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Burying Jokes

I’m a 40 year old with the body of a 20 year old...

Any tips for burying him?

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A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, “Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?”

“Are you nuts?!” – she replies, and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.

“Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?” – he asks again.

“Listen you; I’m not that kind of woman! Got it?” So the guy runs around the ...

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The man’s wife left him

Upset, he went for a drive and suddenly ran over a cop and crushed him to death.
Not knowing what else to do, he threw the cop in the trunk and drove to the cemetery.
When he got there, he came across a drunken watchman.
"Listen, if you bury this body with no questions asked, I'l...

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As told to me by an 85 year old shriner clown.

Little 8 year old Susie is in her back yard digging a hole. Her neighbor Mr. Johnson peeks over the fence and says "gee Susie, what's going on?"

Susie says "I'm digging a hole, it's pretty obvious."

Mr. Johnson asks "why are you digging a hole?"

Susie replies "I'm burying my gol...

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NSFW My Favorite Gilbert Gottfried joke

NSFW

A man goes to see his wife in the hospital. She has been getting sicker and sicker and is clearly in the final days of her life. He goes to her and holds her hand and stares into his wife's eyes and asks her if there is anything at all he can do for her. His wife can barely speak and he...

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Bury the dead!

One day little Timmy is in his back yard digging a hole. His neighbor, seeing him there, decides to investigate. "Whatcha doin?" he asked.
Timmy replies, "My goldfish died and I'm burying him."
"That's an awful big hole for a goldfish, ain't it?" asked the neighbor.
Timmy shot back, "That's...

My friend lost his job at the cemetery after burying someone in the wrong hole

It was a grave mistake

She said that burying her mom was the hardest thing she'd ever done

I laughed and said "You've obviously never sneezed while holding a full pint of beer have you?"

I took my grandma to one of those fish spa's where the fish eat your dead skin

Sooooo much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.

A man and his wife are walking past the graveyard…

A man and his wife are walking past the graveyard, and notice there’s a new headstone, which says:

HERE LIES ALAN SHEWSTER
A GOOD MAN
AND A GOOD LAWYER

The wife turns to her husband and, shaking her head disapprovingly, remarks “shameful, just shameful…”

“What do you mean?...

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There's a German shepherd next door who keeps burying under my fence and shitting in the flower bed

His dog is just as bad

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