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I realized that Tinder is the exact opposite of most websites in porn website ads.

There’s tons of hot single ladies in my area, but none of them want to fuck me.

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" I'm on tinder just to see how tinder actually works" , said a girl to me

I was like, yeah like i visit pornhub just to see whether the plumber was able to fix the pipe or not

There’s only two kinds of people on Tinder.

Those who are right for you, and those who are left.

My Tinder bio says I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and I’m paid to travel

My dates are always upset when I tell them I’m a bus driver

Why did the egg get on Tinder?

It wanted to get laid.

This girl on Tinder asked me why I have an unlit cigarette in my picture.

I told her that I am looking for matches.

Tinder is for rookies

Go to Facebook marketplace and search for wedding dresses. It'll show you recently divorced females in your area. From there you can filter by size

I met a girl named Terese on Tinder. She was so guarded she wouldn’t even tell me her last name.

She’s just Miss Terese to me.

This Corona app is like Tinder in reverse...

...first you meet, then you find out you have a match and suddenly you feel rather lonely.

How do you know a girl on Tinder is real?

When they ignore you.

A woman from Ottawa drives all the way to Montreal for a tinder date.

They meet at a local French restaurant. Half-way through dinner her date stands up and prepares to leave. Huffily, the woman asks, “you’re leaving because I’m not French, aren’t you?”. Her date responds, “No, it’s because you’re from Ottawa, and I only eat local”

I met my wife on Tinder.

We have both a lot to explain now.

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The amount of hate I have received for saying "no single moms" on on tinder is insane.

Seriously, I'm an average guy and while I don't get a ton of matches I still try because I'm hopeful. I noticed a lot (it could just be my area) of single moms on tinder and while I don't have a problem with kids, I don't want any right now.

I simply put "not interested in single moms" and bo...

Your new tinder bio

I only know how to play a little bit on the guitar, but I definitely know my way around a G-string

I keep seeing the quote on women's tinder profiles, "If I was meant to be controlled I would have come with a remote."

Jokes on them, I've been turning women off for years without a remote.

This girl I met on Tinder had a tattoo of a seashell on her innerthigh

If you put your ear against it and listened closely, you could smell the sea.

Who was the first woman with a Tinder profile?

Joan of Arc.

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I like to tell people about how I found my wife on Tinder.

The cheating bitch.

Her (On Tinder): I'm a model on Instagram! What do you do?

Him: I'm a soldier, on Call of Duty.

Tinder is like being on a bus.

Everyone is on their phones, but no one is talking.

What do my clothes and tinder matches have in common?

Just because I'm inside them, doesnt mean I actually like them.

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An usual conversation on Tinder

M: Wow, you’re beautiful, so, can you send me a pic of your tiddies?

W: Sure, send me 20$

Sending money.

M: Oh, they’re gorgeous! Now, can you also send me a pic of your butt?

W: No problems, send another 50$

After a while.

M: Damn, awesome. You wouldn’t mi...

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[NSFW] I met someone on Tinder, things were going really well.

So we went to my place, started making out. I laid on the couch, she straddled me, and our hands soon got pretty busy. We started in with the dirty talk. Just as things were getting intense, I whispered in my sexiest voice, “I want you to get off me.”

She jumped up, suddenly really angry, an...

So... I matched with a Chinese girl on Tinder. Her bio said I like my men like I like my food.

My opening message was “I’m Batman!”

What's the difference between Tinder and Ikea?

One night stands last longer.

Saudi is the worst country for tinder

Cause women there don't have any rights

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I caught my wife using Tinder last night.

Needless to say, I swiped left on that cheating bitch.

Did you hear about the flatulent Egyptians that met on Tinder?

They had TOOT in common.

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So this amputee girl I met on Tinder invited me to a party with her other amputee girlfriends.

The place was crawling with pussy.

I’m convinced girls from Tinder are haunted.

They keep ghosting me.

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I was swiping on tinder and I found my girlfriend

Fuckin bitch

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On Tinder and similar apps, girls keep asking me about my height

Are we sure these girls wanna fuck or are they basketball scouts?

I swiped left because her Tinder profile looked scary.

I was afraid I might get ghosted.

Tinder is simple geometry

If you have good lines you'll get good curves

I always had a pee fetish, I met a girl on tinder with the same interest. She was pretty good looking but not a 10

My opening line was “urinate”

I got my first message on Tinder!

