This girl I met on Tinder had a tattoo of a seashell on her innerthigh

If you put your ear against it and listened closely, you could smell the sea.

My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel.

My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.

What did Dora say to help her friend break his Tinder addiction?

Swiper, no swiping!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was swiping on tinder and I found my girlfriend

Fuckin bitch

I keep seeing the quote on women's tinder profiles, "If I was meant to be controlled I would have come with a remote."

Jokes on them, I've been turning women off for years without a remote.

I’m convinced girls from Tinder are haunted.

They keep ghosting me.

This girl on Tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture.

I told her that I am looking for matches.

Saudi is the worst country for tinder

Cause women there don't have any rights

Tinder is for rookies

Go to Facebook marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size

Tinder is like being on a bus.

Everyone is on their phones, but no one is talking.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] I met someone on Tinder, things were going really well.

So we went to my place, started making out. I laid on the couch, she straddled me, and our hands soon got pretty busy. We started in with the dirty talk. Just as things were getting intense, I whispered in my sexiest voice, “I want you to get off me.”

She jumped up, suddenly really angry, an...

What do my clothes and tinder matches have in common?

Just because I'm inside them, doesnt mean I actually like them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On Tinder and similar apps, girls keep asking me about my height

Are we sure these girls wanna fuck or are they basketball scouts?

Her (On Tinder): I'm a model on Instagram! What do you do?

Him: I'm a soldier, on Call of Duty.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An usual conversation on Tinder

M: Wow, you’re beautiful, so, can you send me a pic of your tiddies?

W: Sure, send me 20$

Sending money.

M: Oh, they’re gorgeous! Now, can you also send me a pic of your butt?

W: No problems, send another 50$

After a while.

M: Damn, awesome. You wouldn’t mi...

There’s only two kinds of people on Tinder.

Those who are right for you, and those who are left.

I met an amazing girl on Tinder

Her name is Catherine Fisher

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" I'm on tinder just to see how tinder actually works" , said a girl to me

I was like, yeah like i visit pornhub just to see whether the plumber was able to fix the pipe or not

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I caught my wife using Tinder last night.

Needless to say, I swiped left on that cheating bitch.

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So this amputee girl I met on Tinder invited me to a party with her other amputee girlfriends.

The place was crawling with pussy.

Did you hear about the flatulent Egyptians that met on Tinder?

They had TOOT in common.

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I like to tell people about how I found my wife on Tinder.

The cheating bitch.

I always had a pee fetish, I met a girl on tinder with the same interest. She was pretty good looking but not a 10

My opening line was “urinate”

I matched with a girl on tinder, she texted me saying “come over, there’s nobody home”

I get to her house and nobody was home

A Biologist downloads tinder.

Select ur profile

Uploads pic*

Select name

Writes down name*

Write down ur description

The biologist thinks a bit and wrote down:

Just trying to change meiosis into mitosis.

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Tinder is the opposite of porn ads....

There are actually tons of hot singles in my area, But none of them are interested in me.

I swiped left because her Tinder profile looked scary.

I was afraid I might get ghosted.

What's the difference between Tinder and Ikea?

One night stands last longer.

Tinder is simple geometry

If you have good lines you'll get good curves

On Tinder I’m looking for special ed teachers

So they know how to deal with me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Match.com is for relationships, Tinder is for hookups, ChristianMingle...

...is for anal.

I got my first message on Tinder!

The Tinder team is quite helpful

Tinder Date: "Oh wow, you’re way better looking than in your profile pic."

Dorian Gray: "Yeah, I get that a lot actually."

My tinder profile says I'm 6 feet, 2 inches, and 195 pounds, but the girls I match with are always furious when we meet.

I guess they don't realize those are three separate measurements.

Met a cute white supremacist on Tinder...

She was a real snackkk

Tinder is like Amsterdam

All the girls are behind a glass screen.

Why is a sketchy Tinder date like a fire?

They both start with a match and end with a burning sensation

Tinder dates....

If I meet you for a date and you don't look anything like your pic, you're buying drinks for me until you do

Just started using Tinder and my success rate is amazing!

Apparently I am completely unmatched.

Accidentally swiped right on my sister on tinder....

Now she knows I was cheating on her :(

I met this girl Mary on tinder and took her to an all you can eat buffet

I knew it wasn't going to work out when she told me she was a vegetarian so I decided to go down with guns blazing.

