I was addicted to not defending myself against nuns.

But I finally kicked the habit.

My day in court

I was defending myself in court and the judge said
"have you ever been up before me?"

I replied "I don't know what time you get up"

Who is the REIGNING, DEFENDING and UNDISPUTED Social Distancing Champion of the World?

A whistleblower.

I was defending myself after a crime spree by explaining that I had hypothermia and turned into a superconductor.

I couldn't resist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son got suspended for defending himself against a bully

So I went to the school to see why that happened...

“It’s against our policy to hit other students.” Says the principal.

“So you’re telling me that anyone in your school who feels threaten in a situation shouldn’t even fight back?” I say

“Yes”

So I did what any rational ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Inebriated Indecency

(Sorry for mobile formatting)
Betty and Barry, a middle-aged couple, went out late one hot Friday night to grab dinner. After they had finished their meal, they sat with drinks and enjoyed dessert. Barry excused himself to the restroom and Betty sat there listening and observed the other patrons ...

I read the other day that Penn State has spent $237 million defending the university during the Sandusky lawsuit. Think of how many peoples’ education that would pay for.

At least 4 or 5.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Things I've learned from video games

My mother has been fucked to death many times.

I'm really a cigarette in disguise.

I'm also actually of African descent, my father will be very upset to find that one out. Though my real father is probably one of those random people who fucked her to death.

A lot of people are m...

I like defending myself in court.

So sue me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If a lawyer is defending the porn industry in court...

...are they doing pro boner legal work?

While defending the relevance of his laser experiments, the scientist shouted,

"Photons matter!"

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