Don’t be afraid of tenants.

They’re just ten ants.

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The tenant calls furiously his landlord...

Puzzled by the call, the landlord goes to the tenant's house and knocks the door. As the door opens, he glimpses next to the roof a small fish moving its tail gracefully.

**Tenant**: Oh here you are, how dare to ask such a rent for this crappy house??

**Landlord**: I'm not following yo...

The White House has become low income housing and it’s main tenant is a broke, deadbeat

There goes the neighborhood!

After retirement, Bob aged 65 married a young 25 year old woman..

Now he was spending less time with his friends. His concerned friends enquired if there was a problem.

“I'm eager to meet you all, but my young wife gets lonely when I'm away.”

His friends advised him : Keep a young lodger at home, your wife will be happy in the company of a younger p...

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A tenant goes to the landlord and tells him there are mice in his apartment

-I know these kinds of hoaxes, it wont work on me, but let me see those "mice" you're talking about - says the landlord.

So they go to the apartment that is right on the top of the building, they open the door and ... no mice whatsoever.

The landlord angrily asks the tenant why he so b...

The new tenants

Landlord: How are the new tenants above you.

Renter: They are ok. But it sounds like they are bang on the floor every night at 1 in the morning.

Landlord: That is outrageous. I will talk to them at once.

Renter: No. It is really not that big of a deal. I am usually up then...

The tenants said the house was haunted.

You’d think I would’ve noticed after 200 years.

Landlord of the ants

I saw a group of 10 ants just running frantically in my room. I felt bad, so I made a small house for them out of a cardboard box.

This technically makes me their landlord and they are my
.
.
.
Tenants.

My Uncle John's Bathroom Reader calendar has these jokes from Philogelos ("Love of Laughter"), the oldest surviving joke book, dating back to the 4th century AD. They held up surprisingly well.

* A cheapskate wrote his will and named himself as the heir.
* An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man's wife said that he had departed, the intellectual replied, "When he arrives back, tell him that I stopped by."
* An envious landlord saw how happy hi...

Last week, I discovered a colony of black ants in my kitchen.

They live in a crack in my kitchen wall.

This kitchen is in the apartment flat I'm renting by myself.

I've counted a total of seven ants crawling out of the crack, and there's presumably one queen inside too.

I know there's a queen because just yesterday, one male ant was gone, ...

An ant knocked on the door of a house.

The house owner opened the door.

"I want a place to stay," said the ant.

"I have a vacant room which you can occupy for free" said the owner.

Thankful, the ant went inside and occupied the vacant room.

After some days, the ant brought in another ant and requested the
o...

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I need to know if eviction restrictions for COVID are ongoing in DC?

My tenant of 4 years has refused to acknowledge his first notice. Since last Wednesday he has been hiding in the basement. The only time he left was to play golf, so I know he has some funds. Please let me know what my options are. If I even have any?

Why do 9 ants get to live in an apartment for free?

Because they’re not tenants

As a landlord, the most laid-back renters I ever had were a Chinese restaurant.

They were lo mein tenants.

A Soldier I was renting a house to did a runner

And owes me 6 months rent. He said he was a General but I've since discovered he is a Left Tenant.

What do you call an army official who rents toilets?

A Loo-Tenant

I once shared renting a property with a man from the army...

...I took the right half, and he was the left tenant.

What do you call a soldier who lives in a toilet?

A loo tenant

Did you hear about the bard that was in the army?

He was a lute-tenant.

If Forrest Gump ran a property management group, what would it be called?

New Tenant Dan

“Sir you have got to help!” said the tearful man at the door.

“There is a family that I know very well that is in desperate need of money. The Father has been out of a job for over a year, they have five kids at home with barely a bit of food to eat. The worst part is, that they are about to kicked out of the house and they will be left on the streets without ...

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A guy moves to a new town and is looking for nearby place to get a drink.

He walks into the first bar he sees and orders a beer. The bartender serves him but says that if he wants to come back he has to become a member. The guy takes a drink and looks around the place then asks, "well what do I gotta do to be a member?" The bartender reply's, "Well, did you see that 7 foo...

What military rank do you hold while using a pay toilet?

Lieutenant

Do not ever rent an apartment to an ant.

As soon as they sign the lease they then become tenants.

What rank are you in the bathroom?

A loo-tenant

What do you call a Vietnam war hero with a new apartment?

New tenant Dan

What do you call a veteran who sleeps in a bathroom stall?

A loo-tenant.

What do you call it when there are small numbers of insects living in your apartment walls?

TenAnts

Did you ever hear of the landlord who played favorites?

He only did maintenance for his main tenants.

Isaac stood at the door of the synagogue, with an outstretched hand, asking:

"Donate a coin for charity! Donate a coin for charity!"

Then comes the Rabbi: "Hey, Isaac, what are you doing?"

Isaac: "Rabbi, I'm raising money for a widow, mother of three little boys, who's 3 months behind in rent. If she doesn't pay 1,500 Euro by the end of the day, she's going to ...

11 jokes from the world's oldest joke book

1. A Student Dunce Goes Swimming

"A student dunce went swimming and almost drowned. So now he swears he'll never get into water until he's really learned to swim."

2 An Intellectual Visits a Friend

"An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man...

What do you call a group of 10 insects that live in a housing complex?

Tenants

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The Salesman

So a traveling salesman is walking through a decent neighborhood trying to sell what he can. He walks up to this house to see an old couple with a shocking twist. She is yanking on her tit while he is jacking off. The salesman's first reaction is: "NOPE" and hustles on to their neighbors. He knocks,...

My friend who bought an old house says sometimes he hears a melancholy voice at night.

Particularly one that whispers, "Sigh, I guess these new tenants will have to do."

I told him to ignore the noises. That it's just natural. It's just the old house - settling.

How many times is this guy going to fall down the stairs?

Until he sticks the landing. Full story---> I could hardly sleep last night because two of my tenants were up all night drinking and taking their medicine. As he was trying to take a cab to his doctors appointment, he fell down the stairs. I didnt want to move him in case his head or neck was ...

Burglar Meets Moses and Jesus

There was once a burglar that had been staking out a house for weeks. He finally decided to break in when we saw the tenants leaving for dinner date.

He then snuck in through a back door that he knew where the extra key was hidden. As he snuck through the house spotting his flashlight on what...

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