UPJOKE

Definition Of Jokes

What is the definition of trust?

Two cannibals having a 69.

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A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word “definitely.” To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence.

The first student raises his hand and says, “The sky is definitely blue.”

The teacher says, “Well, that isn’t entirely correct, because sometimes it’s gray and cloudy.”

Another student says, “Grass is definitely green.”
The teacher again replies, “If grass doesn’t get enough wate...

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The Definition of Politics

A Russian Jew successfully secured relocation to Israel.

At the Moscow airport, when conducting a search of his belongings, the customs official found a statue in his case.

He asked the traveler:

‘What is this?’

The traveler replied:

‘That is the wrong question, co...

Want to know what the definition of insanity is?

The definition of insanity is mindlessly repeating a quote that Einstein never said.

What's the definition of a reverse exorcism?

It's when you ask the Devil to get the priest out of your little boy

I'd like to thank everyone who taught me the definition of 'many'

it really means a lot

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Dad? What's the definition of 'kinky'?

Dunno son, now help me lift your granny off this doorknob

What's the definition of a will?

Come on guys it's a dead giveaway

What's the definition of a politician?

A person whose skin is so thick they can stand upright even without a spine

what's the difference in definition of complete vs. finished

When you marry the right woman you are complete.

When you marry the wrong woman you are finished.

When the right woman finds you with the wrong woman, you are completely finished.

And questions?

What's the proper definition of a Freudian slip?

It's where you say one thing but you mean your mother.

What is the definition of politics?

Poly meaning many.

And ticks meaning blood sucking parasites.

What's the definition of a surprise?

A fart with a lump in it.

Definition of a Million

A man was praying to God.

He said, "God!?"

God responded, "Yes?"

And the guy said, "Can I ask a question?"

"Go right ahead," God said.

"God, what is a million years to you?"

God said, "a million years to me is only a second."

"Hmmm," the man wo...

Definition of laziness

The art of taking rest before getting tired. Because prevention is better than cure.

What’s the definition of suspicious?

Two nuns bobbing up and down in a corn field.

The definition of chutzpah:

Is the man who killed his parents who asks for mercy from the court.
The judge asks “On what grounds should we grant you mercy?”
Man “On the account of I’m an orphan!”

This is a very old one.
#yiddish is fun

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What is the definition of torque?

When you have to piss with morning wood, you push your dick down so hard that your feet fly out from under you. That's torque.

What's the definition of a yankee?

It's like a quickee but you do it yourself.

What’s the proper definition of the word ‘propaganda’ ?

When an Australian person takes a good look at something.

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What is the definition of teenager?

Gods punishment for enjoying sex, he's nothing if not patient.

What is the definition of eternity?

It’s the length of time between when you come and when she leaves.

Teacher: Please provide the ethical definition of copying.

Student:

From one person it's cheating.

From many people it's research.

Do you know the definition of ignorance?

Two guys digging a ditch were doing their ditch digging thing, when one of them looks over at the supervisor sitting under a tree in the shade. The one guy says to the other, "Man, it isn't fair for us to be working so hard in the hot sun, while Mr. Supervisor is sitting doing nothing on the shade....

Whats the definition of Specimen ?

An Italian Astronaut

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The definition of tragedy

Donald Trump was visiting a primary school in Orlando and visited a 4th grade class. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked Mr.Trump if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.' So our illustrious POTUS asked the class for an...

What is the definition of bravery?

A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!

I recently taught my daughter the definition of bargain

She said “thanks dad that means a great deal”

Do you know the definition of"perfect pitch?"

When you toss a banjo into a dumpster & it hits an accordion!

What's the definition of Necrophilia?

The irresistible urge to crack open a cold one.

Definition of Disappointment.....

Running into a wall with a hard-on.... and breaking your nose.

What is the definition of cruelty?

Walking into an orphanage and singing "WE ARE FAMILY!"

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Definition of Bisexual

One who grabs someone else’s crotch and is pleased with whatever they find.

What's the definition of a misogynist?

A man who hates every bone in a woman's body except his.

What's the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?

