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Dyslexic Jokes

My teacher told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic.

But so far I've made three jugs and a vase and they're lovely.



Edit to add: Thank you for the Gold and Silvers kind strangers!

Joe the dyslexic cop gets pulled into the captain's office...

Joe the dyslexic cop gets pulled into the captain's office, where he is read the riot act. The captain says, "You're a good cop, but these reports just aren't going to cut it anymore, Joe! They're practically illegible! The next report, if there's even one word misspelled on it, you are going on sus...

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A dyslexic walks into a bank and yells:

"Air in the hands mother stickers, this is a fuck up!"

I was told, I would never be good at poetry, since I’m dyslexic…

But so far I’ve made 3 jugs and a vase… and they look very nice, if you ask me.

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I put the sexy in dyslexic

Oh wait

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Did you hear about the guy who was dyslexic and gay?

He’s still in Daniel

Did you hear about the dyslexic KKK member?

He went around killing gingers.

Dyslexics of the world…..

UNTIE!!!!

What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac do?

Stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.

People always told me I would suck at poetry because I'm dyslexic.

Well I've made two vases and a jug today, so who sucks now!

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Why can't dyslexics tell jokes?

They always punch up the fuckline.

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A dyslexic son asked his mum if he can have some McDonald’s for dinner.

He’s mum said ok, but only if he can spell out McDonald’s.
The son replied: Fuck it, I’ll just have some KCF!

Justin Timberlake just announced he was dyslexic.

Take a moment to let that N'Sync.

Why do you see so many dyslexics walking in Paris?

It's safer than walking alone.

Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?

He bought a warehouse.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

Thank you.

A dyslexic friend of mine thought it might help his condition if he joined a poetry club.

He hasn't come out with any poems yet, but he's made some pretty nice jugs and vases and stuff.

A dyslexic cat broke into a hen house

It was an absolute fluster cluck

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A dyslexic boy is on his way home from training with his mam...."Can we stop at McDonald's mam? I'm starving" the boy asks. "If you can spell McDonald's we will stop on the way home ofcourse son" The boy pauses, composes himself and begins "M" "C" He begins to struggle....

"Ah fuck it mam let's have a KCF"

I just got pulled over by a dyslexic state trooper.

He gave me an IUD.

A dyslexic man walks into a bar…

…and apologizes to the lingerie model.

(Pretty sure it’s original)

Never trust a dyslexic persons tarp..

It could be a trap!

I'm a dyslexic Mixed Martial Arts fighter

AMA.

How do you turn a dyslexic into a polytheist?

You take them to a dog park!

What do you name a dyslexic Roman?

Ramon

Dyslexic criminals love weed.

It's the ultimate getaway drug.

Why is Dyslexic Barbie stronger than all the other Barbies?

The other Barbies say "Okay Ken!" while Dyslexic Barbie says "Kaio-ken!"

Last night I had a date with a dyslexic hooker...

She offered to cook my socks for $50.

Two dyslexics

Two dyslexics walk into a bra

What does D.N.A. stand for?

National Dyslexic Association

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I’m never going back to that dyslexic prostitute

She really rubbed me the wrong way.

The dyslexic book club is reading Nietzsche.

They just got to the part where the dog dies.

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A dyslexic man robbed a bank

He walked in, pulled out a gun, and yelled "Air in the hands motherstickers! This is a fuck up!"

Two dyslexics a car

One says to the other "can you smell petrol"? other says "smell it, I can't even smell my own name"

How do you know if a Yorkshire man is dyslexic?

He'll be wearing a cat flap.

What happens if you drop a nuclear weapon on a dyslexic person?

It's unclear.

Why are dyslexic people religious?

Because they think god is man's best friend.

If a dyslexic doesn't understand a Korean blueprint,

Would they say instructions nuclear?

I went on a date with a dyslexic girl, and

she ended up cooking my sock.

Why did the dyslexic wizard get kicked out of school?

He couldn't spell

Two dyslexic kids

Two dyslexic kids were sitting on a sofa. One asks the other "can you smell gas?" The other replies "Seriously dude? I can't even smell my own name".

what does a dyslexic Mexican smoke?

Tabasco

I have a fondness for "technically true" jokes, like these:

Did you know that the average person has an above-average number of legs? After all, most people have two legs, while a few have none.


Did you know that if you shuffle a deck of cards, the resulting order has likely never existed before in the history of the universe?



Eve...

I found out I was dyslexic today…

That explains the melonade

What does a dyslexic pirate say?

Raaaaaa!

I've been texting this cute dyslexic girl.

I think she likes me, but she keeps sending mixed messages.

I'm a dyslexic woodworker

I don't have much going on in my life, but I guess that's oaky.

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A dyslexic kid once told me,

"I put the 'sexy' in dyslexia."

Did you hear about the dyslexic alcoholic?

He drank himself into an earl grey

Me and a dyslexic are sitting in a tree...

K. S. I. S. I. N. G.

Why couldn't the dyslexic plantation owner get anything done?

Gingers just don't last in the sun.

Why did the dyslexic refuse to wear a polo shirt?

Because he was Lacoste intolerant.

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A bra runs into a dyslexic joke

Ah shit.

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Poor Dyslexic James (long, original)

James was dyslexic. Because of this, he always struggled in school. He was embarrassed by his dyslexia and never let on or got help for his problems, so his grades suffered. His teachers and guidance counsellors told him he’d never amount to anything. All his life, James just wanted to prove them wr...

Dyslexics Beware! (OC)

Tomorrow is Friday the 31st!

Yo mama...

So dyslexic even her blood is Type-O

My dyslexic girlfriend told me I had a big spine.

While I misunderstood at first, she took it well.

My mate is a dyslexic atheist...

He doesn't believe there is one true dog.

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Why did the dyslexic turtle cross the road

Pescatarians have the right of way.




This joke took me fucking three tries to post because I don't know how to type.

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I met a dyslexic sapiosexual today

They said they were very attracted to my brian.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra

Either way he's getting at least two cups

Did you hear about the dyslexic caught in a house fire?

He opened the window and yelled "pleh pleh pleh!"

Met a dyslexic woman last night in a club ending up taking her home.

She ended up cooking my sock.

I went to a concert hosted by the Dyslexics Support Group.

Queef Latina was the headliner and they put on a hell of a show.

Women drivers beware of the dyslexic highway patrolman.

Last weekend he was handing out IUDs.

Why did the dyslexic person drink the potion?

Because it was the only option

Had an encounter with dyslexic witch..

I am safe cause she couldn't spell.

What do you call a dyslexic Russian Christian priest

Unorthodox!

A dyslexic IT worker

waited hours for a USB, then 3 came at once.

Have you heard about the dyslexic spy who got caught with a suitcase nuke in the post office?

Fission mailed!

Did you hear about the dyslexic Mexican that walked into a bra?

No?

I'll get my taco

It must be a terrible time of year for dyslexics...

Satan's little helpers are everywhere!

How do dyslexic rabbits pass the time?

They buck like funnies.

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Dyslexic hype man:

Let’s do shit this!

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