UPJOKE
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Implies Jokes

I had a hilarious joke about how a forklift implies the existence of a spoonlift.

Then I realized that's just a catapult.

A linguistic philosopher made the claim that there is no language in which a double positive implies a negative during a lecture.

To which someone responded, "Yeah, yeah."

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony

On his first day there, he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man immediately gets an erection.

The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, 'Did you call for me?'

The man replies, 'No, what do you mean?'

...

Our English teacher said that in English, using double negatives implies a positive, and in other languages, using double negatives implies a negative. But, in no languages does a double positive imply a negative.

I said, "Yeah, right."

I've had it with people reposting that joke that mistakenly implies that "plethora" means "a lot".

It's too much.

There’s not going to be another World War. Calm down.

“World War” implies that America still has allies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scientists estimate that there are about 100 billion people that have ever lived.

This implies that humans have had sex at least 100 billion times. However, this is nothing compared to the amount of times I did ur mom last night.

A child got caught swearing in class today.

The teacher told him to stop saying those words. She also implies that he doesn't even know what it means

The child responded "I know what it means"

The teacher said "Oh yeah? Then what does it mean?"

The student said "It's when the car won't start"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The existence of Bicycles

Implies the existence of Homocycles and Heterocycles

Jokes are like frogs

Because if you dissect them, they die.
Except to use the word "dissect" implies the frog or joke in question is already dead. The correct word choice would be "vivisect," which is the equivalent of a dissection, but with the animal (or joke) still alive. Much like a dissection, vivisections are u...

I just found out that a doctor down the street has been arrested for dealing drugs...

It shows you how wrong you c an be about people. I have been a customer for many years and he is so different than the article implies. I never knew he was a doctor.

How does a logician explain why long lines tend to form at the restroom after a movie?

If a lot of people have to urinate, a long line will tend to form. A lot of people *do* have to urinate after a movie, and thus there is a long restroom line. Put a bit more formally:
Pee implies queue. Pee, therefore queue.

There is an benefit to being friendzoned

It implies you have a friend.

I like the term "making a name for yourself"

It implies your parents were wrong.

I don't like the song Stairway To Heaven

because it implies that heaven is not wheelchair accessible.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once a professor asked his students to use 'love' and 'sex' in a sentence.

Once a professor asked his students to use 'love' and 'sex' in a sentence.
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GIRLS wrote: When mutual understanding between a boy and a girl increases so much that they cant live without each other, implies they are in "love" and when this love reaches an extreme such that both are physic...

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