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Conspiracy Jokes

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar.

You can not tell me that's a coincidence!

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb?

The real question is that who broke the light bulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?

edit.. thanks for the award kind stanger.

A good-natured conspiracy theorist wakes up and realizes that he's died in his sleep and gone to heaven...God appears and says "welcome my son, as a reward for your virtuous life, I can answer one question for you about any topic you'd like with absolute certainty..."

The man thinks for a second and asks God "who actually killed JFK?"

God's eyes roll back in to his head for a minute while he scours the divine historical record. After a moment, he returns to normal and says "Lee Harvey Oswald."

The man replies "Wow! This goes way deeper than I though...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Conspiracy Theorists Die...

...as they stand before God waiting to be judged, God tells them that they each may ask him one question they have always wanted to be answered and he would answer it.

One of the conspiracy theorists steps forward and asks “who was REALLY behind 9/11?”

Before God can answer, the seco...

Call me a nutter, a conspiracy theorist or as mad as a hatter, but did you know that if you take the first two letters from the title of every Harry Potter book, it spells out a secret message?!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Why did the conspiracy theorist have such strong legs?

Because he spent so much time jumping to conclusions

Why do we call the aliens creating the pyramids a conspiracy theory?

It's obviously a pyramid scheme.

This is a conspiracy by Big Alarm Clock

wake up people

You know the conspiracy theories about the Queen being immortal?

They didn't age as well as she did.

Have you heard about the new flatbread conspiracy theorists?

They're out to convince all naan believers.

My brother hates candles and he thinks they were created as part of a government conspiracy

He's an anti-waxer

I can't believe there's so many conspiracy theories in the world. This is really not the time to be making up so many.

Not now while Trump is still sitting president.

It's obvious people offering UFO conspiracy theories don't understand basic science.

If they did, they'd be offering UFO conspiracy hypotheses.

There was a murder in Gotham last night. Police Commissioner Gordon told Batman some elaborate conspiracy theories,

But it's more likely that the Joker did it.

That's Arkham's Razor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've got a conspiracy that NASCAR fucking sucks...

It's my critical race theory.

A blind man and a conspiracy theorist walk into a bar

The blind man hits his head. This must have been a setup.

Conspiracy theories are a lot like moon landings.

They're all fake

I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their sperm. I think they are completely crazy.

4G must've fried their brains.

After dying the anti-vaxxer meets God. "God, please tell me who is behind the conspiracy to give people autism with vaccines?"

"Nobody," says God. "There is no conspiracy, and vaccines do no cause autism."

"THEY GOT TO YOU TOO?! HOW FAR UP DOES THIS GO?!"

What's the difference between a conspiracy theory and the truth?

Currently, about 6 months...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two 9/11 conspiracy theorists are in a plane when it crashes

An instant later they find themselves in the afterlife, being judged by Almighty God Himself.

One falls to his knees, "I deplore you, all-powerful Creator of the universe! Before you judge me, I humbly beg you, reveal who was behind the September 11 attacks!"

God sighs. "Muslim extremi...

When it comes to government conspiracy theories...

First make sure it can't be attributed to incompetence.

How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Do your own research.

Q anon conspiracy types must be absolutely fuming

they were promised a storm...

...and in the end all they got was a 'lil wayne.

I'm here all week.

A QAnon conspiracy theorist, a racist, and an anti-Semite walk into a bar.

Bartender says, "What'll you have, Congresswoman Greene?"

Why did the conspiracy theorist tell the radio repairman to take his time?

Because there was no rush

Conspiracy theorists are like, “If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...”

It’s a government surveillance drone.

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven...

When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him. "Welcome. You are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully."

Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, "Did Bush do 9/11?"

God replies, "Bush did not plan the attacks. 9/11 was perpetrated...

Did you hear about the California owl conspiracy network?

They're calling themselves the "ca-hoots".

What do you call conspiracy theorists in a line?

Queue Anon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This whole pandemic is a conspiracy.

This whole pandemic is a conspiracy.

