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Framed Jokes

Did you hear about the Mexican dish that was framed for murder?

His lawyers are claiming it was a quesa-mistaken-identidilla.

I got framed for murder...

My picture now hangs on the wall in the PD

Did you hear about the guy who shot his wife, hung his children, and framed the dog?

They really are nice photographs.

What's the difference between Jesus and a framed picture of Jesus?

You only need one nail for the frame

Yesterday I had a picture framed

Now is doing time upstate for armed robbery.

A cow and a chicken were framed

And thrown into prison. They knew they had to get out to bring the criminals to justice so they spent weeks designing escape plans. Finally, a month after they had been thrown in, they escaped in the middle of the night. However, they weren't silent enough and they had to flee from the prison guards...

I've got a framed photo of the mother-in-law on my drinks cabinet.

It keeps the kids from it.

And when she starts to look good I know it's time to stop drinking.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I like to antagonize my roommate by keeping framed photos of his ex.

They're on shelves throughout the apartment. Hell, there are two in my room! Sometimes I call her when he's in the room. I even invite her to visit.

That's what that bastard gets for having dated my sister.

A man was framed for a crime

It was a damn good photo of his mugshot

I finally framed my certificate for being able to shoot my sperm 15m,

And I can’t believe how far I’ve come.

I framed a picture of a caduceus and wore it for Halloween

I was a picture of health.

A group of crows framed my friend, ultimately leading to his death

I swear I'll find the murder who criminalized him!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

TIL during the shooting of "Who framed Roger Rabbit?", Porky Pig was accused of sexually harassing Tinkerbell

On contacting Porky Pig, he replied "Th- Th- Th- That's all Hoax!"

Ideas for Physical Puns/Jokes?

I enjoy doing physical puns/jokes to brighten up work, but I'm running out of ideas. Any ideas people have would be greatly appreciated!

I work in a school, so child-friendly jokes would be best.

Examples of ones I've done so far:

- putting a leek in the cupboard and panicking a...

Getting spiritual at the bar

A guy walks into a bar and notices a framed picture of a cat hanging behind the bar. "What happened to the picture of Buddha you used to have hanging back there?" he asks the bartender. The bartender replies, "That was Zen, this is Meow."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son went over to check out a construction project at our neighbor's and it reminded me of this classic...

Little Johnny is bored and asks his dad for something to do.

"Go across the street to that construction site and talk to the workers. Maybe you'll learn something," his dad said.

Johnny was gone all day and finally comes home for dinner. During the meal, Johnny's dad asked, "you were a...

The Farmer's Mirror

An old farmer was in at the market and saw a very nicely framed mirror. Having never seen such a thing in his life, he was completely enamored with it and had to purchase it.
After he had, he felt foolish for spending such a large sum for it and hid it in the hay loft. Everyday he would sneak ou...

What do you call a wrongly accused art thief?

Framed

How do you know a painting's innocent?

Cause it was framed.

The wrong photo went to jail.

It was framed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My uncle just saw his “wanted” picture at the courthouse and was pissed

Because he was framed

After I was arrested, my ex-wife decided to hang a picture of my mugshot on the wall in her living room.

But she still won’t admit she framed me.

is this funny?

****THE TOILET SEAT****

My wife, Judy, had been after me for several weeks to varnish the wooden seat on our toilet.

Finally, I got around to doing it while Judy was out. After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned.

She came home and undressed to t...

Why did Mona Lisa plead innocent in court?

She was framed

A house was charged with murder...

Personally I think it was framed.

Fresh Paint

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat. After he finished, he headed to the kitchen to raid the refrigerator. The wife comes home sooner than expected, and heads to the bathroom, sits down, and gets the toilet seat stuck to her rear.

She becomes...

It's sad to see so many pictures end up in jail.

Most have been framed.

What did the painting say in its defense?

I've been framed!

Did you hear about the self-portrait scandal?

Turns out, he was framed.

I had a picture of my favorite cartoon rabbit, but when I came home one day, someone encased it in glass and hung it up.

Who framed Roger Rabbit?

The Mona Lisa was arrested for loitering today

But it wasn't her fault, she was framed.

10 blondes walk into a bar...

they say to the bartender, "We'll have the most expensive bottle of champagne you have! We're celebrating."
They sit down and crack open the bottle and raise their glasses and they all say "23" and drink.
The bartender is curious and goes to their table and asks, "What are you celebrating?"<...

Why do portraits hate the judicial system?

They always get framed

Once there was a small town

Within this town there was a man named Epydidumus Roderigo the Third, but for simplicity, everyone called him Ep. If there was one thing Ep was known for it was his antique fork, that was passed down through his family for generations and was so old and weathered that only one tine remained on the f...

A donkey and a horse met in a bar

After talking for a few minutes they decided to go to the horse's house. When they arrived the donkey noticed that the horse had a lot of trophies and medals all across the walls, he asked him:

"Where did you get all of this things?"

"I am a race horse, I won them", the horse replied.<...

A doctor who was proud of his degrees...

always had them hanging in his office. His BS in Biology, PhD in Microbiology, and his MD were framed and hung behind him.

One day his clinic caught fire and he was caught inside the burning building. They were finally able to pull his unconscious body from the rubble and rushed him to the em...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just takes one time...

A couple walk into a bar, sit down and order a drink. Next to them is an obviously inebriated older guy just sippin' his drink staring at nothing in particular.

"You see that door over there?" He grumbles to no one in particular, "I framed that door. Did the measurements myself, put it up an...

A guy walks into a bar, pulls up a seat, and orders his favorite drink.

In the bar there's a group of gorgeous blond ladies who are having a bit of a celebration. "TWENTY-SIX DAYS! TWENTY-SIX DAYS!" they shout as they're knocking back drink after drink.

This goes on for some time. The ladies are getting more and more intoxicated, "TW..TWENNNTTTY-SIX DAYYYYS.... &...

Did you hear the one about the guy accused of robbing the art museum?

I heard he got framed

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Irish lads walking home from a pub...

Along the way, the older of the two starts babbling.

"You see that barn over there, Laddie? I built that barn with me own two hands. Framed it, roofed it, did it all me self. But do they call me a barn builder, Laddie? No, no they don't."

The two continue walking.

"You see that ...

Elephant Stew

## Ingredients

* 1 Elephant
* Brown gravy, and lots of it
* Salt and pepper to taste
* 2 Rabbits (optional)

## Directions

Cut elephant into small, bite-size pieces.

This should take about 2 months.



Add enough brown gravy to cover,

cook over...

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