Definite proof Obama is related to Kenya

They both can't rap.

Scientists have found a definite link between sugar highs and pedophilia

If you have a sugar high, you've probably eaten too many lolis.

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Little Johnny... Definite Definition

The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"

Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"

The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?

Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue."

"That's good, Ma...

I told my doctor I couldn’t hear out of my left ear.

He asked,” Are you sure?”

“I’m definite.”

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A 10 year old and Albert Einstein play a game

Both of them will take turns to ask each other a question and if one can't answer the other's question, he has to pay the other a sum of money.

To make the game fair, if the boy fails to answer a question, he only has to pay Einstein 5 dollars, on the other hand, if Einstein fails, he has to...

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IT REALLY BREAKS MY HEART....

This event earlier this day reminds me of the man who was driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?"The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his ca...

A man is in hospital, in need of a heart transplant

However, the decision weighs on his mind as he knows he has lived most of his life and thinks that there may be others who need the heart more than him.

Soon, night has fell but he still has not made a definite decision on whether or not he should take the heart, and still without an answer h...

Doc, I've got a problem with my left ear

Doc: Are you sure?

Me: Yes, I'm definite

Two integrals are working out at the gym

One says to the other 'I'm really going to push past my limits today'.

'Are you sure of that?'

'Well, I can't be definite'

A woman was in a coma.

She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her. They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement. They went to her husband and ex...

The sore throat

A man, tired and frustrated looking, walks into a private health clinic. He makes an appointment, then waits briefly to be asked in by the doctor.

The doctor asks what the matter seems to be.

The man responds: "Well, my throat's been hurting real bad for the last few weeks. I've been t...

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Man's wife is in a coma

A woman was in a coma being cared for by the Intensive Care nursing staff who noticed a little reaction on the vital -signs monitor as they washed between her legs during a sponge bath.

They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement on the monitor.

As soon as they real...

Addiction

I have no problem accepting my addiction to coke, I will not be one of those hypocrites who try to deny it, just like some of you like having a cold beer, sometimes I want some coke.

I started years ago out of curiosity and have been hooked ever since, now it has become a necessity in my ever...

An experienced customs officer is having a shift on the border

At some point he sees a man pushing a bicycle with a huge sack thrown over the seat. He stops him at the border.

"What do you have in this sack?"

"Sand."

"Well let me check."

The officer opens up the bag and indeed it's full of sand. He searches it throughly, but there's ...

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Cow

Small poor family of four lived on the edge of forest.
Samll house, small garden, no work and only a cow that really supported the family.
One day father walks out the house and sees yard full of blood, intestines and a head on the porch.
- Oh my god, I can't support my family any more, ...

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Chuck is on the last day of his tour in Vietnam...

...and he decides to celebrate. He goes into the city, gets very drunk, and sleeps with a Vietnamese hooker. A few days later, back in the states, he wakes up to find that his dick is covered in purple spots. So he goes to the doctor.

"I'm sorry, son," the doctor says, "but you've contracted ...

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Plato is lecturing his students on the nature of change and how nothing is ever constant.

To drive his point home, he asks his students to give him an example of something definite.
"Master," says the first, "the leaves on the trees are definitely green."
"Not true," answers Plato, "for they can appear brown, yellow, or orange in the autumn months."
"Master," says the second, "t...

I want to get one of those LA hats everyone has nowadays

When people go to ask me "hey man, are you from Los Angeles?"

I'll be like "nah dude,I just really like the french feminine definite article"

In the Hundred Acre Wood.

The assorted members of the Hundred Acre Wood are standing outside Winnie’s house. There is a lot of screaming and shouting inside, along with breaking furniture and shattering crockery. Worst off all, it seems to be coming from two very distinctly different voices.


Concerned, Rabbit loo...

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Big Chief...

There was this Chief somewhere in a tribe and he was constipated.

After the 1st day, he sent a runner to go get his personal medicine man. The medicine man asked the runner what the problems was. The runner says *"Big CHIEF, NO Shit"*.

So he sent the Chief some local laxatives and told...

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