I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.

Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.

My boss fired me for making too many Asian jokes

It was the end of my Korea

I got fired from the sperm bank yesterday

Apparently you're not allowed to nudge the nearest co-worker and say, "get a load of this guy" every time someone walks in.

What did the electrician say after he was unexpectedly fired from his job?

Now that’s a shocker!

You're fired!

A company hired a new CEO. This boss wanted to get rid all of the slackers.

One day, he saw a young man against the wall. He wanted to prove himself that he meant business.
The CEO walked up to the man and asked, "How much do you make a week?"

The man replied"$200 a week. Why?"

i got fired from the keyboard factory today.

apparently i wasn't putting in enough shifts.

I got fired from the zoo today for talking to Dumbo

Apparently I am not allowed to address the elephant in the room

A man worked his whole life at the pickle factory. One day he came home and informed his wife that he had been fired from his job.

She was in disbelief and near tears. "20 years of your life you gave them, and this is how they repay you!", she shouted, confused. "What happened, why were you laid off?"

"Well, for 20 years since I've worked there I've wanted to stick my pecker in the pickle slicer. Call it curiosity if you...

Why did the music teacher get fired?

For fingering A Minor.

Why did the crab get fired?

Because he was not moving the company forward.

I’ve just been fired from my job as a zoo keeper at my local zoo....

....all the signs said “Do Not Feed The Animals”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got fired from the butchers today for putting my dick in the mince machine.

She got fired as well..

I fired my wife from my own company for drinking on work AND wasting office resources.

You know how hard it is to find sperm donors these days?!

I got fired from the calendar factory. Why?

Because I took a day off

I was fired from my job as a submarine helmsman today.

As to why? I just can't fathom.

A coin manufacturer was fired the other day because he made no cents.

I tried to help, but he wouldn’t change.

I saw a sign that said "Wood Fired Pizza" and thought

Wood fired pizza? How's pizza gonna get a job now?

(Joke by CallMeCarson)

Got fired today because I fell for a scam asking me to wire a sizable amount of company money to a foreign bank account.

If that hadn't been stupid enough, I also confused the foreign bank account with my own.

The CEO of a reclining chair company was fired today...

He was just too laid back.

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux got fired

They go to the unemployment office and Boudreaux goes in first. The man behind the desk says “Mr. Boudreaux, I’m sorry to hear that you lost your job. What did you do for a living?” Boudreaux replies “I’m a diesel fitter.” The clerk says, “Okay, diesel fitter is skilled labor, so we can give you...

Why did the grizzly get fired from his job?

He was only doing the bear minimum.....

Yes I know where the door is.....

I got fired from my summer job at M&M quality control

I threw out a batch of W's.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired yesterday when my boss caught me masturbating with a vegetable

Apparently, nursing homes have “strict rules” about what you’re allowed to do with the patients

Why I fired my secretary today.

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy birthday!", and possibly have a present for me.

As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy birthday".

I t...

I just got fired from the pasta factory :(

I made a fusili mistakes.

wanna know how i got fired from my job at the bank

an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired for having a tiny dick

My boss was a real micro manager

My manager said if I make one more mistake that I'll be fired.

So to save myself I've made several mistakes.

Both Spider-Man and Ant-Man got fired from their job.

That really bugs me.

My maths professor got fired last week...

he was caught deriving under the influence.

Boss: "You're fired."

Me: *turns in gun and badge*

Boss: “You’re a janitor where did you get those”

I got fired from the bank

I don’t know why, the people seemed to love me.

Everybody that spoke to me gave me a tip!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day and confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but...

I got fired for eating chips at work.

Well I really hated my job at the casino anyways.

I got fired from my job at Pepsi today

I tested positive for coke

My boss at the trampoline store just got fired...

They found out he was paying us with bounced checks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was the porn actor fired?

He came too late at work.

After working as a florist for a year, today I got fired.

They said I took too many leaves.

Why did the stone mason get fired from his job?

He lost his tamper.

A sad man who's just fired from his job walks into a bar looking very down.

Now he's a sad man with a lump on his head.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got a sexual harasser fired today

Is anyone hiring right now? Im a very hands on learner.

Did you hear Jussie Smollett got fired from ‘Empire?’

I heard he’s really beating himself up over it.

I fired my personal trainer today.

I couldn't handle the ab use.

I can't believe they fired the mute in our office.

he was instrumental.

I got fired just for advising people to go with their gut

I don't know what the suicide hotline's problem is

Did you hear why the cross eyed teacher was fired?

She couldn't control her pupils.

