I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.

Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is fired from his job at the pickle factory NSFW

A man comes home from his job at the pickle factory. “Honey, I got fired today for sticking my dick in the pickle slicer.”

Wife: “My God! What’s happened?”

Husband: “She got fired too”

A man gets fired by his boss

He turns in his gun and badge and goes to walk out.

His boss looks at him and says, "you're a waiter, where the hell did you get those?"

Did you hear about the lumberjack who got fired for cutting down too many trees?

He saw too much

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired for wearing a mini-skirt to work

They said the customers complained about my hanging dick

Why did the cross-eyed teacher get fired?

She couldn't control her pupils.

What happens when a doctor gets fired?

He doesn't care anymore.

Working at an unemployment office must be so tense.

Even if you get fired, you still have to come in the next day.

My workplace has a monthly fun day, and this month was PJ Day. But when I showed up in my PJs, I WAS FIRED!

\#justicefornakedsleepers

I just got fired from newspaper.

I forgot an article.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from my job as a music teacher today

Called a student's house and told his parents, "you know, your son John is pretty good in my class. He reminds me of a young Elvis."

"Oh really? Is he really that gifted in music?"

"No," I replied. "I just found him dead on the toilet."

I just got fired from my job as a taxi driver.

Turns out people don’t like it when you go the extra mile for them.

I was wrongly fired from my job as a stage designer today...

I left without making a scene.

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

All I did was take a day off.

McDonald’s fired CEO Steve Easterbrook has already got a new job at Old McDonalds farm

He's their CIEIO

My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes.

It was the end of my Korea.

I'm still China find another job.

Yo mama such a ho she got fired from the sperm bank...

...for drinking on the job.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from the keyboard factory yesterday

I wasn't putting in enough shifts, which I thought was some capital bullshit. They're such Ctrl freaks and now I need to find alternate work

A blonde was fired from an m&m's factory

She kept throwing in the garbage all those defective m&m's with a "w"

Got fired from my job as a security guard.

I had to escort myself out of the building.

Did you hear Papa John got fired?

He’s now just a pizza history.

One day I decided to slack off at work. I wasn't enjoying my job and was hoping I could work badly and get fired.

None of the other Chernobyl workers seemed to appreciate that.

The UK C.E.O of McDonald's has been fired

Putting his meat between the wrong buns apparently

My dad was fired from his job in road work for theft.

I didn't believe it at first, but when I got home, all the signs were there.

Wood fired pizza

How will pizza get a job now?

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance,

so I pushed her over.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just got fired from my job as a massage therapist

My boss said I rub people the wrong way

You're fired!

A company hired a new CEO. This boss wanted to get rid all of the slackers.

One day, he saw a young man against the wall. He wanted to prove himself that he meant business.
The CEO walked up to the man and asked, "How much do you make a week?"

The man replied"$200 a week. Why?"
<...

Why I Fired My Secretary

This is a true story. Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didn’t feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, “Happy Birthday!”, and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she b...

Why did Santa get fired from his construction job?

He kept coming down the chimney

A german fired his revolver

bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang

A stranger asked “How? A revolver only got six bullets”

”Nein!” the german replied

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from my job at the sperm bank. I was just trying to be helpful...

But apparently telling all the patients “It sure takes balls to do what you’re doing” wasn’t appreciated

I got fired from my Bingo Caller Job...

Apparently "A meal for two with a hairy view" is not the way you say 69.

Why did the grizzly get fired from his job?

He was only doing the bear minimum.....

Yes I know where the door is.....

I was fired from my position in the birth ward at the hospital, but I thought I was doing a great job

Everybody kept saying I was killing it whenever I wrapped the umbilical cord around the baby’s neck to pull it out more easily

On my first day at my new job I was fired for not tucking in my shirt.

How I was supposed to tuck in a crop top is beyond me.

My son just told me the school security guard got fired and the new one has only one arm.

He asked, "How will he be able to break up fights with only one arm?"

