I met a tiny, alien robot that looked like a small bug. He told me his friends escaped their home planet, and found a home here. He was confident that his race would be OK.

He was Optimus Tick

My coworkers at the powerplant have been so confident lately

Must be that Big Duke Energy

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What do you call a confident ghost?

....Boo-cocky....

A young boy asks his dad, “What is the difference between confident and confidential?”

The dad replies, “You are my son, I’m confident about that. But see your friend over there? He is also my son. That’s confidential.”

Five friends were so confident that the weekend before finals,

they decided to go for a picnic and party with some friends up there.

They had a great time.

However, after all the partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to College until early

Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided to...

After seducing a woman, a man goes home with a confident stride. But what if he had seduced a man instead?

Then he would go home with a confident gait.

Why is John Snow a confident poker player?

Because he just upped the aunty.

Why was a confident man arrested in England?

He was dressed sharp.

What do you call a black and yellow insect that isn't overly confident in itself?

A humblebee.

A son asks his dad what's the difference between Confident and Confidential

The dad explains:
You are my son of that I am confident.
Your friend Billy across the street is also my son, that is Confidential

edit grammar for /r/Fudgegoblin

A rather confident 007 walks into a bar

A rather confident 007 walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

"No", he replies, "I've just been given this state-of-the-art wat...

Confident genius

A proud and confident genius makes a bet with an idiot. 

The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a question and I can't answer yours I will give you $5,000." 

The idiot says, "Okay." 

The gen...

Why is the beach so confident?

It's really shore.....

Little johnny was asking his dad

J: Dad, what's the difference between confident and confidential

D: Well, it's difficult to explain, so let me give you an example. You are my son - I'm confident about that.

J: How about confidential?

D: You see our neighbour little Timmy over there? He's my son - that's confid...

A Grand Prize

I phoned my local radio station today.

When the guy answered the phone he said, "Congratulations on being our 1st caller, all you have to do is answer the next question correctly to win our grand prize."

"Wahoo!" I shouted in delight.

"It's a Maths question," he said. "Feeling...

A mathematician wasn't too confident about his appearance...

So he asked his friend to compare his good looks in terms he could understand.
After little thought his friend says: "You're about as good looking as you are bad looking."
"Well that's just mean."

This year I resolve to be more confident and assertive...

...if that's ok with you guys.

I've always wanted to marry a girl who's confident, hard working, and helps me achieve my goals....

So I married a stripper. Confident enough to be on stage naked, works long shifts in the middle of the night, helps me achieve my goals..that is until the song ends. That will be another 40 bucks.

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I come off confident and cocky cause i call my dick life.

But really its cause life is short.

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Why was the topologist confident about performing a vasectomy?

Because open balls are in his neighborhood

Studies show people who carry tactical knives with flashlights are less confident guessers.

They never take a stab in the dark.

What's the difference between confident and confidential?

A father and son were having breakfast one morning when the son asked: "Dad, what's the difference between confident and confidential?" Thinking about it for a bit, the father replied: "Well... You are my son, and of that I am confident. Now, your friend Johnny is also my son. That's confidential...

One day, grandpa is taking care of his grandson...

Sitting on the porch, he's watching him picking up worms and trying to put them back in their holes on the dirt.

-That won't work, son. They're too soft and too slimy to be inserted like that.

-Wanna bet, grandpa?

-I'm telling you, it won't work.

-How about $10?

Se...

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A man see's a sign on a bar window "Win $1,000,000 - Details inside"

Curiosity peaked, he enters the bar and asks the bartender what's required to win the million.

​

"Ah, that?" The bartender casually replied, offering a challenging smirk. "It requires the completion of 3 tasks I believe to be impossible. It brought in a lot of business when ...

After finally turning old enough, a life long train lover finally becomes a train conductor

He was so excited on his first day, he was ready to do the best he could. As he was conducting however, he accidentally got distracted and somehow made the train crash into an office and killed 7 people.

