UPJOKE

Cracking Up Jokes

Global warming is a joke.

Even the Antarctic ice sheets are cracking up.

My 7 Year Old Cousin just told me this

yo mamas so fat when she fell down no one was laughing but the ground was cracking up

I tried one of those "Try Not To Laugh" challenges, but barely made it halfway before cracking up.

I guess you could say... I fought the LOL, and the LOL won.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An ugly and a handsome friend were drinking in a bar

The ugly friend starts cracking up

Handsome Guy: What happened?

Ugly Guy: What do you call 3 people having sex?

Handsome Guy: ummmm........threesome?

Ugly Guy: What do you call 2 people having sex?

Handsome Guy: um.....twosome..!

Ugly Guy: And that's why lad...

IRL Accidental joke story

IDK where to post this but I figured I'd make some people chuckle before it gets taken down. But if someone in comments could point out a subreddit for funny stories, thanks that'd be awesome.

Was working on a neighbors overhang/pergola and roof (damages, old house). His 4 year old kid was as...

A priest, a rabbi, and a Baptist preacher were out fishing together

"We should all confess our sins," the priest suggests. "Give it a shot and see how it feels."

The three agree, and the Catholic goes goes first. "I'm an alcoholic. I drink till I black out every night."

"I love watching naked women on the internet," the rabbi confesses. "I just can't s...

Mothers day

I gave my mom flowers yesterday for mothers day and she and my dad jokingly asked whose yard I stole them from.

I said I stole them from the graveyard.

It took me a second to realize what I had said, they looked horrified then we all started cracking up laughing.

I'm glad my ...

I told a joke to my phone the other day.

He fell to the floor, he was cracking up!

Yo momma is so lazy...

Yo momma is so lazy that when she died and went to heaven, god told her to climb the stairway to enter and she said no.
So then god sent her to hell.

--

My younger son is on a yo momma joke kick right now in life and said this one to me in the car. I know it's a terrible yo momma ...

I joked about how bad our apartment building's foundation was

Even the walls started cracking up

In health a cop asked what to do if your brother was smoking weed while the parents left the house

I responded hide the snacks (he started cracking up)

Why do seagulls live by the sea?

Because if the lived by the bay, they would be bagels.



My very quiet intern brought this in when I asked her to find a joke a day to share. She couldn't finish telling it without cracking up.

From my 5 year old. Knock knock...

Who's there?
Cow
Cow who?
Cows don't say "who", they say "moo"!

I was cracking up :) such pride

I was told this by my S/O 4yr old as she was eating on the floor

Her: What do you call a dog with no ears?
Me: What?
Her: What do you call a dog with no ears?
Me: What?...
Had me cracking up

A bunch of inmates have been in the same cells for years

A newcomer is escorted to a cell by three heavily armed guards. As his eyes adjust to the darkness, he notices he has a cellmate. All of a sudden, someone shouts, "71!" Everybody in the prison starts cracking up.

The newcomer asks his cellmate why they were all laughing. He responds, "After a...

Why was the insecure comedian always talking to the old sidewalk?

Because it was always cracking up.

(Inspired by my 7yo kid)

I sometimes do stand-up comedy for a leper colony.

My jokes have them all cracking up.

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