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I realized that Tinder is the exact opposite of most websites in porn website ads.

There’s tons of hot single ladies in my area, but none of them want to fuck me.

There’s only two kinds of people on Tinder.

Those who are right for you, and those who are left.

Tinder is for rookies

Go to Facebook Marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size.

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" I'm on tinder just to see how tinder actually works" , said a girl to me

I was like, yeah like i visit pornhub just to see whether the plumber was able to fix the pipe or not

What does McDonalds and your tinder hook-up have in common?

They don’t look as good as advertised but you’ll eat them anyways.

I met my wife on Tinder

**that** was awkward.

My date accused me of lying on my Tinder profile, but what I wrote was absolutely true.

I DO have the body of an Olympic athlete. It's buried in the backyard.

I met this girl Mary on tinder and took her to an all you can eat buffet I knew it wasn't going to work out when she told me she was a vegetarian so I decided to go down with guns blazing.

She came back with her salad to find me with my plate loaded up with every type of meat I could get my hands on.

I was shocked, though pleasantly surprised, when she asked for a bite of my kabab.

Mary had a little lamb.

I was on a date with this girl I found on tinder

I reached the cafe early. She came a little later. Like a gentleman, I helped her sit by pulling her stool. When she seemed comfortable I asked, "Can I push your stool in ?"

She : "Let's see how this date goes first"

This girl on Tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture.

I told her that I am looking for matches.

I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.

I suppose we aren't gonna work out.

I added pronouns to my tinder profile last night.

I'm now known as he/him/yes officer that's the one.

My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel.

My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.

For Me, Chess is a Lot Like Tinder

I know a few openings, but continually struggle to put myself into mating positions

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An usual conversation on Tinder.

M: Wow, you’re beautiful, so, can you send me a pic of your titties?


W: Sure, send me 20$


Sending money.


M: Oh, they’re gorgeous! Now, can you also send me a pic of your butt?


W: No problems, send another 50$


After a while.

<...

I said i liked starting fires on tinder.

i got loads of matches

I was talking to a girl on tinder while at work when my boss comes up behind me.

He asked me, "What are you doing?"

I said, "I'm hard at work, sir."

I keep seeing the quote on women's tinder profiles, "If I was meant to be controlled I would have come with a remote."

Jokes on them, I've been turning women off for years without a remote.

Her (On Tinder): I'm a model on Instagram! What do you do?

Him: I'm a soldier, on Call of Duty.

Yeah Tinder is great and all

But have you ever tried to match your own expectations?

How many Catholics would you catch on Tinder?

Absolutely nun.

What does Pingu say on Tinder?

Send noots

Why did the egg get on Tinder?

It wanted to get laid.

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I caught my wife using Tinder last night.

Needless to say, I swiped left on that cheating bitch.

Thor gets a hit on his tinder profile...

After a night of wild, unrestrained god-level passion he notices his date looks a little knackered.
Sorry, but I’m Thor. He says
The girl looks up and says, You’re Thor? I’m tho thor I can’t thpeak

Tinder is completely useless, and I don’t have a single match

If I don’t find another way to start a campfire tonight, I’ll freeze to death.

"So I matched with this cute guy on Tinder last night, and we started chatting and sending each other memes and little animations. But then he mentioned that he was an exchange student from Athens, so I ghosted him." "Why?"

"My daddy always told me, 'Beware the Greeks bearing gifs.'"

I think there is a bug in my Tinder app, I'm not getting any matches.

So I wrote an email to Tinder's tech support, but apparently they have the same issue.

I don't understand why girls aren't interested in me.

My Tinder profile is unmatched.

Guy says to a girl on tinder “You can call me the GOAT” “Why? Cause you’re the greatest of all time?”

“No, cause I’m gonna eat your bush”

To Christians out there....

My tinder date said to me "I used to be Christian"...

I said to her, "Don't worry darling, I don't really care for those sorts of things"...

She replied "Thank God!"
"It's so much better now that I'm Christine".

Why is Tinder like being on a bus?

It's just a heap of people sitting around, staring at their phones but not talking to anyone.

This girl I met on Tinder had a tattoo of a seashell on her innerthigh

If you put your ear against it and listened closely, you could smell the sea.

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Tinder is the opposite of porn ads....

