[At parole hearing] Officer: Why should you be released early?
Man: I’m ..
Officer: Go on.
Man: I think...
Man: Can I please finish my sentence?
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
A man was arrested for stealing cat hairs to make whoopee cushions.
This was a criminal offense in Florida. He was brought before a judge who was a notorious cat lover. The jury consisted of only elderly spinsters. The man's lawyer requested for a different judge and jury, but his request was rejected. The court found the man "extremely guilty and a possible dog lov...
Well, OJ has been paroled.
The spokesperson for the parole board that granted him his new freedom said they "decided to give him another stab at it."
Today, I celebrated 25 years of marriage to my wife.
At dinner, she asked, "25 years is really something. What do you think?"
I say, "I'm just thinking, if I had killed you when I had the chance, I'd just now be getting out of prison on parole..."
My buddy got arrested on drug charges and because it was his first offense, he thought he would get off lightly, but it turned out his lawyer was one of the worst in the state and ended up botching his case, so instead of getting a short term, he ended up getting 40 years without parole.…
That sentence was way too long.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A parole officer makes a house visit...
He walks sternly and silently into the house then to the upstairs hallway. He stops, reaches up and pulls a chord which releases a smaller set of stairs. He trudges up them and at the top he stands with a scowl as he examines the unfortunate scene. He yells, "What the hell, are you ever going to get...
i had it all
I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed.
I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym an...
An English teacher has volunteered to educate prisoners at a local prison.
Teahcer: "can you tell me please, what comes after every sentence?"
One of the prisoners then responds with; "that's easy. Parole."
My parole officer said “You know who you hurt the most when you go joyriding?”
Add pressurised gas to orange juice you get orangeade. Add pressurised gas to cherry juice you get cherryade. Add pressurised gas to a man named Declan.
You get a decade. Though I'm hoping to be out on parole after 5 for good behaviour.
Why don't English teachers like parole?
They prefer complete sentences.
Inmate escapes prison
Johnny had been in prison for only a year into his life long sentence with no hope for parole that he had decided that he would not be dying in prison. Using outside connections and some small favors he was able to get a small spoon and a local map of the surrounding area to the prison. After ten ye...
this is a joke
3 men are going on parole to be set free from a mental institute.
In this institute, you get asked one question for parole, and if your'e correct you would be set free.
The first person comes in, and he is asked: What is 2+2? He answers, Chicken! The directors deny h...
How many kids could a Jonchuck chuck if a Jonchuck could chuck kids?
1 and then he gets life without parole.
My dad went to prison
Now hes my parole model
What has 6 letters, starts with 'P', and ends a sentence?
The Purple Violet
Timmy was starting kindergarten, and on his first day he was pretty nervous. First, the students went around and said their names, and something fun about them. “I’m Mary, and I like dolls!” said Mary. “I’m Johnny, and I like action figures!” said Johnny. When it was Timmy’s turn, he...
What's the meaning of life?
The shortest sentence in the English language is "go." What is the longest?
Life without parole
I just celebrated my 20th wedding anniversary today...
Does this mean I'm eligible for parole now??
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
I have a friend who spent a few years in jail
You know how there are two bunks per cell, like a top and bottom bunk? Well my buddy was in the top bunk, roommate in bottom bunk. The roommate says, "either you jump down onto your neck, or I'm going to fuck your ass everyday until one of us gets parole." I asked my buddy if he jumped, and he said ...
A newly appointed priest is speaking to his congregation for the first time...
He tells them "welcome to St James church, where you can be rest assured that we will not touch your children". He delivers a stunning message but chimes in that he "will not touch your children" every five minutes. As he is meeting and greeting, every five minutes he mentions "I won't touch the chi...