Father's Jokes - 26 Hilarious Father's Jokes

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Dads of Reddit: Happy Father's Day...

YOU MOTHER FUCKERS

A young boy comes running down the street looking for a cop. He finds one and then begs "Please, officer, come back to the bar with me, my father's in a fight." Well, they get back to the bar and there's three guys fighting like you wouldn't believe.

After a while the cop turns to the kid and says "Okay, which one's your father."

The kid looks up at the cop and says, "I don't know, officer, that's what they're fighting about."

What do you get when you cross Father's Day and Cake day?

Extra Karma... I hope.

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a man meets his fiancée's father (not OC but my father's favourite joke)

A man is invited to meet his fiancée’s father for the very first time and is understandably nervous.
Unfortunately, he is also a little gassy from some food the night before.
He is sitting in the living room, right next to the dog and directly across from his future father-in-law, when sudde...

A man with 12 kids was trying to rent a house. However, no landowner would allow him to rent their house due to the number of children he had. Frustrated, the man told his wife to visit her father's tombstone and bring all but their youngest child with her.

He then visited a property and told the landowner that he would like to rent the place.

"Is this your only child?" asked the landowner.

"No, I have 12 children" replied the man.

"Then where are the other 11 kids?"

"In the cemetery with my wife," he calmly replied.

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This Sunday is Father's Day

I just want to give a shout out to all you motherfuckers out there.

Husband: "Wife, maybe for father's day you could get me a nice shirt?"

Wife: "What about all the others you have?"

Husband: "They are all getting me different things"

I got a lot of "Happy Father's Day, Daddy" messages yesrerday...

I'm starting to think I spend way too much money on OnlyFans...

Happy Father's Day

A new teacher joins a school.

She finds two boys looking very similar in appearance.

The teacher asks: Twins...?

Boys: No, we are neighbours!

What did Dad say when he got a universal remote for Father's Day?

This changes everything!

Happy Father's Day!

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Instead of "Mother's Day" and "Father's Day"

It should be "Mother's Day" and "Motherfucker's Day"

Whats you father's occupation?

Asked the school secretary, filling in the forms at the start of the academic year. "He's a magician," said the small boy. "How interesting! What's his favorite trick? "Sawing people in half." "Really? Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?' "Yes, one half brother and two half-sisters."

Father's Dreams

son : Dad, do you have any dreams you want to accomplish?
dad : I gave up on my dreams years ago kiddo, but let's focus on yours
son : oh, but how many years ago exactly did you give up?

dad : well how old are you?

Father's Promise from His Three Sons

A man spoke to each of his 3 sons when he sent them to college. “I feel it’s my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it. As a gesture of appreciation, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die.”
...

Broke out the ouija board and asked "is my father's sister's ghost's spirit in the room?"

The board read "say aunt's."

What's an absentee father's favorite meat?

Bison.

Just put my father's ashes in the bin.

I wish he'd stop smoking or just empty the tray himself.

Happy father's day!

5 year old son after reading story of a king says to his mom:

Son: Mom, I also want 3 wives... one will cook, one will sing, one will bathe me

Mom: And which one will put you to sleep

Son: No mom, i will still sleep with you

Mom's eyes filled up with tears.

Mom: ...

Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

Palm Sunday.

I'm getting a sweater for Father's Day!

I was hoping for a screamer or a moaner, but I guess this will do.

How does Kylo Ren celebrate Father's Day?

Solo

A young couple was getting ready to give birth to their first child,

and they had determined that the child should not be named until after it was born, so that they could meet it and make the name based on that first magical moment. On the day of the birth, a beautiful baby girl was born and the parents were instantly smitten.

"It's 'Love.'" said the mother....

Father's Day

I don't get excited about gifts the way other people do, and it drives my wife nuts. For Father's Day, my wife was determined to get a reaction out of me and so she ordered me a custom-designed tie. She knew that I had two great passions in life: movies and dad humor, so she hired a well-known graph...

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A jewish father's son Goes to Israel.

A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while. Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this to be odd and mentions it to his friend.

The friend listens, thinks for a moment and says, "That's odd. I sent my son to Israel as a Jew and he returned as ...

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What's the difference between your mother, and your father's hamster tube?

One's a fat prostitute and the other's a fat prostate chute.

Donald Trump is in Berlin for his first state visit with Angela Merkel. Trump quickly asks what the secret of her great success is.

Merkel tells him you just have to have a lot of intelligent people around you.

"How do you know so quickly if someone is intelligent?" asks Trump.

"Let me demonstrate." She picks up the phone, calls Wolfgang Schäuble and asks him a question, "Mr. Schäuble, it's your father's son, but i...

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