UPJOKE
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What’s an obese person’s favorite workout?

^forklifts ¨̮

Why are obese jokes so offensive?

Because fat people have enough on their plate.

Sad news, my obese parrot died today.

Mind you, it's a huge weight off my shoulders.

What do you call a morbidly obese vegetarian?

Megafauna.

A really obese woman turned up to a game show.

The judge looked her up and down and said to her.

I think you misunderstood the name of the game show..

It's called "Fact Hunt."

You are obese!

A woman visits the doctor

Doctor: Madame, you are obese.

Woman: What?? I demand a second opinion!

Doctor: Your hair looks stupid.

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Obese kid

An elderly man was out for a leisurely walk in the park one day, when he came upon a morbidly obese kid sitting on a park bench.

The kid was steadily shoveling candy in his mouth and washing it down with soda. There was a huge pile of candy wrappers on the ground around him.

The old ...

A doctor sees an obese women to advise her about weight loss.

The women defensively says, "Look, I'm obese. My sister is obese. My mother is obese. My kids are obese. My brother is obese. Obesity runs in my family." The doctor replies, "It sounds like nobody runs in your family."

I witnessed the break up of an obese couple

I guess they didn't work out.

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An obese man is tired of being fat

He has tried everything to lose weight but nothing has worked.

He eventually got suicidal and went to his friends house and told him he will take his own life.

His friend said “wait wait, I know of a clinic that will 100% help you lose weight”

The obese man had nothing to lose s...

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I was on pedestrian crossing walking behind an extremely obese man.

when suddenly his phone began to be bleep. A voice next to me said “fuck me he’s gonna reverse “

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A morbidly obese man

visits his doctor.

“Doc,” he says, “I can’t stand being this fat anymore. Please help.”

“Alright, let’s get to work”, replies the doctor. After many months of diet and exercise, the man winds up loosing hundreds of pounds. An unfortunate side effect though is that he has all this loos...

Some people call Americans grossly obese

>!We prefer to refer to it as ’Manifest Density’!<

Doctor: You're obese.

Patient: For that, I definetly want a second opinion!

Doctor: You're quite ugly, too.

What do you call a visually impaired obese poker player?

Big Blind

A wife said, "I am getting obese, give me a compliment to raise my moral."

The husband replied, "You have perfect eyesight!"

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Why won’t cannibals eat obese people after they have had sexual reassignment surgery?

Trans fats are bad for your health.

An Obese friend of mine was going through some tough time.

So I asked him if he needed any help? He said “No Thank you, I have a lot on my plate now”.

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work...

We were able to lift his coffin.

what do you call a morbidly obese bird?

a type coo diabetic

A lot of people in America are obese. However, many people from Harvey Weinstein's circle are in decent shape.

Because they spent so long running from the truth.

I am an obese man identifying as a skinny man...

I am trans-fat.

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A obese chicken has a volume of 14 cubic inches

This means that 2.000.000.000.000.000.000.000.000.000 fat cocks fits in Uranus

So I have a morbidly obese friend, but he identifies as skinny.

He’s trans slender

Obese people need to stand up against fat shaming

For some reason though, they don't

How much did the morbidly obese Chinese woman weigh?

Wonton.

I was looking for a new psychic when I noticed they were either obese or anorexic.

Is it that hard to find a healthy medium?

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An obese man was standing naked in front of his doctor

He said "Doc. I haven't seen my dick in 3 years". Doctor said "Then why don't you diet?" The fat man replied "What color is it now?"

What do you call an obese emo teenager

An edgelard.

Alternatively, names.

Two obese people start fighting over a burger. Who will win?

Type 2 diabetes

There are increasing amounts of obese people each year

I'm not sure if you understand the weight of the situation

Jim asks his formerly obese friend Phil how he has lost weight so fast

Phil replies, "I tell you my secret. There's this clinic I went to. They have a special program that makes you lose weight incredibly fast. Here's the address."



So next weekend Jim has his first appointment at the clinic. He is welcomed by the doctor who sends him upstairs to the firs...

What's the difference between an obese rodeo bull, and Dracula's girlfriend?

One's a fat bucker...

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Why are there no obese people in Japan?

Remember what happened the last time they had a Fat Man?

What did the journalist say when he saw an obese sea cow explode?

Oh the huge manatee!

