To the asthmatic bloke wearing camo who stole my wallet

You can hide but you can’t run

I was walking in park. I had an asthmatic attack. A group of asthmatics attacked me.

I should have heard them coming.

What did the asthmatic person say to the construction worker?

You're breathtaking.

What do you call an asthmatic vampire?

Vlad the Inhaler

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

English Football joke.

A policeman stops a suspected drunk driver and asks him to take a

breath test, the driver pulls out a medical card which says 'this man

is asthmatic please do not take his breath.'

So the policeman asks him to take a blood test, the man then

pulls out another card which ...

DAD:Always date an asthmatic...

SON: Why dad?
DAD: You'll always take her breath away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tractor joke

There once was a man who loved tractors, I mean he absolutely LOVED them. He had tractor models, tractor wallpaper, remote control miniature tractors, tractor board games, even some tractor porn(which is not easy to find mind you). The only thing that even came close to his love for tractors, was th...

What do an asthmatic stoner and a one legged mountain climber have in common?

They both have difficulty getting high.

A guy named Jean has been out drinking

Jean has had a few drinks and is pulled over by a police officer thirty minutes into his drive home from the bar.

The police officer says to Jean: “Sir, I’m going to need you to take a breathalyser test.”

Jean replies: “I can’t.”

Officer: “Why not?”

Jean: “I’m asthmatic....

My ex girlfirend

My ex-girlfriend used to give me nicknames whilst giving me head.


"The Impaler" was my favourite.


Well, at least, that's what I thought she said....


Turns out she's asthmatic and it's my fault she died.

There once was a Father and 3 sons

There were 3 brothers, who were the sons of a Father who could not say and. Each brother went by a different name according to their desires.

The oldest brother was a heavy asthmatic who craved air on the daily.

The middle brother was known across the world for his urge to use whateve...

A man goes to the doctor

"Help me", he says, "I think I might be asthmatic because I have a really hard time breathing"

The doctor performes a couple of tests and tells him: "From now on, I want you to sleep with your windows wide open."

A week later the man comes to the doctor again. The doctor asks him: "So,...

A police officer pulls a man over who was driving erratically.

The officer walks up to the man's window and asks him.

"Sir, you are all over the road! I need you to blow into this breathalyzer to determine if you have been drinking."

The driver of the car shakes his head vehemently and says to the officer.

"Oh, I can't do that, officer! I...

A man is driving recklessly on the highway

A man is driving recklessly on the highway. A cop sees him me pulls him over.
The officer asks the man to step outside of his vehicle and then asks for him to pee into a cup.
The man replies " I can't do that I'm diabetic, my blood sugar will get to low"
The officer then asks the man to blo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Drunk driver

A cop pulled over a man who kept swerving in and out of lanes for no apparent reason. The officer goes up to the man and requests that the man take a breathalyzer test.

"I can't do that, officer," the man replied, "I'm an asthmatic. If I take the test, I might have an asthma attack."
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A friend of mine got stopped by the police the other day...

He was weaving the car a little oddly and they asked him to blow into the tube. He passed them a piece of paper which said "This man is asthmatic, please don't ask him to blow something" signed by doctor.

So the police said "Well, then I'm afraid I'm going to have to take a blood sample". He...

A man is pulled over on the suspicion of drunk driving.

The officer comes up to the window and says "Son, I'm going to need you to take a breathalyzer test."

The man says, "I'm sorry, Officer, I can't do that."

"And why is that?"

"Well, you see sir, I'm an asthmatic. Blowing into one of those things would cause me to have an attack."...

A police officer pulls a man over for driving all over the road...

...and discovers the man has clearly been drinking.

Officer: "You'll have to come with me for a breathalyzer test, sir."

Man: "I'm afraid I can't do that officer, I'm ams-- *hic* alths-- I'm asthmatic. I could have an episode."

O: "I see. In that case, I'll need to take you dow...

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