I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.



Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.

neighbor got a job driving a pepsi truck, they fired him the next day.

he tested positive for coke.

I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts

Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man comes home to his wife and tells her that he got fired from his job at the pickle packaging plant because he stuck his penis in the pickle slicer. The wife asks if he is ok and he replies that he is better than ever. The wife asks what they will do with the tainted penis slicer & he replies

“Oh, he got fired too.”

My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes.

It was the end of my Korea.

I'm still China find another job.

I got fired from my job today.

Apparently when you work at a cremation company you aren’t suppose to answer the phones me with “Hello, this is Joes Crematorium. You kill em we grill em!”

I got fired from Campbell's Soup today

Found me stroganoff in the back room.

I just got fired from my job at the bank

An old lady asked for me to check her balance so I pushed her over

I was fired from my job as a Zoo Keeper after all the animals died

In my defence, all the signs did say "Don't feed the animals"

A friend of mine used to have the job of holding cue cards for TV presenters, he was fired for dropping them. I tried talking to him about it but...

...he couldn't hold a conversation.

I just got fired from my job as a taxi driver...

Turns out people don’t like it when you go the extra mile for them.

The calendar factory fired me

I took a day off.

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

What's it called when someone from Apple gets fired?

Apple turnover

Got fired on my first day with the ambulance today

I don't know what happened but they asked me how i deliver a baby and i answered "fedex".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A theatre company fired me for constantly forgetting the lines

Which is complete bullshit because I never turn up to rehearsals without coke

My friend got fired

VERY SAD DAY for a friend of mine of after 7 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for one small indiscretion. She slept with one of her patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, money and training. She's still paying on her school loans. This goes to show ...

I got fired at the calendar factory today

It isn't fair either, all I did was I took a few days off

I fired my gun westward

It was an occidental discharge

I was fired from my job at the sperm bank

Everytime a customer walked in I'd nudge my coworker and say "get a load of this guy"

What did the block mason say before he fired his employee for doing a poor job making sewer covers?

I'm about to end his manhole's career

Why did the medieval bank teller get fired?

He gave them no quarter

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got Fired from a Peanut Butter Factory

Damn Skippy.

You’re fired.

“You’re fired”

*turns in gun and badge*

“You’re a waiter where did you get those”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is fired from his job at the pickle factory NSFW

A man comes home from his job at the pickle factory. “Honey, I got fired today for sticking my dick in the pickle slicer.”

Wife: “My God! What’s happened?”

Husband: “She got fired too”

What only does its job after it’s fired?

A bullet!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired for wearing a mini-skirt to work

They said the customers complained about my hanging dick

Why did the lumberjack get fired for cutting down too many trees?

He saw too much

My garbage man might get fired.

I really hope he isn’t canned.

An army sergeant is talking to soldiers about how guns should only be fired to protect themselves, their friends and their country.

He gives a whole lecture about safety and the rules one should set for themselves so they never use firearms in a way that wouldnt be fit for a soldier.
At one point a soldier asks the sergeant if he can ask a couple of questions about shooting without the need for protection;

The serg...

A man gets fired by his boss

He turns in his gun and badge and goes to walk out.

His boss looks at him and says, "you're a waiter, where the hell did you get those?"

A local judge got fired after losing his gavel arm in a car accident.

They said he had no Right to pass judgment.

I just got fired as a mailman. I'm also a part time stand up.

I'm funny but have to work on my delivery.

(Credit to the top comment of a previous post, I forgot whom to deliver the credit to)

I almost got fired at the cement plant today...

But corporate realized that they didn't have concrete evidence to fire me.

I just got fired from newspaper.

I forgot an article.

Did y’all hear about the blonde that got fired from the M&M factory?

She kept throwing away all the Ws

I just got fired from the pasta factory

I made a fusilli mistakes

My workplace has a monthly fun day, and this month was PJ Day. But when I showed up in my PJs, I WAS FIRED!

\#justicefornakedsleepers

McDonald’s fired CEO Steve Easterbrook has already got a new job at Old McDonalds farm

He's their CIEIO

Why did the guitar teacher get fired?

Because he fingered a minor

What happens when a doctor gets fired?

He doesn't care anymore.

I was wrongly fired from my job as a stage designer today...

