OFFICER: the victims were dismembered and sacrificed on the altar made of antlers

DETECTIVE: dear god!

OFFICER: most likely, yes

The neighbors built a snow sculpture of a dismembered person, complete with red food coloring.

It was an ***abominable*** snowman.

Some people like dismembered hands.

It's just not my Thing

What did the psychopath say to the dismembered immortal?

You talk too much. Stop while you're a head.

What do you called a dismembered nose?

Nobody knows.

What do you do with a dismembered friend?

Remember them

A man gets pulled over by the police.

Robert: Is something wrong, officer?

Officer: Yes, you were driving too fast.

Robert: Okay, I understand.

Officer: May I see your driver's license, please?

Robert: I would like to let you see it if I had one.

Officer: You do not have a driver's license?

Robe...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tarzan was swinging through the jungle high in the canopy and his vine breaks....

He fell hitting jagged branches and thorns for about a hundred feet or so and slammed into the ground below wounded and dying.

A few hours later a witch doctor comes across him and decides to drag his lifeless body to his hut to try to help him. The witch Dr. examines Tarzan and sees that dur...

A man from Czechslovakia was visiting his cousin, who was working as a lawyer in California

They decided to go for a hike in Yellowstone Park. While they
were hiking they were attacked by a pair of ~~pairs~~ bears, a big male and a slightly shorter female.

The male bear quickly dismembered and ate the Czechslovakian guy, but the lawyer managed to escape. He ran straight to the n...

After months of detective work, police have uncovered the bodies of a number of missing persons...

These bodies which number in the dozens, were buried in the backyard of a suspected mass murderer. Upon investigation, the police found a series of mass graves. These holes had been dug up by the alleged killer, and contained dismembered body parts, including torsos, extremities, and decapitated hea...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men walk into an Irish bar, one of them pushing a wheelbarrow full of body parts...

When the bartender sees this the bartender exclaims "Jesus Christ, Murphy, what in God's name is that?"

Murphy replies "Don't you recognize me old pal Smitty?"

"Well what the hell happened to him?"

Murphy sighs "Well me and Smitty and Mickey here we're walking down the street ...

It is the year 2066.

Scientists in the space colony on Mars are testing the feasibility of using animals to navigate the natural landscape. They decide to send a cat in a spacesuit with a radio collar and a camera to roam around.

After a day, they notice the radio collar hasn't been moving in several hours. The s...

Chuck Norris walks into a bar...

He immediately unleashes a vicious roundhouse kick, decapitating a rabbi, a priest, and a Buddhist in one blow. At the next table, he beard-punches a blonde, a brunette and a redhead, killing all three. Three bouncers, an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Pollack, were dismembered in seconds.

Ch...

There's this British RAF pilot in WW2, and he's been captured by the Germans....

the Krauts have him tied up and they're interrogating him.

"Tell us about your seekret plans, or vee vill cut off your leg!"

The Pilot, dashing and resolute, refuses, but before they cut off his leg, he asks them to please drop it over England on their next bombing raid, so it can rest...

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Dismembered

NPR recently started a heavy metal band.

'All Things Dismembered'

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