If amphibians had AAA

It would be toadside assistance

Why was the amphibian so mad?

His car got stolen.

It was toad away.

I bought the tiniest amphibian I've ever seen at the local pet store.

He's my newt.

What do you call a perfume for amphibians?

A frogrance




I just made this up. I hope you like it

What do you call a curious amphibian?

An askolotl.

I caught my wife sleeping with amphibians behind my back

I asked her why, but she had a frog in her throat

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Made for each other - a thread

How would you describe the perfect couple of eggs?

- Laid for each other

How would you describe the perfect couple of prostitutes?

- Paid for each other

How would you describe the perfect couple of necrophilliacs?

- Dead for each other


How would you desc...

What do you call an inquisitive amphibian?

One that axolotl questions

What are an amphibians favorite kind of shoes?

Open-toad sandals

Teacher: Give me an example of an amphibian.

Student: A frog.

Teacher: Any other examples?

Me: Another frog.

“I don’t know, man— you really think an amphibian like me has a shot with the princess?”

“Toadily.”

I took my new pet amphibian into work this morning.

My boss wanted to know why I had named my pet "Tiny".

I replied - "cause he's my newt".

Where did the amphibian lay her eggs?

Dunno, she frogot.

A frog went for a DNA test...

The results came back 99.9% amphibian and a tad Polish.

I'd do a joke about amphibians.

But they've all been toad.

What do you call an amphibian who catches criminals?

Frog the Bounty Hunter

Two biologists are discussing a new book on amphibians...

Biologist 1: What did you think of the chapter on frogs?

Biologist 2: Oh it was quite ribbiting.

What are the chances of familiarising myself with a semiaquatic amphibian to the point of ownership?

My newt.

My friend told me that he had a collection of small amphibians of the subfamily Pleurodelinae.

That's newts to me.

I just bought a very tiny amphibian for a pet.

It's my-newt!

Any legal experts here?

So there is an expensive international Amphibian Show. You have been preparing for this show all year, and you have one main prize frog and another frog you just have as a backup insuring against the first one being hurt or something. The day comes, but now this first frog gets injured so you are tr...

Just another pirate joke

So there is an amphibian who grew up as a tadpole, and every day, he would see these giant ships passing around him and wanted to take a ride on one.

He asked several captains of the ships if he could ride with them but they all turned them down, saying "What use would I have for an amphibian...

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So a guy and his frog walk into a bar.

And he has a few to many drinks by himself and the bartender begins to worry. The man asked for another pint.

"I think you've had a few to many," the bartender responds.

He replies in a drunken tone, "I'm a traveling showman, and I have a million dollar act. If I show it to you, can I ...

What does a Salamander say when you catch it in a lie?

I amphibian.

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the golf course frog

A golfer playing a round by himself hits his ball near a pond. As he approaches the ball he notices a small frog right next to the spot where his ball landed. Not wanting to hit the frog, he bends down and moves the frog onto a rock nearby. As he sets up his 8 iron shot, he hears the frog croak 'rib...

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A scientist is studying a trained frog.

This frog has been trained to jump on command. Any time it hears the phrase "Jump, frog, jump!" it leaps with all its might.
The scientist prepares a scalpel, sewing kit, and measuring tape and begins his experiment; he says "Jump, frog, jump!" and as soon as the frog hears his voice, it jumps....

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