He had to go to court of course and the jury declared him as guilty and the judge gave h...

The Religious Horse

David wants to borrow a horse from his neighbor, Jack.

​

"Sure you can borrow my horse," replies Jack. "But one thing you have to know about this horse. He is trained to start when you say 'Thank God', and he stops when you say 'Help me God.'"

​

So D...

Wade walks into a drug store

Once in there, he asked to talk to a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and
her sister owned the store, there were no male employees. She then asked if she could help him.

Wade said that it was something that he would be much...

I always wanted to be self-confident. Well, look at me now.

Actually, don't.

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A businessman travelled to japan

...to attend an important meeting with a local company's CEO. The evening before the meeting, he was anxious and decided to find some distraction by ordering a prostitute to his hotel room. The sex was good and the woman kept yelling "Hai to, hai to, hai tooooo!" until they were finished. He did not...

A new bar owner

A younger guy decides to open a bar. He's not confident, being a younger guy with little experience.

One of the first days his place is open, an older gentleman enters and takes a seat at the bar.

The young owner and the older gentleman start talking, and after a while the older man ...

I once had a job interview at a blacksmiths

The owner asked if I'm any good at shoeing horses.

I said "I'm not sure, but I once told a donkey to go away!!!"

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Five friends were sitting around, debating which Pixar movie is the greatest

After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of the...

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3 men are walking through the desert when they stumble across a lamp. They dust it off and a Genie pops out, the genie says "I will grant each of you 3 wishes!"

The first man says "I wish for a million dollars!" "Alright" says the Genie and just like that a million dollars appears at the man's feet.

The second man says "I wish for unlimited money" "Alright" says the Genie "Check your bank account" The man checks on his phone and sure enough there's a...

The brave captain

My dad told me this joke a few years ago and I thought it was pretty funny. Not sure if this has been posted before though so sorry if it has!

There once was a brave sailor with a very small crew on a very small ship. One day, while they were fishing, a ship filled with pirates was on the way...

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The French fencer

There once was a famous French fencer. He learned how to fence at a young age and honed his skills over time, his prowess with the foil unmatched in all of France. After defeating all French contenders, he moved on to defeat fencers in nearby countries, eventually becoming the best in Europe. As his...

An arrogant professor boards a plane and gets a seat besides an old man.

Mid-flight, the professor decides to humiliate the old man and prove he’s intellectually superior, so he turns to him and says: “Hey, do you want to play a little game with me?” The old man looks at him and says: “Depends. What type of game?”

The professor goes on to explain the game: “Taking...

A businessman is called up for an IRS audit. He’s really flustered and goes to his accountant for advice.

“Make sure you dress up like a guy who is on the edge of losing money. It will convince the auditor that you are not hiding anything.”

Not satisfied, he goes to his lawyer. He is told: “Dress in your best suit. If you look like a confident businessman, they won’t give you too much trouble.”<...

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After an amazing 69 with his girlfriend, Kevin remembered he had a dentist appointment.

He was afraid that the dentist would smell pussy on his breath so he brushed his teeth 7 times and on top of that 2 liters of mouthwash.

As he arrived at the dentist he chewed 5 strong mints too.

The dentist told him to take a seat. Feeling confident & relaxed he opened his mouth w...

A man is at the gates to hell...

In front of him are 2 gigantic doors. One is made of twisted red oak, and the other of smooth polished iron.


Sitting between the doors are 2 huge red identical looking demons. One is seated on an enormous ornately carved ivory chair. The other on an identically carved but shining black e...

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A lonely man goes to the doctor for a stuttering problem that prevents him from talking to girls

The doctor agrees to do a full psychological and physical workup to find out whats wrong. After several test the doctor says to the patient "You won't believe this, but you've got a 15 inch penis and it's so big the weight of it puts tension on all the muscles in the center of your body right up to ...

My (blonde) sister hates blonde jokes. I (redhead) told her I have a redhead joke for her. She was eager to hear it!