A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a trip to the USA.

The definition of a perfectionist

Someone who wants to go from point A to point A+

What is the definition of pain?

A one armed man hanging off a cliff with an itchy bum.

The definition of a consultant is..

..someone who can tell you on your watch what time it is

What is the definition of noise?

Two skeletons making love in a dustbin.

Definition of Evil intent.....

Satan living in a wigwam.

What's the definition of endless love?

Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing a tennis match.

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[NSFW] What's the definition of disgusting?

Sticking eight oysters up your Grandma's vagina, and sucking nine out.

Huge shoutout to everyone who helped me learn the definition of ‘many’.

It means a lot!

I'm not sure of the definition of Occam's Razor

but I'm sure it's a simple one.

What's the definition of irony?

To not know the difference between a definition and an example.

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What's the definition of "relative humidity"?

That's when the sweat off your balls runs down the crack of your sister-in-law's ass.



(Too rude?)

The definition of an oxymoron

/r/Productivity

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What is the definition of desperate?

A vampire sucking on a used tampon

What is the definition of mixed feelings?

When your mother-in-law is driving your new Tesla towards a cliff.

What is the definition of diplomacy?

The ability to tell a person to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip.

Don't be ashamed of you don't know the definition of the word 'esoteric'

Only a small number of people are likely to understand.

They must have updated the definition of WAP.

I no longer see Wireless Access Points on Google...

What is the definition of stalking?

When two people takes a long, romantic walk on the beach, but only one of them knows about it

The definition of an asparagus:

A bean with aspirations of becoming a paintbrush.

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Whats the definition of indefinitely???

When your balls are slapping up against the arse, your in-definitely.

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NSFW? - Definition of a Period

A period is a bloody waste of fucking time! (works in Australia, and probably England)

The true definition of "savoir faire"

Three French gentleman are discussing the true definition of "savoir faire"

"Mes amis, let me tell you the meaning of 'savoir faire': a husband comes home early, walks into the bedroom and discovers his wife in bed with another man - Pierre - in the middle of ze act. He does not react, but wi...

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What's the definition of a "sadist"?

A proctologist who keeps their thermometer in the freezer.

The definition of stupidity is When you have a Land Rover, a Land Cruiser....

But still have a Landlord.....

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One day, a teacher assigns the class to find out the definition of “politics.”

One day, a teacher assigns the class to find out the definition of “politics.”

One little boy in the class goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she...

What's the definition of a farmer?

Someone who is Outstanding in their Field!

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What's the definition of safe sex in Alabama ?

Locking your car door before humping your cousins

What is the definition of "geometry"?

It's what the little acorn said when he grew up ..."Gee! 'I'm a tree!"

What is the definition of the jewish dilemma?

Free pork

What is the definition of macho?

Jogging home after a vasectomy.

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The definition of success is different for different ages

5 year old-Not peeing in your pants at night

12 years old-Having a lot friends

16 years old-Being able to drive

20 years old-Having a lot of sex

34 years old-Having a lot of money

54 years old-Having a lot of sex

65 years old-Being able to drive

70 ye...

Do you know the definition of incorrectly?

If it goes in smooth and feels good then it's incorrectly!

Definition of a good date

Three female room mates come back from three different dates, the first two arrived at the same time, both with miserable looks on their faces. They asked each other how their dates were.

"Terrible," said the first, "he wouldn't stop talking about himself. I nearly fell asleep in my meal."...

What is the definition of a Ho?

“Ho” is the word Santa says three times in a row when he sees your mother, sister and girlfriend in the room.

What’s the definition of a gentleman?

A person that can play bagpipes after dinner, but doesn’t.

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What is the definition of a fart?

Screams of a trapped shit

What is the definition of bitter sweet?

Your Mother in law driving off a cliff in your brand new Corvette.

New definition of punishment

When you get to a reddit thread after all the puns have been taken.

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What's the definition of a gypsy virgin?

A 6 year old girl that can run faster than her dad.

I keep googling “what is the definition of insanity” to find a joke I heard a while ago...

But I keep getting the same results

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