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Exercising Jokes

My fitness instructor advised me to wear loose clothing while exercising.

I would not have joined the gym if I had any loose clothing.

What do you call Cardi B exercising?

Cardi O.

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On Exercising

1 - My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we don't know where in the worldl she is.

2 - The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

3 - I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven'...

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Once i was just exercising ....

I heard something. I saw in front of me was a tiger.
I thought that he did not saw me, so I stood still. He started walking towards me. I was frightened. he started running towards me and jumped , BAM I threw the remote and broke the fucking tv screen.

An American is exercising in a gym

"This workout is intense," he huffs. "My heart is pounding."

"Eh?" says a fellow next to him.

"Oh sorry, I forget that you're European. My heart is 'kilogramming'," he replies.

"Oh yeah same," says the European.

I had intentions on exercising

It didn’t work out

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I decided today that I needed to start exercising.

My fiance and I were making out, and she asked me if she could come on my tits.

[oc] Why was the devil exercising so hard?

He wanted to get a 666 pack.

Exercising when you get older is so important!

My granny started walking 5 miles a day when she turned 65.

Now she's 92 and we don't know where the hell she is.

A buddy and I went out to grab some dinner, figured the protestors in Ottawa would be ecstatic we were exercising our freedom.

Turns out they were quite unhappy with the man-date.

I got so out of shape during lockdown. I think I should start exercising by doing lunges.

That would be a big step forward.

What do you call a psychic that enjoys exercising moderation?

A happy medium.

(Came up with this in the shower this morning and chuckled.)

I thought my friend Flanders was exercising this Morning

Turns out he was doing Diddily Squat!

I met an exercising nun.

She was a firm believer.

Just found out exercising...

...and exorcising are two very different things. Officially canceling my membership to the most terrifying gym ever. (via @wiseguypictures)

People from the UK have been exercising more.

They've lost a few pounds.

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At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter announces that due to overcrowding, only extremely gruesome deaths will be admitted into heaven today, sorry for any inconvenience.

The first man comes up and Pete says, "How did you die?"

"Well, I's been suspicious that me wife been cheating on me, so I comes home early from work today to catch her, I does. She acts all innocent, she does. She says, 'Go ahead, search the apartment if that will make you feel better,' she ...

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Three men are standing at the pearly gates...

Three men die and are standing at the pearly gates in front of St. Peter. St. Peter tells them, "To gain entry into heaven, you must tell me how you died."

The first man steps forward and says "Well, I got off work early today, and came home to my 10th floor apartment. Walked in, and found ...

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In my past life, I was a message delivery man in an army base

One day, I got a letter for Bravo Company, and took off to deliver it as quickly as I could. When I found them they were doing exercises in one of the yards, I walked up to the sergeant to deliver the message.

He took the letter, read it over, folded it and put it in his pocket. Then he yell...

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