What do you call handicapped kids doing karate?

partial-arts

What do you call a mentally handicapped bakery?

We tart it.

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Going To Hooters

Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to New York and the other to Washington.
They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch. "Where you wanna go?" "Hooters." "...

What do you call a handicapped Spanish demon?

El Disablo

Then there was the handicapped honors student in our school.

Since kindergarten his dad had given him a quarter and a pat on the head for each A he got. By the time he graduated, he had $500 in the bank and a flat head.

Someone made a post offending handicapped people, but I didn’t reply.

The comments were disabled.

Last week I was invited to play in a golf tournament

At first I said, 'Naaahhh....' Then they said to me, 'Come on, it's for handicapped and blind kids.' Then I thought......... Damn -- I could win this thing!!!

What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal ?

"Don’t shoot, I’m unarmed."

My buddy was in a motorcycle accident and lost half his foot. So now he's handicapped. He's still the same guy, but I just can't hang out with him anymore. So I realized something important about myself.

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

Handicapped man was next on stage....

For his standup

To the handicapped guy who stole my bag

You can hide but you can't run

I know many handicapped people with a great sense of humour.

Shame they don't do stand-up comedy.

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What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?

My dick.

A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar

And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"

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Women see sex like buying a car

Can I see myself in this long term?

Is it safe?

Is it reliable?

Can it kill me?

Guys look at sex like parking a car.

There's a spot.

There's another spot.

Oh I have to pay? Never-mind.

Handicapped? Hope no-one sees this!

What did the handicapped person say about his prosthetic arms?

These come in handy.

As a handicapped person, I’ll always defend my parking spot

The time I’ve let other people run over me is past

I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl

Momma always taught me to eat my vegetables.

I always park in handicapped spaces at the hospital

Just to test their patients

Pablo Picasso was once mugged in the street...

When the police questioned him on the appearance of the culprit, he did the reconstruction sketch himself.

The investigation went rather quickly. On the first day, the police had already arrested 3 handicapped people, 3 elderly women, 2 fish, and a sewing machine.

Muslim Handicapped Man Devil Stoning At Hajj

A Paraplegic, one eye blind, one arm disabled and deaf muslim man goes to Hajj. During stoning of Devil;
Devil asks: What happened to your legs?
Man answers: It's work of Allah.
D: What happened to your arm?
M: It's work of Allah.
D: What happened to your ear?
M: It's w...

Jokes about the handicapped aren't funny

No one knows what it's like to not walk a mile in their shoes.

I used to work at a nursing home full of handicapped people

But I quit, because I could not stand them.

Did you guys know that handicapped people were mentioned in the beginning of the bible?

Cain's family was dis-Abel'd.

A frog parked his car in the handicapped spot.

It got toad.

I got into a debate with a handicapped man today...

Apparently it didn't help my case when I told him he didn't have a leg to stand on...

There's a special place in hell for able-bodied people who park in handicapped spaces

and it's right up front

Handicapped jokes are so cruel

I can't stand them!!

What did the mentally handicapped kid get on his math test?

Drool

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I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extreme handicapped.

I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables"

A good metaphor for today's youth is the book Peter Pan...

Kids sneak out. Get high on dust together. Beat up handicapped man, and steal his boat.

[Request] a joke about a man and his wife shopping, but the girl is handicapped or something. Saw on reddit a while ago. I can't find it now.

One of my old favorite jokes. Some story about how man doesn't take her wife shopping for shoes and its not known that the woman is in a wheelchair until the punchline.

I forget it, and it bothers me, because I remember loving it.

Anyone know?

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It's too bad those Nazis weren't all handicapped, overweight or ugly...

...because then Trump might have condemned them.

What do slinkies and the handicapped have in common?

They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs.

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The handicapped parrot

Danny walks into a pet store looking for a bird. After a half hour of fruitless searching, he hears a voice call out to him "Hey mister, I see you've been looking for a bird eh?" Danny turns around and to his surprise, he sees it was a parrot hailing him. Danny says "You can talk?" The parrot says "...

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A lifeguard sees a physically handicapped child come up to the public pool.

So the lifeguard gets ready to jump in and make a rescue as he sees the kid clumsily put down his towel to go for a swim.


As soon as the handicapped boy touches the water, he starts swimming with athletic ease. Going one lap crawl, the other butterfly, back and forth , back and forth.
...

What did the deaf, blind, mute, handicapped kid get for Christmas?

Cancer.

Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot...

The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How you doing today?" the bartender asks

. "Actually, earlier today I was feeling really down. Depressed even," the guy says. "But then I parked in a handicapped stall at the grocery store and then I had a bunch of complete strangers rally around me and tell me there was nothing wrong with me."

Girls night out

A group of 15 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they only had $6.00 between them and Jimmy Johnson, that cute boy in Social Studies, lives on that street and...

Women are a bit like parking spaces

Normally all the good ones are taken but sometimes, when no one’s looking, you just gotta stick it into a handicapped one.

This is a joke I heard back in 2000

George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wan...

German Baby Joke I saw on QI

A British couple decided to adopt a German baby. They raised him for years, however they began to get worried because he never spoke, and they believed that he was mentally handicapped, going as far as to take him to therapy, which was fruitless.
Then, when the child was 8 years old, he had a Str...

Quasimodo needed a sub bell ringer...

Put an ad in the paper. No one showed up for weeks.
Finally a knock on the door.
Guy standing there with no arms.
Quasi is incredulous, doesn’t think he can do it.
Guy begs..”c’mon Quasi, give me a chance...as a handicapped person yourself, you know how hard it is to find work”
Quasim...

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15 Best Two-Line Jokes

1. Parallel lines have so much in common
It's a shame they'll never meet

2. My wife accused me of being immature
I told her to get out of my fort

3. Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor

4. How many Germans do...

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A very fit, attractive man is jogging along the beach one morning...

...and he comes across a old, handicapped woman in a wheelchair, sobbing.


The man stops, and with concern in his voice, politely asks the woman what’s the matter.


She waves him off, but he insists. He wants to help.


“Well, it’s just that I’m an old woman in a whee...

B'dum tsss

A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.

**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.

1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you c...

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A mom and dad read their son’s browsing history

On it, they find that the son had been watching porn featuring mentally handicapped people.

The mom says “This is disgusting, I don’t even know what you would call this.”

The dad says “Yeah, it’s just fucking stupid.”

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