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Dieting Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife always cheats when shes dieting

She hides chocolate bars around the house and fucks other men...

Bob and his wife started dieting a week ago

Bob and his wife started dieting a week ago.
His wife proposed that they should have cheat day today.
She bought home McDonald's burger, KFC wings and Bob brought home his secretary

How many carbs do people in india eat while dieting?

Naan.

Why was the dieting Roman so thrilled?

His toga size went from L to XL.

Why did the mermaid stop dieting?

She was too fin.

I think about dieting sometimes...

It takes a lot of weight off my mind.

Dieting hasnt worked out for me, so Im gambling in the UK

Great way to lose a few pounds.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What was Hitler's favorite dieting fad?

Doing a Jews Cleanse

I’d like to start dieting...

But I’ve got too much on my plate.

I love dieting. I'm actually on 4 diets.

Chinese, American, Italian and Mexican.

Consistency is important when dieting

You don’t want lumps in your cake batter.

I found this great new dieting plan that's sure to make you lose a lot of pounds

It's called Brexit

My wife said we should have a cheat day once a month while we are dieting...

Apparently it only involved food

My girlfriend is trying to get me to start dieting.

I told her I'd rather die eating.

Oh darling, since you’ve started dieting, you’ve become such a passionate kisser…

What do you mean, passionate? I’m looking for food remains!

My wife and I started dieting together and we have a combined weight loss of 60 Lbs!

My wife is down 80 Lbs.

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