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Diets Jokes

Diets are for those who are...

thick and tired of it.

I'm on the tequila diet

So far I've lost 2 days.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are Japanese people so obsessed with healthy diets?

It's because they never want to see another Fat Man in their lives.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New Diet

So I’m at Walmart picking up a bag of dog food for my dog. Waiting in the long line the lady behind me strikes up a conversation. She asks if I have a dog, and I think, why else would I be carrying this big bag of dog food?
Then I said “No, I’m starting the dog food diet again. Even though...

People on diets...

Are just finding their feet

These new diets are getting absolutely ridiculous

Today, some guy was telling me about the joys and benefits of self-cannibalizing. I've never heard anyone that was so full of themself.

I love dieting. I'm actually on 4 diets.

Chinese, American, Italian and Mexican.

Did you know there was a Jedi from Italy who was really strict about diets?

His name was Only One Cannoli.

The Germans are so innovative when it comes to diets.

Especially the gluten free diets. They’ve started a new initiative with their food. If something has gluten in it, they give it a guten tag.

Diets are like ghosts.

They might exist, but I wouldn't know.

Diets are like relationships...

They get easier if you allow yourself a cheat day

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know what I say to people with low fiber diets.

Tough shit

I'm currently on two different diets

Because with just one I'm always hungry

Clickbait- new report identifies most diets fail if they start on this day:

Tomorrow

Bad Diet

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Miami, Florida.

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us re...

I’m on a whiskey diet

So far I’ve lost two weeks

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