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Defined Jokes

On a crucifix…why is Jesus always depicted with well defined abs?

CrossFit

Insanity defined

The definition of insanity is when you’re cheating at solitaire and a fight breaks out.

"Bigamy" is defined as having one wife too many...

Some people define "marriage" the same way.

I'm so grateful to the teacher who defined the word "plethora" for me...

It meant a lot.

Immaturity defined

Husband says to marriage counselor:
"My wife is so immature."
"Can you give me an example?" the counselor asked.
"Well, like every time I'm taking a bath she comes in and sinks all my ships."

My body is very well-defined.

If you look under the word "obese".

Following someone around is typically defined as "stalking"

At my university, it's defined as "finding a parking space"

TIL Zero and its operation were first defined by Hindu astronomer and mathematician Brahmagupta in 628

Thanks for nothing

A guy asks Alexa to define "rendezvous"...

Alexa: As a noun, rendezvous is usually defined as an agreement between two or more persons to meet at a certain time and place.

Guy: Spell it.

Alexa: It is spelled, I. T.

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Guy gets a hotel room and asks for a hooker

A man heads to a seedy hotel to rent a room and asks the clerk where to find a prostitute.

The clerk says not to worry, he'll send one to the man's room in a few minutes.

The man goes to his room and sure enough, a few minutes later a prostitute knocks on his door.

"Hi honey, ho...

Did you hear about the USSR comedian who defined his self work through the success of his work?

Because in Soviet Russia you don’t make jokes, jokes make you.

Please refrain from calling an expanded gut on a man “Dad Bod”…

It is more accurately defined as a Father Figure.

If lawyers are disbarred and priests are defrocked, then...

Electricians are delighted

Corpses are decrypted

Cowboys are deranged

Models are deposed

Underwear models are debriefed

Dry cleaners are depressed, decreased and depleted

Jilted women are debrided

HVAC technicians are deducted

Tennis linemen ar...

If a pizza has a radius "z" and a depth "a"

Its volume can be defined by pi* z* z* a

Some words sounding similar can be confusing. For example, Entropy and Atrophy.

Entropy is simply a measure of how much the energy of atoms and molecules become more spread out in a process and can be defined in terms of statistical probabilities, whereas Atrophy, is what you get if you win something.

Jim and Ted were let go after 15 years working at the bra factory so they headed down to the local Employment office…

There they each filled out some forms. They both had worked the same quality assurance positions on the line down at the “Over The Shoulder Boulder Holder Inc.”. Afterwards they each met with a jobs counselor to try and find new employment they could embark on. As the final step they met individua...

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What's the definition of the word 'indefinitely'?

*I dunno, without a defined endpoint?*

For me, it's when the balls hit the asshole.

*shocked pause*

Because that's how I know I'm in...definitely.

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School Versus Home

At school, you sit on your ass for 6-8 hours and are praised for it.

At home, you sit down for 3 minutes and you are defined as lazy.

Q: What do you call a trucker wearing a suit and tie?

A: the defendant

Source: I'm a trucker. (reformed)


For the young and/or foreign:

Defendant - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Defendant‎
In a criminal trial, a defendant is any person accused (charged) of committing an offence (a crime), an act ...

You know someone is hard core

When they have strong and well-defined abdominal muscles

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One day, a teacher assigns the class to find out the definition of “politics.”

One day, a teacher assigns the class to find out the definition of “politics.”

One little boy in the class goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she...

Some interesting Oxymorons :)

An oxymoron is usually defined as a phrase in which two words of contradictory meaning are brought together:-

1) Clearly misunderstood
2) Exact Estimate
3) Small Crowd
4) Act Naturally
5) Found Missing
6) Fully Empty
7) Pretty ugly
8) Seriously funny
9) Only choice
...

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