The Spaniard names his "Uno dos tres". The race begins, and Uno dos tres wins, with one two three at second place. The Frenchman's cat is nowhere to be found. Af...

How many Frenchmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

5, one to fill the paperwork, one to go on strike, and two to complain how it should’ve been changed last week

What console do frenchmen play on?

Wii

Yes, I know this is a dad joke.

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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his:

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and sh...

The year is 1799. Napoleon is strategizing with his advisors. A map of Europe is on the table before them...

Napoleon says "Behold, Gentlemen! Our destiny lies within our grasp!"

One advisor asks "What is your plan, General?"

Napoleon slams his fist on the table. "All of Europe will fall to our forces. We shall take it piece by piece until our empire is established. My first step will be to u...

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What do Frenchmen call their penises?

Their oui ouis

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a Russian are looking at a painting of Adam and Eve

The Englishman admires it and says "Look at them, calm, reserved, and proper, they were surely English."

The Frenchmen laughs and replies "They are naked and beautiful, there is no doubt they would be French."

The Russian slowly shakes his head "No clothes, no house, no possessions, th...

How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?

Nobody knows. It’s never been tried.

A Frenchmen goes to a library for a book he wants about warfare.

He asks the librarian at the front desk for a book about warfare. The librarian simply responds, “You’ll just lose it.”

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?

The Army.

This is a funny joke my old boss told me a while back

What do you call a Frenchmen wearing sandals?

Phillipe phillope

What do you call it when two Frenchmen share files?

Pierre-to-Pierre transfer.

What's a Frenchmen's favorite vacation?

A retreat.

Whats the difference between toast and Frenchmen?

You can make soldiers out of toast.

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What do you call bad sex with Frenchmen?

Lay Miserables

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There was an Englishman, a Frenchmen and a Japanese man sitting at a bar.

They were all in good spirits, complimenting each others countries and their achievements. But they also pointed out the strange customs too.

It was the Englishman and the Frenchman who spoke first about Japan. They said, "Japan is such a fine country which has provided the world with so ma...

The tunnel

An Englishman, a Frenchmen, a young woman, and an old lady, are sitting together on a train when it goes through a tunnel. A loud slap is heard, and then the Frenchman is rubbing his face.

The old lady thinks ‘I bet he tried to touch the young woman, and she slapped him’

The young woma...

Do Frenchmen like slides?

OOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUIIIIIIIIIII!

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NSFW: There's a crew of builders working on a high rise building in Australia. They are working on the top; which is over 70 stories high.

Bruce the builder, climbs on a beam hanging from the crane and says to his friend Joe "Hey Joe, stand on the other end of the beam, as a counter weight, I need to take a whizz over the side. Joe stands with his back to him and says "Sure thing, mate." Bruce undoes his fly and starts peeing. The lunc...

Germans, Englishmen and Frenchmen in Heaven

In heaven, the Germans are the Engineers, the French are the cooks, and the English are the policemen.

But in hell, the Germans are the policemen, the French are the engineers, and the English are the cooks.

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The German, Englishman, Frenchmen, and American on the plane.

So the German, Englishman, Frenchman, and American are on a plane. So they are sitting there and all of a sudden the pilot comes back and says "Someone is going to have to jump off the plane because the plane weighs too much and we won't make it." So the German gets up and walks over to the door and...

How many Frenchmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just one to hold it in place while the rest of Europe runs circles around it.

how many Frenchmen does it take to properly defend Frances borders?

No idea, No ones ever tried.

3 Un Jokes of the day

What did one Frenchmen say to the other? I don't speak French and would like to know.

A Bear walks into a bar and the patrons leave slowly noticing the situation could be potentially dangerous.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor in the tall corn; Where is my Tractor....

Joke about a Pole in a swearing competition

A contest was set up. By who? Nobody knows.

But, the general gist was this - whoever can maintain the longest flow of cursewords wins... something.

And so, a Britton, a Frenchman, a Russian and a Pole get into the finals. Each have their own booths to psyche up and prepare for ...

