I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.



Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.

My boss fired me for making jokes about Asians again

It was the end of my Korea

I got fired from the sperm bank

I can't figure out why, it might have been that every time someone left I said "Thank you for coming"

What’s the difference between a police officer and a bullet?

When a bullet kills someone else, you know it’s been fired

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The young assistant got fired from the butchers shop, I asked why.....

The butcher replied “I caught him with his dick in the bacon slicer!”

“Oh!” I replied, “what did you do with the bacon slicer?”

“I fired her as well!” said the Butcher.

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory?

Lack of concentration.

I just got fired from the post office

My supervisor took me into his office and we actually had a really good conversation. He told me that I wasn't meeting expectations in my current position, and that they didn't have any other jobs open at the moment. I said that I could see where he was coming from, and that I had no hard feelings. ...

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

A little old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

The cross-eyed teacher at school got fired today.

He couldn't control his pupils.

I was fired from the keyboard factory today.

I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets home from work very disgruntled, his wife asks "What is the matter?" (Man) "I got fired from the factory today." (Wife) "Oh honey you poor thing, what did you do now?" (Man) "I stuck my dick in the pickle slicer." Wife *Looks down at his johnson* "What happened to the pickle slicer...?"

She was fired too.

What did sideshow Bob work as after he got fired from being a clown?

A bartender

I got fired on my first day as a car salesman

Customer: "cargo space?"

Me: " no, car no fly, car go roads"

Manager: " can I see you in my office?"

I was fired and kicked out of the hospital on the very first day as a nurse..............

Apparently the sign outside the ward "Stroke Patients Here" meant something completely different!

I got fired from my job at the calendar factory

I don’t know why. All I did was take a few days off.

I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts

Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think

Why I fired my secretary

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,
"Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday."
...

Wood fired pizza?

What a prick

Wood fired pizza

How’s pizza gonna get a job now?

Why did Johnny Sins get fired from his job as a hiring manager

Because he was putting people in positions they didn't apply for.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from my job just because I'm pansexual.

Who wants to work in a kitchen anyway.

Why did the lazy eyed teacher get fired?

because he couldn’t keep his pupils in check

Panda Express fired me for emailing around photos of bad stir fry...

I guess I should have labelled them Not Safe for Wok...

My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes.

It was the end of my Korea.

I'm still China find another job.

A patriotic theater director for fired by their university after announcing they were writing a new show.

They probably shouldn’t have searched for “ProState Play” ideas on their work computer.

A surgeon was fired after a botched vasectomy.

Still got a severance package.

I got fired from the calendar factory.

They were really strict about employee taking a day off.

neighbor got a job driving a pepsi truck, they fired him the next day.

he tested positive for coke.

"What?! I'm gonna die!? That can't be right! Do it again or you're fired!"

"But sir, your COVID-19 test came back *negative,* Mr. President."

I got fired from my job today.

Apparently when you work at a cremation company you aren’t suppose to answer the phones me with “Hello, this is Joes Crematorium. You kill em we grill em!”

A Guinness world record judge was fired for obsessing over pun world records

He would go on to describe the firing as the worlds biggest mistake

I was fired from my job as a Zoo Keeper after all the animals died

In my defence, all the signs did say "Don't feed the animals"

There was a big scandal at my school the other day, two students were suspended and teacher was fired for drinking on the job.

Homeschool is crazy.

I just got fired from my job as a taxi driver...

Turns out people don’t like it when you go the extra mile for them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man comes home to his wife and tells her that he got fired from his job at the pickle packaging plant because he stuck his penis in the pickle slicer. The wife asks if he is ok and he replies that he is better than ever. The wife asks what they will do with the tainted penis slicer & he replies

“Oh, he got fired too.”

They fired the guy who invented the wheel...

He was cutting too many corners.

I got fired from Campbell's Soup today

Found me stroganoff in the back room.

