UPJOKE
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My performance in the bedroom is like a high-sticking call in hockey.

Typically 2 minutes, but 4 minutes if there's blood.

Major airlines are cancelling flights as staff call in sick.

If I was in charge, none of their excuses would fly.

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I've been getting the same prostitute to come to my work and secretly give me felatio for a while now. I forgot to tell her that I was sick yesterday and had to call in a cover.

Safe to say my cover was blown...

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How does a porn star call in sick?

"Sorry, I can't come tonight."

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A teacher was doing role call in class and had called Timmy's name

A boy raises his hand and says: "Timmy is not going to be at school for a while. His brother told me he was using the air compressor on his asshole and is now in the hospital."

The teacher corrected the boy: "don't you mean rectum?"

The boy: "Wrecked him? His brother said it damn near ...

How does a pirate cat-call in the 21st century?

Yo-ho!

I had to call in sick today with eye problems.

I just couldn't see coming in to work.

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A local radio station is having a contest: The first person to call in with a word the DJ has never heard of will win $1000.

So this guy calls in and when asked for the word, he says, "goan... G-O-A-N. Goan."

The DJ thinks for a moment and says, "That’s not even a real word!"

"Sure it is," argues the caller.

"Well, then use it in a sentence," says the DJ.

The caller replies, "Goan fuck yourself...

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A phone call in a business trip...

I checked into a hotel on a business trip and was a bit lonely so I thought I'd get me one of those girls you see advertised in phone booths when you're calling for a cab.

I grabbed a card on my way in. It was an ad for a girl calling herself Erogonique, a lovely girl, bending over in the pho...

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A radio show is hosting a game where listeners call in with a new word.

Radio Host: Hey all you listeners out there, time for another round of "New Word". As a reminder of the rules, you have to give me a word that does not exist in the dictionary and you have to say a phrase that uses that word.
Caller: Hello?...
Radio Host: Hello caller, you are live on Radi...

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I told my boss I had to call in because I have anal glaucoma...

He said: "what does that even mean?"

I told him: "I couldn't see my ass coming into work today"

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Radio call-in show, Cork, Ireland

True story...

The host asked for people to call in with a four-letter word that isn't in the English language, but should be, and to use it in a sentence.
A caller says, "G-O-A-N, pronounced go-an. I can use it in a sentence. Goan fuck yourself!" The host stumbles for words as the call goe...

Why did Miss Piggy call in sick to work?

She had a frog in her throat.

Roll call in the Middle East

Teacher: Asghar?

Asghar: Here!

Teacher:Hassan?

Hassan: Present!

Teacher: Rahal?

Rahal: A present, count to four!

Teacher: Don't you mean 'present and accounted for'?

Rahal: No. Count to two.

Teacher: What do you- BOOM!

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A man calls his boss to call in sick...

The boss asks him, "How sick are you anyway?"
"I fucked my sister! Is that sick enough for you?"

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If you have to work tomorrow, call in sick.

If your boss says "Well you don't sound sick."
Say, "Well I'm fucking my sister; that sound sick enough for ya?"

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