A redhead goes for a drive through the country, just enjoying the peaceful ride with her windows open. She has to stop as a shepherd is moving his flock across the road. The redhead gets out of her car to stretch and has an idea.

"Hey Mister! If I can guess how many sheep you have, may I keep...

An engineer had a sign in front of his clinic that said, "Medical consultation for only $50. If I can't make you better, I will pay you $100."

A doctor, knowing he can stump the engineer and wanting to get some cash, goes straight to the engineer. "Hey," he says. "I lost my sense of taste. I can't taste any food anymore."

The engineer takes a small bottle from his drawer, told the doctor to take his tongue out, and put 15 drops of t...

10 engineering professors board a plane

Once they are inside and the plane is a about to take off, the air hostess comes out and tells everyone that the plane has been made by the students of those teachers. Immediately 9 of the professors get up and run away from the plane while one of them stays sit, calmly reading a book.

One of...

One guy wrote on his FB status:

"Last night, even after having 7 drinks I felt confident to drive, but l acted responsibly & took an Uber."

400 Likes, 40 Comments. But the best comment was from his best friend:

"Where did you go in UBER bro, party was in your house"

Gianna, a beautiful woman, was in the midst of a love triangle with two best friends, Nathan and Joel

Obviously this caused tension between the besties, and as such also troubled Gianna - she liked each one equally.

So on the 11th of February, she spoke to the two lovestruck rivals and challenged them.

"On Valentine's Day, each of you will get me a card - no gift, only a card. The one ...

A girl was failing all her classes in college.

Deciding to try to use her looks to get ahead and get better grades she visited each of her male professors. She had three.

She visited the first one. After flirting a bit and getting some good reaction she decided to flash him. He seemed happy and liked them. Confident that he would raise h...

Contrary to popular belief, I'm an optimist

I am confident that I'll die tomorrow

Applying for a job

There are three people applying for the same job. One is a mathematician, one a statistician, and one an accountant. The interviewing committee first calls in the mathematician. They say "we have only one question. What is 500 plus 500?" The mathematician, without hesitation, says "1000." The commit...

Son needs help with homework.

He asks his father, "Dad, what's the difference between confident and confidential?"

Dad puts his book down. Pauses for a bit.

"You're my son. Of that, I'm confident."

"Yeah," says the son.

"Your best friend, Paul, he's also my son. That is confidential."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Cleetus had a embarrassing disease

So he went to the doctor:

" Sho doc, I have this scratchy in me parts and I was thinking you may have some midicin to you know get thi old junk back on health"

The doctor examined him and diagnosed with an STD, he gave him some suppositories

" Alright Mr thoothill, this supposi...

Paddy Englishman, Paddy Irishman and Paddy Scotsman

Paddy Englishman Paddy Irishman and Paddy Scotsman were walking in a park together one day when all of a sudden the devil himself appeared before them.
I am going to kill each of you one by one unless you can bring something to me that I cannot melt with my bare hands. You have one hour he shoute...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman asks her most understanding friend for advice before her date.

Her friend asks what she thinks the problem in her love life is.

"Well, they tend to leave as soon as I start talking about politics. It's a part of my identity and I just can't help it."

The friend advises her to say everything in her head and judge whether it's political before sayin...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[Long] A boy is picking up his girlfriend for prom.

When he got to her house, the beans he ate for lunch beforehand were catching up to him and he began to have some gas. Her parents invited him in for dinner, and as he sat, he saw an opportunity: when the dog (named Fido) walked over to him, he would fart and it would seem like the dog did it. And j...

Three prisoners

Three prisoners escape from a chain gang and run off towards a farm. They can hear the guards and the dogs behind them. They stop at the fence and agree to split up to increase the odds of escaping.

One prisoner runs towards the barn, one hides in the hen house, and the third guy heads toward...

