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Exposed Jokes

Chuck Norris has been confirmed to be exposed to COVID-19

Virus has been quarantined for 14 days

A bikini is an outfit where 90% of a woman's body is exposed.

The amazing fact is that men are so decent, they only look at the 10% that isn't.

The Missouri state legislature is considering a ban on female legislators' clothing that leaves their arms exposed

I never thought I'd see a Republican state trying to overturn the right to bare arms

(Yes, this is actually happening)

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Talmud logic exposed

A young man in his mid-twenties knocks on the door of the noted scholar Rabbi Shwartz. “My name is Sean Goldstein,” he says. “I’ve come to you because I wish to study Talmud.”

“Do you know Aramaic?” the rabbi asks.

“No,” replies the young man.

“Hebrew?” asks the Rabbi.

“N...

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[Blonde Joke] A blonde woman is walking around town with her breast exposed

A man walks up to her and says "ma'am did you know your is out?"

The blonde looks down, seeing her exposed breast screams "OH MY GOD I LEFT MY BABY ON THE BUS"

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If Trump exposed himself to women, would that be harrasment...

... or microagression?

My wife will never forget falling asleep in the sun with her breast exposed.

It’s forever burned in her mammary

A friend of mine likes to argue the case for walking around with his exposed.

I don't agree but I can see where he's coming from.

Carpenter bees used to swarm our exposed cedar beams outside

Carpenter bees dig into wood and bore out entry holes as well as a labyrinth of tunnels.

My aunt came to visit once and was on the phone with her husband. She was complaining about the swarm of “boring bees” because she couldn’t find the term “Carpenter”. Although mostly mostly harmless, th...

An exhibitionist exposed himself to 3 old ladies sitting on a park bench.

The first old lady immediately had a stroke.

The second old lady tried to ignore it but ended up having a stroke.

The third old lady decided she'd show some restraint and wouldn't touch it.

Two old ladies were talking on a park bench when a guy in a trench coat came by and exposed himself. One old lady had a stroke!

The other couldn’t reach it.

There's a winner of a recent dance competition who just got exposed as a huge racist.

She had alt the right moves.

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Australian kids are exposed to male a lot growing up.

By the time they reach 18, they've definitely seen a cockatoo.

Did you hear about the judge who exposed himself during sentencing?

Apparently he wanted to meat out some justice.

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Who is someone who always steals your and gets no punishment even when exposed?

A reposter

Did you hear about the BuzzFeed employee who peed on an exposed wire?

Number 1 shocked him.

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While waiting at the bus stop i saw a woman come out from a bus with her breast exposed...

Being a gentleman i told her about her ordeal


Woman: OH ! I LEFT MY BABY IN THE BUS!

A man's ears were exposed to a high frequency sound...

He said "It hertz."

What starts with a 'c', ends with an 's', emerged in 2019 and makes you sick if you are exposed to it?

Cats

Just been talking to an old guy, ex-soldier.

He explained to me he had been exposed to mustard gas and pepper spray, it was nice chatting to a seasoned veteran.

George Carlin once famously joked, "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

Thanks to all those people wearing masks but leaving their noses fully exposed, the stupider half is now a lot easier to spot.

After boasting to her mother about how great she is at doing head stands, Susan was advised not to practice it in her new school since her underwear is usually exposed.

Susan was proud at her achievement after her first day and was eager to tell Mum about the great audience of boys she attracted at school when showing off her skills.


Mother reminded her about exposing her of which Susan replied, "No Mum they were not seeing my ."
...

I just adopted a cat with twelve . It’s apparently a common birth defect, but I prefer to think he was exposed to radiation in the womb.

That makes more sense, dozen ?

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Chuck Norris has been exposed to COVID-19 and has gone on record to his fans as saying "I'm going to kick the out of this thing."

After the quote, millions of people worldwide who fear they may be carrying the virus have begun hoarding toilet paper to await the inevitable.

What do you call an insect that gets exposed to radiation but nothing of consequence happens to it?

A moot ant

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The Who in Middle Earth (OC AFAIK)

The drummer from The Who exposed his buttocks while visiting Middle Earth, causing Treebeard to catcall.

Basically, Keith's moon caused an ent whistle.

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A woman comes home early from work to surprise her husband for his birthday.

She enters her house, walks up the stairs, and heads towards the direction of her bedroom. As she eagerly walks to her bedroom, her adrenaline was spiking, she was anticipating a very dirty night. She slowly opened the door and astonishingly, she saw two people on her bed covered with a blanket, wit...