Roses are red, Violets are blue,

I'm no longer a poet,
I got fired.

I got fired from my job as a librarian.

For putting women's rights book in the fiction category.

The calender-printing factory fired me today.

Why, though? All I did was take a week off.

Why did Bob get fired from the orange juice factory?

He couldn't concentrate.

I got fired from my last job for making too many Linkin Park references but...

...in the end it doesn't even matter.

I was fired from my job as a mime today.

I didn’t go quietly.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This "PC" crap is getting ridiculous... A door greeter at my local Walmart got fired for wishing two little girls a Merry Christmas!

I mean, it was August and he wasn't wearing pants, but still...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired just because I wore a mini skirt!

Appearently my boss doesn't want to see my dick.

I was recently fired as a mechanic

I could not believe it, they called me a thief. Even though it expressly says in the contract that I am allowed to take brakes!

My actor friend got fired from his lead role in a play because of his cocaine addiction.

He kept blowing his lines.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from my job at a sex shop today.

I kept telling the customers to go fuck themselves!

My boss fired me for being on Twitter at work

I don't think he understands how a social media manager works...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A man goes to find out why his son got fired from his job at a restaurant

The owner tells him “I found him in the store room with the potato peeler stuck up his arse.”

The father says “that’s odd, can I examine the potato peeler?”

The owner replies “I’m afraid not, I had to fire him too.”

I brought some cookie dough into work today...

...so I could use the oven there to bake some cookies for all the staff, but everyone gave me dirty looks when I put them in and turned the oven on.

My boss said I was "insensitive" and "fired from the crematorium".

Why did Cinderella get fired from the baseball team?

She kept running away from the ball.

I got fired from the rubber band factory yesterday...

My first thought was "Oh snap!"

(Again from my son)

I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday.

My boss said, “Clean our your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”

I was fired from my last job because they searched my desk and found coke

But who wants to work at Pepsi Co anyways

A guy named Soprano was fired from his job as a cashier.

When asked if he could break a C-note, he was too high to register.

The CEO of a large shoe manufacturer was just fired

Rumor has it, he was cooking the Brooks

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got fired from my job for putting my dick in a dishwasher.

I felt real bad about it, because she got fired too.

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?

Cuz she threw away all of the W’s

I just got fired from my first job today.

Apparently you can't make out with costumers.

Babysitting was stupid anyway

Sharron is fired from her job-

And she blames it on prejudice against her for being a blonde woman. So she’s driving back home in the rain, fuming with anger thinking about how ridiculous it is for her boss to still believe such stereotypes. Then from the corner of her eye Sharron notices an empty field, and in that field is anot...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John the skeleton was fired for sexual harassment

Employees of the firm filed complaints about his perpetual boner

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why didn't the saxophone get fired from his teaching job after multiple accusations of sexual assault?

he was a tenure sax

Did you hear about the waiter that got his finger stuck in the dishwasher?!

The boss fired them both.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have just been fired from my job

"What steps would you take in the event of fire?" Asked the manager.

"Fucking big" I've replied.

I got fired from a job where besides me only blind people work

They asked me why they should make me and not any other employee the manager.
I said that I could clearly see what was required for the job.

I used to have a very lucrative job at Bob Evans but I got fired.

I was bringing home the bacon.

I was fired from an Apple Store because of sleeping on the job.

It's not my fault there are so many sheep to count.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend got hired at a dildo factory

He got fired the very next day for sitting on the job

What do you call a fire fighter that was fired?


I got fired for not accepting a raise at my job this week because I didn't want to lose money paying higher taxes in the next bracket.

I sure feel bad for the accountant they hire to replace me.

My friend used to work for an animal shelter, but he got fired.

He really screwed the pooch.

Why did the landscaper get fired?

He kept dropping his plants in public!

Lori Loughlin was fired from Hallmark channel...

...They sent her a card. "Best wishes for your college experience."

I was recently fired from McDonald's for helping myself to too many cheeseburgers

I think I was misled about their "opportunities for growth"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today, I got fired...

Fired up for a new promotion! All the way up to HR Manager.

Which I quickly lost due to sexual harassment. Its not what you think though! As I was filling out the paper work when I saw a picture of two birds on the lady's desk.

I said "Nice tits."

But they were Boobies.

Today I got fired from my other job...

I guess I shouldn't have taken baby sitting too literal.

A friend of mine is hard working person and last month he was fired from his job because he slept with one of his patient

He was a nice guy and a brilliant Vet

Why did my blond friend got fired from the ''M&M'' factory?

Because she threw away every candies labeled ''W''

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