Don’t be afraid of tenants.

They’re just ten ants.

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The tenant calls furiously his landlord...

Puzzled by the call, the landlord goes to the tenant's house and knocks the door. As the door opens, he glimpses next to the roof a small fish moving its tail gracefully.

**Tenant**: Oh here you are, how dare to ask such a rent for this crappy house??

**Landlord**: I'm not following yo...

The new tenants

Landlord: How are the new tenants above you.

Renter: They are ok. But it sounds like they are bang on the floor every night at 1 in the morning.

Landlord: That is outrageous. I will talk to them at once.

Renter: No. It is really not that big of a deal. I am usually up then...

The White House has become low income housing and it’s main tenant is a broke, deadbeat

There goes the neighborhood!

Bathroom Humour

What do you call a person who uses a lavatory on an army base?

A Loo Tenant.

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A tenant goes to the landlord and tells him there are mice in his apartment

-I know these kinds of hoaxes, it wont work on me, but let me see those "mice" you're talking about - says the landlord.

So they go to the apartment that is right on the top of the building, they open the door and ... no mice whatsoever.

The landlord angrily asks the tenant why he so b...

The tenants said the house was haunted.

You’d think I would’ve noticed after 200 years.

After the death of his wife an elderly man married a young woman ..

After the death of his wife an elderly man married a young woman ..

Now he was spending less time with his friends. His concerned friends enquired if there was a problem.

“I'm to pass time with you but my poor wife gets lonely when I'm away.”

Friends advised him to keep a youn...

Why do 9 ants get to live in an apartment for free?

Because they’re not tenants

So I was in my room and I saw a group of ten ants just running around frantically. I felt badly for them so I made a small house for them. out of a cardboard box.

This technically makes me their landlord and they are my.....


Tenants

My Israeli tenant doesn't want to rent from me anymore

He's annoyed that I address all correspondence to 'The Occupier'

As a landlord, the most laid-back renters I ever had were a Chinese restaurant.

They were lo mein tenants.

A Soldier I was renting a house to did a runner

And owes me 6 months rent. He said he was a General but I've since discovered he is a Left Tenant.

I once shared renting a property with a man from the army...

...I took the right half, and he was the left tenant.

What do you call a person who lives in a toilet?

A lieutenant.

I'll show myself out.

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I tried to use the army toilets, but one of the officers stopped me and said, "It'll cost you $10 to go in there."

What am I? A fucking loo tenant?

You’ve hit rock bottom.

After being let go from your job at the thread factory, you’re struggling to make ends meet. You can’t afford to pay rent. You’ve been evicted. Desperately searching for an apartment, you finally find one that meets your budget. Upon reading the ad, you notice it says “tenants with more than 4 legs ...

An ant knocked on the door of a house.

The house owner opened the door.

"I want a place to stay," said the ant.

"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free" said the owner.

Thankful, the ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.

After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the
o...

“Sir you have got to help!” said the tearful man at the door.

“There is a family that I know very well that is in desperate need of money. The Father has been out of a job for over a year, they have five kids at home with barely a bit of food to eat. The worst part is, that they are about to kicked out of the house and they will be left on the streets without ...

An ant couple and their eight ant children

moved into an apartment together. They were tenants.

Did you hear about the bard that was in the army?

He was a lute-tenant.

If Forrest Gump ran a property management group, what would it be called?

New Tenant Dan

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A guy moves to a new town and is looking for nearby place to get a drink.

He walks into the first bar he sees and orders a beer. The bartender serves him but says that if he wants to come back he has to become a member. The guy takes a drink and looks around the place then asks, "well what do I gotta do to be a member?" The bartender reply's, "Well, did you see that 7 foo...

Do not ever rent an apartment to an ant.

As soon as they sign the lease they then become tenants.

What do you call a group of bugs in an apartment?

Tenants.

What military rank do you hold while using a pay toilet?

Lieutenant

What do you call a Vietnam war hero with a new apartment?

New tenant Dan

What do you call a veteran who sleeps in a bathroom stall?

A loo-tenant.

Isaac stood at the door of the synagogue, with an outstretched hand, asking:

"Donate a coin for charity! Donate a coin for charity!"

Then comes the Rabbi: "Hey, Isaac, what are you doing?"

Isaac: "Rabbi, I'm raising money for a widow, mother of three little boys, who's 3 months behind in rent. If she doesn't pay 1,500 Euro by the end of the day, she's going to ...

What do you call it when there are small numbers of insects living in your apartment walls?

TenAnts

Did you ever hear of the landlord who played favorites?

He only did maintenance for his main tenants.

11 jokes from the world's oldest joke book

1. A Student Dunce Goes Swimming

"A student dunce went swimming and almost drowned. So now he swears he'll never get into water until he's really learned to swim."

2 An Intellectual Visits a Friend

"An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man...

My friend who bought an old house says sometimes he hears a melancholy voice at night.

Particularly one that whispers, "Sigh, I guess these new tenants will have to do."

I told him to ignore the noises. That it's just natural. It's just the old house - settling.

What do you call a group of 10 insects that live in a housing complex?

Tenants

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The Salesman

So a traveling salesman is walking through a decent neighborhood trying to sell what he can. He walks up to this house to see an old couple with a shocking twist. She is yanking on her tit while he is jacking off. The salesman's first reaction is: "NOPE" and hustles on to their neighbors. He knocks,...

How many times is this guy going to fall down the stairs?

Until he sticks the landing. Full story---> I could hardly sleep last night because two of my tenants were up all night drinking and taking their medicine. As he was trying to take a cab to his doctors appointment, he fell down the stairs. I didnt want to move him in case his head or neck was ...

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God and St. Peter have a meeting in Heaven

They're discussing and God decides that it's getting to crowded so he decides to implement a new rule. From now on in order to get in the newly deceased has to describe their last day to St Peter and if he decides it was a bad day they are admitted.

So St Peter goes back to his post at the Pe...

Burglar Meets Moses and Jesus

There was once a burglar that had been staking out a house for weeks. He finally decided to break in when we saw the tenants leaving for dinner date.

He then snuck in through a back door that he knew where the extra key was hidden. As he snuck through the house spotting his flashlight on what...

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