Death is the only certainty in life

"There was a merchant in Bagdad who sent his servant to market to buy provisions and in a little while the servant came back, white and trembling, and said, Master, just now when I was in the marketplace I was jostled by a woman in the crowd and when I turned I saw it was Death that jostled me. She ...

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We now know with 100% certainty that Ted Cruz is not the biological father to his children.

He always pulls out when it gets hard.

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Two Americans named George and Ted were vacationing in London one day. While Ted was using the bathroom at a restaurant, George saw two familiar-looking men enter the restaurant.

"Where have I seen you before?" asked George.

"You may have read our stories," replied one of the two men. "I'm Dr. John Watson, and this is my roommate, Sherlock Holmes, who is absolutely perfect at logic."

"Logic?" asked George. "What's that?"

"Tell me something about yourself...

A Lesson in History

The king wanted to go fishing and he asked the royal weather forecaster the forecast for the next few hours. The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain.

So the king and the queen went fishing. On the way they met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and the...

Moscow in Winter

An American couple was being shown around Moscow one day, when the man felt a drop hit his nose.
“I think it’s raining,” he said to his wife.
“No, I think that was snow”, she replied.
He insisted, “No, I’m sure it was just rain.”

Well, as couples are wont to do, they were about to ha...

A patient went to the Doctor and asked him to check his leg

"Something's wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you'll hear it!"


The doctor cautiously places his ear to the man's thigh only to hear, "Give me $10! I'm desperate! I need $10!"


"I've never seen or heard anything like this before! How long has this been going on?" the ...

"Do you know what is the difference between a toilet bowl and a cooking pan?"

"No, I don’t"

"Okay, then I certainty will not be going to eat at your place!"

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Giving 118%

What makes 100%? What does it mean to give morethan 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
To consider these questions mathemat...

Flat Earth theory debunked

We can say with certainty that the Earth is not flat because if it was cats would have tossed everything off the edge already.

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A group of engineering professors board a plane to a conference...

After they are all seated in their row, the flight attendants announce that their students were the ones that built the plane they were sitting in. The professors jump out of their seats and run to the door in a panic. When they notice one professor stayed seated, they ask him "why are you so calm r...

Werner Heisenberg was pulled over by a traffic cop.

Cop: "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?"
Heisenberg: "No, officer, but I knew my position with 100% certainty."

Have you heard about all the decapitations happening in the Middle East right now?

I certainty won't beheading their anytime soon!

-wink-

[Science!] How a quantum physicist went to jail.

A cop pulled me over once. “Son,” he said, “you know it’s illegal to go 90 in a 35-mph zone.” No question mark at all.

Being guilty as hell, I naturally smart-assed the reply, “How can you tell? You see, quantum mechanics tells us that you cannot determine both an object’s position and mo...

A walk to the zoo.

A man walks for four days to visit a zoo.

The only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.

The dog looks like a St. Bernard, but the man is steadfast in his belief that it is, with certainty, a Shih Tzu.

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