The Altoids Corporation teamed up with the makers of Tic-Tacs and Listerene Breath Strips and made this virus in a lab in Wu-Tang so that all the rest of us would be forced to smell our own stank-ass breath and buy millions of dollars worth of mints.
...

All conspiracy theories were proved wrong. Trump will manage to stay in power by...

... dragging the vote count until 2024!

AutoCAD Conspiracy.

I'm always suspicious of people who use AutoCAD... they always seem to be plotting something.

Three conspiracy theorists walk into a bar

Yeah, we're really supposed to believe that happens randomly?

This new JFK conspiracy will blow your mind...

I hear it's not even a real airport!

The only conspiracy theory I believe in is the one about Barbie's boyfriend disappearing in the woods

Kentrails

I have a conspiracy theory...

The government is spreading false rumors that aluminum-foil hats protect your brain from being scanned. aluminum foil is actually an antenna that allows them to get a better signal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three conspiracy theorists are sitting at a bar.

“Man, I can’t believe NASA thinks we’d eat up that moon landing bullshit,” one of them says.

“I know, right?” says another. “Everyone knows deep down that it was fake.”

“The moon is way too far away for anybody to realistically land on!” the third one interjects. “If they could do it, ...

Breaking news: Conspiracy against trump confirmed.

In a recent study of ballots it has become apparent that there was in fact a Conspiracy during the election.

Turns out it was way worse than the Republicans first thought though, it is now believed that a massive conspiracy involving some 81 million American adults conspired together against ...

What do you call a constipated conspiracy theorist?

An anti-laxxer!

Anyone want to help start a new conspiracy theory themed cafeteria style restaurant?

We’ll call it “Queue A Nom Nom”

Mommy mommy I wanna grow up to be a conspiracy theorist!

Prove it

I hate to sound like a conspiracy theorist here, but are we truly to believe that the Titanic sunk after being hit by an iceberg?! Do they think we're stupid fools!?

I've been throwing lettuce at the window for hours now and it hasn't even scratched, let alone put a hole in it.

What do conspiracy theorists and sandwiches have in common?

They're both full of baloney.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Conspiracy theorists think that Vice President Cheney stole someone's identity, and that his birth name is actually Bart.

It's not true. I've met him. He's a real Dick.

Have you heard about the elevator conspiracy?

Hundreds of people are saying they got stuck between floors. But I don't believe them. I think they made it up.

I think it would be pretty simple to send 5G conspiracy theorists to space

Just tell them there's Zero G

Conspiracy Theory

Mom: "Junior, you're going to have to eat your peas or no dessert."

Junior: "That's a conspiracy theory."

Mom: "Where on earth did you hear that?"

Junior: "Dad says that a conspiracy theory is when someone says something that you don't like!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A flat earther dies and goes to heaven.

At the gates of heaven, St. Peter says to them, "Before you enter the gates of heaven, you may ask god one question."

The flat earther asks, "God, is the earth flat?"

God responds, "The earth is 100% a globe."

The flat earther exclaims, "Holy crap! This conspiracy runs deeper th...

Can we stop the conspiracy theories on Epstein's death? It was a normal suicide, because he had nothing to live for.

"This post is supported and paid for by the Clinton Foundation"

My dad finally woke up from his conspiracy theory and realized that cyanide couldn’t kill the coronavirus.

It was a hard pill to swallow

I just don't understand how conspiracy theorists make outrageous claims

5G must have really fried their brains.

Someone asked me if I was one of those conspiracy theorists"

I replied, "why, who are you working for?"

What did the giraffe say to the conspiracy theorist?

Nothing, giraffes aren't real.

Why do some conspiracy weirdos wear tin foil hats with four holes in it?

To make sure 5G radiation can't get through.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a Jewish conspiracy theorists biggest fear?

The Illumi-nazis.

😂Thought of this while driving yesterday...so it’s original as far as I know

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A JFK conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven

When he arrives at the Pearly Gates, God is there to receive him. "Welcome. You are permitted to ask me one question, which I will answer truthfully."

Without hesitating, the conspiracy theorist asks, "Who really shot Kennedy?"

God replies, "Lee Harvey Oswald shot him from sixth floor ...

