Unveil Jokes - 39 Hilarious Unveil Jokes

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Authorities unveil the the rioter who tazed himself to death in the balls has been charged.

Charged in the nards

[nsfw]The hospitals new director is an idiot. He commissioned a huge chandelier for the main lobby that humanizes those living with erectile disfunction. The entire board told him not to do it and that they wouldn't be attending the unveiling.

It's unfortunate because it was well hung, difficult to get up, and nobody came.

Elon Musk unveils pig with chip in its brain...

...it was from the Kenosha County Sheriff's Department.

Nike have unveiled a pair of trainers made from pineapple leather to appeal to Vegans...

They tried other fruits, but reviews said the ones made from bananas felt too much like slippers.

The iPhone 8/10 unveiling was pretty great

But the 9/11 announcement will be pretty awkward and unforgettable next year

Werner Heisenberg just unveiled a new car...

It comes with a GPS or a speedometer, but not both.

The Australian government recently unveiled their plans for a 1 dollar coin.

While some critics questioned the economic viability, the kangaroonie will start circulation next year, according to a government spokesperson.

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A team of engineers are unveiling their new invention to a navy admiral

“So from what I can see, it appears to just be a normal submarine” the Admiral says.

“Quite far from it...” the lead engineer responds, “... while it may appear to be your standard submarine. It has quite the trick up it’s selves”

“Well what is it”, the Admiral says excitedly.

“...

In light of the customers' data breach Capital One unveiled a new slogan today:

Who's in your wallet?

A painter unveils his five new paintings in a gallery...

A painter unveils his four new paintings in a gallery. The first is a cubism painting of x^3. The second is an abstract painting depicting 3x^2. The third is a realism painting depicting 6x. The next is a landscape painting of the number 6. The last is a simplistic painting of the number 0.
...

In 1946, Winston Churchill travelled to Fulton, Missouri.

He was there to deliver a speech and to present at the dedication of a bust in his honour.

After his speech, an attractive and ample woman approached the wartime Prime Minister of England and said, "Mr. Churchill, I have travelled over a hundred miles for the unveiling of your bust."

C...

Researchers recently unveiled a device will launch stinging insects at high speeds.

It has beegun.

Samsung recently unveiled “The Wall,” the World’s First Modular MicroLED 146-inch TV

They were really delighted to hear that the President was gonna be their first customer.

How often does an American President buy a Wall from South Koreans to keep Mexicans away?

An old Soviet joke..

An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet–Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests; the painting depicts Nadezhda Krupskaya (Lenin's wife) naked in bed with Leon Trotsky. One guest...

Today, I saw a painting unveiled at a museum, but it was merely a red dot on canvas.

It must have been a period piece.

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A very wealthy widow in NYC just bought a huge penthouse apartment...

It was gorgeous. Two whole floors of the building overlooking Central Park. The only issue was a big, blank, white wall. So, the widow decided to hire a muralist.

She found the perfect artist and told him what she wanted.

"I've always loved the rimanticized Old West. Westerward expansi...

At the 3rd grade violin rehearsal ...

... Donnie Corleone Jr. walks in, opens his violin case and unveils, to the shock of all, a tommy gun. The teachers are livid, panic nearly ensues, but Donnie just starts laughing uncontrollably.

"What's wrong with you? This is serious! Why are you laughing?"

"Because I just imagined d...

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I got my son a bicycle for his birthday once.

I bought the bike from a reputed bicycle store and it was top of the line.

When my son's birthday came around, I unveiled it to him.

My son immediately started to cry and scream at me.

Just because he's in a wheelchair doesn't excuse the fact that he's an ungrateful little shit.

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Satan greets a man tthat's arrived in Hell.

Hey there, I'm Satan, the dark Lord. As you can see, we have three doors. You pick one, I reveal what's behind the door, and that's your punishment for the next 100 years. But since I'm feeling generous, I'll show you what's behind the doors before you guess.

Satan unveils the first and it's ...

He worked for years to invent an engine that ran on ambient disappointment.

But at the unveiling, it wouldn't work.

Then it did.

Briefly.

