The Madam opened the brothel door to see a frail, elderly gentleman.

"Can I help you?" the madam asked. "I want Natalie," the old man replied. "Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps someone else..." "No, I must see Natalie."

Just then Natalie appeared and announced to the old man that she charges $1,000 per visit. Without blinking, the man ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dozen Nazis walked into a bar, demanding shots

Luckily the bartender had an AK-47.

This Spanish man on my lawn is so demanding

I keep giving him blankets to sit on and all he will say in response is 'grassy ass'

A moderator of this sub is my neighbor in real life, and is demanding that my fence be removed

...just because I re-posted it.

A drunk staggers into a bar demanding a beer.

The bartender informs him that he is not allowed to serve alcohol to drunken patrons. After a few harsh words, the bartender suggested that the drunk prove he isn't drunk by doing twenty push-ups on the floor.

As he was doing the push-ups, another drunk staggers into the bar and sees this guy...

Trump Supporters are demanding to join the LGBTQ+ community.

They say they identify as Non-Bidenary

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Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Sid, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.


One day Sid revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Nathan


the Erudite lawyer, the King's chief adviser....

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I almost got arrested on my way to a Pistons game

I recently moved to Michigan because of my new job. It was a step up from my previous dead-end one and of course, more pay meant more work which is why I try to enjoy the little free time that I have.

Being a huge NBA fan, I decided to catch a Pistons game at the Little Caesar's Arena. Howev...

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My wife overheard me having phone sex yesterday. She stormed into the room demanding answers

I told her it wasn’t anyone she knew but it was SiriOS.

Dave is a good worker

Dave is a good worker, social and nice, but he keeps missing all company events. Eventually, his boss calls him to his office demanding an explanation why Dave can't be a team player and come.

"I'm sorry Boss," said Dave, "I'm just so busy with all the people I already know, sometimes it see...

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I returned home to see a black man in my living room demanding money

My roommate always likes to collect rent on schedule

A big porcelain basin was demanding entry to our house.

Let that sink in.

What has one finger and is very demanding?

A ransom note.

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At the gates of the Vatican, there stood a jew demanding to meet with the pope.

The cardinals on gate duty knew him to be the head of an ancient Jewish family, that had tried to meet with The Pope for generations.

As they were shooing him away, The Pope walked by and heard the commotion.

"what is going on?" he asked.

"Your Grace, it is simply a jew who wish...

A mugger held me up at knife point, demanding I give all my money...

So I drew him a map to my ex-wife’s house.

The personal assistant enters Stalin's office to announce to him: "Comrade Stalin, a clairvoyant is waiting outside demanding an audience with you. He says that he is able to foresee the future."

Stalin, still bent over the table, calmly replies: "He shall be executed. If he really foresaw the future, he would never want to meet me."

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Back in the late 1800's when bananas first started gaining popularity in the United States, banana groves weren't the safest of places. There were monkeys pooping all over, porcupines, venomous spiders and snakes in the groves. This caused problems not just for the pickers, but for consumers as well

Anyway Americans started demanding that their bananas be inspected before being imported, so the banana companies started placing stickers on bunches of bananas to indicate they were safe to eat. Of course the banana companies were still cutting corners. The groves still had monkeys, porcupines, sna...

In America, what do you call someone who barges into your house with a gun demanding you hand over your stuff?

A police officer.

My boss sent me an email in big, dark letters demanding that I personally deliver my report to him ASAP…

I’ve got to hand it to him, that was pretty bold.

Once there was a dragon slayer named Nick.....

Nick was a wealthy man, due to the fact that there were many dragons around the kingdom that required killing. The king of the land used to pay a great price for every dragon killed. But Nick had a deep secret, he had a massive desire to sleep with the queen, even if it was just for a night.
One...

There's nothing worse than a bunch of demanding bodybuilders

They always have to get their whey

I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and one requirement was a demanding 12-mile march. We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.

An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever come.

"Men," our sergeant yelled, "you're doing a fine job. We've already covered four miles!"

Revitalized, we picked up the pace.

"And," continued Sarge, "we should reach the starting point...

A woman decides to surprise her husband with a brand new luxury wardrobe...

While he's at work she goes to IKEA and finds a beautiful wardrobe, buys it, and returns home. Reading the instructions, she easily assembles the marvelous piece of furniture

Then, as she stood satisfied about her work, a bus passed by the window and the whole wardrobe fell apart. Stunned, ...

A manufacturing plant was in trouble, and nobody knew why.

A manufacturing plant was in trouble, and nobody knew why. They finally brought in an expert to fix the problem.

The guy basically walks in, inspects the equipment, takes out a chalk piece, marks one unit with an X mark and leaves.

The plant’s owner replaces the unit and viola! everyth...

The Cechnyan mob kidnaps two Czechs, two Irishmen, two Englishmen, and two Americans.

A ransom note is sent to each respective countries' embassy, demanding the equivalent of $25 million,or they will kill the hostages.

After two weeks, they receive responses from each embassy.

The English, Irish, and American embassy all state that they do not negotiate with terrorist...

In an alternate reality, bears speak and coexist with humans.

A prominent electrician (who happened to be a bear) employed several humans for various positions within his company. Some were in customer service, handling the phones. Others were on-site technicians who drove around town from job to job. One human, Mike, was hired to do two different jobs inside ...

A man walks into a bank demanding small change

After a small wait, he walks up to the teller and says: "Hello, I would like some change please." To which the teller replies, "Sorry sir we don't deal in change any more all our money is virtual, if you want cash we recommend you go somewhere else, apologies for any inconveniences." The man, adaman...

Jesus, Moses, and Muhammad walk into a bar...

...and they all agree their boss can be a tad too demanding at times.

Sometimes when work is hectic and my family is demanding, I lock myself in the bathroom and act like an alien

I come in peace.

The Streetcleaners Union is petitioning to double the width of their brooms.

They're demanding broad sweeping reform.

A Jewish man goes to the Vatican

And demands to see the Pope, the cardinals and guards recognize this man from an old family from Jerusalem, and they begin to turn him away.

The Pope happens to be walking around and hears the commotion, and asks what is going on.

One of the cardinals tells him that this man and his fa...

A hooded bank robber burst into a bank demanding cash

Once his bags were full he started making his way out when a brave soldier ripped his mask off and sees his face. The robber, realizing his face has been exposed, shoots and kills him dead. The robber turns around and sees a bank teller looking him in the eyes so he walks up to him and shoots him ...

A man and his dog walk into a bar...

The man proceeds to sit on a stool and the dog quickly follows, jumping onto the next stool. The barkeep tells the man ‘Sir your dog can’t sit there!’

‘Well I reckon he can. You see, this is no ordinary dog. This dog here has the gift of speech, and that makes him my best friend. And I believ...

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