The Tinder team is quite helpful

A Biologist downloads tinder.

Select ur profile

Uploads pic*

Select name

Writes down name*

Write down ur description

The biologist thinks a bit and wrote down:

Just trying to change meiosis into mitosis.

Tinder Date: "Oh wow, you’re way better looking than in your profile pic."

Dorian Gray: "Yeah, I get that a lot actually."

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Match.com is for relationships, Tinder is for hookups, ChristianMingle...

...is for anal.

My tinder profile says I'm 6 feet, 2 inches, and 195 pounds, but the girls I match with are always furious when we meet.

I guess they don't realize those are three separate measurements.

Just started using Tinder and my success rate is amazing!

Apparently I am completely unmatched.

Tinder dates....

If I meet you for a date and you don't look anything like your pic, you're buying drinks for me until you do

What did Dora say to help her friend break his Tinder addiction?

Swiper, no swiping!

I met this girl Mary on tinder and took her to an all you can eat buffet

I knew it wasn't going to work out when she told me she was a vegetarian so I decided to go down with guns blazing.

She came back with her salad to find me with my plate loaded up with every type of meat I could get my hands on.

I was shocked, though pleasantly surprised, when she aske...

Why is a sketchy Tinder date like a fire?

They both start with a match and end with a burning sensation

Have y'all heard about this new app that lets you see ghosts?

It's called Tinder

It's not catfishing

It's Tinder Surprise

On Tinder I’m looking for special ed teachers

So they know how to deal with me

I met up with a girl from tinder. She asked me to tie her up and do anything i want...

Guess who has gone fishing.

My Tinder match said she’d talk to me again when she got home...

Guess she’s homeless.

Tinder is like Amsterdam

All the girls are behind a glass screen.

Bible characters on Tinder

What would the tinder profiles of Bible characters look like?

Example: Delilah - Philistine and feisty. Strong guys make me weak. I am an aspiring hairdresser

Your male parental unit is so intellectually disabled....

He downloaded the Tinder App for firewood.

And Grindr for the wood chipper.

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I’m gonna start saying this every time I ask a couple how they met and they reply “The Internet” or “Tinder”.

“Ahhh, the good ole internet, helping people come together so they can cum together.”

Accidentally swiped right on my sister on tinder....

Now she knows I was cheating on her :(

Some of my friends go on Tinder dates just for free food

I guess you could call it food for thot.

An Indian guy and girl meet on Tinder

They get to his place and start making out. The guy is not able to get it up so she goes down on him. After sometime she feels him harden enough so she whispers, “Are you Ready?”

He exclaims, “Wow how did you figure out my caste from blowing me?”

P.S: Reddy is a caste in India,

What do you call the Vatican's answer to Tinder?

Kinder

My dating life is so bad...

Tinder just uninstalled itself.

When I found out my Tinder date was missing a foot, I nearly threw up.

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

If you thought eBay was bad, don't even try Tinder...

Everytime I log in it says 'No Matches Available'

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If the head and a penis counts as a limb

A man has 6 limbs but a woman has 5

After a tinder date a woman only has 4 and a man has 7

It's great to see so many girls on Tinder with no bio

I guess they're all against profiling

So I met this girl on Tinder

We get to texting and seems that both me and her are making many spelling errors. I guess you could say she’s exactly my type.

Here is an app idea: Tinder but with...

people that want to be in a relationship

My friends suggested I use tinder to meet some cute firemen or policemen

Once it started to burn, I met so many! I even met a reporter and some lawyers!

I saw my sister on Tinder.

Can’t believe she’s cheating on me.

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The skip intro button on Netflix is so cool.

I wish tinder had it too.

Why don't Catholic priests use Tinder?

Because they use Kinder.

Tinder is wonderful

I've always wanted a photo database of all the girls in my city who would never go out with me

I matched with a deer on Tinder.

It sent me a tick pic.

Tinder can learn a lot from Uber...

It's much easier to find a ride on Uber

Tinder is like the ocean

Some times you catch fish some times you catch crabs

My tinder date called herself "AnalBabe86"

But all she did was complain my tie wasn't on straight and I held my fork funny.

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So I finally got a tinder match yesterday...

And immediately I started of by asking "So have you heard of the titanic?"

She immediately got pissed and blocked me. I guess in retrospect, I shouldn't have started off with that line.

Its not a very good icebreaker.


