UPJOKE

God Created Jokes

God created the first Swiss and asked him:

"What do you want?"
"Mountains," replied the Swiss.

God created mountains for the Swiss and asked him, "What else do you want?"
"Cows," said the Swiss.

God created cows for the Swiss. The Swiss milked the cows, tasted the milk and asked, "Will you taste, dear God?" The Swiss fill...

When god created man

Gods assistant: Is it done?

God: Hmm, add a little toe to his foot.

Gods assistant: Why?

God: For furniture.

Gods assistant: Furniture?

God: Believe me it'll be funny

On the first day, God created the dog...

God said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of 20 years.”


The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only 10 years and I’ll give you back the other 10?"


So God agreed.
<...

God created childbirth to give women the chance to experience what it's like...

For a guy to catch a cold....

After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "what are you going to do now?"

God said,

"I think I'm going to call it a day."

God created Canada.

On the 6th day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains,beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-l...

When God created Adam and Eve...

He said to them: I have two gifts to give you one is to do pee standing up and...

Adam, very anxious, interrupted him screaming: M E... M E...I want it, please Lord... please... please... please... This would make life a lot easier!

Eve agreed and said those things didn’t matter to her...

When God created women...

He told them: "Women from all the corners of the world should have equal rights to men."

Ironically he made the Earth round.

As God created this human child, God asked him...

"How about an extra chromosome?"

The child replied, "I'd be down for that."

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth

... After that, everything else was made in China.

After God created Adam, Adam came to God and said, “You created all the animals and each one has a mate, but I’m alone. Can you create me one also?”

God replied, “Well Adam, I can create a mate for you. It will be the crown of my creation, someone who will serve you, and your every need and desire. The most beautiful and loving creature. She will take care of you always , and give you all the respect that is deserving of you. The only thing is, ...

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God created Adam and after a time God took a rib from Adam to create Eve

God says to Adam “I have taken your rib and from that I have created Eve, a woman. Adam, you are to love Eve.”
Adam asks God, “alright God, well what am I supposed to love Eve, a woman?”
God tells Adam “you can go and hold Eve’s hand, Adam. Here’s how.”
God explain how they should hold ha...

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When God created woman..

When God created woman,

He gave her not two breasts but three.

When the middle one got in the way

God performed surgery.

Woman stood before God,

With middle breast in hand.

Said "What do we do with the useless boob?"

And God created man.

When god created the world, the prototype human was almost finished.

Then he said to the responsible construction angel: "Put little toes on them" "Why that?" "For the furniture, you'll see that it's going to be fun."

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God created woman, and she had 3 breasts.

He said to the woman, "Is there anything on you that you'd like to change?"
She said, "Yes. Could you get rid of this middle breast?"

God snapped his fingers and it was done.

She exclaimed, holding the third breast in her hand,

"What am I going to do with this useless tit?"...

God created the light...

Then he called it a day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

And God created woman

God sees Adam walking around bored out of his mind. God feels sorry for Adam and tells him, Adam I'm going to make you a woman. A woman? Replies Adam,what is a woman? its going to be the best thing. She'll be your companion, your friend. She'll cook for you, clean for you, let you watch the football...

In the beginning, God created the dog.

He told it, "For 20 years, you are to sit near the door and bark at whoever walks by."

The dog responded, "20 years? That's a long time to do that. How about I do that for 10 years and give you back the remainder?"

God agreed. He then created the monkey and told it, "For 20 years, you ...

On the first day God created the heavens, the earth and the Conservative

Conservative looked around and said "eh, I liked it better yesterday!"

The Reason God created marriage..

So death wasn't so disappointing.

Why God created the man in the form he is?

When God created the donkey and told him:

\- You're gonna be working all day long and you'll carry the heaviest loads on your back. You'll eat grass and you won't be so smart. You'll live 50 years.

Then the donkey said:

\- 50 years of the kind of life and suffering is a lot. Giv...

