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Flaming Jokes

A Frenchman, an Italian and a Russian all end up in hell. The Frenchman begs to make one last call home to see how his family is coping. The devil says fine, it’ll cost you an extra thousand years in the flames. The Frenchman agrees, and tearfully listens to his wife doing his brother.

The Italian begs to call home to see how his daughters are doing. That’ll be an extra thousand years in the flaming pit, says the devil. So be it, says the Italian, and weeps as he listens to his children selling the farm.


Now I want to call home, says the Russian, and grabs the receiv...

How are Flaming Hot Cheetos and a Gun the same in school?

Everyone will suddenly start acting like your best friend.

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Whaddya call a flaming Jewish Congratulatory Drink?

A Mazel Tov Cocktail!

What do you call a flaming bird that can’t fly??

Walking Phoenix

A juggler, and the police....

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police.

"What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?" asks the cop.

"I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act."

"Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop. "Lets see you do it."

The juggler ge...

so a guy is speeding down a freeway, miles above the speed limit, and a cop pulls him over.

he comes up to the man and asks, "why were you speeding today sir?" the man replies, "i'm a juggler in a circus, and i'm late for my next show. i apologize. i assume you'll be needing my license and registration."

the cop looks intrigued, and says "whoa, hold on a sec. my daughter loves juggl...

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What do you call a Flaming Homosexual?

A hate crime.

Last night I went to a satanic-like ritual where we chanted around a flaming object, cut it up and ate it.

It was a fun birthday party.

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A rabbi and a priest rush out of a flaming orphanage

As they run out, they hear some orphans screaming.

"Should we go save the children?" the priest yells.

"Fuck the children!" the rabbi replies.

"Do we have time?".

Omar Epps moved next to Chris Hemsworth.

Initially they didn't talk much, but after a little time they started having family get-togethers. They became good friends for a while, even going so far as to have little decoration challenges every holiday.

Omar always pulled out all the stops come Christmas, and he seemed to enjoy it so m...

A girl enters a shop selling perfumes.

\- Excuse me, - she says. - What is this perfume?

\- That one? It's called "Flaming Kiss".

\- And that one?

\- That's "Night Embrace".

\- And this?

\- "Ecstasy".

\- Excuse me, but have you got anything for beginners?

Do you know why Ducks have big flat feet?

So they can stomp out forest fires.

Do you know why elephants have big flat feet?

So they can stomp out flaming Ducks.

What’s a tired dragon’s favorite steak?

Flaming yawn

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A woman goes to visit her neighbour...

... and says she caught her daughter and the neighbours son wrestling.

"Well," the mother of the son says "It's only natural for them to explore sexuality at that age."

"Sexuality?!" The first woman cries, "She powerbombed him through a flaming table!"

What happens when a dragon gets bored of strip steaks?

Flaming Yawn

A group of movie producers are working on the next avengers/MCU movie

Producer 1: Does anyone have any ideas for the villain?

Producer 2: Ok, how about a 14 foot tall, flaming eye-ball, with poison swords for arms, who shoots lasers from his feet, and has a pet llama made of diamonds

Head producer: You’re over-thinking this, let’s just keep it low-key

What's heartbreaking but heartwarming at the same time?

A flaming arrow to the chest

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A monkey was arrested

A monkey was arrested today when he started throwing flaming feces at zoo employees. Three of the zoo employees were rushed to the hospital with turd debris burns.

Remember Elephant jokes?

These are the first three that I learned a looooong time ago!

* Why do ducks have webbed feet? -- So they can stomp out forest fires.
* Why do elephants have flat feet? -- So they can stomp out flaming ducks.
* Why do elephants paint their toenails red? -- So they can hide in cherry tre...

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What is the difference between Trump and the Hindenburg?

One is a flaming nazi gasbag and the other is a zeppelin.

A guy walks into a coffeeshop.

When it’s his turn in line he says, “I’d like a dark roast.”

A gothic barista with thick eyeliner, a flaming skull tattoo, and an eyebrow ring looks at him dead in the eye and in a deadpan voice:

“Your mother is so severely comatose that not even Evanescence can wake her up inside.”

The unlucky man

There was a very unlucky man , who whenever starts a job, they go bankrupt in a week, whenever he goes to a wedding, they get divorced in a month, whenever he buys a car, it get wrecked in days, ...etc

one day he decided to run away, thinking that even if he brings his bad luck abroad, ...

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There was a knock on my door so I answered it.

I was expecting a package but there was just a flaming bag of dog shit! This happens to often and I’m tired of these shit posts!

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A lone traveler needed to stop and wait out a storm.

A lone traveler needed to stop and wait out a storm. She came across a church settled near the top of a mountain far away from civilization, and decided to ask for them to lend hospitality to her. A nun greeted her at the entrance when she approached the church, and lead her inside. There, she was g...

While reading an article last night about fathers and sons, memories came flooding back to the time I took my son out for his first beer.

Off we went to our local pub only two blocks from home.

I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it. Possibly too strong a taste, so I bought him a Worthington's, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.

Possibly something lighter? I thought he might like a local lager...

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What is the difference between Donald J. Trump and the Hindenberg?

One is an exploding Nazi gas bag, whose fiery crash and destruction played out on camera; the flaming doom marked the end, not just of itself, but for all that followed in it's line. Its blaze of failure permanently seared into the collective consciousness of humanity. A disaster that would be talke...

An Englishman, Frenchman, Spaniard and German are watching a street performer do some impressive juggling

As they watch him he throws flaming sticks in the air and twists them between his fingers before catching them with ease, he decides to start the next part of the act and slowly climbs up a tall ladder. Once at the top he spies the four men at the back, behind everyone in the audience who appear to ...

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Mike dies and goes to hell...

And he's terrified, but then Satan shows up and quips "Dude, why are you crying? Look around!".

Mike looks around and notices the area is not, as he expected, a flaming inferno, but actually a nice beach area.

"I thought I was in hell?"

"You are, but our promotion team is REALL...

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