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Corpses Jokes

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How many corpses does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It must be more than eight, 'cause my basement's still dark.

I jokingly told my friend I was collecting the corpses of past emperors of Russia and dumping them into a giant ravine, but he thought I was serious and asked what was wrong with me.

I guess he just doesn't understand tsar chasm.

Offering corpses for free isnt just a sign that someone might be crazy

It's a dead giveaway

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Me: I'm afraid of corpses and donkeys

My therapist: Deadass?

Me: *screams*

Why do some corpses have an erection?

They die hard.

What jokes can corpses tell?

D(e)ad jokes.

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbour.

They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.

As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.

A few minutes lat...

The only flight available was on a plane transporting corpses. I needed to get home so I bought a ticket but they refused to let me on the plane.

I think that the problem was my carrion.

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Apparently, in the Dark Ages, having with corpses was pretty popular

But now, necrophilia is dead.

Two corpses are lying in a grave and one turns to the other and says,”Dude, why are you rotting?”

The other turns to him and says, “I decay.”

Do you think corpses are funny?

They are dead serious.

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks…

First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving ...

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A field guide to corpses

there was a professor at a school that taught morticians how to do their thing during an autopsy. The professor had a pretty slack bunch of students this time and decided to give them a test while they were around the corpse they had to practice on. he told them that to tell in the field how long a ...

So apparently there is now a social awareness group that formed to protect corpses from necrophiliacs!

#MeTomb

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An old Englishman was very confused by what his loner teenage son had done

His son had made a 70s style carpet out of raven corpses. He confronted his son, who replied “sorry dad, thought you meant this when you said I should go out and some birds.”

This is terrible, and I'd like to apologize in advance, but could anyone tell me why hipsters prefer corpses over zombies?

Corpses are still underground.

So to celebrate the Halloween season...

... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.

If lawyers are disbarred and priests are defrocked, then...

Electricians are delighted

Corpses are decrypted

Cowboys are deranged

Models are deposed

Underwear models are debriefed

Dry cleaners are depressed, decreased and depleted

Jilted women are debrided

HVAC technicians are deducted

Tennis linemen ar...

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 keeps mangled corpses in a box in his garage

(AoT joke) What happened to the Survey Corps after Zeke's attack?

They became Survey Corpses.

Ba Dum Tss

Two groups of warriors are facing each other beafore a battle

Wanting to intimidate their foes, a swordsman takes out his handkerchief, throws it up into the air and deftly slices it into ribbons before it hits the ground.

Not wanting to be outdone, his opponent also takes out his handkerchief and throws it up in the air. The handkerchief flutters down...

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"Captain, I've lost my rifle!"

A group of soldiers are preparing for an attack from the enemy, when a private walks up to the captain and says "Captain, I've lost my rifle! What do I do?"

The captain thinks for a moment, then grabs a broom and hands it to the private.
He says "If any enemies show themselves, just point ...
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