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Obese Jokes

I witnessed the break up of an obese couple

I guess they didn't work out.

My obese parrot died today...

Sad, but its a huge weight off my shoulders

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An obese man is standing naked in front of his doctor.

The doctor says, "I'm sure you are aware that you have a serious weight problem. The man says, "Doc, I know. I haven't seen my dick in 3 years." The doctor asks, "Then why don't you diet?" And the fat man says, "Why? What color is it now?"

You are obese!

A woman visits the doctor

Doctor: Madame, you are obese.

Woman: What?? I demand a second opinion!

Doctor: Your hair looks stupid.

What do you call an obese psychic?

A four chin teller.

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A morbidly obese guy goes into a public restroom to do his business

As he is standing there, a rather rude guy occupies the next urinal. The second guy looks over at the fist and in an extremely uncouth manner exclaims, "Holy shit!!! You are huge !!! How much do you weigh?"

The first guys says, "around 375."

Second guys says, "Damn, that's a lot!! When...

A doctor sees an obese women to advise her about weight loss.

The women defensively says, "Look, I'm obese. My sister is obese. My mother is obese. My kids are obese. My brother is obese. Obesity runs in my family." The doctor replies, "It sounds like nobody runs in your family."

I am an obese man identifying as a skinny man...

I am trans-fat.

What do you call an obese murderer?

A killer whale.

It's not nice to make fun of the obese...

...They have enough on their plate.

Why are obese jokes so offensive?

Because fat people have enough on their plate.

Doctor: You're obese.

Patient: For that, I definetly want a second opinion!

Doctor: You're quite ugly, too.

What do you call a visually impaired obese poker player?

Big Blind

What do you call the list of most grossly obese people in the world?

Four-chin 500

What do you call a morbidly obese vegetarian?

Megafauna.

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Obese kid

An elderly man was out for a leisurely walk in the park one day, when he came upon a morbidly obese kid sitting on a park bench.

The kid was steadily shoveling candy in his mouth and washing it down with soda. There was a huge pile of candy wrappers on the ground around him.

The old ...

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A morbidly obese man

visits his doctor.

“Doc,” he says, “I can’t stand being this fat anymore. Please help.”

“Alright, let’s get to work”, replies the doctor. After many months of diet and exercise, the man winds up loosing hundreds of pounds. An unfortunate side effect though is that he has all this loos...

What’s an obese person’s favorite workout?

^forklifts ¨̮

Some people call Americans grossly obese

>!We prefer to refer to it as ’Manifest Density’!<

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I was on pedestrian crossing walking behind an extremely obese man.

when suddenly his phone began to be bleep. A voice next to me said “fuck me he’s gonna reverse “

An Obese friend of mine was going through some tough time.

So I asked him if he needed any help? He said “No Thank you, I have a lot on my plate now”.

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work...

We were able to lift his coffin.

Life is like a box of chocolates

It doesn’t last as long for the obese.

How much did the morbidly obese Chinese woman weigh?

Wonton.

Demons must be obese...

...Because they hate getting exorcised.

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Why won’t cannibals eat obese people after they have had sexual reassignment surgery?

Trans fats are bad for your health.

My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.

As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.

So I have a morbidly obese friend, but he identifies as skinny.

He’s trans slender

There are increasing amounts of obese people each year

I'm not sure if you understand the weight of the situation

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Why are there no obese people in Japan?

Remember what happened the last time they had a Fat Man?

Listen guys, I know this sub is all in good fun, but I don't think it's right to be making dumb jokes about obese people.

They already have enough on their plates.

What do you call an obese emo teenager

An edgelard.

Alternatively, names.

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Why don't healthy cannibals eat obese transsexuals?

Too much transfat

I was devastated that my tag team wrestling partner turned out to be morbidly obese...

I say this with a heavy Hart.

A wife said, "I am getting obese, give me a compliment to raise my moral."

The husband replied, "You have perfect eyesight!"

What did the doctor say to the obese octopus?

You need to go on a low-crab diet.

Why do obese people always pass their exams?

Because they're too big to fail.

An obese woman goes to the doctor.

She explains to the Doctor that she has been very nauseas and vomiting, even more so in the morning. After many tests and examinations the doctor came to a conclusion, "It looks like you're pregnant." He told her.
The woman was very distraught with his diagnosis. "I'm pregnant?!" She yells.
...

There was an obese man watching tv...

He saw an ad for weight loss but it didn't say how it worked all it showed was all kinds of success stories.
So big boy picked up the phone and called the number.
The next day he heard his doorbell and rolled to the door.
When he opened the door he saw a naked chunky girl in shoes and a ...

What's the difference between an obese rodeo bull, and Dracula's girlfriend?

One's a fat bucker...

Why did the obese couple broke up?

Because they simply are not working out

What did the journalist say when he saw an obese sea cow explode?

Oh the huge manatee!

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An obese man is trying to lose weight

His friend tells him about this gym where he can lose all his unwanted fat within a few days.

The man goes to that gym, the coach welcomes him "Hello, welcome to the best gym ever. Today you will work in the first floor, where you will lose 20 pounds in 2 hours."

The man enters the fir...

What was the obese cop's only arrest?

A cardiac one.

I was really tempted to say mean things about an obese animal

But I decided not to because that would be hippo-critical.

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A pansexual enters a room full of obese nymphomaniacs

No one has room to judge.

Why did the obese woman not worry about her health?

She already had too much on her plate

How do you get rid of an obese demon?

You exercise it.

Three cheers for obese people! Hip hip...

...problems

The lives of morbidly obese people are like hourglasses

If they don’t get turned upside down soon enough, they will be done.

Studies suggest that 50% of Americans will be obese by the year 2030

I think that shows initiative. Trying to get the number down that low that quick.

What's a similarity between obese people, and my relationships with women?

They don't work out.

Jim asks his formerly obese friend Phil how he has lost weight so fast

Phil replies, "I tell you my secret. There's this clinic I went to. They have a special program that makes you lose weight incredibly fast. Here's the address."



So next weekend Jim has his first appointment at the clinic. He is welcomed by the doctor who sends him upstairs to the firs...

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BBC News: Being obese can cut your risk of dementia...

Hold on, lets rephrase that:

"Fat fuckers are less likely to forget where the biscuits are kept"

I was looking for a new psychic when I noticed they were either obese or anorexic.

Is it that hard to find a healthy medium?

Did you hear about that morbidly obese couple that just started dating?

They have a tonne in common.

A lot of people in America are obese. However, many people from Harvey Weinstein's circle are in decent shape.

Because they spent so long running from the truth.

I don't understand why some people think obesity is a disease,

The only thing obese people and a disease have in common is that they are both easy to catch.

On a first date I always talk about obese pet penguin

It's a good icebreaker

I found out my dad was cheating my on my mom with an obese woman.

I guess you could say he was screwing a-round.

An obese man wants to lose a few pounds, goes to see a specialist...

An Obese man wants to lose a few pounds, goes to see a specialist...

He's in the lobby for an hour before the doc calls him in.

Doc: I apologize for your wait.

Man: Don't, *I'm* the one that can't stop eating.

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