A blind guy walks into a primarily female bar

During a break in the music, he loudly says "hey, y'all wanna hear a blond joke?" Being blind, he doesn't realize how many blond women are in the bar. The bartender walks up to him and tells him "alright man, I know you're blind and new around here, so let me offer you some advice. I am 6'5 and blon...

My wife can’t wrestle..

But you should see her box.









Thank you goodnight.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Australian Army Recruit sends home a letter..

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on the farm - tell them to get in quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get outta bed until 6am. Bu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man sees a sign in front of a bar that states "Free Beer For 1 Year Inquire Inside"

The man goes inside and sits down at the bar, and asks the bartender about the sign he saw out front. The bartender informs him that all he has to do is complete 3 tasks, and the bar will give him free beer for one year. The man asked what the tasks were and the bartender responded. First you need t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob, an Olympic class wrestler - has a match with Bjorn, a Lapland wrestling grandmaster

Before the meet, Bob's coaches warned him that Bjorn has a deadly stranglehold move called "the pretzel". They warned him not to dip his right shoulder while standing face to face, or he will certainly lose.

Bob keeps this advice in mind as he wrestles Bjorn - but he loses concentration for ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wrestling match was about to begin...

...and the Contender's coach was once again lecturing the Contender.

"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times-don't let the Champion get you in The Pretzel! No one has ever been able to get out of The Pretzel!"

The Contender nodded his head, getting ready for the match. "...

For my late grandfather, his favorite joke. "My wife, she can't wrestle..."

"But you should see her box!"

And he'd laugh. And laugh. And laugh.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestlers legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.

John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russ ...

If I had to wrestle Satan and was allowed to pick a partner, I’d pick Bob Ross

He always knew how to beat the devil.

Arm wrestle

I challenged one of the Apollo 11 crew to an arm wrestle.
In hindsight I should have chosen Aldrin, or Collins

What's better than watching a woman wrestle?

Seeing her box.

The first night in prison and not sleeping next to my wife, I wrestled uncontrollably with a large and throbbing erection.

I just wish it had been mine.

A man went to the doctor and told him, "Every night for the past month and a half, I have dreams in which I have wrestling matches with donkeys."

The doctor gave him some pills and said, "Take these, and your dreams will go away."

"Can I start taking them tomorrow?" the man asked.

"Why?" the doctor inquired.

"Because I'm scheduled to wrestle in the championship match tonight," he replied.

I wrestled with blind kids.

I wrestled with blind kids just so I could say I'm John Cena....

A regular family dinner

Son: Mama, I saw Papa in the maids bedroom today

Pa: H-Hey now you just be quiet and eat your dinner son

Ma: Go on son...

Son: Papa took off his clothes and the maid did the same!!!

Pa: Now listen here you lying little sh--

Ma: Finish the story Son!

Son: The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wrestling

The World Wrestling Championship was being held in the UP of Michigan, at the "Paper Clip Center' just outside UMPsville, between the 2 finalists, a American and a Russian. The Russian was known for his "Pretzel Hold". No man in history had got out of the Pretzel Hold. The Russian had won 1 bout and...

American Indian female wrestling

A tribe of Native Americans generally referred to their woman by the animal hide with which they made their blanket. Thus, one woman might be known as Squaw of Buffalo Hide, while another might be known as Squaw of Deer Hide. This tribe had a particularly large and strong woman, with a very unique...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

World Wrestling Championship. At the final are American and Japanese wrestlers.

Before the game, the American coach said:

- See John. I have not told you yet, but this Japanese is very strong and very corrupt. He has a favorite grip. If he applies it, everything is lost.

- No problem, trainer. I'll handle him somehow.

The fight begins. The wrestlers go out ...

A joke my granddad once told me as a kid:

At a mental hospital there is a man and a doctor assessing his sanity.

The doctor takes out a 100 dollar bill and an apple and sets it on the table

"Mister, I want to give you something. Which of these do you want?"

The man looks at the 2 objects hard, and eventually takes the a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Olympic wrestling

A Russian and a Norwegian wrestler named Ole were set to square off for the Olympic Gold Medal.

