I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!

wait....

What do you call...

...a lineup of dolls waiting to take turns being grilled over an open fire?



a Barbie queue

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A woman walks into a pet shop looking for a bird. The employee of the pet shop walks up to her and asks, "What are you looking for?"

The woman explains she wants a bird who can sing. The employee explains "We have one, but he only sings Christmas songs". The womans says "well I'd love to see it!" The employee walks into the backroom and brings out a pretty, brown parrot. "His name is Chet and he only sings when you light a fire u...

One day there were three grave robbers searching through a graveyard in Central America

They came across an Ancient Mayan temple which had three doors. the first grave robber walker up to the first door and looked inside, he saw a black pedestal with nothing on it, and in the back of the room there were piles of gold and riches, so he walked in and grabbed a handful of gold, but as he ...

A man from a primitive island walked into a library...

He asked the librarian how he could learn more about survival and rope making.


The librarian sat him down at one of the computers and told him, "Okay, open firefox."
With a confused glance, the man stood up and walked out of the library.
The librarian continued her shift until...

So a poor man walks into a pet store

Hoping to buy a parrot. He looks at a whole bunch of parrots, but all of them are out of his price range. He asks one of the employees if they have a cheaper parrot.

“Actually, we have one parrot that nobody has wanted to buy. His name is Chet and he very lovable, but he’s only got one leg.”...

Stalin is giving a speech in front of a large audience.

Suddenly, he's interrupted by a loud sneeze. Stalin stops talking and asks in an ominous tone: "Who just sneezed?" The audience is silent.

"Very well," says Stalin. "We'll do it my way, and believe me, I *will* identify the sneezer." The audience dares not speak.

"Very well," says Sta...

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States...

Wandering aimlessly and starving, They are about to lie down and accept their death when all of a sudden Luis says.........

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell? Ees bacon, I theenk."

"Si, Luis, eet sure smells like bacon. "

With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune,...

Stalin is giving a long speech at an event, naturally in front of a huge audience. While he's in full flow, somebody near the front of the hall sneezes.

Stalin stops and surveys the crowd.

"Who sneezed?" he asks.

Deathly silence.

"I repeat," says Stalin, "who sneezed?"

Not a peep.

"Very well," says Stalin. "First row, stand up!" Everyone in the first row stands up. "Guards! Open fire!"

A few seconds later, ...

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The Christmas Parrot

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly. "Sim...

Chet, the Amazing Singing Parrot

A man walked into a pet store and saw a parrot on a perch that said, “Chet, the amazing singing parrot”. The man asked the clerk how to make Chet sing. The clerk says, “Easy, just watch”. The clerk lights a lighter and puts it under Chet’s right foot. (I do NOT condone harm to animals) Chet starts...

Two jungle explorers got captured by cannibals...

Now they find themselves in a giant cauldron full of water over an open fire. The water is getting warmer and warmer and both of them realize they're done for. So they're sitting there not sure what to do when one of them lets out a chuckle. "how could you laugh at a time like this?" says the other ...

A man was doing some last minute Christmas shopping and spotted a beautiful parrot through the window of a pet shop.

The man walked inside to get a better look, and the owner of the shop approached the man.

"That's Chet," the owner said, "He's a very special parrot."

"What do you mean special?" the man asked.

The owner struck a match and held it under the parrots left foot and Chet began to...

My dad's lame holiday joke

During the holiday season, a man is aimlessly drifting around a shopping center, wondering what to get his wife for Christmas. Wandering into a pet store, he asks the shop assistant, "Hey, buddy, you got anything with a Christmas-type theme in here?"

"Well, there is Chet, the parrot," the...

Three men in prison are about to be executed.

There are three men standing in a prison yard, about to be executed for their crimes. They are offered a choice in execution style; beheading via guillotine, death by firing squad or an injection of HIV.

The first man chooses beheading. He's led to the guillotine by the guards, positioned, an...

A woman walks into a pet shop

She sees a beautiful parrot, and asks the shop keeper if he says any words. The shop keeper says, "If you hold a match under his left foot he sings Highway to hell."

The lady is sceptical at first, but she tries it and the parrot sings Highway to hell. Amazed, she asks the shop keeper what e...

A man walks into a pet shop

He'd like to buy a pet for his lonely, widowed mother. The shop owner shows him all of the usual stuff,
hamsters, puppies, kittens, etc. and the man tells the owner that he's looking for something unique.

The owner takes him to the back of the shop and introduces him to raggedy looking par...

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A bird named Chet

I heard this long ago and hadn't told it in years. Another bird joke I just read, combined with the date, suddenly jarred my memory. I've never written it so there's probably a better version out there, but here goes.

A guy goes to a pet store looking for a Christmas gift for his wife. He loo...

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A man decides to get a pet for his wife for Christmas

He walks until the only pet store in town and begins to browse. He started to walk towards the dogs, but noticed the parrots next to the checkout. As he admires the birds, he notices that one of them was triple the price of the rest.

Intrigued, the man asks the owner, "What is so special abou...

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The night before Christmas, a man steps into a pet store to buy his daughter a Christmas present.

An employee spots him walking around and asks if he can help.

"I want to buy my daughter a present for Christmas, but I have no idea what to get her. Do you have any pets that do tricks?"

"Follow me, " the employee says. They walk to one section with several birds, and stop in front of...

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My favorite Christmas joke

A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife.

The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols. He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird.

The man agree...

John gets a Christmas parrot

John decided to get his wife a Christmas present. Maybe a puppy. Walking in to the pet store, he searches for the right puppy.


"Excuse me sir, are you looking for a Christmas present?" the clerk asked. "Yes, I think she would like a puppy," John replies.


"Here," motioning towar...

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