There are actually tons of hot singles in my area, But none of them are interested in me.

I match with a lot of depressed girls on Tinder

All I have are negative thots.

My Tinder account got blocked because I had a Pokemon in my profile pic

They're just Shellos

What is round, ugly, smeared with chocolate and just showed up unwashed to your first date?

A tinder surprise.

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The amount of hate I have received for saying "no single moms" on on tinder is insane.

Seriously, I'm an average guy and while I don't get a ton of matches I still try because I'm hopeful. I noticed a lot (it could just be my area) of single moms on tinder and while I don't have a problem with kids, I don't want any right now.

I simply put "not interested in single moms" and bo...

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[NSFW] I met someone on Tinder, things were going really well.

So we went to my place, started making out. I laid on the couch, she straddled me, and our hands soon got pretty busy. We started in with the dirty talk. Just as things were getting intense, I whispered in my sexiest voice, “I want you to get off me.”

She jumped up, suddenly really angry, an...

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So this amputee girl I met on Tinder invited me to a party with her other amputee girlfriends.

The place was crawling with pussy.

Did you hear about the flatulent Egyptians that met on Tinder?

They had TOOT in common.

My Tinder match said she’d talk to me again when she got home...

Guess she’s homeless.

I met a girl named Terese on Tinder. She was so guarded she wouldn’t even tell me her last name.

She’s just Miss Terese to me.

A woman from Ottawa drives all the way to Montreal for a tinder date.

They meet at a local French restaurant. Half-way through dinner her date stands up and prepares to leave. Huffily, the woman asks, “you’re leaving because I’m not French, aren’t you?”. Her date responds, “No, it’s because you’re from Ottawa, and I only eat local”

This Corona app is like Tinder in reverse...

...first you meet, then you find out you have a match and suddenly you feel rather lonely.

What do my clothes and tinder matches have in common?

Just because I'm inside them, doesnt mean I actually like them.

Saudi is the worst country for tinder

Cause women there don't have any rights

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What is a family photo album called in Alabama?

Tinder

I got my first message on Tinder!

The Tinder team is quite helpful

How do you know a girl on Tinder is real?

When they ignore you.

Who was the first woman with a Tinder profile?

Joan of Arc.

So... I matched with a Chinese girl on Tinder. Her bio said I like my men like I like my food.

My opening message was “I’m Batman!”

Some of my friends go on Tinder dates just for free food

I guess you could call it food for thot.

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On Tinder and similar apps, girls keep asking me about my height

Are we sure these girls wanna fuck or are they basketball scouts?

I swiped left because her Tinder profile looked scary.

I was afraid I might get ghosted.

Tinder is simple geometry

If you have good lines you'll get good curves

I met up with a girl from tinder. She asked me to tie her up and do anything i want...

Guess who has gone fishing.

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I was swiping on tinder and I found my girlfriend

Fuckin bitch

What did Dora say to help her friend break his Tinder addiction?

Swiper, no swiping!

What's the difference between Tinder and Ikea?

One night stands last longer.

If you thought eBay was bad, don't even try Tinder...

Everytime I log in it says 'No Matches Available'

My tinder profile says I'm 6 feet, 2 inches, and 195 pounds, but the girls I match with are always furious when we meet.

I guess they don't realize those are three separate measurements.

Bible characters on Tinder

What would the tinder profiles of Bible characters look like?

Example: Delilah - Philistine and feisty. Strong guys make me weak. I am an aspiring hairdresser

Tinder Date: "Oh wow, you’re way better looking than in your profile pic."

Dorian Gray: "Yeah, I get that a lot actually."

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Match.com is for relationships, Tinder is for hookups, ChristianMingle...

...is for anal.

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So I finally got a tinder match yesterday...

And immediately I started of by asking "So have you heard of the titanic?"

She immediately got pissed and blocked me. I guess in retrospect, I shouldn't have started off with that line.

Its not a very good icebreaker.


P.s - I just thought of this while taking a shit on the p...

Just started using Tinder and my success rate is amazing!

Apparently I am completely unmatched.

Tinder dates....

If I meet you for a date and you don't look anything like your pic, you're buying drinks for me until you do

An Indian guy and girl meet on Tinder

They get to his place and start making out. The guy is not able to get it up so she goes down on him. After sometime she feels him harden enough so she whispers, “Are you Ready?”