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Guy walks into a bar with an octopus...

and bets anyone in the bar $100 if they have a musical instrument his octopus can’t play he’ll pay them $10,000. A man immediately hops up with a harmonica, confident he had won the money. But the octopus shows expert skill with the harmonica, receiving a round of applause from the other patrons. An...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

All the vowels are having a masturbation contest.

They're trying to prove who would last the longest in bed, so they decide to start by seeing who can last the longest by themselves. As they start, A finished within minutes, closely followed by O. Several more minutes pass, and U cant hold it any longer, climaxing. Y, deciding they didnt identify a...

One night, two law students are busy studying for an important exam to be held three days later.

However, they are burn out.


One of the boys thinks that studying any further is futile, and that they should drive tomorrow out state; meet his cousin; party like there's no tomorrow; drive back for one more day; and be in time for the exam the day after.


His colleague agree an...

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A handsome prince is looking for a wife

(This is a joke from my childhood in my part of the world with some details revised--can't explain now why but it's necessary.)

&#x200B;

A handsome prince from a wealthy kingdom is looking for a wife. Three princesses from neighboring kingdoms answered the call. They were gathered ...

I've got a story...

So I'm real good friends with this guy named Juan Ted. Now, Juan is a pretty amazing guy. He can steal ANYTHING he wants to. Literally anything. It could be the shirt off your back, the wallet in your pocket, or I'm even sure he'd find a way to steal your house (And your spouse too). So anyway, one ...

A young boy deposit 100$ everyday in the bank...

One day the general manager noticed the young boy and asked the clerk about him. He then told him that the young boy comes everyday and deposit exactly $100 each time. So the manager told the clerk to send him the lil boy the next time he comes to the bank. The next day the boy comes in and he's sen...

Two CIA agents were staying at a hotel in Moscow.

One was concerned that the room was bugged, so the other said, “Don’t worry, let’s check.” So they looked all over the room for any hidden microphones; behind the drapes, inside the cupboards, even behind the paintings. Underneath the rug, they found a metal disc with four screws. The two agents qui...

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A vacuum cleaner salesman knocks on a woman's door. As she opens the door the salesman quickly runs inside and empties a bag full of poop on her expensive carpet.

Woman, shocked and angered, shouts "what the hell are you doing to my carpet?!?". The salesman replies "Ma'am, this is not just any ordinary vacuum cleaner. This vacuum cleaner has been engineered by top German scientists in their super high tech labs. If this vacuum cleaner doesn't clean up your ca...

Three nuns were fatally injured in a horrific auto accident on Halloween night.

Being the holy women that they were, the three of them ascended into heaven.

The nuns were stopped at the gates of St Peter.

St Peter said to the nuns “Behold! The gates of your eternal kingdom & glory. Being Halloween night, I must ask each of you a biblical question which will pr...

My girlfriend love compliments...

I've just told her she has the confidence of a much younger more attractive woman...
She's now not speaking to me, just grinding her teeth... Not a good sign!
Postscript :A few hours later...
Middle aged British guy seeks self-confident girl. Must be in possession of EXTREME self confidence...

A gynecologist decides to find a new career

A gynecologist was tired of his career, and decided to go into an entirely new field. So, he signs up for a course in auto mechanics.

He does well in the course, and is confident that he did well on the final exam: A complete engine rebuild.

When he gets his test score back, he is surp...

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A man is having dinner with his girlfriend's family for the first time...

As they're eating, a little squeeker escapes him before he realizes that he's got to fart.

"Spot!!" yells the mother

Relieved, the man thinks "I just farted and they thought it was the dog under the table! Thank goodness"

After a few more minutes the man realizes that he's got t...

So a blonde wants to buy a new tv

So she gets to the store and picks the tv she likes but then a member of staff stops her and says: "sorry we dont sell to blondes", more confused than offended she walks out the store.

When she got home she thought of a plan that will allow her to buy a tv: to dye her hair black.
So the ne...

Nuns

In a terrible car accident, 3 nuns die at the same time. They all appear in front of the gates of Heaven to meet Saint Peter. When they arrive, Peter informs them that those who lived a life of the cloth must answer some basic questions about theology before they are permitted to enter Heaven. Each ...

