I created a new word

“Plagiarism”

It's a good thing Gatorade was created by the University of Florida

If it had been Florida State, they'd call it Seminole Fluid

My son created a kids safe Godzilla Knock Knock Joke

Son: Knock Knock

Victim: Who's there?

Son: Godzilla

Victim: Godzilla who?

Son: Raaawr! Chomp!

I created a new gig-economy app for laundry called Laundr.

Unfortunately, the only thing anyone seems to use it for is washer-dryer hookups.

A joke I created as a kid

What does a hamper eat for breakfast?

Socksages

I recently created a database for every living person assigned female at birth.

I call it the X-Files.

When god created the world, the prototype human was almost finished.

Then he said to the responsible construction angel: "Put little toes on them" "Why that?" "For the furniture, you'll see that it's going to be fun."

A team of researchers has created an advanced, AI-powered supercomputer.

The computer is capable of natural language processing. The primary function of the computer is to be asked a question verbally, and then search through publicly available and internal resources to provide an answer without any information given to it beforehand. The computer responds with the answe...

God is talking to one of his angels and says, “Do you know what I have just done? I have just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness on Earth. Isn’t that good?” The angel says, “Yes, but what will you do now?”

God says, “I think I’ll call it a day.”

Einstein created a theory about space

and it was about time too

On the first day God created the heavens, the earth and the Conservative

Conservative looked around and said "eh, I liked it better yesterday!"

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What tests did they do when they created Tickle Me Elmo?

Testicles

There is a group of Amish engineers who created the hardware and software for a small self-driving horseless carriage.

It's a little buggy.

Archangel Michael has just created a duck-goose with giant teeth and wants to show his magnificent creation to God.

He comes to God's presence and says: "look what beauty I made, I'm just not sure where to put it"
God thinks for a moment and says: "how about you put it in Australia with all the other nonsense you've created."

I had a cousin who created a cold air balloon.

But it never took off

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After God created the world and Adam & Eve

[NSFW]

He still had 2 gifts left. God said: "The first is to stand up and pee..."
"uh, pick me, pick me, I want that" Adam interrupted.
"You don't want to hear what the other one is?" God replied, but Adam was already on his way to test out this new gift.
"Very well, eve!" God said...

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God created woman, and she had 3 breasts.

He said to the woman, "Is there anything on you that you'd like to change?"
She said, "Yes. Could you get rid of this middle breast?"

God snapped his fingers and it was done.

She exclaimed, holding the third breast in her hand,

"What am I going to do with this useless tit?"...

On the first day...

...God created the dog and said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years."
The dog said, "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"
And Go...

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer.

They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to setup a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.' So Satan and Jesus sat do...

"So you're saying that the entire universe, and everything in it, was created by one being? No way."

"Yahweh."

In a small town, people sinned a lot.

The priest, an elderly man, was getting tired of constantly hearing the nasty term “adultery”, day after day in confessions.
So he created a code word for it. Whenever someone loses their mind, they must tell the priest in the confession: “Father, I fell.” As such, when someone confessed to have ...

The Story of Creation as told by Dog

On the first day of creation, God created the dog.

On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.

On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.

On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that ma...

Last night an unknown person created a hole in the wall of the local brothel.

Police is looking into it.

I created an AI that analyzed everything submitted to /r/Jokes over the past year, then I had it write its own joke. Here is that joke.

EXC_BAD_ACCESS (code=1, address=0x0)

A man is praying to God and asks "God, how is it you created all this in 7 days?"

God replied, "well, you see time is different for you and me. A million years in human time is only a second in time for me. I created everything in 7 days my time, not yours, so the time frame is much greater than interpreted."

"Oh my God, that is ncredible!" the man exclaimed. "So what, lik...

The Man Who Created Autocorrect Has Died.

Restaurant In Peace.

Sad News: The founder of /r/jokes has passed away

RIP Larry Tesler, the UI designer that created Cut, Copy and Paste, died age 74

Atoms can't actually touch. We're all made of atoms and all mater is atoms which can neither be created or destroyed.

so to answer your question, no officer I did not punch that child

After God created Adam, Adam came to God and said, “You created all the animals and each one has a mate, but I’m alone. Can you create me one also?”

God replied, “Well Adam, I can create a mate for you. It will be the crown of my creation, someone who will serve you, and your every need and desire. The most beautiful and loving creature. She will take care of you always , and give you all the respect that is deserving of you. The only thing is, ...

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Pepsico have teamed up with a leading pharmaceutical company to created a viagra infused soft drink.

I cannot wait to pour myself a stiff one

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4 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

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When God created man, all of the parts of the body argued over who would be boss.

The Brain said that since he controlled the body that he should be boss.

The Eyes said that without them man would be helpless, they should be boss.

The Legs said that since they took man wherever he wanted to go, they should be boss.

The Stomach said that since it digested the ...

How Woman was created.

