One Sunday morning, little Cindy is sitting in Sunday School while her teacher tells the Bible lesson for that day. Little Cindy’s peace and serenity is interrupted by a young boy who periodically pokes her in the back with a sharpened pencil. The teacher announces it is time for a little pop quiz a...
Good one from my dad: "I can cut wood by just looking at it"
Came up during a conversation about having a bonfire
Dad "Here's something you might not have known about me, I can cut wood by just looking at it"
Me, fully expecting a dad joke: "I don't believe you but would you care to elaborate"
Dad: "It's true! I saw it with my own eyes"...
Took my dog to a bonfire...
...and as he sat there staring at it blankly I realized he loves sticks.
I was burning a giant pile of his toys.
"The neighbors hate us."
"The neighbors hate us." "Why?" "Well, you remember when we had that bonfire in my yard, and were roasting marshmallows?" "Yeah, that was really fun." "And remember how the house up the road caught fire, and all those fire engines came, and we ran to see what was going on, and the wife w...
How do you catch an elephant?
First you have to dig a pit deep enough to hold the elephant.
Then you have a huge bonfire and dump all of the leftover soot into that hole.
Next you place a ring of peas around the entire pit.
Now; you wait.
When an elephant comes by and stops to take a pea, you kick ...
Two Parents Get Arrested
A couple is arrested after they get caught burning their son’s name on farms. Picture a big bonfire, but it spells their son’s name.
It’s a tense ride into the station. The parents are obviously nervous, so the officer makes some small talk.
After a while, though, the curiosity gets ...
Ok, so my neighbours officially hate me.
Me and a few mates were having a bonfire in the backyard, and we were roasting marshmallows and stuff when suddenly we hear sirens, and see a firetruck turn into the street in front of us.
So we all went running to see what was up, and our neighbour's house was on fire!
Well, when we ...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
My kids keep on taking the piss out my alzheimers..
Wait till the cheeky little buggers wake up on Christmas morning and find no eggs under the bonfire.
What do the French call a good fire ?
In the Middle East during the Crusades, what was the best way to describe someone?
By taking all of their books, parchment and pencils and burning them in a bonfire
Three men were exploring the deepest part of an african jungle. The come across a cannibalistic tribe that tied them to stakes and began a bonfire.
The chief walked up to the men and said, "Three things happen tonight. First, you will die. Second, you will be eaten and your bones licked cl...
How do you make a cat go "woof"?
Douse it in gasoline, and toss it in a bonfire.
A Russian, a French and a German tourist walk through New Guinea...
...when, suddenly, a cannibal tribe emerges from the jungle and attacks them. They're caught and brought to the village, where the tribe's chief walks out.
"Ah," he says, "nice to meet you! Now, we'll eat you, of course, that's our tradition, but it's nothing personal, I don't want you to thi...