She came back with her salad to find me with my plate loaded up with every type of meat I could get my hands on.

I was shocked, though pleasantly surprised, when she aske...

Your Mama's SO Stupid...

She tried to start a fire using the tinder app.

(I told this joke to my friend and he suggested i post it here.)

Some of my friends go on Tinder dates just for free food

I guess you could call it food for thot.

An Indian guy and girl meet on Tinder

They get to his place and start making out. The guy is not able to get it up so she goes down on him. After sometime she feels him harden enough so she whispers, “Are you Ready?”

He exclaims, “Wow how did you figure out my caste from blowing me?”

P.S: Reddy is a caste in India,

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I’m gonna start saying this every time I ask a couple how they met and they reply “The Internet” or “Tinder”.

“Ahhh, the good ole internet, helping people come together so they can cum together.”

I met up with a girl from tinder. She asked me to tie her up and do anything i want...

Guess who has gone fishing.

My Tinder match said she’d talk to me again when she got home...

Guess she’s homeless.

What do you call the Vatican's answer to Tinder?

Kinder

I matched with a deer on Tinder.

It sent me a tick pic.

My friends suggested I use tinder to meet some cute firemen or policemen

Once it started to burn, I met so many! I even met a reporter and some lawyers!

Here is an app idea: Tinder but with...

people that want to be in a relationship

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got into a fight in a bar

Met some new people at the bar and tried to break the ice with some jokes.


Went well, till I went to the more offensive ones. Here's the joke I told:

*"What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath? Throw your laundry in."*

One guy goes crazy and h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The skip intro button on Netflix is so cool.

I wish tinder had it too.

Bible characters on Tinder

What would the tinder profiles of Bible characters look like?

Example: Delilah - Philistine and feisty. Strong guys make me weak. I am an aspiring hairdresser

You might be a necropheliac if...

Shout out to Jeff Foxworthy for the inspiration. Here we go.

You might be a necropheliac if...

Your version of tinder is the local obituaries.

You have detailed knowledge of the security setup of every funeral home and cemetery in your city.

The contents of your trunk i...

It's great to see so many girls on Tinder with no bio

I guess they're all against profiling

When I found out my Tinder date was missing a foot, I nearly threw up.

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

Magnus Carlsen uses tinder...

... to check for potential mates.

Tinder is like the ocean

Some times you catch fish some times you catch crabs

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A man with a lisp went on a blind date to a heavy metal concert

Paul had been ridiculed all his life for having a lisp. As a kid, he was bullied in school. As an adult, he caught coworkers making fun of him when they thought he couldn't hear. He would even notice cashiers trying to stifle their laughter. No woman would ever go out with him, and he felt resigned ...

Tinder is wonderful

I've always wanted a photo database of all the girls in my city who would never go out with me

If you thought eBay was bad, don't even try Tinder...

Everytime I log in it says 'No Matches Available'

After recently getting into dating apps I came to the conclusion that Tinder is a lot like Little Caesars...

if you want it hot and ready, you're gonna have to take a hit on quality

Created a profile on Tinder

when I was in California and in my bio had California >< Florida on it. Got a match who said she right swiped because she wanted a parcel delivered from California to Florida . Apparently I have been Fedex zoned .

My tinder date called herself "AnalBabe86"

But all she did was complain my tie wasn't on straight and I held my fork funny.

Why don't Catholic priests use Tinder?

Because they use Kinder.

Tinder can learn a lot from Uber...

It's much easier to find a ride on Uber

I don’t understand girls

My gf asked me to be on Social Media and should try to make friends
So putting my morals aside I made an account on tinder and made friend with benefits
And now she is very upset.

How do you know a girl on Tinder is real?

When they ignore you.

I was supposed to meet my tinder date for the first time at the gym...

But she didn’t show up.

I guess we aren’t going to work out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So I finally got a tinder match yesterday...

And immediately I started of by asking "So have you heard of the titanic?"

She immediately got pissed and blocked me. I guess in retrospect, I shouldn't have started off with that line.

Its not a very good icebreaker.


P.s - I just thought of this while taking a shit on the p...

I met my wife on Tinder

About a year *after we got married*

What's more popular than Tinder in Alabama?