So, Adam was in the Garden of Eden having a chat with the Lord. He was complaining about those stray "urges" he was experiencing and how there was no one to help him deal with them.

"OK", replied the Lord. "I'll take care of this. I will create Woman for you. She will cook, clean and keep...

What is created when you mix Human DNA and Whale DNA

Your mom

The Queen created a beautiful design that I decided to put on a shirt

One day, the Queen of The United Kingdoms designed a beautiful new crest for the royal family and seeing it, I saw an opportunity for profit and began selling t-shirts with the design printed on them thinking that the royal family wouldn't mind.

After several very angry calls from the royal f...

What did Adam say after Eve was created?

Woah man!

Two Marijuana dispensaries created a merger deal, becoming one.

To be blunt, the stakes were high, but they were hopeful as it was a joint venture.

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Two firms had a row competition

A Japanese and a Finnish company decided to have 2km row competition as a publicity stunt. Both teams trained long and hard. Competition came and Japanese won by 1km.
Finnish companys leadership was shocked. But in this major crisis the leadership showed its value: They wanted to have new compet...

Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics.

His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just created a machine that turns any woman into a prostitute.

It's horrifying.

Swedish inventors have created cyborgs which are hard to distinguish from real humans.

Critics are concerned about the use of artificial Swedeners.

Twitter have just created a keyboard shortcut that mutes all Neo-Conservative posts.

Ctrl + Alt + Right

The guy who created cough drops died last week.

There'll be no coffin at his funeral.

Why did God create Adam before he created Eve?

So no one would tell him how to make Adam.

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A duck had sex with a chicken as the rooster watched with great excitement.

This somehow managed to created a new species, which was named after the rooster. Scientist called this species the “Cuck”.

They created an animal shelter near the mine field...

I never forget the weather of the day they all escaped, it was raining cats and dogs.

I created a poll to see if people preferred pillows stuffed with bird feathers or pillows stuffed with synthetic material.

Synthetic material didn't win. Too many down votes.

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Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.

The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, 'Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.'

The Angel thanks Dol...

God created Canada.

On the 6th day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains,beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-l...

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Think I may have created something new here, honest opinion? (Nsfw?)

Work with a few of my friends and we got a messed up sense of humor and get away with some stuff. I texted all 3 3 hrs after work today and told them "I put dicks in your rearview. They all went out to discover clean mirrors before I said you are the dick I just put in the mirror.

Cyberpunk 2077 has created a story about corporate interests crushing people under the weight of commodification and dehumanisation, with high tech stakes about a world full of technology gone awry.

The game has similar themes.

Scientists have accidentally created immortal frogs

While running experiments, they decided to cut some of the frogs vocal cords.
Ever since then, the frogs just wont croak

A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.

When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".

I’ve created a writing software to rival Microsoft.

It’s their Word against mine.

The Master Chef

A master chef brags to another man that he has at long last created the perfect dish. A dish so delicious that no man alive could resist it culinary divinity.

The man asks how such a dish is possible.

The chef responds that the secret is his artfully crafted blend of herbs and spices t...

A couple scientists created an AI

That seemed to be able to answer all questions. It cured cancer and even told them how to travel faster than light.one day one of the scientists asked it if there was a god. The ai asked for all of humanities information in order to answer. It was given all books ever written, all historical data an...

I created a fetish exercise program, but I don’t know how to end it.

We are still working out the kinks.

I created a wormhole, but it doesn’t work.

Now it’s just something to a-void.

As God created this human child, God asked him...

"How about an extra chromosome?"

The child replied, "I'd be down for that."

One day an atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. " And to think they were all created by a cosmic accident" As he was walking alongside the river he suddenly heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.

He turned to see a seven foot grizzly bear charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path but he looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.
Suddenly he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up he saw the bear right on top of him...

Joke written by an AI

Disclaimer: The joke below was not created by me, or any human, but rather by an AI. I was curious to see if an AI could have a sense of humor.

A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a very attractive woman. After an hour of conversation, the woman says to the man, "Thank you for buyin...

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Medical science has come a long way.

There's a tribe in Africa whose exposure to chemical runoff in the water from local mines created birth defects. One out of every three children are born with no eyelids. Volunteer doctors created a procedure where they take the foreskin from new born males and create eyelids for those born without ...

Spider bite created Spiderman. What would a dog's bite create?

Doberman.

A boy asked his father "Why is my sister named Theresa?" "Because your mother loves Easter and Theresa is an anagram." "Thanks dad."

"Your welcome Alan."

Bill created Microsoft and Steve created Apple

I must say by doing so, they opened a lot of Gates for Jobs.

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Scientists have recently created a new hybrid by mating a male donkey and a female deer.

It isn't very beautiful, but that ass doe

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If life is a simulation

the cunt that created my character was not paying attention when they assigned the skill points

The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed

The label says the expiry date is June 2018.

I'm so glad they dug it up just in time

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