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Fights Jokes

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A few friends go to Mexico to watch the bull fights.

Afterwards, the friends go to a restaurant. The waiter asks them, "would you like to try the oysters? They are the testicles of the bull, but we only serve them when the bull loses."

After time, the men decide they do want to try the oysters. Out comes a dish with two huge, round balls, with ...

What do you call a large reptile who likes to stir up petty fights on social media?

An Insta-gator.

What mythical creature fights for the rights of other mythical creatures?

Unioncorns.

Why did the stair contractor get in so many fights?

He kept asking people if they want a step outside.

Why do they hate food fights in Chinese restaurants?

Because it's wonton violence.

we used to call them "food fights"...

...kids today call them "all you can yeet buffets"

Why is soy sauce forbidden in fights?

‘Cause you should never Kikkoman when he’s down.

What do you call an ant that fights crime?

A vigilante.

What do you call a matador that only fights other matadors?

Meta-dor

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Today , I learnt that cock fights were chickens fighting!

Months of training wasted!

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What kind of mushrooms get in the most fights?

Shit talky mushrooms

I don't really like having fights going downhill...

...but sometimes you just gotta roll with the punches

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My body only fights off illness on Saturday and Sunday

I have a weekend immune system

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A Republican and a Democrat end up as neighbors

Every single day they have fights for their political beliefs in which they spiral out of control. As the years goes by they hate each other more and more.

One day the Republican(John) has a terrible car accident right in front of the Democrats(Mike) house.

Mike!! he yells. Come qui...

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TIL that my Head & Shoulders shampoo's proven HydraZinc formula fights dandruff from the first wash, removing visible flakes and residues, relieving dryness and tight scalp, and leaving my hair smelling great.

I also learned not to forget my phone when I take a shit

I think fights between career boxers and famous criminals would be entertaining. We could even make it fair, with different weight classes and everything.

We just need to weigh the Pros and Cons.

A Russian enters a bar full of Turkish people.

He's wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering "Turkish got 3 problems."

Just a few seconds later the Turkishs oppose him and say "Hey, yopu know what you're wearing is insulting?"
The russian responds: "This is your first problem: You're so easily offended."

The Turkish respond: "Oka...

I just printed some pamphlets on how not to say the wrong thing and avoid getting into fights.

Who wants some?

What does Eminem use when he fights?

Marshall Arts

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What do you call it if an illegal immigrant fights a sex offender?

Alien vs. Predator

What do you call an octopus that fights sharks?

An octobrave.



I'm sorry.

What do you call a dead baby ,who fights crime?

Miscarriage of Justice

Do you know why some vegans love to start fights with other people?

They need to get some beef in their lives somehow.

What do you call a Korean high school girl who fights crime in spare time?

Kimchi Possible, obviously

My little brother is extremely proud of this joke. What do you call a reptile who anyways starts fights?

An Insti-Gator

What's the name of the Thai superhero that fights crime while dressed as currency?

Bahtman.

Or is it The Bahtman?

According to the movies, people get in knife fights all the time. But seriously...

But seriously, I can count on the fingers left on one hand the number of times I've been in a knife fight.

What do you call an undead soldier that fights for Social Justice?

A Wight Knight

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My buddy went to the bull fights

My buddy returned from Spain a few days ago and was telling me about his trip. He said he went to the bull fights and later found the best Italian food he had ever had right outside the stadium. The pasta was fresh, the sauce was amazing, and the meatballs were the most tender and well seasoned he h...

Why aren't there more pencil fights in ufc?

Last time it lead to a draw!

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I informed myself about cock fights, and developed a thought on it

It's not for pussies

What do you call an alligator that is constantly starting fights with his friends? [OC]

An instigator.

My son just told me the school security guard got fired and the new one has only one arm. He asked, "How will he be able to break up fights with only one arm?"

I replied, "Single-handedly."

Never start fights with flat earth theorist!

They’ll always go over the edge

What do you call a malted milk ball that fights crime?

Whopper texas ranger.

Why can Snoop Dog easily win fights?

He has the high ground.

Where do people settle food fights?

A food court

(Came up with this during lunch break)

Did you hear Muhammad Ali burnt his hand in a few fights?

That's what happens when you punch George Foreman in the grill.

Why don't Indians have food fights?

Because they're naan-violent

I've heard the crime rate in the Philippines drops when Manny Pacquiao fights...

The crime rate also drops in Floyd Mayweather's home when Floyd Mayweather fights.

I’m the undefeated champion of water fights in my neighbourhood.

Nothing beats the kettle

What do you call a Mexican wrestler that only fights during his 12:00 break?

A lunchador.

What is it called when a gamer fights someone?

An Asthma attack.

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The Bull Fights

A Man won an all paid trip to Spain, luckily for this man there is nothing more that he has ever wanted than to see the bull fights! Upon landing in Spain the man quickly obtained transportation to get to the nearest bull fighting stadium, he arrived just in time! As he took his seat he could not be...

Little known fact: Most Star Wars' space fights filmed in a church

Pew Pew Pew

It appears we have reached that day once again where all the Irish people get drunk and start fights tonight and skip work tomorrow.

Monday.

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Little Johnny

Little Johnny wakes up in the hospital after having his appendix taken out only to find out he has messed the bed while under anesthesia. Thankfully no one else was in the room and he starts worrying people will laugh at him so he comes up with a plan.

He jumps out of bed, takes his soil bed...

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