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AND GOD CREATED MAN

2 weeks after creating Eve,God returns for a visit. "Hows it going Eve?"
"Great, except for this third boob. It throws off my balance when I walk. I think 2 would be better."
"Very well." God holds out his hand before Eve and her middle boob falls into it. God flings it into the bushes.
2 w...

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When God created man, all of the parts of the body argued over who would be boss.

The Brain said that since he controlled the body that he should be boss.

The Eyes said that without them man would be helpless, they should be boss.

The Legs said that since they took man wherever he wanted to go, they should be boss.

The Stomach said that since it digested the ...

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After God created the world and Adam & Eve

[NSFW]

He still had 2 gifts left. God said: "The first is to stand up and pee..."
"uh, pick me, pick me, I want that" Adam interrupted.
"You don't want to hear what the other one is?" God replied, but Adam was already on his way to test out this new gift.
"Very well, eve!" God said...

God and Canadians

When God made Canadians, he made them polite, peace-loving, and nice.
But the Devil said, "you are disturbing the balance of nature".
God thought about it, and said, "you are right. But I don't want to undo my work."
Devil: "well, there is only one way to fix this."

So God created Ca...

god created everybody different...

but then he got tired by china

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God created man in his own image.

Then, why the fuck am I getting all the complaints for?

in the beginning God created Man and said "I have created the perfect woman and wife for you, and put her in all four corners of the globe"

then he made the world round and LAUGHED.

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Three engineers argue what kind of god created the human body

The first one said: "God must be a mechanical engineer. Check out all the joints"

The second one said: "God must be an electrical engineer. Check out the nervous system."

And the third one said: "God is definitely a foundations engineer. Who else would put a waste pipe in the sex distr...

God created the earth, he wanted one perfect place, so he made France.

Then, seeing what he had done, he decided he had gone too far, so he made Frenchmen.

Then god created Saturn,

And he liked it. So he put a ring on it

First God created the world

Then he created all the plants and creatures upon it, and thereafter did he create man in his own image. Seeing that man was clever, God invented the alphabet and gave it to man for his use. But lo, God's alphabet had only 24 letters within it, and man was sorely angry, being unable to write some of...

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Nsfw When God created Adam, he gave him the job of naming the animals.

Adam:
Boobies,
Cocks,
Pussies,
Shags,
Horny toads,
Asses,
Dik diks

It was then that God decided that he needed to create women.

I believe god created the earth solely to amuse himself.

I am a Recreationist.

Do you know why God created atheists?

Haha. Good one.

When God created the animals, He realized the sea creatures needed more work.

They were just beta fish

The Story of Creation as told by Dog

On the first day of creation, God created the dog.

On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.

On the third day, God created all the animals of the earth (especially the horse) to serve as potential food for the dog.

On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that ma...

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth and all things that in them are: (Long)

Then he eventually created Adam, who was having a lot of fun in the garden, walking around naked, eating fruit from various trees, and hanging out with/naming all of the animals.

But one day, Adam began to feel lonely and decided to talk to God about it. In that discussion, Adam expressed th...

What is the purpose of war?

"God created War so that Americans would learn Geography" - Mark Twain

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As we all know, God created the world in one day

Then he went on to create everything else: the vegetation, the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, the land animals, and, finally, he created the first man, Adam. And he looked over his creation and saw that it was good. Except for Adam. He saw that Adam was lonely, because of all the lifeform...

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.

Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as if he was sick, and said. "Johnny what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going...

Three guys go fishing...

Three guys go fishing. In the front of the boat is a cooler full of beer.

The first guy stands up and says, "I'm a Muslim and we believe that God does not want us to drink alcohol. We also believe that God is watching us all the time. Since God is watching me right now, I will not drink ...

A man comes to a tailor to make a pair of pants.

Five days later, he comes to check. The tailor says it's still not ready. Takes a few extra measurements and goes back to work.

Five more days, and the same story repeats, a third time, a fourth time... finally, after a month of work, the tailor delivers a brand new pair of pants.

**Th...

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