After years of research, scientists discovered bees are allergic to pollen

Turns out when exposed to pollen, bees develop hives

Soon after the General retired..., he decided he must do something different...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank...!

*He soon found himself on an island with no flagstaff, no batmen, no ADC, no club, no canteen, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.*

After about four months,...

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So a dad is fed up with his son lying to him…

Dad: (brings home lie detector) so son, what did you do today?

Son: I went to school

(Beep)

Son: fine, I went to my friends house.

Dad: what did you do at your friends house?

Son: we watched a movie

Dad: what kind of movie?

Son: A Disney film

(...

White flags

The American flags planted on the Moon by the Apollo astronauts have been exposed to high levels of UV rays for decades. This has bleached them pure white.

So now it looks like the French landed there.

Three Little Old Ladies

Three little old ladies were at the bus stop in front of their church when a young man ran up to them and exposed himself. The oldest one had a stroke. The other two couldn't reach.

A guy walks into a pet shop looking to get his girl a bird for Christmas.

The shop owner tells him that he’s in luck and a rare singing parrot just came in. He explains that the parrot is trained to sing when exposed to heat. The shop owner then flicks a lighter and puts the flame underneath the bird’s left foot. The parrot begins to sing: “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jin...

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Old Ladies at the Beach

A man at the beach is checking his tan and realizes there's one part of him that isn't tanned. Yep, THAT part. So, he covers it liberally with suntan lotion and proceeds to bury himself in the sand leaving only his mouth, nose, and member exposed.

Two old ladies are walking down the pa...

Elderly Einsteins secret…

As he grew older, Einstein grew tired of giving the same interview, the same lecture, over and over again. His chauffeur recognizes this and says he knows Einstein's speeches inside and out, he is an amateur actor and began to recite them. Einstein was enthusiastic and for the following years Eins...

What is the difference between reality and fantasy?

In fantasy, if you're exposed to radiation, you become spider-man. In reality if your exposed to radiation, you get visited by spider-man

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Italian Wedding Night

**Maria had just gotten married, and being a traditional Italian she was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was very nervous.**


**Her mother reassured her;**


**'Don't worry, Maria, Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of...

Photography at a was a failure

Everyone in the photos was over-exposed

Old lady on a cruise...

The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: “Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?”

“Yes...

Reasons to Avoid Water

* Can be extracte from rocket fuel
* Is the main ingredient in pestisides
* 100% of violent criminals have consumed water in the hours leading up to their crimes
* Is the #1 cause of drowning
* Excess consumption will cause sweating, urination and possibly death
* 100% of people expos...

My girlfriend has a tickle fetish, so I decided to practice on my coworkers

Unfortunately I was fired when my test-tickles were exposed to upper management.

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Anagram lovers are more likely to get corona if

* exposed to a corona infected person
* they have weak immune system
* asked to spell racoon

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Have you read the report on circumcisions?

Yeah, a number of dickheads were exposed.

The punchline to this clickbait joke may shock you...

Exposed electrical wiring.

Few people know, that James Bond once had a partner, Agent 014

But he was exposed as a double agent.

Doctor, I touched my face and now I keep saying “my my my my woo!”

What do I have?

Sharonavirus

Note: the young do not show symptoms when exposed to the above...

It took me quite a while to iron out this joke

There once was a greedy ore mining magnate who wished that everything he touched would turn into iron. He was careful to always wear gloves except when making huge loads of ore, except for one day when a mosquito landed on his knee. Not thinking, the magnate slapped his leg with his exposed hand. Hi...

What do apples, bananas and babies have in common?

They all start going bad once exposed to air.

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An old man told it

Back in the old days women would make dresses out of feed sacks. The sacks that sugar comes in were made into undergarments/. A young lady went to a dance one night she was dancing and got tripped up on someone’s feet. She fell backward on her and the dress went over her head. Her pantie...

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Flasher and the 3 Nuns

My virgin post. Sorry if this is a repost but I still find this funny after decades.


3 nuns were walking in a park when a man in a raincoat jumped out of the bushes and exposed himself to the 3 nuns.


The first nun gasped and had a stroke. The second nun gasped and also had ...

A couple of good covid jokes I've heard

1. I dont know anything about Coronavirus other than if you have it; you get an undeniable urge to go the airport.
2. By the point most of the world has been exposed to covid 19, but the people in Wuhan got it right of the bat.
3. You know why I think coronavirus wont last for more than a year...
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