UPJOKE
pistolweaponrifleshotgungunbulletprojectilehandgunrevolversmoothboregatling gungunpowdercartridgegunshotglock

Firearms Jokes

A woman walks into a firearms store

Shop Keeper: How can I help you?

Woman: Sir, I need a gun so I can shoot my husband

Shop Keeper: there is no way in hell I am selling you a gun for that. That is just so wrong. I’m gonna go to jail if I do! Now get out!

The woman shows him a picture of her husband in bed with th...

Alcohol, tobacco and firearms

That shouldn't be the name for a government agency, that should be the theme of a store.

Rifling changed firearms forever.

It was revolutionary.

Spiderman began using firearms a few days ago

Everyone told him that it's not a good idea but he is sticking to his guns

My dad got in a HUGE fight with my mom. He accused her of smearing glue on his firearms. She denied it.

But he’s sticking to his guns.

I was going through airport security and I got asked "Do you have any firearms?"

Apparently, "What do you need?" wasn't the right answer.

People tell me I'm stupid for cleaning my firearms with honey.

But I'm sticking to my guns.

I suspect my wife has put superglue on all my firearms.

She denies it of course but I’m sticking to my guns!

A husband is divorcing his wife coz she poured glue all over his firearms...

He says "She denies it, but I am sticking to my guns"

Crossing the border the customs officer asked me I had any drugs or firearms, to which I responded...

...what do you need?

What do you call the job title of a firearms enthusiast and speechwriter?

A glockenspiel.

I found a very lucrative deal on the firearms section on Craigslist.

A French MAS36 rifle. Never fired, dropped once.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did anybody hear what happened to that guy on the highway?

He pulled up to a gas station to fill up his tank, i guess they were doing maintenance on the pumps and didnt put one back together right, so while he was pumping, the hose popped off the nozzle and started spraying gas all up his arm.

So he went in PISSED. He was cussing, and yelling, eventu...

When I asked the tattoo artist to cover my arms with flames, they refused.

I don't have a firearms permit.

[LONG][OC] An American tourist visits Russia and finds ...

An American tourist visits Russia and finds out there are way way more firearm stores than in Texas where he's from.

At every store, there is a firearms dealer license prominently featuring the proprietor's photo, their name and license number. He's very surprised that many of the proprietor...

Flame tattoos

Looking back at my many tattoos, I’m glad I never did the whole flames on the arms thing. . .

There’s too many places that don’t allow firearms inside.

I was thinking about getting flame tattoos on my wrists, going up.

Then I realized I could never be a teacher.




No firearms allowed in school.

Arnold Schwarznegger owned a sporting good store.

Arnold Schwarznegger owned a sporting good store. He was never good with numbers so instead of numbering the aisles, he used a letter system.

One day a customer came in and asked Mr. Schwarznegger where they keep their firearms. Arnold is a smart business man and is concerned for safety. He d...

Asked my friend to make up a joke about two Canadians and a Bear

A visually impaired Canadian is notified that a bear has broken into his house and is eating all his food.

He hurries home and into the kitchen, where he finds A: his hairy housemate and B: a bear.

But he doesn't know which is which!

"Shoot us both," the housemate says, "it's th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cop was patrolling his regular route

when he started to get pretty thirsty. Naturally deciding to stop at his usual convenient store. As he's pulling into the parking lot he sees a woman pumping gas into her car while smoking a cigarette. She was older and maybe a little unstable. The cop dismounts his cruiser and approaches the woman ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A British explorer sets out for an expedition into Africa...

This is a time when Europeans know very, very little about the "cannibalistic African savages," and the African tribesmen know even less about the ways of the white man. So, our explorer comes to Africa, hoping to disperse the clouds of mist, and after having to resort to employing firearms a few ti...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.