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Petition Jokes

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I petition that we rename classrooms to classwombs

Then maybe republicans will give a fuck about kids dying in them

A man is approached by someone writing a petition.

The guy with the petition asks, "would you like to sign this petition about child labor?"

The man responds, "well, of course!"

After he signs it with the pen he was given, the guy with the petition asks, "would you like to sign it again with a fake name?"

The man agrees to this ...

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Mickey and Minnie Mouse Are in Divorce Court

The Divorce Court Judge has just finished reviewing Mickey's petition for divorce when he says to Mickey, "Now let me get this straight, you say you want to divorce Minnie Mouse because she's crazy?".

Mickey, visibly upset and very emotional responds to the judge: "No, No, No Your Honor. I d...

I have started a petition to ban people from collecting autographs.

So far, I've got 15,000 signatures.

I was wondering if anyone would be willing to support a petition to modernize the name of the Pope Mobile.

I think we should call it the Miracle Whip. It's got more of a tangy zip to it.

Gonna start a petition to change Reddit's name

How does Re-post-ddit sound?


...sounds bad? Gimme some slack, it's hard to create original content on here

Somebody asked me to sign his petition to save the planet

It was to reinstate Pluto.

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A judge is hearing Mickey Mouse's divorce petition.

After listening to his argument, the judge shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, Mr. Mouse. Your wife Minnie having an eccentric personality is not valid grounds for divorce, I'm afraid."

"Your honor," Mickey replies. "I didn't say she was eccentric, I said she was fucking Goofy!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm creating a petition based on the position of peoples belly buttons, so...

Are you in or out?

Petition to ban all r/Fencing members from r/Jokes

Too many ripostes.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Please sign my petition to ban shredded cheese.

Let's make America grate again!

I want to create a petition to switch the names of Mango and Coffee.

Because Coffee makes Man go

What was Trump's reaction to the petition for him to release his tax returns

Not my precedent

There's a bipartisan group petitioning for medical marijuana as an option for arthritis patients.

In other words, there's joint support for joint support for joint support.

Petition to remove titles once and for all

[me, ordering cake through the phone]
“What would you like the cake to say?
.
[covering the phone to talk to my friend] : do we want a talking cake?

Petition to change "readers" to "Jokesters"

Readers just isn't appropriate for this sub-reddit, c'mon guys.
For those who have no idea what I am talking about, you can change this: http://i.imgur.com/uoRoH.jpg

I recently saw a petition to force bookshelf companies to build the shelves approximately five metres further forward...

Finally, there’s something I can get behind

In the small village the 5G transmitter was built.

Some time after building, the villagers started being angry about it. Soon, they made a petition against it. A secretary comes to the director of the project to inform him about the whole situation.
- Director, you may want to look at this.
- What is this?
- A petition against placing our t...

There's a petition going around to name the black hole after Chris Cornell from Soundgarden

There gonna call it the cornhole

"Hello sir would you like to sign this petition in support of the Cheese Act that congress is trying to pass?"

"Yeah sure I'm pro-volone"

A man with terminal cancer asked his wife if she had ever been unfaithful

She said she had been three times, so he asked when. The first time was when they first bought a house and they needed money so she slept with a rich person.

He understood since they needed the money to get by. The second time was when he wanted to start his business so she slept with another...

Irving Lipchitz always hated his name. As soon as he turned 18, he petitioned to have it legally changed.

The judge was very understanding and asked Irving if he had any outstanding debts, and confirmed he had no criminal history. His character confirmed, the judge granted his wish: “and what would you like your new name to be son?”

“DAVID Lipchitz.”

Obsessive Compulsive...

The representative body that supports people who suffer from OCD have petitioned the Government to change the acronym to CDO in alphabetical order the way it should be...

It’s time to stop Alabamian stereotypes.

Me, my dad, my uncle, my mom, my aunt, and my grandfather have started a petition to stop these stereotypes.

We may only have 3 signatures, but we can start a change!

The anti-drug campaign

Two men join a local anti-drug campaign. They walk up to the person running the campaign.

The man looks towards them and says,
"Ah, I'm guessing you two are here for the campaign."

The two men agree and the manager of the campaign said,

"Alright guys, we were just running a...

Why do you want divorce?

Judge: Why do you want divorce?

Petitioner: My wife asks me to peel off garlic, cut onions, wash utensils.

Judge: What's the problem in this? Just warm up the Garlic, it will be easy to peel it. Before cutting Onions just chill them in the refrigerator and then while cutting them the ...

How many internet users does it take to change a light-bulb?

I dunno. Let's just sign a petition so that hopefully somebody will do it.

How to be Cool

1. Fill out a petition, file it with your local civil court, and pay the fees.
2. Publish your name change, if required, then attend your hearing.
3. Change your name on your Social Security card, ID card, and all other documentation.
4. If you are getting married, write your full, new name...

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Today I received a message from Facebook

Fb : we would appreciate if you signed this petition

Me: what is it about ?

Fb: it’s about your continued faith in Facebook during these troubled times and requesting the govt not to put any sanctions

Me: you assholes stole our private information and sold it to others
...

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How many redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

Well first thousands sign a petition that the lightbulb needs to be changed, because it is using its ideology to change the room. The room was much better after the previous light bulb and we are going to go back to that. The lightbulb is a cunt. LIGHTBULB IS A CUNT. ITS ABOUT FREEDOM OF SPEECH AND ...

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First farmer's market of the year

A farmer was on her way to the first farmer's market of the year. She was lucky to have secured a spot, year after year, at a very popular farmer's market, but rather than feeling excited, she was bummed out in anticipation of having to endure, yet again, the obnoxious antics of two almond growers ...

I can’t bear it

A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their whole lives studying the majestic grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study these wondrous beasts.

Finally, their request was granted and they immediately...

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That Ol' Gloria (NSFW)

Gloria was not a pretty woman. She had never been in love and only rarely had laid with a man. Alone by the time of her 55th birthday, her only accomplishments in life were a storied golf career and her many rescued cats. Sadly, in her misery and depression, Gloria took her own life. Written in her ...

I business man decides to open a bar in small town in Texas...

It was quiet little town where lot of people were god fearing and church going folk.

His bar began construction on a new building on the same street as one of the town churches (one of twelve) to increase their business. The local Baptist church among other god fearing folk of course were sho...

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The Twelve Thank-You Notes of Christmas

Dearest John:

I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.

With dearest love and affection, Agnes

December 15th

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gi...

A man and his son were walking through a dark coastal town.

They couldn't fathom why it was so dark. So they made their ways to an old harbourside Inn, and spoke to the landlord. He said that since their only source of energy ran out the town was suffering blackouts and there was nothing they could do about it without the funding for some cleaner, greener en...

American Indian female wrestling

A tribe of Native Americans generally referred to their woman by the animal hide with which they made their blanket. Thus, one woman might be known as Squaw of Buffalo Hide, while another might be known as Squaw of Deer Hide. This tribe had a particularly large and strong woman, with a very unique...

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