Kindling

my tinder date told me that I shouldn't be using a straw

I quickly respond "I know, I know. It's bad for the environment."

"No," she replied, "it's just a weird way to eat spaghetti."

I'm making an app like Tinder, but exclusively for paleontologists

I'm calling it "Carbon Dating"

My Friend Told me That I Needed to Be Lit on Tinder

But I couldn’t find any matches


(V2)

I saw my sister on Tinder.

Can’t believe she’s cheating on me.

Dating on tinder.

the odds are good but the goods are odd

You know Tinder right? Well have you heard of the new app for people trying to find trees?

It's called Timber.

What do a weatherman and Tinder date have in common?

They say to expect eight inches, but you only get four.

What do Pokemon Go and Tinder have in common?

Both give you a good chance of catching something

I used to have this on my Tinder profile to introduce myself to guys...

Im like a microwave: easy to turn on, warm on the inside and if you put a baby inside me I’ll kill it.

How are meteorologists like guys on Tinder?

They promise you 12+ in, but you only get 4.

Inspired by today's "storm" in New England. Stay safe out there!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Billy has had bad luck with women in general but to top it off, he also has this obscure fetish where he likes to piss in his s/o’s mouth. So he decides to give tinder a go.

Luckily for Billy, he got a few matches.

His matches didn’t initially know about his fetish, he wanted to disclose that information as things got more frisky.

One by one Billy took his matches on a date which eventually led to them going to his bed. Upon reaching his bed, he’d ask th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between tinder and amusement parks?

Amusement parks have realistic height requirements.

Every good camper knows that to start a fire you need tinder.

So I installed the Tinder app. Still no fire, though. I can't seem to get any matches.

statistics of birth control effectiveness

Condoms = 99%

birth control pills =99%

My tinder profile = 100%

Pokémon Go is more popular than Tinder.

Another app which requires you to swipe to find monsters in your surroundings.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to meet a girl from Tinder. Her profile said she was into erotic enemas.

Turns out she was full of shit.


(Just thought of this one, you can probably guess where I'm currently posting from.)

What’s the difference between tinder and grinder?

On Grinder they don’t beat around the bush.

My experience on Tinder has been so bad..

that now I am on Grindr

Russian bots on Tinder always match with me...

Are they attempting to meddle the erections?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between Tinder and a graveyard?

I’m never had sex with someone I’ve met on Tinder.

I accidentally downloaded Timber instead of Tinder the other day

Unfortunately I didn’t hook up with anyone, but I did have a lot of trees fall for me

Her tinder bio said she’s very creative and imaginative.

So I didn’t text. She can imagine our chats. And probably a better one.

I wonder how far our relationship has gone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Last week I confused Tinder with Grindr.

It was a real pain in the ass.

Why is Stevie wonders calendar like meeting people on tinder?

It’s all blind dates...

My best friend got a gf recently.

When he first told me, he mentioned that she had nice “assets”, and gave me a knowing look. Then he showed me her Tinder profile.

She’s a stockbroker.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Graham and Donna met on Tinder.

Donna was a pretty woman with a lisp. Graham was actually the famous porn star Thor the Thunderbolt, so named because his mighty weapon was as long and as thick as the Norse god’s hammer.

Nature took its course, and the pair had a wonderful night of bliss. In the morning, Graham felt remors...

My mate Jeff met a girl on Tinder who invited him back to her flat for a threesome with her twin...

Apparently her brothers moustache was really tickly.

What beverage do girls on Tinder drink during the winter?

Thot chocolate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde hooks up with a guy at a bar having met earlier on Tinder.

Straight away, she starts flirting with him, subtly at first, but it quickly escalates.

"I don't usually get much response to my profile, why'd you pick me?" asks the guy.

"Well, in all honesty, I mostly use Tinder for sex", claims the blonde, "You're cute and I like what you wrote in...

Guy meets a Girl on Tinder..

Both never showed their real photos on their respective profiles. They agree to meet up in a Starbucks. Guy says he will be wearing plain white tees, but wore a green shirt. Girl says she will be wearing a yellow dress and she did. Day of the meet up, guy sees the girl and is ugly as hell. The girl,...

Yo mama's so fat

It took me all four fingers to swipe her left in Tinder.

\[edit - a word and some grammar\]

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do chickens use Tinder?

They want the cock

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