He exclaims, “Wow how did you figure out my caste from blowing me?”

P.S: Reddy is a caste in India,

My friends suggested I use tinder to meet some cute firemen or policemen

Once it started to burn, I met so many! I even met a reporter and some lawyers!

I saw my sister on Tinder.

Can’t believe she’s cheating on me.

Here is an app idea: Tinder but with...

people that want to be in a relationship

Accidentally swiped right on my sister on tinder....

Now she knows I was cheating on her :(

When I found out my Tinder date was missing a foot, I nearly threw up.

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

Tinder is like Amsterdam

All the girls are behind a glass screen.

I met with a girl on Tinder that said she was Anti-Vaxx

I told her it was amazing, I too am Pro abortion at any time.

Pokémon Go is more popular than Tinder.

Another app which requires you to swipe to find monsters in your surroundings.

On Tinder I’m looking for special ed teachers

So they know how to deal with me

What do you call the Vatican's answer to Tinder?

Kinder

Why don't Catholic priests use Tinder?

Because they use Kinder.

my tinder date told me that I shouldn't be using a straw

I quickly respond "I know, I know. It's bad for the environment."

"No," she replied, "it's just a weird way to eat spaghetti."

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What's the difference between tinder and amusement parks?

Amusement parks have realistic height requirements.

What do Pokemon Go and Tinder have in common?

Both give you a good chance of catching something

I used to have this on my Tinder profile to introduce myself to guys...

Im like a microwave: easy to turn on, warm on the inside and if you put a baby inside me I’ll kill it.

I'm making an app like Tinder, but exclusively for paleontologists

I'm calling it "Carbon Dating"

It's great to see so many girls on Tinder with no bio

I guess they're all against profiling

My Friend Told me That I Needed to Be Lit on Tinder

But I couldn’t find any matches


(V2)

Tinder is like the ocean

Some times you catch fish some times you catch crabs

So, matched with a girl on Tinder. She messaged saying, "C'mon over, nobody is home"

I went over there, nobody was home

I matched with a deer on Tinder.

It sent me a tick pic.

Tinder is wonderful

I've always wanted a photo database of all the girls in my city who would never go out with me

Every good camper knows that to start a fire you need tinder.

So I installed the Tinder app. Still no fire, though. I can't seem to get any matches.

My tinder date called herself "AnalBabe86"

But all she did was complain my tie wasn't on straight and I held my fork funny.

I'm building a dating app exclusively for people working in bars

...look out for BarTinder

Met this girl on tinder

She told me she's into getting cut, demeaned and she's also into food.

I told her I have a cheese grater waiting for my dirty little Munster

*Spelling

What's more popular than Tinder in Alabama?

Kindling

Two parallel lines match on tinder

But they never meet!

Dating on tinder.

the odds are good but the goods are odd

Guy meets a Girl on Tinder..

Both never showed their real photos on their respective profiles. They agree to meet up in a Starbucks. Guy says he will be wearing plain white tees, but wore a green shirt. Girl says she will be wearing a yellow dress and she did. Day of the meet up, guy sees the girl and is ugly as hell. The girl,...

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Last week I confused Tinder with Grindr.

It was a real pain in the ass.

You know Tinder right? Well have you heard of the new app for people trying to find trees?

It's called Timber.

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Billy has had bad luck with women in general but to top it off, he also has this obscure fetish where he likes to piss in his s/o’s mouth. So he decides to give tinder a go.

Luckily for Billy, he got a few matches.

His matches didn’t initially know about his fetish, he wanted to disclose that information as things got more frisky.

One by one Billy took his matches on a date which eventually led to them going to his bed. Upon reaching his bed, he’d ask th...

What beverage do girls on Tinder drink during the winter?

Thot chocolate.

How are meteorologists like guys on Tinder?

They promise you 12+ in, but you only get 4.

Inspired by today's "storm" in New England. Stay safe out there!

Created a profile on Tinder

when I was in California and in my bio had California >< Florida on it. Got a match who said she right swiped because she wanted a parcel delivered from California to Florida . Apparently I have been Fedex zoned .

Magnus Carlsen uses tinder...

... to check for potential mates.

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