For Sure Jokes - 19 Hilarious For Sure Jokes

This one's a groaner for sure, but still fun. Happy Halloween!

A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him, he hears
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP.....

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Now that r/funny is going dark we now know for sure...

that this is no laughing matter!

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How can you know for sure whether someone is really vaccinated?

Ask them who won the election.

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What is it called when You read something that you don't quite understand but you know for sure that it's very touching?

Braille.

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I'll get em for sure

Someone stole my Microsoft office, and they will pay, you have my Word.

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I said to my wife the next generation is doomed for sure.

She asked why I was so sure about it.

I replied because we are the ones who would be giving them advice when we are old.

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For sure, 2020 was an interesting year

After all, it went viral.

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How did i know for sure global warming was real?

On the day Trump got elected over 50 million snowflakes melted at once.

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Anytime a man holds the car door open for a woman, one thing is for sure,

either the car is new, or the woman.

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How do we know for sure that Darth Vader isn't black?

Because he keeps on saying "I am your father"

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Do you ever wonder if your house is haunted? Follow this easy step by step process to find out for sure!

Step 1: it isn’t.

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So old Jed is screwing his goat when a neighbor witnesses this unspeakable act of bestiality.

The neighbor calls the cops, and Jed is arrested. Jed goes to a lawyer, explains the case, and the lawyer says, "I can defend you for $5,000."

"What's the point?" says Jed. "My neighbor witnessed the whole thing. Why should I waste $5,000? They're gonna find me guilty for sure."

"Don...

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Rumour got round that the bear kept a list of all the animals he plans to kill.

Scared and confused, the wolf went to confront the bear.

"Bear," said wolf. "Do you really keep a list of all the animals you plan to kill?"

"I do." said the bear.

"And... Is my name on it?" asked the wolf.

"It is." the bear growled. And the following morning, the wol...

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend asked me once if I’ve ever peed in the shower. I said “For sure, hasn’t everyone?” She replied “No wtf, that’s gross. What’s wrong with you?”

I replied “Well, these things tend to happen when you’re taking a shit...”

A small collection of my favorite science jokes

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?”

“For you, sir, no charge!”

 

What's 2 times 2?

Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”

Mathematician: “After some consideration ...

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[NSFW] A mother and father are snooping around in their son's bedroom.

Being a bit nosy, they search around the room to see if their son is hiding anything "naughty." The father checks under the bed and, in shock, sees tons of BDSM and bondage tapes, DVDs, and magazines.
The mother couldn't breathe. It took her a while to say "Oh my god! What should we do about this...

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Russia is invading Finland

During the invasion a Russian general and his troops come to a hill.

They hear a voice shouting: "One Fin can beat ten Russians!"

The general laughs about it and sends ten of his troops to go kill whoever is on the other side of the hill. There is alot of noise and shooting and after ...

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman went into a pet shop

to buy her husband a pet. After looking around she realized that all the pets there were very expensive. She went to the counter and questioned the clerk.

"I wanted to buy my husband a pet, but all of yours are so expensive," she said.

"Well,"said the clerk, 'I have a huge bullfrog i...

3 guys from Michigan go to Hell (long)

Three guys from Michigan die and go to Hell. Satan, being the kind of guy who takes his job very seriously, always checks on new arrivals personally to make sure that they are uncomfortable and their eternal torment is going smoothly and so on.

So he arrives at their cell and listens in for a...

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