You are obese!

A woman visits the doctor

Doctor: Madame, you are obese.

Woman: What?? I demand a second opinion!

Doctor: Your hair looks stupid.

Doctor: You're obese.

Patient: For that, I definetly want a second opinion!

Doctor: You're quite ugly, too.

My obese parrot died.

It was a huge weight off my shoulders.

I am head-over-heels in love with an obese person.

Infatuated, actually.

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A obese chicken has a volume of 14 cubic inches

This means that 2.000.000.000.000.000.000.000.000.000 fat cocks fits in Uranus

A doctor sees an obese women to advise her about weight loss.

The women defensively says, "Look, I'm obese. My sister is obese. My mother is obese. My kids are obese. My brother is obese. Obesity runs in my family." The doctor replies, "It sounds like nobody runs in your family."

A wife said, "I am getting obese, give me a compliment to raise my moral."

The husband replied, "You have perfect eyesight!"

I have bad news and good news. My obese parrot died yesterday. However, there is some good news.

It’s a lot of weight off my shoulders.

It is not nice to pick on the obese,

they have enough on their plate.

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work...

We were able to lift his coffin.

My doctor told me that I’m morbidly obese.

I responded “maybe, but I identify as skinny”

I’m trans-fat

What did the journalist say when he saw an obese sea cow explode?

Oh the huge manatee!

Leave the obese kid alone

He already has enough weight to carry

A lot of people in America are obese. However, many people from Harvey Weinstein's circle are in decent shape.

Because they spent so long running from the truth.

Obese people need to stand up against fat shaming

For some reason though, they don't

Studies suggest that 50% of Americans will be obese by the year 2030

I think that shows initiative. Trying to get the number down that low that quick.

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Why won’t cannibals eat obese people after they have had sexual reassignment surgery?

Trans fats are bad for your health.

What to you call a obese mouse?

A PIE-RAT

People that grow facial hair as they get fatter

Are morebeardly obese.

The Ladder To Success

A man died and awoken in an empty plain. There was nothing but a ladder in front of him and nothing else in sight, so he started climbing. After a minute or so, he reaches a hatch, he opens it and there is lying a middle age woman. She said "Come lie with me or keep climbing to success". The man wit...

I hired the most obese personal assistant I could find.

She’s a really big help.

So I have a morbidly obese friend, but he identifies as skinny.

He’s trans slender

What do you call an obese emo teenager

An edgelard.

Alternatively, names.

What do you call an obese psychic?

A four-chin teller.

What do you call the list of most grossly obese people in the world?

Four-chin 500

Did you hear about that morbidly obese couple that just started dating?

They have a tonne in common.

I found out my dad was cheating my on my mom with an obese woman.

I guess you could say he was screwing a-round.

I witnessed the break up of an obese couple

I guess they didn't work out.

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Why don't healthy cannibals eat obese transsexuals?

Too much transfat

I don't understand why some people think obesity is a disease,

The only thing obese people and a disease have in common is that they are both easy to catch.

I find all these obese jokes horrible.

Don't you think they have enough on their plate already?

What do you call it when an obese lady gives birth?

A birthquake

There are increasing amounts of obese people each year

I'm not sure if you understand the weight of the situation

How much did the morbidly obese Chinese woman weigh?

Wonton.

Jim asks his formerly obese friend Phil how he has lost weight so fast

Phil replies, "I tell you my secret. There's this clinic I went to. They have a special program that makes you lose weight incredibly fast. Here's the address."



So next weekend Jim has his first appointment at the clinic. He is welcomed by the doctor who sends him upstairs to the firs...

Why did the obese couple broke up?

Because they simply are not working out

Why are people obese?

I mean obesity is literally a problem u can run way from

Why did the obese woman not worry about her health?

She already had too much on her plate

What's the difference between an obese rodeo bull, and Dracula's girlfriend?

One's a fat bucker...

A surgeon offers a patient his choice of two hearts for transplant.

The 1st heart belonged to a 22 year old Olympian in peak physical condition who died tragically.

The 2nd heart belonged to an 80 year old obese sedentary politician.

Without thinking twice, the patient chooses the 2nd heart.
Shocked by his choice, the surgeon asks “Why did you choo...

What did the doctor say to the obese octopus?

You need to go on a low-crab diet.

I was looking for a new psychic when I noticed they were either obese or anorexic.

Is it that hard to find a healthy medium?

An obese person started lighting their house with tallow candles...

Somebody had told them that they needed to start burning fat.

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Why are there no obese people in Japan?

Remember what happened the last time they had a Fat Man?

I was really tempted to say mean things about an obese animal

But I decided not to because that would be hippo-critical.