Arrested at the airport

I’m a car salesman going to New York for the unveiling of the new Porsche 911 model

When i landed in New York the TSA asked me “are you here for business or pleasure”
I responded “I’m here for the new 911”

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The art of Veterinary Medicine

A classroom full of first year Veterinary students were participating in their first day of anatomy class. For the lecture, the professor begins by unveiling a dead cow under a white sheet laying on an operating table.

The professor tells the class "In Veterinary Medicine, there are two quali...

There was this world famous painter

In the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.

After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to sh...

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An old dog goes to college...

A young man is headed to college and he decides to take his old dog "Blue" with him.

The boy leaves his family and has a great first week on campus but quickly realizes he's run out of money.

He calls his dad and says, "Dad, there's this lady on campus that can teach dogs to talk. She...

The Redditor Named Jock

After years of intense research, Jock had figured out a cure to every illness and disease known to man, mainly using Reddit as his go-to website.
Throughout his research, Jock had only confided in one person, his trustworthy PA. Because of this, Jock had never been acknowledged for his work, and...

An artist is commissioned to create a painting to celebrate Soviet-Polish relations...

to be entitled 'Lenin in Poland'.
Around a month later the artist unveils his painting to a crowd of Soviet dignitaries, and it is greeted by gasps of disgust
The painting depicts Lenin's wife in bed with Leonid Trotsky
One of the assembled guests asks 'But where is Lenin?'
To which the ...

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One day the pope suddenly died...

...and around the world millions were shocked and saddened at the death of the man that lead the world to Jesus. An X-ray was done of his body as part of the investigation into his death and a strange abnormality was detected. Deep down his left ear canal was some kind of tiny device shaped like a s...

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A medical Doctor is teaching, and everyone is around a corpse, ready for their first lesson.

"Welcome, class. OK, since this is your first lesson, I have to tell you: The 2 most important things to be a good doctor are: *Dedication* and *Observation*."

Doctor then proceeds to unveil the corpse, a big, fat woman who got shot in the head.

"This is *Dedication*". The doctor proc...

A politician walks into an aquarium...

There he finds a monk looking at a small fish that looks like hipnoticed. The monk is controling its movment with his hand. If he move his hand to the left the fish goes to the left, if he moves his had to the right so the fish does.

Politician: Hey sir, how you do that?

Monk: Strong m...

If you worked for a tarp company

your unveiling would be a cover up.

Eye doctor...

A world famous painter is diagnosed with a serious eye disease and is sure to lose his sight. He goes to a local eye doctor in desperation and after giving it some thought, he is able to reverse the disease and cure the man.

In gratitude, the painter goes to work painting a large rendition o...

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The artist and the museum (long)

An artist is approached by a man who says he's to be the curator of a new museum dedicated to General George Custer and he wanted to hire the artist to paint a mural that was to be the centerpiece of the largest display.

The artist agrees and asks the curator if he had any particular subject...

iPad

Apple will be unveiling a larger iPad.

Proctor & Gamble is set to file suit over trademark infringements over Apple's new Max iPad.

Who's that band?

A little bar in a small town was having a concert night and most of the town showed up. They were curious to see who in this town of everyone-knows-everyone would go up and perform.

The barman introduced up on stage a couple of highschool kids, the Little Rascals, that were going through the...

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church bulletin bloopers

*These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:*
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The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for ...

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Julia was organizing a cat show

Julia was organizing a cat show and needed a trophy for the first prize. So she contacted a sculptor to create a trophy that resembled a beautiful persian cat.

Julia and the sculptor got together to discuss the plans for this trophy. She wanted the base to be made of the finest white marble w...

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We are getting there

A man walks into the bathroom and takes his position at the urinal. He is joined by a 6ft tall black man.

Going about his business he accidentally looks over and is amazed at the size of his neighbours johnson.

Both men go to wash their hands and the first man leans over and says. "Tel...

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Custer's Last Stand

For the anniversary of Custer's last stand, a historical society decided to commission a painting of the fateful day. They hired an impressionist painter to paint the huge mural that would hang at the site of Little Big Horn. The particular painter they hired said he would do it, as long as no one...

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An artist is commissioned to paint a mural in the newly built city hall.

The city council has decided the mural must be an important scene from American history. The artist accepts the deal with one condition.

No one can see the piece before it is completed.

Begrudgingly, the town council accepts, a contract is signed, and the artist begins work behind a m...

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