I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.

Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.

My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes

It was the end of my Korea

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day and confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but...

I can’t believe I was fired from the calendar factory!

All I did was take a day off.

I was fired from the keyboard factory

I didn't put in enough shifts

I got fired from my job at Pepsi today

I tested positive for coke

After working as a florist for a year, today I got fired.

They said I took too many leaves.

Did you hear Jussie Smollett got fired from ‘Empire?’

I heard he’s really beating himself up over it.

Why was the guitar teacher fired?

He was caught fingering a minor.

Did you hear why the cross eyed teacher was fired?

She couldn't control her pupils.

Why did Bob get fired from the orange juice factory?

He couldn't concentrate.

I was fired from my job as a mime today.

I didn’t go quietly.

I got fired from my job as a librarian.

For putting women's rights book in the fiction category.

I got fired from my job at a bank today

Some elderly lady asked me to check her balance.


So I pushed her over.

I was just fired today, simply for telling my co-worker that her hair smelled nice.

I think they are discriminating against me for being a midget.

I got fired just for advising people to go with their gut

I don't know what the suicide hotline's problem is

I just got fired from my job at the bakery

Which is upsetting because I really kneaded the dough

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?

Cuz she threw away all of the W’s

I got fired from my last job for making too many Linkin Park references but...

...in the end it doesn't even matter.

My girlfriend got fired today for putting her hair in a bun.

She's hoping to find another bakery to work in soon.

I got fired from the sperm bank the other day...

...I kept saying “Get a load of this guy.” every time someone walked through the door.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] A man goes to find out why his son got fired from his job at a restaurant

The owner tells him “I found him in the store room with the potato peeler stuck up his arse.”

The father says “that’s odd, can I examine the potato peeler?”

The owner replies “I’m afraid not, I had to fire him too.”

I was recently fired as a mechanic

I could not believe it, they called me a thief. Even though it expressly says in the contract that I am allowed to take brakes!

My boss fired me for being on Twitter at work

I don't think he understands how a social media manager works...

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday.

Apparently you are not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

My actor friend got fired from his lead role in a play because of his cocaine addiction.

He kept blowing his lines.

I got fired from the rubber band factory yesterday...

My first thought was "Oh snap!"

​

(Again from my son)

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This "PC" crap is getting ridiculous... A door greeter at my local Walmart got fired for wishing two little girls a Merry Christmas!

I mean, it was August and he wasn't wearing pants, but still...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I got fired from my job at a sex shop today.

I kept telling the customers to go fuck themselves!

A guy named Soprano was fired from his job as a cashier.

When asked if he could break a C-note, he was too high to register.

The CEO of a large shoe manufacturer was just fired

Rumor has it, he was cooking the Brooks

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I got fired from my job for putting my dick in a dishwasher.

I felt real bad about it, because she got fired too.

I got fired from a job where besides me only blind people work

They asked me why they should make me and not any other employee the manager.
I said that I could clearly see what was required for the job.

I brought some cookie dough into work today...

...so I could use the oven there to bake some cookies for all the staff, but everyone gave me dirty looks when I put them in and turned the oven on.

My boss said I was "insensitive" and "fired from the crematorium".

Why did Cinderella get fired from the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

John the skeleton was fired for sexual harassment

Employees of the firm filed complaints about his perpetual boner

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why didn't the saxophone get fired from his teaching job after multiple accusations of sexual assault?

he was a tenure sax

I was fired from my last job because they searched my desk and found coke

But who wants to work at Pepsi Co anyways

Sharron is fired from her job-

And she blames it on prejudice against her for being a blonde woman. So she’s driving back home in the rain, fuming with anger thinking about how ridiculous it is for her boss to still believe such stereotypes. Then from the corner of her eye Sharron notices an empty field, and in that field is anot...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I got fired just because I wore a mini skirt!

Appearently my boss doesn't want to see my dick.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So I got fired for eating chips at work, even though I’ve been stealing so many hearts of our customers.

Well fuck it, I hated being a casino croupier anyways.

I just got fired from my first job today.

Apparently you can't make out with costumers.
Whatever.

Babysitting was stupid anyway

I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.

My boss said, “Clean our your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I have just been fired from my job

"What steps would you take in the event of fire?" Asked the manager.

"Fucking big" I've replied.

I used to have a very lucrative job at Bob Evans but I got fired.

I was bringing home the bacon.

My boss: “You’re fired.”

Me: *turns in gun and badge*



My boss: “You’re a waiter where did you get those”

Did you hear about the waiter that got his finger stuck in the dishwasher?!

The boss fired them both.

Why did the landscaper get fired?

He kept dropping his plants in public!