P.s - I just thought of this while taking a shit on the p...

After recently getting into dating apps I came to the conclusion that Tinder is a lot like Little Caesars...

if you want it hot and ready, you're gonna have to take a hit on quality

I'm making an app like Tinder, but exclusively for paleontologists

I'm calling it "Carbon Dating"

Created a profile on Tinder

when I was in California and in my bio had California >< Florida on it. Got a match who said she right swiped because she wanted a parcel delivered from California to Florida . Apparently I have been Fedex zoned .

So, matched with a girl on Tinder. She messaged saying, "C'mon over, nobody is home"

I went over there, nobody was home

You know Tinder right? Well have you heard of the new app for people trying to find trees?

It's called Timber.

my tinder date told me that I shouldn't be using a straw

I quickly respond "I know, I know. It's bad for the environment."

"No," she replied, "it's just a weird way to eat spaghetti."

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Billy has had bad luck with women in general but to top it off, he also has this obscure fetish where he likes to piss in his s/o’s mouth. So he decides to give tinder a go.

Luckily for Billy, he got a few matches.

His matches didn’t initially know about his fetish, he wanted to disclose that information as things got more frisky.

One by one Billy took his matches on a date which eventually led to them going to his bed. Upon reaching his bed, he’d ask th...

Dating on tinder.

the odds are good but the goods are odd

Met this girl on tinder

She told me she's into getting cut, demeaned and she's also into food.

I told her I have a cheese grater waiting for my dirty little Munster

*Spelling

Your Mama's SO Stupid...

She tried to start a fire using the tinder app.

(I told this joke to my friend and he suggested i post it here.)

I used to have this on my Tinder profile to introduce myself to guys...

Im like a microwave: easy to turn on, warm on the inside and if you put a baby inside me I’ll kill it.

My Friend Told me That I Needed to Be Lit on Tinder

But I couldn’t find any matches


(V2)

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What's the difference between tinder and amusement parks?

Amusement parks have realistic height requirements.

How are meteorologists like guys on Tinder?

They promise you 12+ in, but you only get 4.

Inspired by today's "storm" in New England. Stay safe out there!

What do a weatherman and Tinder date have in common?

They say to expect eight inches, but you only get four.

What's more popular than Tinder in Alabama?

Kindling

What beverage do girls on Tinder drink during the winter?

Thot chocolate.

Pokémon Go is more popular than Tinder.

Another app which requires you to swipe to find monsters in your surroundings.

Every good camper knows that to start a fire you need tinder.

So I installed the Tinder app. Still no fire, though. I can't seem to get any matches.

I met a Tinder date at McDonald's and its all going so well!

I'm lovin' it!

I'm really good at dating in the Tinder age

Every girl I meet swipes left at me...usually across the face with an open hand.

What do Pokemon Go and Tinder have in common?

Both give you a good chance of catching something

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A man with a lisp went on a blind date to a heavy metal concert

Paul had been ridiculed all his life for having a lisp. As a kid, he was bullied in school. As an adult, he caught coworkers making fun of him when they thought he couldn't hear. He would even notice cashiers trying to stifle their laughter. No woman would ever go out with him, and he felt resigned ...

Guy meets a Girl on Tinder..

Both never showed their real photos on their respective profiles. They agree to meet up in a Starbucks. Guy says he will be wearing plain white tees, but wore a green shirt. Girl says she will be wearing a yellow dress and she did. Day of the meet up, guy sees the girl and is ugly as hell. The girl,...

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I went to meet a girl from Tinder. Her profile said she was into erotic enemas.

Turns out she was full of shit.


(Just thought of this one, you can probably guess where I'm currently posting from.)

What’s the difference between tinder and grinder?

On Grinder they don’t beat around the bush.

Why is Stevie wonders calendar like meeting people on tinder?

It’s all blind dates...

You might be a necropheliac if...

Shout out to Jeff Foxworthy for the inspiration. Here we go.

You might be a necropheliac if...

Your version of tinder is the local obituaries.

You have detailed knowledge of the security setup of every funeral home and cemetery in your city.

The contents of your trunk i...

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Last week I confused Tinder with Grindr.

It was a real pain in the ass.

Russian bots on Tinder always match with me...

Are they attempting to meddle the erections?

I accidentally downloaded Timber instead of Tinder the other day

Unfortunately I didn’t hook up with anyone, but I did have a lot of trees fall for me

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