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I realized that Tinder is the exact opposite of most websites in porn website ads.

There’s tons of hot single ladies in my area, but none of them want to fuck me.

My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel.

My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.

Why is r/Tinder so full of pickup lines?

cuz redditors can't get any further in the conversation

A man meets his Tinder date at a carnival.

"There's so many games!" he said, "What do you wanna do?"

"I wanna get weighed." she says, shyly looking at the ground.

They go to the GUESS-Your-WEIGHT booth and she wins a stuffed animal.

"What next?" he asks.

"I wanna get weighed." she says, confidently looking at him....

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In her tinder profile she said she's 32 but also that she has the body of a 16 year old.

But when I asked if I could see a photo she said I need to wait till tomorrow as she is naked and doesn't want to go to the freezer in the basement when it's already so late.

Why do chess grandmasters use Tinder in Prague?

Because every good chess player makes a move for a Czech mate.

What has worse ratings than my Tinder account?

CNN

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I caught my wife using Tinder last night.

Needless to say, I swiped left on that cheating bitch.

Tinder is for rookies

Go to Facebook Marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size.

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" I'm on tinder just to see how tinder actually works" , said a girl to me

I was like, yeah like i visit pornhub just to see whether the plumber was able to fix the pipe or not

I met my wife on tinder.

Well, that was awkward.

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Many people are surprised I found my wife on Tinder

And so was I. What the fuck, she's trying to cheat on me?!

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My Ex called me a sex machine

Well. her exact words were "fucking tool" but I knew what she meant.


Taken from Tinder bio post...

What does McDonalds and your tinder hook-up have in common?

They don’t look as good as advertised but you’ll eat them anyways.

Tinder is just like facebook.

I’d like to think I’m cute but my grandma’s the only one on there who agrees.

A recent survey of women on Tinder revealed that a majority of women would rather hook up with an amateur pilot than an experienced military jet pilot.

"DAMNIT!" a young airman yells as he slams his phone onto the bar.

"Tom, calm down! What's got you so riled up?" his buddy says to him.

"I just read an article that says women wanna hook up with amateur pilots over good looking pilots like us that keep the skies safe" Tom says.
...

I came up with a joke on Tinder. It was wasted on her.

Frodo, Sam, Pippen and Merry went to Kay's Jewellers. Frodo said to the jeweler: "We are all getting married this weekend, and we shall need 4 wedding bands!". The jeweler responded, "I'm sorry, we are almost completely sold out. The best I can offer is one ring to woo them all."

My tinder date invited me back to her house tonight, and while she was in the bathroom, I had a cheeky look in her wardrobe. Inside, there was a nurse outfit, a police woman's uniform and a full dominatrix bodysuit, so I quickly pulled on my pants and snuck out of there.

I don't want a girlfriend who can't hold down a job.

Phone: "You got a notification from Tinder!"

Me: "Oh my gosh!! Lemme see!"


Tinder: "We miss you!"

Tinder hookups are like microwave dinners.

Done in 2 minutes, looks nothing like the picture, but just good enough to make you come back for more when you are desperate and nothing better is available

This girl on Tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture.

I told her that I am looking for matches.

I keep seeing the quote on women's tinder profiles, "If I was meant to be controlled I would have come with a remote."

Jokes on them, I've been turning women off for years without a remote.

There’s only two kinds of people on Tinder.

Those who are right for you, and those who are left.

I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.

I suppose we aren't gonna work out.

Tinder is haunted

I have been talking to someone on tinder and i told her how much i love halloween. To this, she said "great, i have something perfect for you"

Then she ghosted me.

My date accused me of lying on my Tinder profile, but what I wrote was absolutely true.

I DO have the body of an Olympic athlete. It's buried in the backyard.

I met this girl Mary on tinder and took her to an all you can eat buffet I knew it wasn't going to work out when she told me she was a vegetarian so I decided to go down with guns blazing.

She came back with her salad to find me with my plate loaded up with every type of meat I could get my hands on.

I was shocked, though pleasantly surprised, when she asked for a bite of my kabab.

Mary had a little lamb.

I was on a date with this girl I found on tinder

I reached the cafe early. She came a little later. Like a gentleman, I helped her sit by pulling her stool. When she seemed comfortable I asked, "Can I push your stool in ?"

She : "Let's see how this date goes first"

Why did the skeleton download Tinder?

He wanted to get boned.

Tinder is completely useless, and I don’t have a single match

If I don’t find another way to start a campfire tonight, I’ll freeze to death.

Her (On Tinder): I'm a model on Instagram! What do you do?

Him: I'm a soldier, on Call of Duty.