My friend used to work for an animal shelter, but he got fired.

He really screwed the pooch.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Today, I got fired...

Fired up for a new promotion! All the way up to HR Manager.


Which I quickly lost due to sexual harassment. Its not what you think though! As I was filling out the paper work when I saw a picture of two birds on the lady's desk.

I said "Nice tits."

But they were Boobies.

Today I got fired from my other job...

I guess I shouldn't have taken baby sitting too literal.

Why did the chemist got fired?

He was caught at his workplace looking at polonium radon

What do you call a fire fighter that was fired?

Unemployed

Someone should tell Trump that neurons can be fired.

Then maybe he'll figure out the joke.

A friend of mine is hard working person and last month he was fired from his job because he slept with one of his patient

He was a nice guy and a brilliant Vet

A therapist who couldn’t pronounce his R’s correctly was recently fired for being a white supremacist.

Because he told his patients that everything was going “to be all white”.

I was recently fired from McDonald's for helping myself to too many cheeseburgers

I think I was misled about their "opportunities for growth"

I was fired from an Apple Store because of sleeping on the job.

It's not my fault there are so many sheep to count.

I got fired for not accepting a raise at my job this week because I didn't want to lose money paying higher taxes in the next bracket.

I sure feel bad for the accountant they hire to replace me.

I got fired at my job today!

My career as a human canon ball at the circus is going as planned.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

"I got fired today," I told my mate, .

"for downloading porn on the work computer and causing everything to crash."

"That's a bit harsh," he replied.

"They don't fuck around at Air Traffic Control," I said

A friend of mine who was a doctor of 7 years got fired for sleeping with a patient

Really heartbreaking he was an astounding vet

Did you hear about the soldier who got fired?

His superiors had a hard time finding a man of similar caliber.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My friend got hired at a dildo factory

He got fired the very next day for sitting on the job

Why was the LSD addict fired from the chemistry lab?

He kept dropping acid.

Did you hear about that guy who got fired from the soda factory?

He got canned.

How did the Pepsi CEO react when he was fired?

He got soda pressed that he developed a Coke habit.

Why did my blond friend got fired from the ''M&M'' factory?

Because she threw away every candies labeled ''W''

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I just got fired for having sexual relations with my client

It's alright, I didn't like babysitting anyway.

I got fired from my job assembling Tickle me Elmos

I misunderstood what they meant when they said I was supposed to give each one “two test tickles”

I got fired my first week of being an emergency responder.

It's not my fault that Waze kept routing me around all the accidents.

Why did the Hamburger Helper get fired from the restaurant?

Because he was Stroganoff on the job!

I got fired from my job by a jealous manager for breaking too many records.

I'm guessing that the vintage music industry is just not for me...

I got fired form the zoo.

Apparently the sign "Don't feed the animals" was only meant for the visitors.

Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation?

Because she threw out all the bent ones.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I recently left my job after I came into a large sum of money.

Or as the bank tells it, I was fired for ejaculating in the safe.

Boss: "If I catch you sleeping on the job again, you're fired!"

Me: "I understand. Won't happen again."

Boss: "Now go inventory the sheep."

Me: "Oh no!"

Almost got fired today for filling out a requisition form in Spanish.

No one expected it.

I got fired from my job as a bingo number caller yesterday,

Apparently "dinner for two with a hairy view" wasn't an appropriate way to call out 69.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did the T-rex get fired?

Sexual Jurassment

Turns out that my dad was fired from his roadwork job for theft.

Then when I came home, the signs were there.

My dwarf friend got fired from his low paying waiter job.

He was struggling to put food on the table.

A guy looking to get fired calls his boss and says, “Hey boss, what’s the difference between your daughter and tomorrow?”

I’m not coming in tomorrow.

My girlfriend’s brother got fired from a bank yesterday and he won’t explain why.

When she asked why he got fired, he said he couldn’t teller.

Why I fired my secretary

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say,

"Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." ...

I got fired from my job at a bank today

Turns out that sperm is only collected from our clients and they don't like when I ask if they're here to make a withdrawal or deposit.

This woman keeps going to HR to try to get me fired for giving her "inappropriate" massages. Good luck with that.

I don't even work here.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I don't know why I was fired at the Viagra factory

The surveillance video showed me hard at work.

I just got fired from my new job at the pharmacy.

Apparently "drug free workplace" and "free drug workplace" are not the same thing at all.

A good friend of mine has been fired for a minor indiscretion after 7 years of medical school.

He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession.

What a waste of time, money, and effort. He's still paying back his college loans. Just goes to show that one tiny mistake can ruin your life. My thoughts to him and his family.

He really is a good man, and a b...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.