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The lions decide to claim the land that is rightfully their own

"We have ruled over these creatures for long enough, we deserve to take ownership of their homes." The lions pondered, so decide to take action.

Firstly they met with the timid rabbits, and ask "Hello Mr and Mrs Rabbit, can we have your property?" And the rabbits curl in fear and exclaim "Of ...

How To Win Love

How to win **her** love:


1. Hold doors.
2. Tell her she's beautiful.
3. Make her laugh.
4. Be confident.
5. Treat her like a princess.


How to win **his** love.


1. Swallow.

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A young man learns about the birds and the bees on his wedding day.

A young man is fumbling with his tie the morning of his wedding when his grandfather enters the room.

“You seem nervous. Are you getting cold feet?” his grandfather asks.

“Grandpa, I’m not nervous about the wedding. I’m nervous about the wedding night. I was never able to have the talk...

Dave wants to impress his new date.

She loves dancing, so he blurted out going to this new club, forgetting he can’t dance at all. He goes to the bookstore and finds the first thing he can read. He studies for two days, learning all the movements and positions.

The night goes as planned, and he is pretty confident with how he ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Magic Dildo

Disclaimer: Yes, I know this is a repost. I haven't seen it on here in a while and it's my favorite joke so just enjoy it.

A husband had to leave his wife for 3 months while he attended business in Africa. To prevent her loneliness and to lower the temptations of her being unfaithful he went...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A limbless woman sits in a wheelchair on a boardwalk with a sign around her neck that says "Ask how you can help me"

She sits there patiently as people stare as they walk by and it takes a good 30 minutes before a man walks up and asks "how can I help you?". She says to the man "I've never been hugged before, will you hug me?" With a smile on his face, the man gives her an amazing hug and continues on his way. ...

A man goes on his annual bear hunting trip to Canada...

The first year he goes with a small pistol as it's his first time. As he's walking through the forest he sees a bear, shoots at it and runs over to find the body when he gets over to where the bear should be there's no sign of the bear... then there's a tap on his shoulder and the bear bums him. ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Once upon a time, there was a king who ruled a great and glorious nation.

“Once upon a time, there was a king who ruled a great and glorious nation. Favourite amongst his subjects was the court painter of whom he was very proud. Everybody agreed this wizzened old man pianted the greatest pictures in the whole kingdom and the king would spend hours each day gazing at them ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A couple of bros go out for a weekend of partying before exams

Their original plan was to spend the saturday partying and then spend sunday studying, but they got so caught up in the fun the spent the entire weekend. Skip ahead to monday, the bros woke up late and hungover, and realizing they're late for their exam they rush to class.

When the professor ...

Tommy

Did you hear about the english man who wanted to fight in the first world war?
He joined late. Skip forward to the first fight. He’s in the trench. Tommy as we’ll call him goes up to his captain, and says, er, captain, i’m reporting for duty. I want to fight for my country!
The captain replie...

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3 Homeless men are traveling far and wide until they come across a mansion.

They all stare in awe at the magificent view. Suddenly, an older woman comes through the door. She's elegant in her manner, but her looks certainly aren't flattering. Behind her however, were 20 women of age 18 and older, but still younger than 25. They were each sexy in their own manner, some flirt...

Barry likes the number five.

He is the fifth child in his family, lives on the fifth house on Fifth Avenue, so much so that he sees 5 as his lucky number.

One day he went to the races, and saw a horse named Mambo Number Five. He went ahead and placed a huge bet, confident that it'll win him big money.

It finished...

A man gets called by the IRS because he’s suddenly started making a lot of money

A man gets called out by the IRS because he suddenly started making a lot of money. When he entered the IRS agent’s office with his lawyer, the agent says “how have even making all this money?“ The man says “well, I’ll be honest, I’ve been making a lot of bets recently.” The IRS agent says “what do ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

It was my first day of second grade...