The vaccine conspiracy

Linda had a heart attack and was brought to the emergency room while in clinical death. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. She asked him:

"Tell me, God, is it true that vaccines could cause autism?"

"No, autism is a co...

Anyone hear about the conspiracy theorist who died and went to heaven?

When he arrived, God stated that He grants all His children one question. The man promptly asked, "Who killed Kennedy?" God replied, "It was Lee Harvey Oswald, on the 6th floor, with his own gun, and he acted alone." The man thought for a moment then disappointingly replied "This goes higher u...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So two conspiracy theorists go to heaven

2 conspiracy theorists end up in heaven. They're at the gates and they see Jesus.

Jesus tells them that they can ask him any question they want. So they basically ask "who did 9/11?"


Jesus replies a "bunch of pissed-off terrorists"

The conspiracy theorists are shocked....

A priest, a philosopher, and a conspiracy theorist walk into a bar...

They sit down at a table and the priest says "God created all things!"

The philosopher says "But who created god?"

And the conspiracy theorist says "I think we're all just inside a computer and we're put into this exact situation by some weirdo as a sick joke!"

My anti-vaxxer and conspiracy theorist grandpa thinks that Corona is responsible the Coronavirus.

And he wants me to make Corona send an apology and compensation to all Americans.

Since he is also against emails and online communication, he has been telling me to make “Corona wire us”.

I'm not much of a conspiracy theorist,but I can't be the only one that noticed they are developing a vaccine for the Corona virus just in time...

To see if anti vaxxers are right .

My wife tells me my conspiracy theory obsession is getting out of control..

I wonder how much the government paid her to say that.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A giant porn conspiracy has been uncovered....

It was run by the illuminaughty

Ten minutes into "conspiracy theories and chill..."

...we start gettin *illuminaughty.*

Two (more) conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven.

Now that they have the chance to ask any question of God, one of them asks "Do vaccines cause autism?"
God responds "No you fools. I gave humanity the key to save yourselves from countless deaths and so much suffering."

The conspiracy theorist gulps and turns to his friend....

There is a conspiracy theory that claims Princess Diana was on the radio after her reported death.

I'd like to confirm this was completely true, she WAS on the radio, and the dashboard, the steering wheel, the back of the seats and the windscreen.

Can conspiracy theorists win a Nobel Prize?

They already have a Theory of Everything.

I told my boyfriend that people with lower IQs are more likely to believe in conspiracy theories...

He said “Thats what they want you to think!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to Heaven and sees God.

When he gets there, God says, “I’ll tell you any secret you’ve ever wanted to know.”

The conspiracy theorist says “How did Jeffrey Epstien die?”

God says “He killed himself in his prison cell.”

The conspiracy theorist says “...shit, this goes higher than I thought”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man named Jerry goes to his Conspiracy club

Jerry says he did research on 9/11.

Ernie asks what he found out.

Terry thought it was really jews.

For years people have searched for answers

Until now Jerry found out.

Ernie became impatient with Jerry.

Larry walked into the club, late from traffic.
...

A new conspiracy theory states Priness Diana was actually on the radio shortly after the supposed accident that killed her.

And the windshield, and the dashboard...

^^^^I ^^^^made ^^^^myself ^^^^sad

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two conspiracy theorists are flying on a plane to a convention when it crashes.

They find themselves before God and tell him "We are but humble men, and for all our life we have sought the truth. You are all-knowing, so you know all the answers."

"What is your question?"

"We would really like to know who was really behind the 9/11".

"Osama bin Laden and the...

A conspiracy theorist dies and goes to heaven.

He proceeds through the Pearly Gates, and is confronted by God, in all his glory.

God - “With my everlasting knowledge, you may ask me any question, and I shall fulfill you with the answer.”

Conspiracy Theorist - “God, I have to know, who really assassinated JFK?

God - “well, t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two conspiracy theorists die and go to Heaven.

When they arrive, they ask Saint Peter if they can ask God a question. He agrees, and soon they find themselves in front of God.

"God," asked one of the conspiracy theorists, "who caused 9/11?"

"9/11 was caused by a group of God-hating individuals who wanted to sow terror and fear thro...

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