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Experts Jokes

Cybersecurity experts have found an easy way to spot North Korean hackers. They never use the shift key.

They hate capitalism.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

US President Donald Trump tested and was not infected by the Corona virus. Experts from the Robert Koch Institute are not surprised.

The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes.

Any glue experts who can help me?

I needed to attach a velvet Elvis painting to a pink flamingo lawn ornament, so I grabbed a bottle of contact cement. The instructions said to apply to both surfaces and wait until they’re no longer tacky before putting them together. That was 6 months ago, and they’re still tacky. How much longer d...

Top Biblical experts have reached the conclusion that Adam and Eve were Soviet citizens

They had no clothes, one apple between the two of them and they thought they were in paradise.

Top Reddit posters should use their karma to help the environment.

They are already experts at recycling.

I really think OSHA should make an OnlyFans account

They're some of the leading experts in NSFW content after all

Experts say Donald Trump been setting an outstanding example during the Covid-19 outbreak

28 consecutive press briefings spent washing his hands

I'm no Trumper but these so called "health experts" are liars!

They said a mask and gloves was enough to go to the grocery store!!

When I got there, everyone else also had clothes on :/

Where the experts are

As the ambulance EMTs are loading a man onto their gurney, the patient asks, “Where are you guys taking me? The county hospital?”
“Nope,” said the EMT. “You need expert medical help, brother. We’re taking you to the comments section.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Medical experts

Medical experts were asked if it is time to ease the lockdown.
Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but Neurologists thought the government had a lot of nerve.
Obstetricians ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Experts say making a child do chores can do damage.

But if you can afford a few broken dishes put the little buggers to work! It will do them good!

Why are demolition experts and dominatrixes alike?

They both like wrecking balls

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do politicians and porn stars have most in common?

They’re experts at switching positions in front of camera.

Eight out of ten experts agree that...

... the other two are idiots who should not be called experts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Experts say men think about sex every 7 seconds

I try to eat hot dogs in 6 seconds so things don't get weird...

Our crack team of experts has done the research

They need more crack.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

China’s lack of transparency on virus is fuelling rumors: US experts

It’s basically all this he said Xi said bullshit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Experts believe that having too much sex can cause double vision

Does Does
anyone anyone
believe believe
that that
crap? crap?

Two Unix experts are talking about their age...

- What is your date of birth?
- 0
- Ohh, nice I was born in January too.

According to experts, I've heard that marijuana can stop seizures...

And now, according to the CDC, romaine lettuce can stop Caesar's.

A new study revealed that fencing experts are very popular on social media

It turns out the secret to success is just mastering the repostie.

Don't worry, there are experts who are trained to deal with the coronavirus.

We call them coroners.

Fitness experts recommend walking 10,000 steps per day to remain healthy.

That is an awful lot of trips to the fridge.

What do Redditors and surprised bomb disposal experts have in common?

Edit: Wow, this blew up!

How often do experts say you should listen to Bob Marley?

Reggae-larly.

IT security experts have published a list of the 20 most secure passwords.

Reportedly, the first companies are already enforcing their use.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Soviet Strip Club

In the seventies, Soviet party members decide on establishing the first strip club in Moscow


They plan out everything, yet somehow there's next to no income. After some discussion, they decide on inviting two American experts to inspect the place.

The Americans look around for a m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you're just starting out in porn, observe the way the experts use the heads of their penises.

That's a pro tip.

Question about baby expert Dr. Spock

Given that Dr. Benjamin Spock was one of the leading experts in pregnancy and early childhood, having written a famous book (BABY & CHILD CARE) for expecting & new mothers on taking care of their babies...

Would it be correct to call Dr. Spock a Mother-FAQer?

They say Sunday is the saddest day of the week

But experts recognize that the day before it is truly the sadder day.

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