What do you call an obese psychic?

A >!four-chin teller!<

You are obese!

A woman visits the doctor

Doctor: Madame, you are obese.

Woman: What?? I demand a second opinion!

Doctor: Your hair looks stupid.

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A morbidly obese man

visits his doctor.

“Doc,” he says, “I can’t stand being this fat anymore. Please help.”

“Alright, let’s get to work”, replies the doctor. After many months of diet and exercise, the man winds up loosing hundreds of pounds. An unfortunate side effect though is that he has all this loos...

An Obese friend of mine was going through some tough time.

So I asked him if he needed any help? He said “No Thank you, I have a lot on my plate now”.

What do you call a visually impaired obese poker player?

Big Blind

My obese parrot died recently.

It's been really sad, but it's a huge weight off my shoulders.

Doctor: You're obese.

Patient: For that, I definetly want a second opinion!

Doctor: You're quite ugly, too.

A doctor sees an obese women to advise her about weight loss.

The women defensively says, "Look, I'm obese. My sister is obese. My mother is obese. My kids are obese. My brother is obese. Obesity runs in my family." The doctor replies, "It sounds like nobody runs in your family."

What do you call an introductory dance party for obese people?

Meet ball.

I was devastated that my tag team wrestling partner turned out to be morbidly obese...

I say this with a heavy Hart.

Some people call Americans grossly obese

>!We prefer to refer to it as ’Manifest Density’!<

what do you call a morbidly obese bird?

a type coo diabetic

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A obese chicken has a volume of 14 cubic inches

This means that 2.000.000.000.000.000.000.000.000.000 fat cocks fits in Uranus

I am head-over-heels in love with an obese person.

Infatuated, actually.

A wife said, "I am getting obese, give me a compliment to raise my moral."

The husband replied, "You have perfect eyesight!"

Playing doctors and nurses with the wife in the bedroom last night didn't go very well.

Especially when I diagnosed her as clinically obese.

It is not nice to pick on the obese,

they have enough on their plate.

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work...

We were able to lift his coffin.

I have bad news and good news. My obese parrot died yesterday. However, there is some good news.

It’s a lot of weight off my shoulders.

An man goes to the doctor’s office for a blood test

An man goes to the doctor’s office for a blood test.

The doctor tells him he is obese and has to become more healthy.so the man tells the doctor “obesity runs in my family “

the doctor says to the man ” obesity doesn’t run in your family, nobody runs in your family”

My doctor told me that I’m morbidly obese.

I responded “maybe, but I identify as skinny”

I’m trans-fat

A lot of people in America are obese. However, many people from Harvey Weinstein's circle are in decent shape.

Because they spent so long running from the truth.

Doctor : You are obese, to live long enough you have to avoid three things.

Patient : Sure doctor... What are those...?

Doctor : Breakfast Lunch & Dinner !

My obese Ex-wife, Ally, worked in a Californian grenade factory. She got struck by a grenade during her lunch break while covered in sticky urine.

Supper Cali frag a lick stick ex pee Ally dough sus

Leave the obese kid alone

He already has enough weight to carry

I'm glad that flight attendants are never obese.

So pilots have only one option for a soft landing.

Obese people need to stand up against fat shaming

For some reason though, they don't

I witnessed the break up of an obese couple

I guess they didn't work out.

I hired the most obese personal assistant I could find.

She’s a really big help.

What do you call it when an obese lady gives birth?

A birthquake

What did the journalist say when he saw an obese sea cow explode?

Oh the huge manatee!

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Why won’t cannibals eat obese people after they have had sexual reassignment surgery?

Trans fats are bad for your health.

So I have a morbidly obese friend, but he identifies as skinny.

He’s trans slender

Studies suggest that 50% of Americans will be obese by the year 2030

I think that shows initiative. Trying to get the number down that low that quick.

What do you call an obese emo teenager

An edgelard.

Alternatively, names.

Jim asks his formerly obese friend Phil how he has lost weight so fast

Phil replies, "I tell you my secret. There's this clinic I went to. They have a special program that makes you lose weight incredibly fast. Here's the address."



So next weekend Jim has his first appointment at the clinic. He is welcomed by the doctor who sends him upstairs to the firs...

Did you hear about that morbidly obese couple that just started dating?

They have a tonne in common.

I find all these obese jokes horrible.

Don't you think they have enough on their plate already?

How much did the morbidly obese Chinese woman weigh?

Wonton.

I found out my dad was cheating my on my mom with an obese woman.

I guess you could say he was screwing a-round.

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Why don't healthy cannibals eat obese transsexuals?