I left without making a scene.

Working at an unemployment office must be so tense.

Even if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.

Why did Jesus Christ get fired from the kosher deli?

Because he Cross contaminated all the food

There are rumours that the reason I'm leaving the company is because I was fired for breaking the windshield of my boss's Honda car...

the truth is... It's of my own Accord

Having gone through seven years of medical training, my friend got fired from his dream job for one minor indiscretion: sleeping with a patient.

Nice guy, terrible Vet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from my job as a music teacher today

Called a student's house and told his parents, "you know, your son John is pretty good in my class. He reminds me of a young Elvis."

"Oh really? Is he really that gifted in music?"

"No," I replied. "I just found him dead on the toilet."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from the keyboard factory yesterday

I wasn't putting in enough shifts, which I thought was some capital bullshit. They're such Ctrl freaks and now I need to find alternate work

One day I decided to slack off at work. I wasn't enjoying my job and was hoping I could work badly and get fired.

None of the other Chernobyl workers seemed to appreciate that.

You're fired!

A company hired a new CEO. This boss wanted to get rid all of the slackers.

One day, he saw a young man against the wall. He wanted to prove himself that he meant business.
The CEO walked up to the man and asked, "How much do you make a week?"

The man replied"$200 a week. Why?"
<...

My dad was fired from his job in road work for theft.

I didn't believe it at first, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just got fired from my job as a massage therapist

My boss said I rub people the wrong way

The UK C.E.O of McDonald's has been fired

Putting his meat between the wrong buns apparently

Got fired from my job as a security guard.

I had to escort myself out of the building.

Did you hear Papa John got fired?

He’s now just a pizza history.

Why did the grizzly get fired from his job?

He was only doing the bear minimum.....

Yes I know where the door is.....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from my job at the sperm bank. I was just trying to be helpful...

But apparently telling all the patients “It sure takes balls to do what you’re doing” wasn’t appreciated

Why I Fired My Secretary

This is a true story. Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didn’t feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she b...

A german fired his revolver

bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang

A stranger asked “How? A revolver only got six bullets”

”Nein!” the german replied

Why did Santa get fired from his construction job?

He kept coming down the chimney

I got fired from my Bingo Caller Job...

Apparently "A meal for two with a hairy view" is not the way you say 69.

I was fired from my position in the birth ward at the hospital, but I thought I was doing a great job

Everybody kept saying I was killing it whenever I wrapped the umbilical cord around the baby’s neck to pull it out more easily

Why did the doctor get fired from their side job at Starbucks?

They kept making the customers turn their head and coffee.

My son just told me the school security guard got fired and the new one has only one arm.

He asked, "How will he be able to break up fights with only one arm?"

I replied, "Single-handedly."

A man is sitting at a bar, staring at his drink

A man is sitting at a bar, staring at his drink, not moving. After about 20 minutes of this another man notices and walks over and grabs the drink from the man and gulps it down. He sets the glass down and looks at the man he just stole from, waiting for a reaction. The man who had his drink stolen ...

I got fired from the bank

I don’t know why, the people seemed to love me.

Everybody that spoke to me gave me a tip!

A man worked his whole life at the pickle factory. One day he came home and informed his wife that he had been fired from his job.

She was in disbelief and near tears. "20 years of your life you gave them, and this is how they repay you!", she shouted, confused. "What happened, why were you laid off?"

"Well, for 20 years since I've worked there I've wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer. Call it curiosity if you...

I got fired from my job today, for helping a client.

Apparently, you aren't supposed to give ideas on how to die, when they call you at Suicide Helpline number.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired yesterday when my boss caught me masturbating with a vegetable

Apparently, nursing homes have “strict rules” about what you’re allowed to do with the patients

I got fired from my job as a changing room attendant for opening doors uninvited. They called me “the Knock Less monster.”

Because I was always lookin for free tiddy.

I recently got a job as a human cannonball

Unfortunately I get fired multiple times per day.

On my first day at my new job I was fired for not tucking in my shirt.

How I was supposed to tuck in a crop top is beyond me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got fired from the butchers today for putting my dick in the mince machine.

She got fired as well..

I got fired from my summer job at M&M quality control

I threw out a batch of W's.

Why was the painter fired?

He lacked luster

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.