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There's a house at the edge of the forest where a woodcutter lives with his only daughter. Travellers tend to stay the night in the spare room and the family makes a decent living out of the extra money. Most of them are polite and decent, and leave the family alone during the stay.

Tonight'...

Don’t be afraid of tenants.

They’re just ten ants.

The White House has become low income housing and it’s main tenant is a broke, deadbeat

There goes the neighborhood!

After retirement, Bob aged 65 married a young 25 year old woman..

Now he was spending less time with his friends. His concerned friends enquired if there was a problem.

“I'm eager to meet you all, but my young wife gets lonely when I'm away.”

His friends advised him : Keep a young lodger at home, your wife will be happy in the company of a younger p...

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A tenant goes to the landlord and tells him there are mice in his apartment

-I know these kinds of hoaxes, it wont work on me, but let me see those "mice" you're talking about - says the landlord.

So they go to the apartment that is right on the top of the building, they open the door and ... no mice whatsoever.

The landlord angrily asks the tenant why he so b...

I always recommend that couples rent their Chinese noodles.

People like you more when you're lo-mein tenants.

The new tenants

Landlord: How are the new tenants above you.

Renter: They are ok. But it sounds like they are bang on the floor every night at 1 in the morning.

Landlord: That is outrageous. I will talk to them at once.

Renter: No. It is really not that big of a deal. I am usually up then...

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The tenant calls furiously his landlord...

Puzzled by the call, the landlord goes to the tenant's house and knocks the door. As the door opens, he glimpses next to the roof a small fish moving its tail gracefully.

**Tenant**: Oh here you are, how dare to ask such a rent for this crappy house??

**Landlord**: I'm not following yo...

Landlord of the ants

I saw a group of 10 ants just running frantically in my room. I felt bad, so I made a small house for them out of a cardboard box.

This technically makes me their landlord and they are my
.
.
.
Tenants.

Last week, I discovered a colony of black ants in my kitchen.

They live in a crack in my kitchen wall.

This kitchen is in the apartment flat I'm renting by myself.

I've counted a total of seven ants crawling out of the crack, and there's presumably one queen inside too.

I know there's a queen because just yesterday, one male ant was gone, ...

The tenants said the house was haunted.

You’d think I would’ve noticed after 200 years.

My Uncle John's Bathroom Reader calendar has these jokes from Philogelos ("Love of Laughter"), the oldest surviving joke book, dating back to the 4th century AD. They held up surprisingly well.

* A cheapskate wrote his will and named himself as the heir.
* An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man's wife said that he had departed, the intellectual replied, "When he arrives back, tell him that I stopped by."
* An envious landlord saw how happy hi...

Why do 9 ants get to live in an apartment for free?

Because they’re not tenants

An ant knocked on the door of a house.

The house owner opened the door.

"I want a place to stay," said the ant.

"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free" said the owner.

Thankful, the ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.

After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the
o...

As a landlord, the most laid-back renters I ever had were a Chinese restaurant.

They were lo mein tenants.

What do you call an army official who rents toilets?

A Loo-Tenant

A Soldier I was renting a house to did a runner

And owes me 6 months rent. He said he was a General but I've since discovered he is a Left Tenant.

I once shared renting a property with a man from the army...

...I took the right half, and he was the left tenant.

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I tried to use the army toilets, but one of the officers stopped me and said, "It'll cost you $10 to go in there."

What am I? A fucking loo tenant?

What do you call a soldier who lives in a toilet?

A loo tenant

If Forrest Gump ran a property management group, what would it be called?

New Tenant Dan

“Sir you have got to help!” said the tearful man at the door.

“There is a family that I know very well that is in desperate need of money. The Father has been out of a job for over a year, they have five kids at home with barely a bit of food to eat. The worst part is, that they are about to kicked out of the house and they will be left on the streets without ...

Did you hear about the bard that was in the army?

He was a lute-tenant.

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A guy moves to a new town and is looking for nearby place to get a drink.

He walks into the first bar he sees and orders a beer. The bartender serves him but says that if he wants to come back he has to become a member. The guy takes a drink and looks around the place then asks, "well what do I gotta do to be a member?" The bartender reply's, "Well, did you see that 7 foo...

Do not ever rent an apartment to an ant.

As soon as they sign the lease they then become tenants.

What military rank do you hold while using a pay toilet?

Lieutenant

What do you call a Vietnam war hero with a new apartment?

New tenant Dan

What do you call a veteran who sleeps in a bathroom stall?

A loo-tenant.

Isaac stood at the door of the synagogue, with an outstretched hand, asking:

"Donate a coin for charity! Donate a coin for charity!"

Then comes the Rabbi: "Hey, Isaac, what are you doing?"

Isaac: "Rabbi, I'm raising money for a widow, mother of three little boys, who's 3 months behind in rent. If she doesn't pay 1,500 Euro by the end of the day, she's going to ...

What do you call it when there are small numbers of insects living in your apartment walls?

TenAnts

Did you ever hear of the landlord who played favorites?

He only did maintenance for his main tenants.

11 jokes from the world's oldest joke book

1. A Student Dunce Goes Swimming

"A student dunce went swimming and almost drowned. So now he swears he'll never get into water until he's really learned to swim."

2 An Intellectual Visits a Friend

"An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man...

My friend who bought an old house says sometimes he hears a melancholy voice at night.

Particularly one that whispers, "Sigh, I guess these new tenants will have to do."

I told him to ignore the noises. That it's just natural. It's just the old house - settling.

What do you call a group of 10 insects that live in a housing complex?

Tenants

So the Marines, the Seals, and the Air Force were all asked to do a joint mission...

There were three key buildings that needed to be taken over in order to for the operation to succeed, and Superiors from the three fields wanted to gauge the performances of their respective subordinates. So they set a deadline, and convened the day after the deadline to compare notes. The the offic...

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The Salesman

So a traveling salesman is walking through a decent neighborhood trying to sell what he can. He walks up to this house to see an old couple with a shocking twist. She is yanking on her tit while he is jacking off. The salesman's first reaction is: "NOPE" and hustles on to their neighbors. He knocks,...

How many times is this guy going to fall down the stairs?

Until he sticks the landing. Full story---> I could hardly sleep last night because two of my tenants were up all night drinking and taking their medicine. As he was trying to take a cab to his doctors appointment, he fell down the stairs. I didnt want to move him in case his head or neck was ...

Burglar Meets Moses and Jesus

There was once a burglar that had been staking out a house for weeks. He finally decided to break in when we saw the tenants leaving for dinner date.

He then snuck in through a back door that he knew where the extra key was hidden. As he snuck through the house spotting his flashlight on what...

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