I replied, "Single-handedly."

Why did the doctor get fired from their side job at Starbucks?

They kept making the customers turn their head and coffee.

I got fired from my job as a changing room attendant for opening doors uninvited. They called me “the Knock Less monster.”

Because I was always lookin for free tiddy.

Why was the painter fired?

He lacked luster

Why did Dave get fired from the orange juice factory?

He couldn’t concentrate

I was fired from my job as a submarine helmsman today.

As to why? I just can't fathom.

I got fired from my job today, for helping a client.

Apparently, you aren't supposed to give ideas on how to die, when they call you at Suicide Helpline number.

I got fired from the bank

I don’t know why, the people seemed to love me.

Everybody that spoke to me gave me a tip!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got fired from the butchers today for putting my dick in the mince machine.

She got fired as well..

My dad always said to "fight fire with fire."

We weren't very surprised when he got fired from the fire department...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired yesterday when my boss caught me masturbating with a vegetable

Apparently, nursing homes have “strict rules” about what you’re allowed to do with the patients

A man worked his whole life at the pickle factory. One day he came home and informed his wife that he had been fired from his job.

She was in disbelief and near tears. "20 years of your life you gave them, and this is how they repay you!", she shouted, confused. "What happened, why were you laid off?"

"Well, for 20 years since I've worked there I've wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer. Call it curiosity if you...

What do you call it when a janitor is fired for refusing to unclog the restroom toilets?

Dereliction of doodie.

Why did the nercophiliac-narcoleptic funeral director get fired?

Because he fell asleep in the job.

I got fired from my summer job at M&M quality control

I threw out a batch of W's.

It sucks when people make one mistake and get fired.

A very sad day today. After SEVEN years of training in the medical field and hard work, a very good friend of mine was fired after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his clients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. A genuinely nice gu...

I just got fired from the pasta factory :(

I made a fusili mistakes.

Why did the crab get fired?

Because he was not moving the company forward.

I fired my wife from my own company for drinking on work AND wasting office resources.

You know how hard it is to find sperm donors these days?!

[NSFW]

I got fired for wearing a suit on my first day of work at a construction site.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two aliens landed in the New Mexico desert near a gas station that had been closed for the night.

They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger of the two aliens addressed it.

"Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pump (of course) didn't respond.

The younger alien started to get mad at the lack of response and the older one said, "I...

Two blondes decided to go hiking up in the mountains...

Sure enough they got lost.One says to the other,"Well,pull out that field guide we bought and see what it is were suppose to do."So she fumbles through it.

"Ah.Here it is.It says were suppose to fire three shots in the air and that will let any one in the area know we are in distress and call...

I have some french works war 2 army rifles for sale

Never fired, dropped once.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Orange Dick Bad

A guy goes to his doctor and says "Doc, ya gotta help me. My dick is turning orange!"

Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can have a look. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange! Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a l...

A person goes for a job interview

The interviewer says: "your resume lists just a single employer?"

The person says: "yes, I was a switchman for the railroad. I got fired when I forgot to switch the tracks and two passenger trains collided."

The interviewer says: "OMG, you had *one* job!"

The person says: "yes, ...

I’ve just been fired from my job as a zoo keeper at my local zoo....

....all the signs said “Do Not Feed The Animals”

You can do and achieve anything that you want to.

Look at me for example. Two years ago I was in a dead end job that I hated.

But then they fired me and I don't have to go there anymore.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is talking to his coworker.

Guy: "Man, I got fired."

Coworker: "Oh no! What happened?"

Guy: "Boss told me that if I didn't fuck her right there in the office, I'd get fired."

Coworker: "Oh, and you said no?"

Guy: "No, I said yes!"

Coworker: "So why did you get fired?"
...

I work at a bank and everyday this middle aged girl comes in and asks me to check her balance. I finally got tired of it and pusher her over. She didn’t have good balance.

I did what she asked so idk why they fired me

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