I said i liked starting fires on tinder.

i got loads of matches

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Tinder is the opposite of porn ads....

There are actually tons of hot singles in my area, But none of them are interested in me.

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An usual conversation on Tinder.

M: Wow, you’re beautiful, so, can you send me a pic of your titties?


W: Sure, send me 20$


Sending money.


M: Oh, they’re gorgeous! Now, can you also send me a pic of your butt?


W: No problems, send another 50$


After a while.

<...

I added pronouns to my tinder profile last night.

I'm now known as he/him/yes officer that's the one.

Tinder specs

Tinder Minimum Required Specs:
\- Be male
\- Be female

Tinder recommended specs:
\- Be female

I was talking to a girl on tinder while at work when my boss comes up behind me.

He asked me, "What are you doing?"

I said, "I'm hard at work, sir."

"So I matched with this cute guy on Tinder last night, and we started chatting and sending each other memes and little animations. But then he mentioned that he was an exchange student from Athens, so I ghosted him." "Why?"

"My daddy always told me, 'Beware the Greeks bearing gifs.'"

I think there is a bug in my Tinder app, I'm not getting any matches.

So I wrote an email to Tinder's tech support, but apparently they have the same issue.

Yeah Tinder is great and all

But have you ever tried to match your own expectations?

How many Catholics would you catch on Tinder?

Absolutely nun.

Did you hear about the flatulent Egyptians that met on Tinder?

They had TOOT in common.

This girl I met on Tinder had a tattoo of a seashell on her innerthigh

If you put your ear against it and listened closely, you could smell the sea.

My Tinder match said she’d talk to me again when she got home...

Guess she’s homeless.

Thor gets a hit on his tinder profile...

After a night of wild, unrestrained god-level passion he notices his date looks a little knackered.
Sorry, but I’m Thor. He says
The girl looks up and says, You’re Thor? I’m tho thor I can’t thpeak

What dating app did the pirate create?

Shiver Me Tinder

My tinder date said she had a thing for corporeal punishment in bed

So I ghosted on her ass

“meta” mates

Facebook employees are now > Metamates
LinkedIn > Inmates
Amazon > Primates
Tinder > Intimates
ServiceNow > Nowmates
Snowflake > Snowmates
Postmates > Postmatemates

Guy says to a girl on tinder “You can call me the GOAT” “Why? Cause you’re the greatest of all time?”

“No, cause I’m gonna eat your bush”

An Elvis Presley fan decides to get his likeness tattooed on each of her thighs.

However, she was not entirely pleased with the end result. One night, during a particularly successful tinder date, she decided to get a second opinion. Flipping on the lights and lifting her frock she asked her date "Does this look like Elvis to you?" After a moment of careful study, her date repli...

Caution: Tinder meetups can cause sparks to fly

Don't worry though, they're harmless without any matches

Tinder is like being on a bus.

Everyone is on their phones, but no one is talking.

Why is Tinder like being on a bus?

It's just a heap of people sitting around, staring at their phones but not talking to anyone.

Saudi is the worst country for tinder

Cause women there don't have any rights

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So this amputee girl I met on Tinder invited me to a party with her other amputee girlfriends.

The place was crawling with pussy.

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[NSFW] I met someone on Tinder, things were going really well.

So we went to my place, started making out. I laid on the couch, she straddled me, and our hands soon got pretty busy. We started in with the dirty talk. Just as things were getting intense, I whispered in my sexiest voice, “I want you to get off me.”

She jumped up, suddenly really angry, an...

What does Pingu say on Tinder?

Send Noots

I match with a lot of depressed girls on Tinder

All I have are negative thots.

Some of my friends go on Tinder dates just for free food

I guess you could call it food for thot.

What do my clothes and tinder matches have in common?

Just because I'm inside them, doesnt mean I actually like them.

My tinder profile says I'm 6 feet, 2 inches, and 195 pounds, but the girls I match with are always furious when we meet.

I guess they don't realize those are three separate measurements.

If you thought eBay was bad, don't even try Tinder...

Everytime I log in it says 'No Matches Available'

How do you know a girl on Tinder is real?

When they ignore you.

I met a girl named Terese on Tinder. She was so guarded she wouldn’t even tell me her last name.

She’s just Miss Terese to me.

A woman from Ottawa drives all the way to Montreal for a tinder date.

They meet at a local French restaurant. Half-way through dinner her date stands up and prepares to leave. Huffily, the woman asks, “you’re leaving because I’m not French, aren’t you?”. Her date responds, “No, it’s because you’re from Ottawa, and I only eat local”

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So I finally got a tinder match yesterday...

And immediately I started of by asking "So have you heard of the titanic?"