Before the final match, the Norwegian wrestling coach came to Ole and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian.. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold h...

When Jacob wrestled god

Do you think he used jew-jitsu

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you shit the bed one more time - I'm throwing your sheets out the window!

An elderly man in an old folks home has had a problem going number 2 in bed. The nurse has to change he sheets every morning so she finally breaks down and yells at him, "If you shit the bed one more time I'm throwing your sheets out the window!"

Well, sure enough, the next morning she finds...

An East Indian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world, has swam with sharks, has wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name was...

Bindair Dundat

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar

They all begin discussing their own churches and synagogue. As the night goes on, they drink more and more, and the discussion starts to turn competitive. Each starts to boast about how eloquent they are, and how great they are at converting non believers. Eventually, the bartender gets sick of it. ...

Yesterday I took LSD and I wrestled with a grass snake for three hours.

On a side note, our garden hose is completely wrecked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not enough room in heaven

3 men suddenly appear at the same time at the pearly gates. God comes over to the trio and informs them that Heaven has room for just one more today. Whichever man has the worst story will get in.

The first man begins “So get this: I’ve been pretty sure my wife’s been cheating on me for a wh...

Chuck Norris and Superman arm wrestled...

Loser had to wear his underwear over his pants till the rest of his life.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hulk Hogan: Doc, I had to struggle through manic-depression all my career!

Therapist: Are you saying you had to wrestle mania?

Bob, a Neanderthal furniture craftsman, lugs his latest stone creation into Harry’s store.

Harry is the proud owner of Pleistocene Man Home, a thriving home goods and flint cave.

Bob, still breathing heavily from his labor, says to Harry, “Here new chair. Soft slate. No crack. Has club holder.

Harry is impressed. “Good chair! Better than chair you make for Doug”

“W...

I saw a woman at the gas station pumping gas and trying to light a cigarette

I went inside to pay and saw two policemen in the store. I said "Did you guys see that woman out there?" They looked outside and suddenly darted out the door. I turn and see she caught her arm on fire

The policemen threw a blanket around her and wrestled her to the ground and put out the fire...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A German, an Estonian and a Russian hold a challenge.

They have to drink a bucket of vodka, arm wrestle a bear in a cave and fuck a nun. The German starts, gets through half a bucket of vodka and falls off. The Estonian drinks the whole bucket and falls off. The Russian, however, finishes his bucket, goes into the cave. Loads of screaming can be heard ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 cowboys are sitting around a campfire bragging about all the adventures they’ve had over the years.

The first cowboy says, “I’ve gotta be the toughest cowboy out there. Just the other day a bull got loose in the corral and killed 3 men and I single handedly wrestled that bull to the ground.”

The second cowboy says, “that’s nothing. About 2 weeks ago I found this huge rattlesnake, so I grabb...

Two men in the woods

These 2 guys are out walking through the woods, they come upon a clearing with a big hole in the middle of it. The first guy says to the second "I wonder how deep this hole is" "I don't know, let's find something to toss in here and see if we can hear it hit the bottom", says the second. So they go ...

Three russian sons set out to prove their manliness by wrestling bears.

The first son returns, sits down and says "father I travelled to vladivastok forest and wrestled a black bear whilst topless"

The father shakes his head and says "you are no son of mine. Leave now"

The second son returns home and says " father I travelled to the forests of poland and w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The pretzel hold

So the wrestling coach comes up to jimmy. "Listen Jimmy, I've seen this kid wrestle 3-4 times. Hes got this pretzel hold man and if he gets you in it your done. Over. So IDK how to avoid it or what but whatever you do watch for that pretzel hold."

Match starts. Not 2 seconds in Jimmies in a ...

A man lines up for food in Soviet Russia...

After two hours of waiting he gets his turn and offers his bowl.

“Out of soup.” says the officer in charge and waves him aside.

The man refuses to leave. He tosses the bowl on the table and curses the regime for failing his starving family.

The officer motions to the guards an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three cowboys are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which cowboys are famous.

A night of tall tales commences.

