11 conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.

Now, you can’t tell me that’s just a coincidence.

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Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven...

God: welcome to the St. Peter's Gates. With my omniscient knowledge, I can tell you anything you wish to know.

Conspiracy Theorist 1: Who won the 2020 US Presidential Election?

God: Joseph R. Biden

Conspiracy Theorist 2: \*Looks at his friend\* shit dude, this goes even deeper t...

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb?

The real question is that who broke the light bulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?

edit.. thanks for the award kind stanger.

After dying the anti-vaxxer meets God. "God, please tell me who is behind the conspiracy to give people autism with vaccines?"

"Nobody," says God. "There is no conspiracy, and vaccines do no cause autism."

"THEY GOT TO YOU TOO?! HOW FAR UP DOES THIS GO?!"

Q anon conspiracy types must be absolutely fuming

they were promised a storm...

...and in the end all they got was a 'lil wayne.

I'm here all week.

My favourite conspiracy theory is ...

That everything is going to be ok.

Why did the conspiracy oriented astronaut end up getting vaccinated?

He wanted to experience what 5G felt like

What’s the difference between the truth and a conspiracy theory?

About 6-12 months.

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A flat earther dies and goes to heaven.

At the gates of heaven, St. Peter says to them, "Before you enter the gates of heaven, you may ask god one question."

The flat earther asks, "God, is the earth flat?"

God responds, "The earth is 100% a globe."

The flat earther exclaims, "Holy crap! This conspiracy runs deeper th...

What do you call conspiracy theorists in a line?

Queue Anon

A QAnon conspiracy theorist, a racist, and an anti-Semite walk into a bar.

Bartender says, "What'll you have, Congresswoman Greene?"

I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their sperm. I think they are completely crazy.

4G must've fried their brains.

Why did the conspiracy theorist tell the radio repairman to take his time?

Because there was no rush

A blind man and a conspiracy theorist walk into a bar

The blind man hits his head. This must have been a setup.

Did you hear about the California owl conspiracy network?

They're calling themselves the "ca-hoots".

All conspiracy theories were proved wrong. Trump will manage to stay in power by...

... dragging the vote count until 2024!

The only conspiracy theory I believe in is the one about Barbie's boyfriend disappearing in the woods

Kentrails

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This whole pandemic is a conspiracy.

This whole pandemic is a conspiracy.

The Altoids Corporation teamed up with the makers of Tic-Tacs and Listerene Breath Strips and made this virus in a lab in Wu-Tang so that all the rest of us would be forced to smell our own stank-ass breath and buy millions of dollars worth of mints.
...

Erectile Dysfunction

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.

The certificate was for a consultation with an traditional healer, who was well known to have a very good naturopathic cure for erectile dysfunction!

As he despised western medicine, believing the conspiracy theo...

Breaking news: Conspiracy against trump confirmed.

In a recent study of ballots it has become apparent that there was in fact a Conspiracy during the election.

Turns out it was way worse than the Republicans first thought though, it is now believed that a massive conspiracy involving some 81 million American adults conspired together against ...

Anyone want to help start a new conspiracy theory themed cafeteria style restaurant?

We’ll call it “Queue A Nom Nom”

AutoCAD Conspiracy.

I'm always suspicious of people who use AutoCAD... they always seem to be plotting something.

Conspiracy theorists are like, “If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...”

It’s a government surveillance drone.

A flat-earther dies and goes to heaven.

He arrives in heaven and is met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
“You’ve lived your life free from sin and because of this, we welcome you into heaven my child.” Says Saint Peter.

The flat-Earther breathes a sigh of relief and starts to make his way through the gates of heaven. Before h...

This new JFK conspiracy will blow your mind...

I hear it's not even a real airport!

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Two Conspiracy Theorists Die...

...as they stand before God waiting to be judged, God tells them that they each may ask him one question they have always wanted to be answered and he would answer it.

One of the conspiracy theorists steps forward and asks “who was REALLY behind 9/11?”

Before God can answer, the seco...

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Two Israelis are sitting on the beach in Tel Aviv...

... reading newspapers. One is reading a reputed newspaper published in Tel Aviv, but the other is reading an anti-Semitic propaganda paper published by Iranian subverts.

The first guy asks the second: "why in God's name are you reading that anti-Semitic rag?"

The second guy responded...

Flat Earther goes to Heaven

A life long Flat Earther named Greg dies and goes to Heaven.

Upon arrival at the Pearly Gates he meets St Peter who says "Welcome to Heaven Greg, today is your lucky day you're one of hundred people who can ask a question to God

Greg: Can I ask him anything?

