The first guy goes into see the commitee, and they ask him some questions.
C: "Who discovered America?"
IG1: "Christopher Columbus."
C: "How long ago was that?"
IG1: "Around three hundred years..."
C: "Do aliens exist?"
IG1: "It's possible, but there's no pr...
At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?" The inmate responded, "It’s bec..."
Officer: Yes? Inmate: I think I have.. Officer: Go on. Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence? Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
I want Donald Trump to be my parole officer...
...he never lets anybody finish a sentence.
My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole!!
Man, that sentence was way too long.
Why did the parole officer get fired?
He got Bill Cosby a job as a bartender
A English teacher has been sentenced to life without parole. The ex-teacher, seemingly unaware, asked the judge if that really was his sentence. The judge questioned why he would ask such a ridiculous question.
“Well you see,” The English teacher explained. “‘Life without parole’ is a phrase.”
Did you hear what Charles Manson said after he was asked what he would do if he got out on parole at his hearing?
CM: "I don't know, settle down? Maybe start a family?"
Credit to my friend for this joke haha.
Why don't English teachers like parole?
They prefer complete sentences.
Well, OJ has been paroled.
The spokesperson for the parole board that granted him his new freedom said they "decided to give him another stab at it."
My parole officer said “You know who you hurt the most when you go joyriding?”
Homeless man tells the tale
I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, “Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I ...
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A parole officer makes a house visit...
He walks sternly and silently into the house then to the upstairs hallway. He stops, reaches up and pulls a chord which releases a smaller set of stairs. He trudges up them and at the top he stands with a scowl as he examines the unfortunate scene. He yells, "What the hell, are you ever going to get...
30th Wedding Anniversary
On her 30th wedding anniversary a woman is asked what advice she would have for new brides.....
The woman's response: If you poison him now you will be out on parole within 30 years.
I definitely think Trump will get at least 270.
But with parole and good behavior, it could be as little as 200.
What has 6 letters, starts with 'P', and ends a sentence?
So Two guys are sitting in a prison cell.
the small guy turns to the larger guy and asks *"So what are you in for then?"*
*"armed bank Robbery, theft of a vehicle, and assault of an officer."* the large guy replies, with a rather solemn look. The smaller guy nods and says *"oh.. how long are ya in for?"*
English man irish man and a scotsman
Was all in court and the judge said we find you guilty and we will give you parole in 10 years, but until then i can grant you one thing that you can have in your cell that will be restocked every day until then.
The scots man said, BEER i want lots of beer to help me sleep at night to help w...
BREAKING: American Jazz musician sentenced to 12 months in prison, legally changes name
Felonious Monk will be eligible for parole in 6 months
Today, I celebrated 25 years of marriage to my wife.
At dinner, she asked, "25 years is really something. What do you think?"
I say, "I'm just thinking, if I had killed you when I had the chance, I'd just now be getting out of prison on parole..."
A man was arrested for stealing cat hairs to make whoopee cushions.
This was a criminal offense in Florida. He was brought before a judge who was a notorious cat lover. The jury consisted of only elderly spinsters. The man's lawyer requested for a different judge and jury, but his request was rejected. The court found the man "extremely guilty and a possible dog lov...
Inmate escapes prison
Johnny had been in prison for only a year into his life long sentence with no hope for parole that he had decided that he would not be dying in prison. Using outside connections and some small favors he was able to get a small spoon and a local map of the surrounding area to the prison. After ten ye...
An English teacher has volunteered to educate prisoners at a local prison.
Teahcer: "can you tell me please, what comes after every sentence?"
One of the prisoners then responds with; "that's easy. Parole."
When a cop asks a criminal about local crimes, they're "consulting with their CI"
When I ask a criminal about local crimes, I'm "consorting with known felons" and "violating my parole."
this is a joke
3 men are going on parole to be set free from a mental institute.
In this institute, you get asked one question for parole, and if your'e correct you would be set free.
The first person comes in, and he is asked: What is 2+2? He answers, Chicken! The directors deny h...
The shortest sentence in the English language is "go." What is the longest?
Life without parole
Add pressurised gas to orange juice you get orangeade. Add pressurised gas to cherry juice you get cherryade. Add pressurised gas to a man named Declan.
You get a decade. Though I'm hoping to be out on parole after 5 for good behaviour.
My dad went to prison
Now hes my parole model
How many kids could a Jonchuck chuck if a Jonchuck could chuck kids?
1 and then he gets life without parole.
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I have a friend who spent a few years in jail
You know how there are two bunks per cell, like a top and bottom bunk? Well my buddy was in the top bunk, roommate in bottom bunk. The roommate says, "either you jump down onto your neck, or I'm going to fuck your ass everyday until one of us gets parole." I asked my buddy if he jumped, and he said ...
Teacher talking to a young black student.
Teacher: It's a simple grammar question Leroy!.
"What comes at the end of a sentence?"
What's the meaning of life?
I just celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary today...
Does this mean I'm eligible for parole now??
A newly appointed priest is speaking to his congregation for the first time...
He tells them "welcome to St James church, where you can be rest assured that we will not touch your children". He delivers a stunning message but chimes in that he "will not touch your children" every five minutes. As he is meeting and greeting, every five minutes he mentions "I won't touch the chi...