Everyone at my university is morbidly obese, it's making my brain hurt

I think it's the hippo campus.

Why should you never give an obese person a hard time?

They already have enough on their plate.

An obese man wants to lose a few pounds, goes to see a specialist...

An Obese man wants to lose a few pounds, goes to see a specialist...

He's in the lobby for an hour before the doc calls him in.

Doc: I apologize for your wait.

Man: Don't, *I'm* the one that can't stop eating.

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A large, obese man is standing naked in front of the doctor.

Man: Doctor, I haven’t seen my penis in 3 years.

Doctor: Then why don’t you diet?

Man: Why? What color is it now?

Listen guys, I know this sub is all in good fun, but I don't think it's right to be making dumb jokes about obese people.

They already have enough on their plates.

On a first date I always talk about obese pet penguin

It's a good icebreaker

An obese woman goes to the doctor.

She explains to the Doctor that she has been very nauseas and vomiting, even more so in the morning. After many tests and examinations the doctor came to a conclusion, "It looks like you're pregnant." He told her.
The woman was very distraught with his diagnosis. "I'm pregnant?!" She yells.
...

They classified a guy I work with morbidly obese which seems a little harsh...

I mean, he has enough on his plate already.

And the bus driver's name is Mac.

A man got a new job driving a school bus. When he went to pick up the keys, the man behind the desk slammed them down and said, "Bus #1. Has a Big Bird picture on the side."

The man got in his bus and drove to the first stop. He picked up one boy, who immediately introduced himself. "Hi! My...

Today an obese friend reached a new level of happiness.

He just realized that every cafe in town is an "all you can eat" place.

An fat old man lying in bed calls in the nurse...

A polite woman rushes in to the aid of the obese man who has been placed on a strict diet.

"I'm pregnant!" he declares. "With an elephant!"

The old man start rubbing his bloated belly in large circles.

"How interesting... Elephants are pregnant for 2 years you know" says the nur...

There was an obese man watching tv...

He saw an ad for weight loss but it didn't say how it worked all it showed was all kinds of success stories.
So big boy picked up the phone and called the number.
The next day he heard his doorbell and rolled to the door.
When he opened the door he saw a naked chunky girl in shoes and a ...

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A pansexual enters a room full of obese nymphomaniacs

No one has room to judge.

Three vampires challenge themselves to a blood drink off

The first one comes back, 10 minutes later, lips bloodied proud of himself.
The two others ask him how he got so much blood, so the vampire points towards a corpse drain of all it’s blood only to say: you see that girl, yep, that’s her blood!

The second vampire turns into a bat and leaves...

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Interviewer: So Japan, I hear that you're the least obese country in the world. How did you achieve this?

Japan: Ah. So did I ever tell you what happened the last time we had a Fat Man in Japan?

My fellow obese Americans

chasing the American dream does not count as exercise.

What was the obese cop's only arrest?

A cardiac one.

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How is it that everything with mass attracts everything around it?

Cause my obese ass can't attract a single chick....

What do you do to get rid of an obese demon?

You exorcise him.

The CEO at Euro A Bank Ltd got economists thinking when he said:

"A cyclist is a disaster for a country's economy. He does not buy a car and does not take out a car loan. Does not buy car insurance. Does not buy fuel. Does not send his car for servicing and repairs. Does not use paid parking. Does not become obese.
Yes - and he stays well, damn it !! Healthy p...

What do call an obese transvestite?

A trans fat

Have you heard about the obese, alcoholic transvestite?

All he wanted was to eat, drink and be Mary.

You should always be up front and direct when talking to obese people...

Because if you sugar coat it they'll probably just eat that too.

Demons must be obese...

...Because they hate getting exorcised.

What's a similarity between obese people, and my relationships with women?

They don't work out.

Doctor: ""If you gain 5 more pounds, medically, you'll be morbidly obese."

"Do you understand what this means?"

Woman: "Yes, I'm not morbidly obese now."

What do you call a brothel that caters to obese people that are into MILFs?

A mom and pop shop.

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An obese man is trying to lose weight

His friend tells him about this gym where he can lose all his unwanted fat within a few days.

The man goes to that gym, the coach welcomes him "Hello, welcome to the best gym ever. Today you will work in the first floor, where you will lose 20 pounds in 2 hours."

The man enters the fir...

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BBC News: Being obese can cut your risk of dementia...

Hold on, lets rephrase that:

"Fat fuckers are less likely to forget where the biscuits are kept"

What did the obese girl left knee said to her right knee ?

nothing. they never met.

What do you call a tall, obese computer nerd with a bladder control problem.

A Big Fat Geek Wetting.

Three cheers for obese people! Hip hip...

...problems

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