St Peter: Anything ...

I don't get why there are so many conspiracy theorists in the US.

5G must have fried their brains.

What do you call a constipated conspiracy theorist?

An anti-laxxer!

What did the bird say to the conspiracy theorist?

Nothing, birds aren't real

Ashli Babbitt and Kevin Greeson die and go the Heaven...

At the Pearly Gates they see God who tells them he will answer any question. They look at each other and ask, "Who won the 2020 election?"

Exasperated, God responds, "Oh for the love of...! Biden! Biden won the presidency in a free and fair election! There was no grand conspiracy. The machine...

Conspiracy Theory

Mom: "Junior, you're going to have to eat your peas or no dessert."

Junior: "That's a conspiracy theory."

Mom: "Where on earth did you hear that?"

Junior: "Dad says that a conspiracy theory is when someone says something that you don't like!"

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar

Yeah, we're really supposed to believe that happens randomly?

How many journalists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three:

One to report it as an inspired government program to bring light to the poor.
One to report it as a conspiracy to deprive the poor of darkness.
And one to win a Pulitzer Prize for reporting that the electric company hired someone to break the lightbulb in the first place.
...

Conspiracy theorists in Germany believe the government plans to do mandatory vaccinations against Corona. That's laughable.

I'm certain they'll put something in the tap water.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two 9/11 conspiracy theorists are in a plane when it crashes

An instant later they find themselves in the afterlife, being judged by Almighty God Himself.

One falls to his knees, "I deplore you, all-powerful Creator of the universe! Before you judge me, I humbly beg you, reveal who was behind the September 11 attacks!"

God sighs. "Muslim extremi...

I think it would be pretty simple to send 5G conspiracy theorists to space

Just tell them there's Zero G

Mommy mommy I wanna grow up to be a conspiracy theorist!

Prove it

My dad finally woke up from his conspiracy theory and realized that cyanide couldn’t kill the coronavirus.

It was a hard pill to swallow

Conspiracy theories are a lot like moon landings.

They're all fake

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Conspiracy theorists think that Vice President Cheney stole someone's identity, and that his birth name is actually Bart.

It's not true. I've met him. He's a real Dick.

(Work in progress)What do you call a bunch of ravens pretending to be crows?

A conspiracy to commit murder!

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar

One of them says “this can’t be a coincidence”

(My son came up with this and swears it’s original, so if I’m inadvertently reposting don’t blame me)

Why do some conspiracy weirdos wear tin foil hats with four holes in it?

To make sure 5G radiation can't get through.

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven...

When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him. "Welcome. You are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully."

Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, "Did Bush do 9/11?"

God replies, "Bush did not plan the attacks. 9/11 was perpetrated...

Why is Trump so sure that the Coronavirus is a Democrat conspiracy?

Because pandemic has dem at the centre of panic.

I have a conspiracy theory...

The government is spreading false rumors that aluminum-foil hats protect your brain from being scanned. aluminum foil is actually an antenna that allows them to get a better signal.

Can we stop the conspiracy theories on Epstein's death? It was a normal suicide, because he had nothing to live for.

"This post is supported and paid for by the Clinton Foundation"

I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist,but I can't be the only one that noticed they are developing a vaccine for the Corona virus just in time...

To see if anti vaxxers are right .

Someone asked me if I was one of those conspiracy theorists"

I replied, "why, who are you working for?"

Can conspiracy theorists win a Nobel Prize?

They already have a Theory of Everything.

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Three conspiracy theorists are sitting at a bar.

“Man, I can’t believe NASA thinks we’d eat up that moon landing bullshit,” one of them says.

“I know, right?” says another. “Everyone knows deep down that it was fake.”

“The moon is way too far away for anybody to realistically land on!” the third one interjects. “If they could do it, ...

I don’t believe in conspiracy theories.

I everyone who believes them is working together to scare me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a Jewish conspiracy theorists biggest fear?

The Illumi-nazis.

😂Thought of this while driving yesterday...so it’s original as far as I know

Anyone hear about the conspiracy theorist who died and went to heaven?

When he arrived, God stated that He grants all His children one question. The man promptly asked, "Who killed Kennedy?" God replied, "It was Lee Harvey Oswald, on the 6th floor, with his own gun, and he acted alone." The man thought for a moment then disappointingly replied "This goes higher u...

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A JFK conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven

When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him. "Welcome. You are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully."

Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, "Who really shot Kennedy?"

