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have you seen a flashbang go off?

a stunning experience

To get an alarm clock to go off, you must turn it on

I operate in the same manner

Why did the locomotive go off his tracks?

Because he wasn't trained properly.
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I'd rather have my orgasm denied than go off early...

Cuz hey, it's better than nuttin'

Why did the ram go off the cliff?

Because he didn’t see the ewe turn

To not go off on a tangent

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When you go off gluten...

...you really go against the grain!

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What made Jupiter’s surprise party go off with out a hitch?

Mars, Uranus, and Venus really knew how to planet.

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A Wall Street stockbroker decides to go off the grid completely

He’s had enough of that dog eat dog lifestyle and the stress and rat race of NYC.

So he buys a cabin in a remote part of the Adirondacks. Closest neighbor is miles away on a neighboring mountain. Pure solitude, nature, zero cell phone service, no electricity.

Months go by and he has ze...

People that go off on a tangent are so annoying

Just learn to stay in the circle.

Why do metal detectors always go off when Russian men pass through it even if they’re buck naked?

It’s because of their iron will and golden balls.

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A couple from Alabama get married.

They go off to Las Vegas for their honeymoon. They get settled in their room for their first night together. As he's getting ready to take off his robe, she says "Be gentle. It's my first time". He gets outraged, packs his stuff, and leaves.

His dad lets him cool off for a bit. After a week, ...

Melons really got screwed with restrictions on big weddings this year. They can't just go off and get hitched on their own...

...because they cantaloupe.

Upon Arriving Home, A Husband Was Met At The Door By His Sobbing Wife Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."

Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a few words, the druggist told him,

"Now, just a minute, please listen to my side of it...
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went withou...

When I heard the sirens go off, I got out of the car and began to run.

I don't think I was made to be a policeman.


It was in the news recently that Putin was visiting a school in Moscow to promote the nations power on the world wide stage.
The children were allowed to ask questions before lunch.

Little Alina speaks up and says to Putin...

“I have two questions”

“Why did Russia take Crim...

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What's the worst part about seeing 4 black people go off a cliff in a Cadillac?

Cadillac seats 5.

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