Studies suggest that 50% of Americans will be obese by the year 2030

I think that shows initiative. Trying to get the number down that low that quick.

I was really tempted to say mean things about an obese animal

But I decided not to because that would be hippo-critical.

My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.

As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.

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Why don't healthy cannibals eat obese transsexuals?

Too much transfat

When you're morbidly obese, you get shut down by lots of people. But the worst is when it comes from parents...

MOTHER NATURE AND FATHER TIME.

Listen guys, I know this sub is all in good fun, but I don't think it's right to be making dumb jokes about obese people.

They already have enough on their plates.

Did you hear about that morbidly obese couple that just started dating?

They have a tonne in common.

An obese man wants to lose a few pounds, goes to see a specialist...

An Obese man wants to lose a few pounds, goes to see a specialist...

He's in the lobby for an hour before the doc calls him in.

Doc: I apologize for your wait.

Man: Don't, *I'm* the one that can't stop eating.

I found out my dad was cheating my on my mom with an obese woman.

I guess you could say he was screwing a-round.

An obese man is visiting his doctor to try and lose some weight.

Doctor: So, what do you think is the reason you’re obese?

Obese Man: Well, obesity runs in my family.

Doctor: Alright, but nobody runs in your family.

Why did the obese woman not worry about her health?

She already had too much on her plate

What did the doctor say to the obese octopus?

You need to go on a low-crab diet.

I don't understand why some people think obesity is a disease,

The only thing obese people and a disease have in common is that they are both easy to catch.

What's a similarity between obese people, and my relationships with women?

They don't work out.

Why should you never give an obese person a hard time?

They already have enough on their plate.

What do you do to get rid of an obese demon?

You exorcise him.

Demons must be obese...

...Because they hate getting exorcised.

They classified a guy I work with morbidly obese which seems a little harsh...

I mean, he has enough on his plate already.

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BBC News: Being obese can cut your risk of dementia...

Hold on, lets rephrase that:

"Fat fuckers are less likely to forget where the biscuits are kept"

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A pansexual enters a room full of obese nymphomaniacs

No one has room to judge.

Why did the obese couple broke up?

Because they simply are not working out

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Interviewer: So Japan, I hear that you're the least obese country in the world. How did you achieve this?

Japan: Ah. So did I ever tell you what happened the last time we had a Fat Man in Japan?

An obese person started lighting their house with tallow candles...

Somebody had told them that they needed to start burning fat.

Why do obese people always pass their exams?

Because they're too big to fail.

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An obese man is trying to lose weight

His friend tells him about this gym where he can lose all his unwanted fat within a few days.

The man goes to that gym, the coach welcomes him "Hello, welcome to the best gym ever. Today you will work in the first floor, where you will lose 20 pounds in 2 hours."

The man enters the fir...

What was the obese cop's only arrest?

A cardiac one.

There was an obese man watching tv...

He saw an ad for weight loss but it didn't say how it worked all it showed was all kinds of success stories.
So big boy picked up the phone and called the number.
The next day he heard his doorbell and rolled to the door.
When he opened the door he saw a naked chunky girl in shoes and a ...

What do call an obese transvestite?

A trans fat

My fellow obese Americans

chasing the American dream does not count as exercise.

What did the obese girl left knee said to her right knee ?

nothing. they never met.

The lives of morbidly obese people are like hourglasses

If they don’t get turned upside down soon enough, they will be done.

Doctor: ""If you gain 5 more pounds, medically, you'll be morbidly obese."

"Do you understand what this means?"

Woman: "Yes, I'm not morbidly obese now."

An obese woman goes to the doctor.

She explains to the Doctor that she has been very nauseas and vomiting, even more so in the morning. After many tests and examinations the doctor came to a conclusion, "It looks like you're pregnant." He told her.
The woman was very distraught with his diagnosis. "I'm pregnant?!" She yells.
...

What do you call a tall, obese computer nerd with a bladder control problem.

A Big Fat Geek Wetting.

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Paddy was morbidly obese so he went to see the doctor…

The doctor says, "OK, Paddy, I want you to eat normally for a day, then skip a day, then eat normally for a day, then skip a day. Stick to this regime for a fortnight and you will lose weight, so come back and see me then."

A fortnight later, Paddy returns to the doctor, who is amazed to see...

You should always be up front and direct when talking to obese people...

Because if you sugar coat it they'll probably just eat that too.

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