The first says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day, a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground, by the horns, with my bare hands."

The second chimes in, "Why that's nothing....

A rugby player turns up at A&E with a discolated shoulder

A doctor and a couple of burly assistants are trying to wrestle it back into place and the rugby player is letting them know how uncomfortable the entire procedure is. After a while a passing matron leans in and says "Really, sir, there's a young lady having a baby just down the corridor and she's n...

My friend made it his life’s mission to fight poverty.

He wrestles homeless people every weekend.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar, and sees a jar full of money sitting on the table.

Puzzled, he looks at the bartender before ordering a drink.

“Shit, is this the tip jar for today?”

The bartender, cleaning a glass, shakes his head before looking up at the man.

“No, that’s our prize money.”

“Prize money?” The man asked. “What competition did this bar com...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Farm kid writes letter home after joining Marines....

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am ge...

Trump is doing a meet-and-greet at a crowded venue

and his security detail is being extra watchful. One of them is a new guy and he’s extra jumpy.
Suddenly, a gunman bursts from the crowd, aiming his weapon at the President. Pandemonium ensues. The rookie bodyguard screams “Mickey Mouse!!!” at the top of his voice and this startles the would be a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Man Coming Home from the Bar

James gets up from his barstool after a long night drinking alone and falls right to the floor.

He crawls to the door, pulls himself up to open it, and falls through the door as it swings open.

James continues this process as he crawls home pulling himself by his hands; falling to the...

After the Russian election Putin meets with his staff

Staff: “Sir Comrade Vlad, we have got good news and bad news for you.”

Putin: “I’m not scared of bad news, I’ve wrestled bears, tigers and a small rhino with my bare Russian hands. Hit me!”

Staff: “Your opponent got 51% of the votes.”

Putin: “That is terrible news! What on earth...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Thought this one was odd enough to share

This bloke walks into the poshest restaurant in town and says, "Where's the god damn, mother fucking Manager you cock sucking arse wipe." The waiter is naturally taken aback and replies, "Excuse me, sir, but could you please refrain from using that sort of language in here, I will get the manager as...

A priest, a Baptist and a rabbi walk into a bar

A priest, a baptist and a rabbi walk into a bar and start getting sloshed.

They decide that they need to test their faith to see which one is the best. They decide the ultimate challenge is to see if they can convert a bear.

So the next day they all go out into the wood to try and meet...

A priest, a preacher and a Rabbi walked into their favorite bar

where they would get together two or three times a week for drinks and to talk shop. 

On this particular afternoon, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear.

One thing led to another and they decided to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During World war 2, there was a shortage of organs for transplantation...

... so one London hospital had started trying to use animal parts instead.

A man who had lost his eye, arm and his penis in the bombings was one of the first patients receiving this experimental treatment.

Instead of his lost eye, they gave him the eye of an eagle.

Instead of ...

I got a flat tire outside of the Mental Institution.

I wrestled the tire off, but stripped out half of the nuts. "Great! What am I gonna do now?", I spit, angrily.

"Put one on every other lug, then drive cautiously to a place you can get some more." A patient was looking over the wall.

"How'd you know that?", I asked.

"I'm craz...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Here is one of my favourite Iranian jokes that I've translated to English for you all, hope you like it

One day there was a king who had the the most beautiful daughter anyone had ever seen.

Everyone wanted to sleep with his daughter so he thought he would make a game of this.

King: "Anyone who can wrestle my lion and kill it will be given permission fuck my daughter"

For days m...

Just before we paid the check at a restaurant, a cute waitress saw some leftovers and asked my dad “you wanna box?”

“Nah, I would rather wrestle”

A man walks into a hunting store

One day a man walked into a sporting goods store looking to buy a rifle. The man had never been hunting before and asked the clerk if he could recommend a rifle.

"Oh yes," the clerk said. "I'm not a very good shot but I've done quite a lot of hunting in my day, even did some big game hunting...

Waitress walks over to the table

Waitress - “You guys all finished?”

Me - Yes

Waitress - You wanna box for your leftovers?

Me - No, but I’ll wrestle you for them.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.