Two Frenchmen are going for a walk one day, when they happen upon a swimming pool filled entirely to the brim with loaves of bread.

The first, who happens to be a baker, exclaims "Mon amie, what a beautiful sight! I'm going to dive into this pool."

The second says "I'm not sure that's such a good idea. If you hit the bottom, you're going to be in a lot of pain."

Veterans Day

An elderly American gentleman of 97 arrived in Paris by plane. At the French customs desk, the man took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry-on bag. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked, sarcastically. He admitted he had been to France previously. "Then ...

God created the earth, he wanted one perfect place, so he made France.

Then, seeing what he had done, he decided he had gone too far, so he made Frenchmen.

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Two turbaned Punjabies Kuldip and Jagdip went to Paris and made friends with a young Frenchman named Jean Paul.

For several weeks these two stooges went everywhere Jean Paul went. One day Jean Paul went missing. These two looked everywhere for days but could not find Jean Paul. So they went to the Police and reported that Jean Paul is missing.

Policeman: Can you describe your friend Jean Paul?
Kul...

What is your funniest joke about the French?

Mine is this: How do you pick out the Frenchmen in a room full of naked soldiers? They're the ones with sunburned armpits.

Nationalities in hell

A man is being given a grand tour of hell. In huge cauldrons different nationalties- Frenchmen, Swedes, Russians, Brits, Italians, Czechs, Scots, etc.- are being boiled in oil, guarded by a cordon of fork-wiedling devils.
The visitor asks the guide: "Why has that cauldron been left unguarded?"...

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A couple of centuries ago some kings held a new Olympic competition.

The new event was which king had the biggest penis. They measured all the kings, and here were the results:

The king of France got the bronze medal for 7 inches. All the Frenchmen cheered, knowing that the female tourists would want to sleep with them now. They then played the French national...

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Polak

An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Polak were exploring the seven seas when they came across an island inhabited by cannibals. After eating their victims, these cannibals would use their victim's skin to make canoes.

They were captured, and each one was given the option to kill himself, and ch...

A tourist is walking along the riverbank in Paris

when a Frenchman runs and pushes him in.

Spluttering and angry, the tourist shouts "Are you crazy?"

To which the Frenchmen replies laughing "No, but you're in Seine"

Best Women in Europe

An Englishman, A Frenchman and a Russian are debating who has the best women.

The Englishman says, "English women are the best. When they sit on a horse their feet can touch the ground. It's not because our horses are short, but because English women have the longest legs in all of Europe!"...

4 mathematicians are one a plane..

One is a Frenchman, one is a Englishman, one is an American, and the other is a Mexican. They get an announcement from the captain that the plane is going down. They all do some math together and find that if 3 of them jump, then everyone else would be saved. The Frenchmen stands up and walks to the...

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Cannibals and Shipwrecked Survivors

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American are shipwrecked. They wash up onto a island that is inhabited by cannibals, and are captured. The cannibals string them up, and bring them before the High Shaman

"You have invaded our sacred lands," says the High Shaman. "We are going to kill you. W...

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An Irishman, a Frenchman, and an Afghani man are riding around the world in a balloon...

When they are over Ireland, the Irish man picks up an enormous bag of potatoes and says ‘I’m giving my country this bag of potatoes, in hopes that some hungry souls can find happiness from full bellies.’ He tossed the bag of potatoes over the edge of the balloon's basket.

The Frenchman and th...

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Jean Jacques discovers that his wife has been unfaithful to him.

So he does what so many betrayed frenchmen have done before him, he swears off women and joins the French Foreign Legion. He completes the basic training and is posted to a mission in north Africa. His detachment are stationed out in the desert, hunting Islamist insurgents.
After a month, he i...

A Plane Full of Americans, French and Cubans Crashes on an Island Full of Cannibals (Cuban Joke)

The cannibals quickly round everyone up and separate them by nationality.

First, they call forward the French. One of the Frenchmen tries to convince the cannibals that instead of cooking them they should try some delicious French cuisine instead. The cannibals let the French prepare a feast ...

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