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Elton Jokes

Elton John got his pet rabbit a treadmill for Xmas.

It's a little fit bunny.

Why doesn’t Elton John eat lettuce?

Because he’s a Rocket Man

It’s my birthday, enjoy my current favourite joke!!

Why does Elton John play the piano?

Because he sucks on an organ.

Wanna hear my Elton John joke?

It’s a little bit funny…

Elton John's gained a notable amount of weight lately.

Goodbye, normal jeans.

How do you tell Elton John his flies are undone?

His candle’s in the wind.

what is a cheese's favourite Elton John song?

I'm Stilton standing!

Why don't Elton John songs have a copyright?

You can tell everybody this is your song.

What was Jesus' least favorite Elton John song?

"Take Me to the Pilate"

What does Harry Potter and Elton John have in common?

Both of them have spent a portion of their lives in a closet.

Elton John gets stopped by police

The officers however don’t recognise him, and Elton shows the a picture online.

Officer 1: I’m so sorry sir, we didn’t recognise you

Officer 2: yes but you were doing 55 in a 40 sir elton so, can we see your license?

The next day Elton is locked in a cell, screaming out : I did...

I tried to change my Elton John tickets to seated

But I’m Still Standing

Not many people look good with the Elton John look

But I could totally rock it, man

What’s Elton Johns favourite beer?

Amstel standing! (Yeah Yeah Yeah!)

Why did Elton John go to Radio City Music Hall?

He wanted to be a Rockette Man

I ordered a couple Elton John albums off of Amazon three months ago. They still haven't shipped.

And I think it's going to be a long, long time

It's a little known fact that Elton John doesn't like iceberg lettuce

he's a rocket man.

Just watched Elton John's new standup act...

It's a little bit funny.

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Elton John did so much LSD at a party one night, he tried to have sex with a woman...

Dude was straight trippin'

What does Elton John have after getting drunk at an Italian restaurant?

Penne and regrets

What do you get when cross Elton John with a sabertoothed tiger?

I don't know, but you better keep it away from your ass

I couldn't find a seat for the new Elton John film

I'm still standing

Woke up with Elton John’s Rocket Man stuck in my head, hope it leaves soon

But I think it’s gonna be a long long time

They threw me in jail for singing too much Elton John...

I’m not sure when I’ll get out, but I think it’s gonna be a long, long time.

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Kylie Minogue, Elton John and Robbie Williams are walking along the street.

Kylie trips, jamming her head in some railings. Robbie, quick as a flash, pulls down her knickers and fucks her ball-deep senseless. He turns to Elton and says, "your turn!" but Elton starts to cry. "What's wrong, Elton?" asks Robbie. Elton sobs, "My head won't fit through the railings!"

Elton John has changed career and decided to be a stand up comic

His new gig is just a little bit funny

What's the difference between Princess Diana and Elton John?

Only one of them got to be Queen of England...

In 1982 Elton John attended one of Queen's concerts, but was shortly hospitalized afterwards.

Turns out they found traces of Mercury in him.

I took a piano lesson with Elton John...

He was so nice, he even offered to push in my stool.

What is Oedipus Rex's Mom's favorite Elton John song?

Don't Let The Son Go Down On Me

Elton John thinks that "sorry" seems to be the hardest word.

He clearly hasn’t been to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.

What do you get when you cross the Queen Elizabeth and Prince Charles?

Elton John singing a song for you.

Elton John was asked if he'd like an iceberg lettuce in his salad

he thought for a moment and replied "no thanks, I'm a rocket man"

Did you hear that Elton John is singing at Amy Winehouse's funeral reception?

He will be singing "Candle Under the Spoon".

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What do you get when Little Richard calls you up to tell you he's picked up Carmen Miranda, Freddy Mercury, Peter Allen, Divine, Sylvester, Chris Crocker, Elton John, Gil Chesterton, Andy Dick, Wayne Newton, Liberace, and Richard Simmons...and they're on their way?

Tutti Frutti en route-y!

(Wooooooooo!)

Seeing the flash in the distance, Elton John knew he only had moments to live. He turned to the nearest celebrity at the party for one last human embrace.

"Hold me closer, Tony Danza."

Shock Rocker Alice Cooper says he's taken up Tap Dancing during lockdown, with online group lessons every Wednesday

He says he's making slow progress, but doing better than Elton John, who - after six weeks - is still standing.

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What do you call a person who likes to sing while they poop?

Elton-on-the-John.

A quote of the President: Donald J. Trump

“I have broken more Elton John records. He seems to have a lot of records. And I, by the way, I don’t have a musical instrument. I don’t have a guitar or an organ. No organ. Elton has an organ. And lots of other people helping. No, we’ve broken a lot of records. We’ve broken virtually every record. ...

Octopuses Garden

An octopus walks into a bar and sees a band playing in the corner, composed of those bar-room heroes, the Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman.
He walks up and says “I’m the best musician in the world. I can play any instrument you like”.
So the English guy goes “Alright then. Play th...

I saw a girl busking today.

She had a great voice and an even better pair of legs, emphasised by the short skirt she was wearing.
"Any requests?" She asked the watching crowd.
"Your thong," I replied with a wink.
Everyone gasped in horror, and the girl slapped me.
It's tough being an Elton John fan with a lisp.

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Music Jokes

Sharing some music related jokes :-

1. Q. What did George Michale sing at Elton John's wedding?
A. Don't let your son go down on me.

2. Q. How many lead guitarists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. One. The lead guitarist holds the light, & the world revolves ar...

A new bus driver starts his first day of work...

A new bus driver starts his first day of work...

......he kisses his wife goodbye. He’s nervous about the new job and not sure if it’s for him.

He’s assigned his bus, and as he walks up to it, he notices that it has a big promotional for Sesame Street on the side. “Great,” he thinks, ...

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First Time Poster, Go easy on me ... "Hamster"

So.. A guy walks into bar and takes a seat ....

The Barman approaches and says what are you having boss?

The Man replies .. I don't have any money pal ...

Barman says if you don't have any money you can stay here ...

The guy says ...what if i told you i have a hamster th...

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Topical Joes (5/13)

Alright guys, here we are to recap the day's jokes. Let's get started.

First off in the news, it looks like the TSA arrested a woman for singing Whitney Houston on an airplane - but you should've seen what the TSA did when they caught those ridiculous musical militants of the Elton Jihad.
...

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Opporknockity, and a short collection of other terrible music jokes

Mr. Opporknockity is a superb piano tuner. He has spent more than 30 years honing his craft and has made quite a reputation for himself.

He got a call from a guy who had just bought a new grand piano and requested Mr. Opporknockity to come and tune it. Mr. Opporknockity spent more than 3 hour...

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