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Definite Jokes

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A teacher walks up to the blackboard and writes DEFINITELY

She turns to the class and says, "Today we'll be looking at the word 'definitely'. Definitely is when something is assured and there is no chance of doubt. Now, I want some volunteers to use definitely in a statement."

Little Suzy raises her hand and says, "I am definitely going to the park a...

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A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word “definitely.” To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence.

The first student raises his hand and says, “The sky is definitely blue.”

The teacher says, “Well, that isn’t entirely correct, because sometimes it’s gray and cloudy.”

Another student says, “Grass is definitely green.”
The teacher again replies, “If grass doesn’t get enough wate...

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After sex with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."

Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.

Acronym's Don't Have Definite....

Sorry I lost my train of thought.

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When a stripper gets money that definitely has jizz on it she has to report it to the government

Because it's gross income

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After sex with my new girlfriend last night she snuggled up next to me and said, "You are definitely the biggest I've ever had."

Apparently "ditto" wasn't the correct response.

Thanks for the updates friends, I just don't know how people get those yellowish stars and would really like to learn.
[edit] Thank you for the gold kind stranger.

What are four words you DEFINITELY do not want to hear?

"Hi. I'm Chris Wallace."

Any more oxymorons?

* Only choice
* Civil war
* Definite possibility
* Grow smaller
* Random order
* Old news
* True fiction
* Virtual reality
* Working vacation
* Exact estimate
* Original copies
* Pretty ugly
* Fully empty

I definitely learned my lesson about speeding today and it will never happen again.

I didn't get pulled over or anything, I just showed up to work 20 minutes early.

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The word DEFINITELY...

One day in class, the teacher was teaching the kids the vocabulary word of the day.

"Ok class, the word for the day is definitely. Can anyone use it in a sentence?" she asked.

Straight A's Sally in the front row raises her hand and says, "The tree is definitely green."

"Sorry Sa...

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If your asshole hurts and doctors are unable to identify the reason, you definitely need...

An Analyst.

A definite integral and an indefinite integral walk into a bar.

The indefinite integral takes a seat next to the definite integral, and as they chat, they find they have a lot in common!

As the night goes on the indefinite integral offers to buy the two another round, but the definite integral politely declines:

.

“No thank you, I know my li...

Today, I met Bruce Lee's vegetarian brother, Broco Lee.

I met a few of his cousins too;

The one who can't take a joke, Serious Lee.

The one is always there last minute, Sudden Lee.

The one who doesn't understand Metaphors, Literal Lee.

The one who is always throwing shade, Sarcastic Lee.

The one who is so sure of himsel...

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Buttons. Definitely buttons.

A couple shopping for a groom’s tuxedo is asked “would you like buttons or a zipper on the trousers?”

“Buttons”, the soon to be bride replies, “He has I jacket with a zipper and he keeps getting his tie caught in the zipper.”

Definitely a repost but it will make some people laugh.

At Penn State University , there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them
had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they
decided to visit some friends and have a big party.

They had a great time but, after all the hearty partyi...

I've decided I definitely don't want to have children.

They are going to take the news hard.

What's one definite outcome from a Drumpf Presidency?

Four more years of great South Park!

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Kids in a class are learning how to use the word “definitely”

One girl says “the sky is definitely blue” that is wrong

One boy says “the leaves are definitely green” that is wrong

One boy asks “are farts lumpy?”

The teacher says no,

He says “then I definitely shit my pants”

My wife is definitely a 5

‘Cause she has a flat top and a curvy bottom.

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Definitely

A teacher has her lesson planned out for the day and asks her class to tell her something definite in the world.

One boy stands up and says "the sky is definitely blue." But the teacher says "Maybe now, but what about when it's raining or snowing?" The child looks flustered as he stews over ...

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What's the difference between having sex with a hooker, your girlfriend and your wife?

Hooker says, "are you done yet?"

Your girlfriend says, "you're done already?"

And your wife says, "beige, we should definitely paint the ceiling beige."

Today I discovered that two wrongs definitely don’t make a right ...

Tomorrow I’m going to try three

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Trump is definitely not Hitler

He is Twitler

You guys have got it all wrong, this is definitely a "peacekeeping mission".

As in Putin wants to keep a piece of Ukraine.

Reddit is definitely not the dump of the internet

Everyone here recycles. :)

All my jokes are definitely golden

They never cause any reaction.

Soldier: A horse is definitely man's best friend.

His wife: I thought dogs were man's best friend.

Soldier: Ever done a hasty retreat from a losing battle on a chihuahua.

Santa most definitely passed No Nut November

He only comes in December.

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me..

We all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.
Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started. So, I looked around my house to see things I started, and hadn't f...

Ben Shapiro definitely has one thing going for him.

He never has to sleep in the wet spot.

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Definitely

A third grade teacher is teaching her English class and calls on her students to use the word of the day in a correct sentence.


"Today's word is *definitely*. Suzy, can you use the word *definitely in a sentence?"


"The sky is definitely blue" responds Suzy.


"Actuall...

Green is definitely my favorite color

I like it far more than blue and yellow combined

Allah is definitely the true god...

Because the universe was made by an explosion

What's yellow and you definitely should not drink?

A schoolbus

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Using the word 'definitely'

A 3rd grade English teacher stood in front of her class and asked for volunteers to use the word 'definitely' to describe something.



The first student, Johnny, raised his hand and said "Teacher, the sky is definitely blue!"

The teacher responds "Well Johnny, sometimes the s...

Given enough time, everything becomes new again... however, this is definitely a repost

There are a pair of twins called Ving and Ling. Ving decided to go to the town hall to change his name. Ling decided to give him a lift there. When they arrived Ling reminded Ving that he would disgrace their family if he changed his name to Lee.
Ving takes a form and quickly fills it out to chan...

I definitely think Trump will get at least 270.

But with parole and good behavior, it could be as little as 200.

If we did build a wall, it definitely would work

China built a wall, do you see any Mexicans there?

You have to give President Trump credit

Because he definitely doesn't have any cash.

which spice, according to jamaicans, is definitely going to hell?

the cinnamon!

Donald Trump is visiting a school

In one class, he teaches the young students about a new word: 'tragedy'. Then, he asks them to use it in a sentence.

One brave girl raises her hand and offers, "If a school bus carrying 20 people drove off of a cliff and killed everyone in it, then that would be a tragedy."

"No," Tru...

My friend told me had hearing loss in his right ear. I said, "are you certain?"

And he said, "yes. I'm definite."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I’m definitely a sex object

Every time I ask a woman for sex, they object

If you’re removing unnecessary things from your car, definitely take out the brakes

Those will just slow you down

"Definitely raining"

A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation.


"I think it's raining," says the man.


"No, it's snowing," replies the woman.


"How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!" exclaims the man. "Office...

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