...I was feeling particularly confident, as my mom helped me with my addition over the summer. I looked around the room and spotted a cute girl, and I made way across the classroom and started chatting her up. Then, out of nowhere, this big, buff kid shoved me to the ground, and started yelling at m...

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Three men are marooned on an island...

Three men are marooned on an island desperately seeking a way to get off.
A cannibal approaches them and flops his penis out. 'If the length of your three penises together is as big as mine, then I'll show you how to get off the island. Otherwise you'll be killed and eaten.' The native's nob was...

A forty-seven year old woman see an ad for face cream that makes you instantly look ten years younger.

So she buys the cream, uses it and want to test it and see if people think she is her age or not. So she goes out and get food at McDonald's and says to the young cashier.

"Excuse me sir, how old do you think I am?"

Surprised by the abrupt question the young man smiles and thinks then...

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Will I make it to 85?

On his 70th birthday a man retired and moved to Florida to enjoy his golden years. Settling in, he found a new doctor. At his first wellness exam the doctor told him,

“You’re doing reasonably well for your age.”

A little concerned by the comment, the man pushed further, “Will I make i...

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Wife walks up to husband, takes off her pants and says, "Make me feel like a woman"

Husband takes off his pants, tosses it to his wife and says, "That needs a wash."

~~Edit: I had a feeling butthurt people will be coming in shortly. Bring on the downvotes!~~

Edit #2: I didn't realize that my joke would garner such a decent amount of upvotes. I was honestly confident t...

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My first post here

A 34 year-old man had undergone plastic sugery to make himself look like a 20 year old. He wanted to test and see if other people could guess his correct age. He went to a nearby shop and asked the shop keeper to guess what age he was.

The shop keeper replied, "About 20 years old".

Th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A mathematician, a philosopher, and an idiot come before the gates of heaven.

St. Peter looks over the three of them and says, "Heaven's getting pretty full, so I can only let one of you in. The other two will have to go to hell." So he snaps his fingers and Satan appears.

Satan says, "Each of you can ask me one question. If you can stump me on the first try, you win, ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A Navy Admiral, Air Force General, and Marine General are prepping for retirement...

The VA clerk explains to them, “Gentlemen, we are going to try out a new policy. Pick 2 points on your body and whatever the distance in inches between them is, that will determine your annual retirement pay.”

The Navy Admiral steps forward and says, “Well let’s make this easy. I want you to ...

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A newly anointed priest is given his first posting.

Father Ben a newly anointed priest is given his first posting of his career. He’s fairly young and very nervous, but seeing his distress, Father Todd the elderly priest he’s replacing was very thoughtful and had prepared some cheat sheets so everything would transition smoothly. Hidden behind the al...

Exercise for the over 40 crowd.

I came across this exercise suggested for the over 40's to build muscle strength in the arms and shoulders.
The article suggested doing it three days a week.
Begin by standing on a comfortable, flat surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 1kg potato bag in each hand, extend...

A catholic soccer fan man goes to church before every match of his team

And he always prays to a Saint Peter statue and asks it for making his team won.

"Please San Pedro, if my team won this match, I swear I will give you $100".

And because his team is very good, they usually win every match, and the man always fulfill his word and bring the $100 and ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A priest is transferred to Chile

A small town priest was recently transferred to Chile in order to help out a fairly prominent church. Since the priest had originally come from a small town, the Bishop decided to make himself available in case the new priest needed any assistance.

During his first week, the new priest was s...

One day a man brought home a custom fan [Long]

One day a man bought a custom electric fan in the colors of his favorite sports team. It had a remote control and an ion freshener and all the bells and whistles. It even announced when the next game would be! It was expensive, but the man loved his team and well, summer is hot. His wife, none too h...

The New Army recruit

A new recruit arrives on the front lines during world war 2. When he gets there he is told resources are stretched thin and they have not rifles to spare him, although they still expect him to go on patrol. He goes straight to his captain and explains the situation, the captain hands him a broom and...

