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Caused Jokes

What caused The Black Death?

The police.

What contains the letters a,u, t, and s and is caused by vaccines?

adults

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My local sex shop has caused controversy.

They announced they are going to start selling Beer flavoured Lube that is 6.3% alcohol, for women to rub on their privates in a bid to encourage men to perform oral sex.

Campaigners have condemned the move because of fears it will

lead to 24 hour minge drinking.

What is orange, about 70 years old, has caused enormous damage to the environment, and is a great embarrassment to the US?

Agent orange, duh.

What do you call a bacterial disease caused by two grizzlies?

Twobearculosis.

People keep claiming I caused a car accident

I don’t know what they’re talking about because I did it on purpose

We caused 2020

Do you guys remember for the last few years that one post that was like "man can't wait for 2020 so I can say I have 2020 vision"

... this is how 2020 payed us back.

I'm the woman who caused the Tour de France crash! AMA!



Oops, gotta run!

What causes arthritis?

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to...

What caused the skunk to unload his scent?

Instinct

("in stink" original joke from my seven year old).

Who caused the porpoise holocaust?

A dolphin

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Due to the recent cutbacks caused by the coronavirus Bruce was told he had to terminate one of his compliance managers.

Alice and Jack we're both exemplary employees and he honestly had no idea which one he would get rid of, but being an honest man he decided he'd speak to them both ahead of time thinking that it might help him make his decision. He called in Alice first and he said listen, I've either got to lay you...

Has COVID-19 caused you to wear a mask and glasses at the same time?

You may be entitled to condensation.

A duo of serial killers got convicted. The sentence caused some debate.

The first one got 25 years. He put his victims in a bowl an drowned them in milk. The other one put the milk in first and got sentenced to death.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a big buff bearded man once told me when I was 13 that masturbation caused hair to grow on my hand

I asked him how did you get your beard then

If Coronavirus isnt caused by the beer....

Then why do I keep hearing about all these cases?

Credit to Al Lowe.

The person who caused the Tour de France crash should be arrested and charged with genocide.

She tried to take out an entire race.

What do you call a headache caused my someone stealing your wheat

My-grain

People say that vaccines cause autism. That's not true. It's caused by brown nosing.

Because brown nosing causes assbugers.

Ageing has caused me to need glasses.

Glasses of beer. Glasses of wine. And glasses of bourbon.

How do you call the random eye movement caused by prolonged video gaming?

A Nintendo Twitch

What caused the Great depression?

A lack of comedians

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

17% of car accidents are caused by drunk drivers.

That means that 83% are caused by sober drivers.

When will these damn sober jerks get off the road so that our safety can be multiplied by 6?

Did you hear that a guy caused a blackout at Buckingham Palace?

He stole the Royal Joules!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What caused Tipper Gore to have a sudden sexual awakening?

Improvements were made in the Al Gore Rhythm.

What caused the death of Captain Hook?

He accidentally use the wrong hand wiping his ass

After my retirement at the company I worked at for 50 years, I looked forward to some relaxation time and putting my feet up, but my wife had other ideas...

... she insisted I take her to the local shopping centre every day.

Like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and out.

She's like most women - loves to browse & leaves me with endless time to fulfill.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter,...

There is one horrible disease vaccines have caused.

Anti-vaxxers

A man had a workplace accident which caused him to lose one of his ear.

He had no choice but to get a ear prosthetic to replace his lost ear. However, he seemed to be a completely changed person, from his mannerisms to his personality. His colleague finally caved and asked him one day: "Hey, why have you changed so much since the accident?". To which he replied:
...

What nation has caused the largest population growth since 1970?

Insemination.

What caused the wizard’s business to fail?

He paid too much for his staff

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father and his ten year old son were in the grocery store…

…and the son was throwing a penny up and catching it. After several successful attempts, he threw it up, lost it in a light and it went into his mouth. He started choking which caused the father to start freaking out and yelling for a doctor.

A well dressed woman walked over, calmly reached d...

What caused the ice cream truck to break down?

a rocky road

What do you call a death that is caused by an earthquake?

Death by Default

Corona virus has caused our local supermarket to sell out of pasta

All because of a fusilli people

There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living...

There was a man in Bulgaria who drove a train for a living.

He loved his job, driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child.

He loved to make the train go as fast as possible.

Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash.

He mad...

We still don't know what caused the Notre Dame fire...

But Quasimodo has a hunch

What caused the fisherman to go crazy?

Pier pressure.

What caused the rift between the Sunni and the Shia?

A clerical error

The bus crash that landed me in hospital was caused by a guy standing up to offer a lady his seat.

He'll never work as a bus driver again.

Elon Musk caused a major scandal today by going on a bizarre rant about Coronavirus.

I hope Elon-gate is not too drawn out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The current pandemic has caused the price of deer meat to reach all time lows.

Deer testicles are under a buck.

Which race caused the most despair in the entire human history?

The armaments race.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After 175 years, researchers have finally figured out what caused the Irish Potato Famine of 1845

One of the potatoes that rose to power was named Richard. He was a Dick tater.

I don’t know if Facebook has ever caused the lame to walk

but it has certainly caused the dumb to speak

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man books a Doctor's appointment for his huge penis.

He books the appointment with the doctor and goes into to see him and explains,

"D-d-d-d-docter I have a really bad s-s-s-stutter caused by all the b-b-b-b-blood going to my huge p-p-p-p-penis"

The doctor takes a look and can see that is the case. They come to an agreement that the man...

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