God replies, "Lee Harvey Oswald shot him from sixth floor ...

Two (more) conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven.

Now that they have the chance to ask any question of God, one of them asks "Do vaccines cause autism?"
God responds "No you fools. I gave humanity the key to save yourselves from countless deaths and so much suffering."

The conspiracy theorist gulps and turns to his friend....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So two conspiracy theorists go to heaven

2 conspiracy theorists end up in heaven. They're at the gates and they see Jesus.

Jesus tells them that they can ask him any question they want. So they basically ask "who did 9/11?"


Jesus replies a "bunch of pissed-off terrorists"

The conspiracy theorists are shocked....

A priest, a philosopher, and a conspiracy theorist walk into a bar...

They sit down at a table and the priest says "God created all things!"

The philosopher says "But who created god?"

And the conspiracy theorist says "I think we're all just inside a computer and we're put into this exact situation by some weirdo as a sick joke!"

I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist here, but are we truly to believe that the Titanic sunk after being hit by an iceberg?! Do they think we're stupid fools!?

I've been throwing lettuce at the window for hours now and it hasn't even scratched, let alone put a hole in it.

How many redditors does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

Im not a person to believe in conspiracy theories, but..

.. working at 7/11 was an inside job.

Have you heard about the elevator conspiracy?

Hundreds of people are saying they got stuck between floors. But I don't believe them. I think they made it up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to Heaven and sees God.

When he gets there, God says, “I’ll tell you any secret you’ve ever wanted to know.”

The conspiracy theorist says “How did Jeffrey Epstien die?”

God says “He killed himself in his prison cell.”

The conspiracy theorist says “...shit, this goes higher than I thought”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Conspiracy theorists in a nutshell

Im kinda scared for the year 2020, because 2+0+2+0 = 4. which is the exact number of nipples Hitler would've had if he had 2 extra nipples

What did the conspiracy theorist say when they saw frankensteins monster?

it’s aLIE!!

New Conspiracy Theory about 9/11

So, if you convert 9/11 into a decimal, you get 0.8181818181818181818181818181.... going on forever. What's the eighth letter of the alphabet? H. What's the first letter of the alphabet? A. That's right, ladies and germs. The Joker did 9/11.

There once was a noble who was accused of conspiracy against his country...

When brought before the court, he was given a chance to out the people he was conspiring with to spare himself, but the noble refused to give any information. After trying several times the court gave up, convicted him of conspiracy, and sentenced him to death by way of beheading on the chopping bl...

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Two Covid deniers die of Covid and go to heaven. God tell them they can ask anything they want and get the truth....

Two Covid deniers die of Covid and go to heaven. God tell them they can ask anything they want and get the truth

Covid Denier 1: So there was no such thing as covid, right? I died of lung cancer or something!

God: No, Covid is real, you died of covid just like the Doctors said.
...

The vaccine conspiracy

Linda had a heart attack and was brought to the emergency room while in clinical death. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. She asked him:

"Tell me, God, is it true that vaccines could cause autism?"

"No, autism is a co...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two conspiracy theorists die and go to Heaven.

When they arrive, they ask Saint Peter if they can ask God a question. He agrees, and soon they find themselves in front of God.

"God," asked one of the conspiracy theorists, "who caused 9/11?"

"9/11 was caused by a group of God-hating individuals who wanted to sow terror and fear thro...

Gravity is a conspiracy theory.

It's just another way for The Man to keep you down.

Whats worse than 10,000 conspiracy theorists?

1 real conspiracy.

A conspiracy theorist who doesn't believe in Zeus walks out into a field during a thunderstorm wearing his tinfoil hat to test his theory.

Needless to say, he was shocked when he learned the truth.

I told my boyfriend that people with lower IQs are more likely to believe in conspiracy theories...

He said “Thats what they want you to think!”

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven.

He proceeds through the Pearly Gates, and is confronted by God, in all his glory.

God - “With my everlasting knowledge, you may ask me any question, and I shall fulfill you with the answer.”

Conspiracy Theorist - “God, I have to know, who really assassinated JFK?

God - “well, t...

There is a conspiracy theory that claims Princess Diana was on the radio after her reported death.

I'd like to confirm this was completely true, she WAS on the radio, and the dashboard, the steering wheel, the back of the seats and the windscreen.

A new conspiracy theory states Priness Diana was actually on the radio shortly after the supposed accident that killed her.

And the windshield, and the dashboard...

^^^^I ^^^^made ^^^^myself ^^^^sad

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