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Donuts Jokes

"Your eyes look red." said the cop. "Have you been smoking weed?"

"Your eyes look glazed." I replied. "Have you been eating donuts?"

A monk used to make donuts while contemplating the mysteries of life.

He was a deep friar.

Then he gained weight because of the donuts.

He became a deep fat friar.

Stale Donuts

I visited a little cafe not too far from the Royal Mile in Edinburgh, and ordered a coffee and a donut. The coffee was bland and cold but worst of all the donut was stale.
“Excuse me” I said “these donuts are stale.”
The assistant was polite “I’m sorry sir, those are yesterday’s donuts.”
“W...

Life is like a box of donuts

Doesn't last long if you're fat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was arrested for doing donuts in a parking lot.

Turns out that fucking pastries in public is illegal.

How does Bob Marley like his donuts?

Wi’ jam in

I found a store that only sells bagels and donuts

It's called 'Hole Foods'

I went to Dunkin Donuts and ordered 4 blueberry donuts and the cashier asked if I wanna box....

...I've been banned for life from that shop.

I was doing donuts in the parking lot

I was doing donuts in the parking lot and almost got arrested, and yes I am aware donuts is a strange name for a dog

What do you call somebody who eats 12 dozen donuts?

Gross

Nudist colony

Q- How can you tell the blind guy at a nudist colony?
A- It's not hard.

Q- Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A- The one carrying a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Q- Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A- The one who can eat the la...

Why did the Croissants take the Donuts and Bagels to Disneyland?

They thought it would be fun for the hole family.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what's the difference between a black man and a box of donuts?

One of them's already full of holes before the cops see them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once had donuts delivered to my favorite strip club

The baker asked how many strippers were there and I said there were six. He sent them two donuts each. He remarked, "You know, that works out pretty evenly!" and I said, "Yeah, dozen tit?"

Why did the baker stop making donuts

He got tired of the HOLE business

What kind of Donuts are Bob Marley's favourite?

Ones with Jammin'!

What do you call a kilogram of donuts .

Property of obesity

My dad and I were having donuts for lunch...

He said, "Enjoy the **HOLE** donut!"

A cop caught me doing donuts in the parking lot.

I thought cops loved donuts!

Do you know why donuts have a hole in them?

Because the baker made them with love. ^^^^^also ^^^^^why ^^^^^they're ^^^^^glazed

There *is* a difference between doughnuts and donuts

**Ugh!**

I was thinking about starting my own bakery...

...making bundt cakes, crullers, donuts, and bagels.

I'm going to call it Hole Foods.

What's the differnce between donuts and dead kids?

A swat team doesn't break down my door over donuts.

Why Was The Baker So Depressed About Purchasing Containers That Only Fit 12 Donuts?

If you ask him he will give you 13 Reasons Why.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe bag of donuts walks into a brothel...

He tells the madam he wants something really special, money is no object.

She leads him into a room with two beautiful nubile nymphettes and he engages in a passionate hour of sex.

A few weeks later he can’t deny himself so he goes back, only this time the madam leads him into a ro...

This morning I was in my car doing donuts in the parking lot at work

Now I have glaze all over my balls.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just bought some vegan donuts.

Big mistake, they won't shut the fuck up.

I'm opening a grocery store that specializes in Swiss cheese and donuts...

... calling it Hole Foods.

French Donuts

Are the Beigne of my existence

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A group of friends was walking around the red light district and came across a sign that said “donuts.”

Hank turned to the other two, Joey and Carl, and said, “Guys, I heard about this! The girl puts a donut on your junk and then goes to town. It’s supposed to be the best thing you can do here. We should do it. It’s not like we’re going to get this chance again!”

Reluctantly, the other two agr...

Its a man's first day working at a donut shop

The man is working the register when a customer comes in and asks, "What do you sell here?"

The man replies with, "uhhhh"

Then the manager has to come out and deal with the customer. Once he is finished and the customer leaves, the manager says to the man, "Next time they ask you that,...

I've heard Dunkin Donuts is going to be the official sponsor of no nut November.

Their name will be Dunkin Nonuts for a month.

So a man walks into a donut shop on Dagobah...

And he sees a little green alien behind the counter. He asks for a hot donut.

The alien says, "Broken, our fryer is. Yesterday's donuts, I can sell you. Also, donut ingredients, we still have."

But the man is really craving a warm donut, so he asks, "Are you absolutely sure I can't get...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Donut Joke

First time posting, but this is my favorite joke. It takes some acting, and can only be used in certain situations, but I've had rooms of people rolling on the floor.

This joke works best when you are in a group of people all trading jokes. When it comes to your turn, tell the first part:...

I heard Dunkin Donuts has a cold brew now.

Cool beans.

Two magicians walk into a bakery

The first palms 3 donuts. He then snidely challenges the other magician to perform a trick of equal benefit. The second magician then calls the baker and asks for 3 donuts if he'd like to see a magic trick. The baker does his part and provides the donuts. The magician then eats the donuts and exclai...

The other day I saw an event a local church was having at a dispensary where they were giving away donuts and spreading the Word of God

They called it Glaze It, Blaze It, and Praise It

WARNING IF YOU HAVE SEEN A LINK ON THE INTERNET OFFERING FREE DONUTS, DO NOT CLICK ON IT.

IT IS A VIRUS THAT FORCES CAPS LOCK TO BE PERMANENTLY ACTIVATED ON YOUR COMPUTER!

// THE POLICE

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses wai...

I just heard that the Dunkin Donuts in my area will initiate with a surcharge for coming in without wearing a mask.

They're going to call it a cough fee.

The City Health inspector walks into a new restaurant unannounced and takes a seat where he can see the kitchen. While he is sitting there, an order goes back for a pizza. The chef appears and the health inspector nearly chokes when he sees that he is not wearing a shirt.

As if the health inspector didn't already have enough fuel for his citation-writing pen, the chef proceeded to grab a lump of pizza dough and press it out flat on his bare chest.
Appalled, the health inspector had barely finished up when an order came back for a hamburger.
The cook proceeded t...

A drunk stumbles out of a bar

He heads over to the parking lot where he left his car, trying to remember which one was his.

A police officer was monitoring the lot and immediately noticed the stumbling man. The officer walked over to him, looked at the drunks' face and said "Pardon me, sir- your eyes appear to be bloodsho...

A poor man, a well off middle class man, and an extremely wealthy man in the 1% find themselves at the same event. The poor man and middle class man run into the wealthy man when they find out there's complimentary donuts and arrive to see him wrapping up 10 of the last 12 donuts and pocketing them

As the wealthy man is leaving he walks up to the middle class guy, motions to the poor man and whispers in his ear: "watch out, he's trying to take your donut.

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