I got fired from the unemployment office today

my boss said “clean out your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on monday”

A friend of mine used to have the job of holding cue cards for TV presenters, he was fired for dropping them. I tried talking to him about it but...

...he couldn't hold a conversation.

The boss caught an employee drinking at work.

He said: -"You can't drink while you're working!".
The employee replied: -"But I'm not working".


They both laughed a lot, and he got fired.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired for wearing a mini-skirt to work

They said the customers complained about my hanging dick

Got fired on my first day with the ambulance today

I don't know what happened but they asked me how i deliver a baby and i answered "fedex".

My friend got fired

VERY SAD DAY for a friend of mine of after 7 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for one small indiscretion. She slept with one of her patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, money and training. She's still paying on her school loans. This goes to show ...

What's it called when someone from Apple gets fired?

Apple turnover

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A theatre company fired me for constantly forgetting the lines

Which is complete bullshit because I never turn up to rehearsals without coke

What only does its job after it’s fired?

A bullet!

I got fired from being an eulogy writer. Because the only thing I wrote was “plethora.”

I thought it meant a lot to a lot of people.

You’re fired.

“You’re fired”

*turns in gun and badge*

“You’re a waiter where did you get those”

What did the block mason say before he fired his employee for doing a poor job making sewer covers?

I'm about to end his manhole's career

A man gets fired by his boss

He turns in his gun and badge and goes to walk out.

His boss looks at him and says, "you're a waiter, where the hell did you get those?"

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD...

How bad is it you ask?

So bad,

THAT....

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got Fired from a Peanut Butter Factory

Damn Skippy.

Why did the medieval bank teller get fired?

He gave them no quarter

Why did the lumberjack get fired for cutting down too many trees?

He saw too much

My garbage man might get fired.

I really hope he isn’t canned.

A local judge got fired after losing his gavel arm in a car accident.

They said he had no Right to pass judgment.

I just got fired from newspaper.

I forgot an article.

McDonald’s fired CEO Steve Easterbrook has already got a new job at Old McDonalds farm

He's their CIEIO

I almost got fired at the cement plant today...

But corporate realized that they didn't have concrete evidence to fire me.

I just got fired as a mailman. I'm also a part time stand up.

I'm funny but have to work on my delivery.

(Credit to the top comment of a previous post, I forgot whom to deliver the credit to)

Did y’all hear about the blonde that got fired from the M&M factory?

She kept throwing away all the Ws

You're fired!

A company hired a new CEO. This boss wanted to get rid all of the slackers.

One day, he saw a young man against the wall. He wanted to prove himself that he meant business.
The CEO walked up to the man and asked, "How much do you make a week?"

The man replied"$200 a week. Why?"
<...

Did you hear about the Cop who arrested an innocent Iceberg because he thought it looked like the one that sunk the Titanic?

He was fired for Glacial Profiling.

I was wrongly fired from my job as a stage designer today...

I left without making a scene.

My workplace has a monthly fun day, and this month was PJ Day. But when I showed up in my PJs, I WAS FIRED!

\#justicefornakedsleepers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just got fired from my job as a massage therapist

My boss said I rub people the wrong way

What happens when a doctor gets fired?

He doesn't care anymore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from the keyboard factory yesterday

I wasn't putting in enough shifts, which I thought was some capital bullshit. They're such Ctrl freaks and now I need to find alternate work

Working at an unemployment office must be so tense.

Even if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from my job as a music teacher today

Called a student's house and told his parents, "you know, your son John is pretty good in my class. He reminds me of a young Elvis."

"Oh really? Is he really that gifted in music?"

"No," I replied. "I just found him dead on the toilet."

A man worked his whole life at the pickle factory. One day he came home and informed his wife that he had been fired from his job.

She was in disbelief and near tears. "20 years of your life you gave them, and this is how they repay you!", she shouted, confused. "What happened, why were you laid off?"

"Well, for 20 years since I've worked there I've wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer. Call it curiosity if you...

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