Too much transfat

There are increasing amounts of obese people each year

I'm not sure if you understand the weight of the situation

I don't understand why some people think obesity is a disease,

The only thing obese people and a disease have in common is that they are both easy to catch.

An obese man is visiting his doctor to try and lose some weight.

Doctor: So, what do you think is the reason you’re obese?

Obese Man: Well, obesity runs in my family.

Doctor: Alright, but nobody runs in your family.

What's the difference between an obese rodeo bull, and Dracula's girlfriend?

One's a fat bucker...

I was looking for a new psychic when I noticed they were either obese or anorexic.

Is it that hard to find a healthy medium?

Why did the obese woman not worry about her health?

She already had too much on her plate

I was really tempted to say mean things about an obese animal

But I decided not to because that would be hippo-critical.

Listen guys, I know this sub is all in good fun, but I don't think it's right to be making dumb jokes about obese people.

They already have enough on their plates.

What did the doctor say to the obese octopus?

You need to go on a low-crab diet.

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Why are there no obese people in Japan?

Remember what happened the last time they had a Fat Man?

Why did the obese couple broke up?

Because they simply are not working out

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An obese man was standing naked in front of his doctor

He said "Doc. I haven't seen my dick in 3 years". Doctor said "Then why don't you diet?" The fat man replied "What color is it now?"

An obese man wants to lose a few pounds, goes to see a specialist...

An Obese man wants to lose a few pounds, goes to see a specialist...

He's in the lobby for an hour before the doc calls him in.

Doc: I apologize for your wait.

Man: Don't, *I'm* the one that can't stop eating.

Why should you never give an obese person a hard time?

They already have enough on their plate.

How to loose belly fat

Little Johny walks to his mom and starts asking her about what he had seen the previous night while sneaking around the house.

Little Johny: Mommy, mommy why ware you jumping on daddy’s stomach last night?

Mom: Johny you’re old enough to know the truth... your dad is getting obese so ...

Why do obese people always pass their exams?

Because they're too big to fail.

The lives of morbidly obese people are like hourglasses

If they don’t get turned upside down soon enough, they will be done.

They classified a guy I work with morbidly obese which seems a little harsh...

I mean, he has enough on his plate already.

An obese woman goes to the doctor.

She explains to the Doctor that she has been very nauseas and vomiting, even more so in the morning. After many tests and examinations the doctor came to a conclusion, "It looks like you're pregnant." He told her.
The woman was very distraught with his diagnosis. "I'm pregnant?!" She yells.
...

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Interviewer: So Japan, I hear that you're the least obese country in the world. How did you achieve this?

Japan: Ah. So did I ever tell you what happened the last time we had a Fat Man in Japan?

There was an obese man watching tv...

He saw an ad for weight loss but it didn't say how it worked all it showed was all kinds of success stories.
So big boy picked up the phone and called the number.
The next day he heard his doorbell and rolled to the door.
When he opened the door he saw a naked chunky girl in shoes and a ...

What do you do to get rid of an obese demon?

You exorcise him.

What was the obese cop's only arrest?

A cardiac one.

What's a similarity between obese people, and my relationships with women?

They don't work out.

Demons must be obese...

...Because they hate getting exorcised.

My fellow obese Americans

chasing the American dream does not count as exercise.

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A pansexual enters a room full of obese nymphomaniacs

No one has room to judge.

What do call an obese transvestite?

A trans fat

Have you heard about the obese, alcoholic transvestite?

All he wanted was to eat, drink and be Mary.

What do you call it when obese statesmen end a war during tea time?

Peace of Cake.

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An obese man is trying to lose weight

His friend tells him about this gym where he can lose all his unwanted fat within a few days.

The man goes to that gym, the coach welcomes him "Hello, welcome to the best gym ever. Today you will work in the first floor, where you will lose 20 pounds in 2 hours."

The man enters the fir...

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BBC News: Being obese can cut your risk of dementia...

Hold on, lets rephrase that:

"Fat fuckers are less likely to forget where the biscuits are kept"

You should always be up front and direct when talking to obese people...

Because if you sugar coat it they'll probably just eat that too.

Doctor: ""If you gain 5 more pounds, medically, you'll be morbidly obese."

"Do you understand what this means?"

Woman: "Yes, I'm not morbidly obese now."

What did the obese girl left knee said to her right knee ?

nothing. they never met.

What do you call a tall, obese computer nerd with a bladder control problem.

A Big Fat Geek Wetting.

An inspector arrives at murder scene of an obese man by a cannibal

It was a lot to digest

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