Handicapped Jokes

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El Disablo

But guess who came crawling back!!?!

The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

The Rolling Stoners

We tart it.

No one knows what it's like to not walk a mile in their shoes.

Cancer.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How you doing today?" the bartender asks. "Actually, earlier today I was feeling really down. Depressed even," the guy says. "But then I parked in a handicapped stall at the grocery store and then I had a bunch of complete strangers rally around me and tel... read more

He was never going to catch me in his wheelchair.

For his standup

A British couple decided to adopt a German baby. They raised him for years, however they began to get worried because he never spoke, and they believed that he was mentally handicapped, going as far as to take him to therapy, which was fruitless.
Then, when the child was 8 years old, he had a Str... read more

Because he has spacial needs.

And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"

Shame they don't do stand-up comedy.

Since kindergarten his dad had given him a quarter and a pat on the head for each A he got. By the time he graduated, he had $500 in the bank and a flat head.

You can hide but you can't run.

A Paraplegic, one eye blind, one arm disabled and deaf muslim man goes to Hajj. During stoning of Devil;
Devil asks: What happened to your legs?
Man answers: It's work of Allah.
D: What happened to your arm?
M: It's work of Allah.
D: What happened to your ear?
M: It's w... read more

It got toad.

Just to test their patients

I can't stand them!!

Momma always taught me to eat my vegetables.

Apparently it didn't help my case when I told him he didn't have a leg to stand on...

They are the most fun when pushed down a flight of stairs.

Drool

These come in handy.

The time I’ve let other people run over me is past

But I quit, because I could not stand them.

Cain's family was dis-Abel'd.

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

George W. was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids, who were fishing, pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wan... read more

Normally all the good ones are taken but sometimes, when no one’s looking, you just gotta stick it into a handicapped one.

A very sad song for the handicapped.

One of my old favorite jokes. Some story about how man doesn't take her wife shopping for shoes and its not known that the woman is in a wheelchair until the punchline.

I forget it, and it bothers me, because I remember loving it.

Anyone know?

I said "Relax... there's plenty of room in this handicapped stall for the both of us."

At first I said, 'Naaahhh....' Then they said to me, 'Come on, it's for handicapped and blind kids.' Then I thought......... Damn -- I could win this thing!!!

Kids sneak out. Get high on dust together. Beat up handicapped man, and steal his boat.

A group of 15 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they only had $6.00 between them and Jimmy Johnson, that cute boy in Social Studies, lives on that street and... read more

A collection of jokes I have found over the years about drummers.

**NOTE:** Before you get offended, I AM A DRUMMER. I FIND THESE FUNNY TOO.

1. What do you call a drummer in a suit? The defendant
2. How can you tell a drummer's at the door? The knocking speeds up
3. What do you c... read more