She immediately got pissed and blocked me. I guess in retrospect, I shouldn't have started off with that line.

Its not a very good icebreaker.


P.s - I just thought of this while taking a shit on the p...

Pokémon Go is more popular than Tinder.

Another app which requires you to swipe to find monsters in your surroundings.

So... I matched with a Chinese girl on Tinder. Her bio said I like my men like I like my food.

My opening message was “I’m Batman!”

I met up with a girl from tinder. She asked me to tie her up and do anything i want...

Guess who has gone fishing.

I got my first message on Tinder!

The Tinder team is quite helpful

My friends suggested I use tinder to meet some cute firemen or policemen

Once it started to burn, I met so many! I even met a reporter and some lawyers!

I saw my sister on Tinder.

Can’t believe she’s cheating on me.

Just started using Tinder and my success rate is amazing!

Apparently I am completely unmatched.

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I was swiping on tinder and I found my girlfriend

Fuckin bitch

What's the difference between Tinder and Ikea?

One night stands last longer.

Accidentally swiped right on my sister on tinder....

Now she knows I was cheating on her :(

What do Pokemon Go and Tinder have in common?

Both give you a good chance of catching something

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Match.com is for relationships, Tinder is for hookups, ChristianMingle...

...is for anal.

Tinder Date: "Oh wow, you’re way better looking than in your profile pic."

Dorian Gray: "Yeah, I get that a lot actually."

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What's the difference between tinder and amusement parks?

Amusement parks have realistic height requirements.

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On Tinder and similar apps, girls keep asking me about my height

Are we sure these girls wanna fuck or are they basketball scouts?

When I found out my Tinder date was missing a foot, I nearly threw up.

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

Here is an app idea: Tinder but with...

people that want to be in a relationship

Tinder is simple geometry

If you have good lines you'll get good curves

An Indian guy and girl meet on Tinder

They get to his place and start making out. The guy is not able to get it up so she goes down on him. After sometime she feels him harden enough so she whispers, “Are you Ready?”

He exclaims, “Wow how did you figure out my caste from blowing me?”

P.S: Reddy is a caste in India,

I used to have this on my Tinder profile to introduce myself to guys...

Im like a microwave: easy to turn on, warm on the inside and if you put a baby inside me I’ll kill it.

Why don't Catholic priests use Tinder?

Because they use Kinder.

What did Dora say to help her friend break his Tinder addiction?

Swiper, no swiping!

I swiped left because her Tinder profile looked scary.

I was afraid I might get ghosted.

I met with a girl on Tinder that said she was Anti-Vaxx

I told her it was amazing, I too am Pro abortion at any time.

I always had a pee fetish, I met a girl on tinder with the same interest. She was pretty good looking but not a 10

My opening line was “urinate”

Tinder dates....

If I meet you for a date and you don't look anything like your pic, you're buying drinks for me until you do

What do you call the Vatican's answer to Tinder?

Kinder

On Tinder I’m looking for special ed teachers

So they know how to deal with me

I finally got Tinder ...

and after a few matches, I was able to start a campfire

Anyone want to go in on a new app called CondTinder?

You match with locals near you and see who gets the Netflix and Chills first?

Tinder is like Amsterdam

All the girls are behind a glass screen.

I'm making an app like Tinder, but exclusively for paleontologists

I'm calling it "Carbon Dating"

Two parallel lines match on tinder

But they never meet!

Why is a sketchy Tinder date like a fire?

They both start with a match and end with a burning sensation

What do you call Tinder for ghosts?

Tinder

I am proud to say I give all the ladies repetitive strain injury.

Unfortunately it’s from swiping left on my tinder profile.

Every good camper knows that to start a fire you need tinder.

So I installed the Tinder app. Still no fire, though. I can't seem to get any matches.

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A couple who met on Tinder are out in the countryside riding their bikes...

The sun is shining, it's a warm day in early summer, and a couple who recently met on Tinder are riding their bicycles through the countryside. They are both attracted to each other, looking athletic in cycling gear, and getting a buzz out of the sexual tension, the sensation of speed, and the liber...

Guy meets a Girl on Tinder..

Both never showed their real photos on their respective profiles. They agree to meet up in a Starbucks. Guy says he will be wearing plain white tees, but wore a green shirt. Girl says she will be wearing a yellow dress and she did. Day of the meet up, guy sees the girl and is ugly as hell. The girl,...

Today I set my location on Tinder to Flint, Michigan

Because I bet those girls are pretty thirsty.

You know Tinder right? Well have you heard of the new app for people trying to find trees?

It's called Timber.

Tinder is wonderful

I've always wanted a photo database of all the girls in my city who would never go out with me

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