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[nsfw] You missed a spot

One morning, a couple woke up horny so they decided to 69. The husband forgot he had a dentist appointment, so he ran to brush his teeth and use mouth wash. He felt super fresh and confident as he sat down in the exam chair. As the dentist leans in to do his work, he shoots back and asks the patien...

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Banker's balls (nsfw)

A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office....

So my 10 year old daughter asked me, “What’s the difference between Confidence and Confidential?”

Well I thought about it carefully and said “as I am your Dad, you are my daughter, of that I am Confident. Your friend Sally down the street is also my daughter, that is Confidential!”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[Long][NSFW]A duck and a horse are walking along a country road.

A duck and a horse are walking down a country road. They happen to pass by a barn and notice a beautiful Porsche parked inside. After admiring it for a minute they continue down the road. Suddenly, the horse trips and falls into a deep ditch and gets stuck in some mud.

&nbsp;

"Help...

3 prisoners on their execution day

There were 3 prisoners: Prisoner A, Prisoner B and Prisoner C.

They were going to be shot by soldiers on top of a cliff.

So the first day, it was the Prisoner A. He was taken to the cliff and the soldiers asked, "Any last words?" Prisoner A yelled, "TYPHOON!" so the soldiers ran and l...

Selling Coke.

The disappointed salesman of Coke returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will make a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. B...

The Talking Horse

Once upon a time
There was a prince who wanted to marry a princess of a neighbouring country..

The king was known to have just one condition for this,
To impress him with something the proposer owned..

Many princes, kings and even a few renowned collectors failed to do so, and w...

A revolutionary new product allows fathers to share a mother's pain during labour.

Mr Smith is happy to try it out and help his pregnant wife, and when the special day arrives, he tells the nurse to strap him up.

"Mr Smith, you are a very brave man. The machine has 10 settings, starting at the very manageable level 1, and going up to level 10, which will give you all of yo...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old lady walks into the national bank of Canada...

An old lady walks into the national bank of Canada with a large bag full of money and demands to see the CEO of the bank. After many arguments, she set a meeting with the CEO of the bank and goes to see him.

When she gets into has office she claims she has loads of money in cash and that she ...

The Egyptian Boatmaker

Have you heard about the Egyptian boatmaker? For as long as he can remember, he has been wanting to make boats for a living.
But despite practicing his craft his entire life, he was always ridiculed for his work. Because no matter how hard he tried, his boats were not able to float for more than ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two Aliens Land in the Desert..

Two aliens come to earth and land in the desert beside an abandoned gas station.
The younger alien walks up to a pump and says "We come in peace, take us to your leader"
The pump says nothing.
The alien is frustrated and says again louder and more confident "We come in peace.. Take US to...

A wicked man who lived in Chicago died and went to Hell

A wicked man who lived in Chicago died and went to Hell. As punishment for his many sins, the Devil shoved him into a room and proceeded to crank up the heat and humidity.

But the man just smiled and said, “Oh, this is just like Chicago in the Spring.”

So, the Devil cranked up the heat...

So there's this cheerio who works at Burger King...

And he's a fantastic employee. He constantly washes tables and takes orders without complaints.

Every month, the Burger King Corporation throws a cheerio employee of the month party. It's always been Honey Nut's dream to go, but Fruity always gets to go. Every. Damn. Month. But not this mont...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An old businessmen is dying and decides to write his will... [Long]

An old businessmen is dying and in order to decide which of his three children to give his fortune to, he calls them to his deathbed.

He gives them each a duck and says "Okay, so that you don't squander my fortune when I am gone, I want to make sure that you know how to work a business, so wh...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was another nerd who understood every joke.

He would spend all his time reading jokes online, and never he saw a joke he couldn't figure out. One day he saw an advertisement for a competition. The rules were simple, figure out the meaning of several jokes and whoever can do the most wins. Confident in his ability, he decided to participate....

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